A/N: Special thanks to Deamon Fire for the choking-on-spit thing, and to DarkAvatar13 for suggesting that it be Lara's birthday.

The proposition is still in place, for anyone who wants to write a chapter. Number eighteen is taken, though.

This chapter is entirely random. I, personally, am not a zutara shipper, although since I haven't quite gotten caught up yet, there might be something to change my mind. But I follow the story, and hopefully, this will be funny.

Also, part of the letter, while just there to take up space, is a reference for the readers of my Sing Along series. Yes, this is blatant self-advertising. Still, I like my stories to have a connection. Even if it is a totally random one.

10: Casually explain that his son is going to marry a Waterbender. Say he can't do anything about it since he banished him.

Dear Lara,

Happy birthday! Still hunting the Avatar. Zuko's getting grumpy. Something strange happened, though.

Zuko got trapped in a cage with me and the Avatar, a delightful child named Aang. I really do like him... Ozai isn't reading over your shoulder, is he?

Anyway, somehow they ended up singing. It was hilarious, and very good for Zuko's temperament. Remind me to tell you all about it when we get home.

Speaking of temperament, how is our brother Ozai? You aren't annoying him too much, are you? You really shouldn't…

But you can do whatever you want, Lara. It's your birthday.

Have a great one! And a good year to come, if I'm not there for any of it!

All my love

-Iroh

This letter reminded Lara of the thing that annoyed her most. The fact that her favorite brother and her only nephew had been banished by her least favorite brother.

And so, as Lara usually does when she was annoyed, she decided to get revenge on the one who annoyed her, namely, Ozai.

And how would she do that? Well, my friends, it was quite simple. You see, she would do what she did best.

That's right. She'd annoy Ozai.

But not as she had before. Oh, no! She would annoy him even more than she ever had before. And not only would she annoy him. She would aggravate, irritate, exasperate, infuriate, all those other things that end in ate, bother, upset, madden, enrage, frustrate, and drive him mad.

And this is how she did it.

"Hey, big brother." Lara called. They were at a gala for the Fire Lord's sister's birthday. And if Ozai was being pointedly avoided by his subjects, well, it wasn't the first time, and it wasn't as if he really cared.

"What?" growled the Fire Lord. He had just come from a particularly tedious meeting, and his nerves were very frayed. The only reason he hadn't already snapped was because it was his sister's birthday, and he was trying to be nice.

Lara was undeterred. "I got a letter from Iroh today," she informed him.

"Oh?" Ozai was trying very, very hard not to snap. Lara could have made that easier on him by going away. Obviously, she didn't.

"Yup. He says that he and Zuko are never coming back."

"I should have expected that foolish coward to give up on his quest for the Avatar so soon."

"Oh, he hasn't given up," Lara replied cheerfully.

"Good."

Lara paused for a moment. Did she really want to do this? Sure. Why not?

"He's getting married."

Ozai actually dropped his glass in surprise. It shattered. He ignored it.

"To whom?"

Lara shrugged. "Nobody we know. Someone he met on his travels, I believe. Iroh didn't mention her name, but he seemed to have a very high opinion of her."

A servant scuttled over and began sweeping up the mess Ozai had made. The Fire Lord paid no more attention to them than he had to the glass.

"What else did he say about her?" he demanded.

"Not much," his sister replied. Just that she was very kind, that knowing her was good for Zuko, and that he liked her family very much. Oh, and she's a Water Bender."

"What!"

The room instantly cleared of everyone except Lara and Ozai at the Fire Lord's angry cry.

Fire Nation citizens may have been terrified by this. But Lara was just amused. A little too amused, actually.

And the fact that Ozai was pacing and mumbling too much to even notice his younger sister rolling around on the floor chocking on her own saliva while still laughing hysterically wasn't helpful at all. Just typical.

"I'll kill him. I'll banish him. No, I already did that. I'll bring him back here, then. Lock him away. Find the girl and kill her. Kill him. Give the throne to Azula. Already did that, too. Kill the girl. Kill Zuko. Kill them both! Kill… kill…"

"You can't do that, you know," Lara gasped, finally recovering from her laughter.

"Yes I can. I can. Kill them both. Kill…" The red glow in Ozai's eyes was not a good sign. Whatever.

"But you banished him," Lara pointed out. That didn't deter her brother at all.

"Yes! Yes, I'll banish him!"

"No, you already did that," his sister pointed out. "And since he's banished, he's technically not a Fire Nation citizen anymore, or your son, so there's really nothing wrong with Zuko marrying a Water Bender."

"Kill… Kill Zuko… Kill Water Bender."

"Uhh… Ozai?"

"Kill…." at this point, Lara decided that this mad rampage was going a little too far. So she slapped the Fire Lord. He snapped out of it, and back into he regular level of anger.

"LARA!"

Lara decided to feign innocence. After all, Ozai's insanity was enough that he might actually believe that she hadn't done anything wrong.

"What?"

Wow. That was… morbid. Evil. Insane. Well, let's hope it was funny, too.