Disky: Don't own it, bitches. Now drop down and gimme KuroFai yaoi.

FWAAAAAAAAAAAAA HIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

I'm sorry I've been gone so long, nyaaaa! So so sorry! I was in Texas for the past two weeks, and I haven't really been inspired. Which, by the way, if you've never been out in Texas hill country…oh my God. Oh my frickin God. That's pretty much God's land out there. And by my grandparent's house they have a barbecue place called Cooper's, and they barbecue their stuff on open pits and you can SMELL it and they have the best prime rib EVERRRR. Their prime rib is pretty much God's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The only thing that would have made it better would've been SnoCaps, which is pretty much God's dessert.

I hope I never have to use the word "God" that many times in a paragraph again.

Now…erm. Last chapter…this was fun to write. Don't care if it's all that bad, I had a good time writing it, because doing something like that would be totally within Fai's capacity. It's up to you to interpret that as you will, if he did it on purpose or by accident.

Now…….um. I…uhhh…oh, Christ……..

……

Ibrokeandwroteakurofailemon. There. I said it. SHUT UP, BLOODYTWISTEDANGEL. HEY!—DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!

Sooooo…now I have this story that I have no idea what to do with—to post as is, or add it to a bigger story. Unno. Get back to me on this.

Thank you all for your wunnerful replies, anyway! Fwaa, yer so nice to a starving authoress like me. Aaaaand…that's it! On we go, darlings!

Not Another KuroFai Oneshot Section!

By Javelin the Silent One (you WISH you were me)

Movement Seventh: I See Fai People

"HAAAAAAAA-PU!"

"Kurogane-san, watch out!"

"KURO-P—"

:CRAAAAAASH:

A big white light. The vague sound of cracking. And then…nothing. Only black.

Mkhhh…fuck, what was going on? Shit shit shit, his head felt as though seventeen murderable porkbuns had been running around through his head and playing drums with his brain. Owwwww.

Well, he thought, his eyes comfortably closed, feeling the soft sheets, this is okay. At least this couldn't possibly get any—

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! DON'T DIE, KURO-CHI! DON'T LEAVE ME ALL ALOHOHOOOOOOOOONE!"

—worse.

Kurogane squeezed his eyes together, as though hoping this to be some sort of perverted dream, that he would drift off into nothingness and not have to deal with—oh, fuck, there he goes again. So the ninja just oh-so-cautiously slid his scrunched eyes open, wincing at the light, then slowly opened them all the way, turned to the right and—

Oh, look. What a bloody fucking surprise.

The melodramatic mage was flung on his stomach, big cheery eyes all bloodshot and moist, nose runny, holding a handkerchief (read: Kurogane's hand), and normally he would've tackled Fai to the ground and whoaaaa, let's not go there. His head still hurt, his hand was covered with Fai-snot, and…fuck. Why were the lights so damn BRIGHT?

"KUROCHIIIIIIII!" Said mage tackled Kurogane around the neck and cut off the circulation. Kurogane's eye twitched. Oh, this would be pleasant.

"The hell're you doing, bastard?"

Fai leaned back and shot Kurogane the most heartbreaking look that made Kurogane almost forget about being slightly pissed. Almost, mind you.

"WAAAH, Kurochan, therewasabigclashandyoulandedonthegroundandthenwewerealllikeohnoesandyouwouldn'twakeupandOHMYGODKUROCHANNEVERASCAREMELIKETHATAGAIHEHEEEEENNNNNN!"

Having finished his wondrous and marvelously detailed narrative, Fai sat back on his heels and listened for words of reassurance, holding his breath as Kurogane licked his lips, took Fai's hand, looked tenderly, deeply into those sapphire eyes, and asked him what the hell he had just said.

The subsequent wail was almost enough to shatter the windowpane.

"FUCK! Nonononononono, that's not what I meant! Calm down! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, dammit!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT!" Fai said, and with an indignant stamp of the foot ran out of the room.

"FAI! Fai…crap," he muttered, rubbing his temples and pushing the covers back, placing his feet on the floor and temporarily holding the bed as the world swayed (that must've been some hit to the head, he thought, as he righted himself and stood).

"Rrrrrghh, goddamn mage," he muttered to himself, trying to ignore that the needy mage was turning him on YET again and he didn't really need this and hey what the HE

He stepped out into the hallway.

And was subsequently tackled by Fai.

My what a day of surprises THIS was turning out to be.

"WAAAAAAAAAI! KUROCHISBETTERYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!" he chattered, his exclamations followed by some string of sounds that sounded suspiciously like babble, the happy dimples on Fai's face practically so bright that it was fucking BLINDING him. He made a mental note to himself that his lover was a little bipolar much.

"Wait, wait a second, slommph mrrghle mmmmmmmmnh." The latter part was, assumedly, Fai kissing Kurogane passionately and turning him INSTANTLY on and assuming that this would've been a pornfic clothes would soon follow and naughty things would abound.

But alas, just as the sex was about to be initiated, the authoress was whacked upside the head by her sense of morality, the fact that this fanfic is rated "T," and a giant badger, thus knocking her unconscious and letting Morality, Rating, and Badger take over on the writing.

"W-w—mmmmph—wait," he finally managed to gasp out, eventually breaking the liplock Fai had entangled him in and getting him to (regretfully) stop unbuttoning his shirt and pants. "Why are you so happy all of a sudden…?…ah, please don't touch there."

And then it happened. Fai smiled the smile that bode no good, only this time it was a THOUSAND times worse as Kurogane got a good look at Fai's teeth.

He had 64 exactly. Kurogane had counted.

"Siiiiilllly Kuronpiiiiiiiiiii," he crooned, leaning over so that their lips almost touched and the ninja could feel every warm breath and goddammit if he hadn't been so scared that would have been so SEXY. "Iiiiii'm aaaaaaaaaallwaaaaaaaaaaaays happppppppyyyyyyyyy….."

The way he slurred those words scared him. Fai wasn't drunk. Oooooh, no. This was much, much worse.

Fai was….hyper.

"Um…right. Listen, Fai—" he pushed the mage off of him and stood, moving as far away as was polite from the wide-eyed, eerie freaky mage "—why don't you go down and get some hot coffee, relax a little?"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! AH HAVE NO IDEAR WHAT YEWWWW JUST SAAAAID!" he screamed, running down the steps with his hands flailing.

(Anyone who gets who ORIGINALLY said that gets a cookie. :le wink:)

"….Riiiiiiight." Well, that had been interesting. Another day, another psychotic wizard…God, what a unique day THIS was turning out to be, he thought sarcastically as he pushed the door to the bathroom open.

Oh, he had NO idea.

"F-F-F-F—"

"You just gonna stand there stuttering all day?" came a sultry voice, and a lithe hand lifted and beckoned to him with one finger.

Never mind that Kurogane had just seen the mage fly down the stairs, because here he was again except he was in one of Kurogane's shirts and he barely registered the fact that those were the nice skintight leather pants the ninja had bought for Fai and he was sitting in a tub FILLED WITH WATER.

"But you just—I saw you—THE FUCK IS GOING O—"

"Silly Kuro-chi must be mistaken," Fai purred, leaning on the edge of the tub and pushing himself up. "I've just been in the bathtub the whole time…warming it up for you."

Oh, sure. The HELL he had been.

Kurogane reached over (staying as far away as humanly possible thank you very much) and grabbed the mage by the collar, trying to ignore the way his shirt accentuated Fai's slender muscles and the steaming water seeping through his fingers. "I will rephrase my question, jackass, and the answer had better be good. I just saw you GO DOWN THE GODDAMN STAIRS. What the hell are you doing to—"

And then Fai probably got bored, because he lunged forward and stuck his tongue in Kurogane's mouth and pressed their bodies together, successfully obliterating Kurogane's thoughts and concerns as he leaned forward to taste that succulent mouth, take all of him—

It was an extremely lucky thing he was a ninja. Even so, he had almost missed the knife.

Kurogane broke the kiss and jumped back; Fai anticipated, throwing the knife and knocking off just a few of Kurogane's hairs out as the blade embedded itself in the wall just a few inches from the warrior's head. The ninja would have complimented him on his impeccable aim if he hadn't known the mage had missed.

"What the—"

"Oh, Kuro-pii, I love you. I love you so very much," he purred as he drew a small dagger from his pocket. "And I don't want to share you with ANYONE else. That is why…I must eliminate you." He stepped out of the tub, running a tongue over his top lip as he stepped towards Kurogane.

"….WHAT?" By now, the befuddled warrior had found the knob and torn the door open, running into the hallway with an inelegant stumble. What the hell was happening? Why did his lover suddenly want to—

In distraction, he looked right.

His eyes widened.

Oh. Oh SHIT. This was NOT happening. Nonononono.

One had been bad enough.

"KUROCHIIGOTSDACOFFEEANDITSAGOODCONDITIONHER!" Hyper Fai ran down the hall at breakneck speed, Styrofoam cup in hand. "SO I BROUGHTS YOU UP SOME!"

And then he proceeded to pour the entire cup of STEAMING HOT COFFEE on his head.

Even through his roar of pain and frustration he was able to dodge the blade he somehow sensed was flying towards his back and turn around.

Oh FUCK. He had been right.

There were TWO of them.

His heart almost stopped when he heard the sniffles and whimper behind him.

And then there were three….

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Weepy Fai found it quite necessary at this exact moment to latch onto Kurogane's left knee, earning an awkward squawk from Kurogane as he turned, trying to shake the Fai off. Hyper Fai took THIS moment to latch onto the ninja's waist, nearly knocking the swordsman over. Fortunately (I think), his fall was broken by Assassin Fai, who then took the opportunity to shower nips and kisses over Kurogane's neck while holding a blade to his throat and kindly informing him that "if you move your head so much as an inch this blade will slit your throat."

If Kurogane didn't have an eye twitch before this, he certainly did now. Along with a grin that promised certain dementia, the possible need for psychiatric help, and the desire to take Souhi and kill something.

So Kurogane did what was known as the "Oh-So-Elegant-And-Graceful-Ninja-Walk-With-Three-People-Latched-To-His-Body" and inched his way over to the stairway, cursing under his breath whatever ill omen had brought upon him this plague.

Somewhere, the authoress twitched in her sleep and sneezed.

Even from the stairway, he had heard the squeals, the pouts, the sounds that defined….

But he refused to believe this, ever the optimist. This couldn't possibly get any worse than it was now. Right. It was probably just some sort of fluke that OH JESUS FUCKING LORD.

Sakura was in the room, calmly pouring tea.

Pouring tea for the EXPANSIVE sitting room filled with blonde and blue and smiles and….

No. No.

The whole fucking room was FILLED WITH FAI.

"Ah! Kurogane-san! Why don't you, Fai-san, Fai-san, and Fai-san come join me and Fai-san, Fai-san, Fai-san, Fai-sa—hey! Bully Fai-san! Stop teasing Angsty Fai-san!"

Had Kurogane had any coherent thought process at this point, he'd swear at the top of his lungs in ways that would make the kids blush and demand what the hell was going on.

As things were now, all he could manage was a strangled whine.

"Oh, that's right. Let him go, you three. Come on…."

A pouty "awwwwwww…" went up from all three, but they let him go and faded back into the mass of mage.

"You see, Kurogane-san…um…we think something went wrong when Mokona dropped us. You were out for quite a while…but there was one other one at first, and then four, and then…um, well, you see," she explained, placidly motioning to the giggling mass of terror as though it were the most normal thing in the world for n amount of Fais to be running around destroying things.

"How…how….m…many…?" Kurogane managed to choke out, though how he wasn't quite sure. "I…there mu….must—"

"One hundred and fifty-se—" An explosion came from behind her, followed by wild cheers, "—no, wait…a hundred and sixty-two, I forgot about Cherry-Bombing Fai-san entertaining the others." Out came the smile again as five Fais ran out of the bathroom with wet toilet paper plastered to their bodies.

"Buuuu…buh why are…."

"We're not quite sure why they're…um…so special yet either," Sakura explained, promptly leaning to the left as Sleepy Fai decided right then and there was a wonderful place for a nap and capitulated forward onto the sofa. "We talked to Yuuko-san, and she's doesn't know, and she doesn't think there's a cure…."

She ignored the strangled sob from Kurogane.

"…so they're all going to have to travel with us from now on!" she explained, punctuating this statement with a smile that normal folks would interpret as sunny and Kurogane defined as "poor girl, she's finally lost it."

So they stared. And stared. And stared.

And probably would have continued staring if Syaoran hadn't let out a strangled scream for help, followed by hapless wailing from you-know-who.

"Syaoran!" Sakura cried, then, remembering her manners, nodded to Kurogane. "Excuse me please. I'll be right back." And then she bolted out of the room and up the stairs. "I'm coming, you three! Please don't eat Syaoran or Suicidal Fai-San, Cannibalistic Fai-san!"

And then Kurogane was alone.

In a room that had gone eerily quiet.

A room that was filled with Fai.

Kurogane mistakenly let out a pathetic whimper.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAIIIII!"

"KUROKUROKUROWANKOCHIMIKICHIKUUUUUUUUNSAMA!"

"BRAID MAH HAIR!"

"I GOTS MORE COFFEE!"

"TALK TO ME AND WATCH ROMANTIC MOVIES WITH ME!"

"I LOVE KURO-CHIKIIIN!"

And then the wave was upon him, smothering, rubbing, a suffocating glomp-hold around him and it was just a big blonde wave of FAI and Kurogane was about to die as they all bled together and he couldn't breathe and why was it so dark—

"GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Too tired to let out a muffled yelp at the hard shove on his shoulder and the subsequent soreness, Fai opened one eye and lazily rolled over to see…a naked Kurogane curled up and shivering at the end of the bed, eye twitching, looking at Fai as though he were a polar bear. Hmm. That didn't make sense. Though the sight was hilarious.

"Kuro-pon, it's warmer under the sheets," he groaned breathily, turning the covers back and rubbing the now empty side of the bed his lover was supposed to be occupying.

"No way in HELL," came the hissed response, and Fai only propped himself up on an elbow and looked at Kurogane strangely, only slightly hurt but mostly just curious.

"You heard me, bastard," he said in a low, shaky voice. "I h-have no idea what you're gonna do to me, but I won't let you. I won't let you cut my hair, or try to kill me, or eat me, or pour hot conditi—coffee on my head…I'll never let you….I'll never let you….neeeeeverrrrrrrrr…."

Fai raised an eyebrow, cocking his head. "….What…are you talking about…?"

Black hair swished as paranoid eyes swiveled around the room, breathing slowing only slightly. "…Where're the rest of 'em?"

"Rest of whaaaaaaaa…mmm." Fai was too tired to deal with this and his question tapered off into a yawn he KNEW Kurogane had said was adorable and had turned him on.

"….nothing," came the relieved voice, and then he was crawling back under the sheets, pinning Fai underneath his body and ravishing him with relieved, desperate kisses.

Fai just smiled and went with the flow.

It was only after a now-satisfied Kurogane had drifted off to sleep that Fai reached under the covers and pulled out a card, flipping it open and smiling at the message—one price-free wish, as long as it was relatively small, and the best of wishes "on this happy day."

He replaced the card under his pillow and smiled to himself eerily. Kurogane could very well believe it was all a dream if he wanted. Yuuko had done a good job, though, and Fai could care less about what Kurogane believed so long as he gave amusing reactions to Fai's antics.

"Happy birthday to me," he partly sing-songed.

And then he closed his eyes and slept.

Hmm…this was a scenario that just popped into my head on vaycay. What I was originally gonna do was have Fai pretend to cheat on Kurogane, then get dance lessons and win Kuro-chan back with…um…exotic dancing. Was meant to be a themefic to "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira, but I think this one was better…only a little. Um. :le sweatdrop:

There's probably only one more story in this series. I need to get on to bigger and better stuff.

The Fairy-muses that hover above my moniter beg for reviews, onegai. Jaaa.