My Worst Fear

Part 2

AN/ strong language in the next part - thanks for reading!

She's gone, she's left, and I know she has. As I move my hand over the side of her bed where she should be I growl. My eyes still shut; I try to picture her as I grip her pillow and pull it into me holding it close and taking in the sweet sent that is her. God damn it, this isn't meant to happen! She's not meant to take hold of my like this – no one is. She has me right in the middle of her hand – she can kill me if she wants, I've given her that power. What was I thinking? No one is meant to have it.

She's never help me though…would she?

That's the reason I held back, because I was scared of been hurt…but…she wouldn't…

Would she?

I can't believe what I have, sometimes I think that Catherine is Crazy, taking on an emotional challenged someone like me and give me the world – it's basically what she did – she gave me everything. I wonder what life would be like without her – I can sum it up in one word, 'Meaningless'.

I'm lay alone in her bed, god…I'm so happy, I'm not sure anyone should ever feel like this…it can't be good for anyone! Turning on my back I finally open my eyes and thankfully she made sure the curtains are shut, so the room was dull, not dark but I was able to open my eyes. Turning my head I look at the clock, I realize it's time for me to make a move. As I silently curse the flashing numbers on the clock I notice a note left next to it. Picking it up, I focus on the neat scrawl – Catherine's writing

Baby,

Thanks for a great afternoon – I'll give you a call when I get a chance. And thanks for taking Linds, means loads. Love loads, and don't kill my Sister. X

I smile plays on my lips – it was a great afternoon.

-----

"Hey Kiddo" I smiled leaning on my Tahoe bonnet. I'd parked the car out front of the school so I was in visual for when Lindsay came out of the building. I was dressed in my usual work clothes – black jeans, army style boots laced up and a white tank top – my CSI Id badge was thrown around my neck hanging in front of me and my gun was pushed into my holster that was strapped to the side of my waist. I had to admit I didn't look like the other mothers, but hell I wasn't one of them! I must have looked like I was a trained killing machine – some of the mothers had given me an odd look, one of confusion, to them it must have looked like something had happened. Okay I admit maybe I should have de-cop my appearance a little before I got out the car but – hell, I'm new at this give me a break.

"Sara!" Lindsay beamed; at least she seemed to be happy to see me. I mean for me this was all new and felt so unreal, until Catherine I had never considered myself a family kind of girl.

A workaholic, yeah sure, I could live with that,

Bordering alcoholic – this was a little harder to accept as it made me think about my father and mother and a past I didn't want to become – but it's no secret that after a bad case I come home and hit the hard stuff, and I can nock it back. Since I've been with Catherine however she keeps an eye on just how much I get through –

Social inept, there is no denying that. I'm not a people person; I'm so like Grissom in this aspect that it officially scares the shit out of me.

…but a Family Person that was never part of my list let me tell you now it was taking a lot of getting used to – for me that is.

I'm amazed though, at just how quickly she has accepted the set up with me and her mother. Think about it, Lindsay has that psycho Grandma from hell, that bitch of an aunt and that overly controlling bastard of a father – better known as Eddie Willows – to turn her against me. It's safe to say that the odds really aren't on my side, are they? I'm doing pretty well considering.

She comes towards me at a pace and offers me a hug, wrapping her arms around my waist. I hug her back, "Hey, so you have a good day?" I'm not great with Kids, I never have been but lately I haven't been doing too badly.

"Yeah" She nods her head, and then looks up at me "I thought Aunt Kate was picking me up?"

"There's been a change in plan slugger" I take her back pack from her hands, "Come on" I say. She seems more than happy to comply. I walk around my hand on her shoulder so I guide her to the passenger side. It's funny how protective I am over her – I pull open the door, "Jump in" I smile, I can't help it and then help her up into her seat, she's a great kid and more a wear of what's going on around her than any of us realize. "Buckle up" Are my last words before I shut the door and turn to make my way to the driver's side.

Before I get too far however I hear a woman behind me, "Excuse me, Miss?" I turn around to see a lady, not too much older than myself, heading my way. What now? I wonder. Looking to my side I make sure Lindsay's okay – she is but I don't think my CD's are- she lent over reaching through them. Happy with the fact she's occupied and not causing to much trouble in the Denali I decide it'll be okay to leave her a moment.

So turning I step back up onto the side walk – "Can I help you?" I cringe at my own words, there's a reason on cases I don't deal with the victims families. Like I said, I'm not a people person.

"I'm sorry to bother you miss" She offers now stood in front of me.

"Sara" I explain, I never am happy to be called Miss. Now I'm stood, I must have a little confusion on my face because I'm stood waiting to see just who she is and what she wants.

"Sara" She repeats with a smile, though she looks a little confused. I want my answers first though, "I'm miss Rogers – Lindsay's teacher." Teacher, great, I'm pretty sure this is going to be a Catherine conversation or I'll even go as far as to say Kate, the aunt, would be better at this than me. This was new, I've never had to deal with a teacher like this, "I was hoping to catch Miss Willows" She explained to me, "To have a word"

"She's been called into work" I explain the absents of a certain strawberry blond I wish was here now instead of me. I look nervous, I know I do. Mostly because this is something I've had no practice in, there's no time like now though huh? "Is there anything that I can help with?" I can see a not so certain look on her face – one that I read as 'who the hell are you?' Maybe I do need to offer an explanation.

"I'm Sara Sidle, I'm Catherine Willows…" How do I explain this, "partner" I don't know if Catherine wants the school to know, you know how things travel around schools but what the hell – it's too late now.

"Oh, I see – so you work with her?" I notice her catch my CSI badge.

I let out a small laugh, I couldn't help it. "Yeah, and I live with her" from my tone of voice I think she got it.

"Oh I see" She continued, obviously happy that I wasn't abducting Lindsay or anything – "Well Sara, I was just – there was an incident today where Lindsay got into a fight with some other children. It didn't get physical just a few words. Lindsay was a little upset and so I just wanted to give you a heads up. You know, keep Miss Willows informed."

I nod my head, taking it all in. "Is she okay?" I ask, concerned for Lindsay.

"Yeah she was just upset, I calmed her down and things got sorted. I just think someone should have a word with her" I nodded my head.

"I'll let Catherine know, and I'll make sure she's okay. Thank you" I hold out my hand, this is what happens right? I wonder. God, I'm going to have to work on this.

She smiles; "No problem, it was nice talking to you" she turns and begins to walk away. So I turn and go about getting into my car. It's funny, I've never had to play responsible adult for a kid before – it feels wired but in a good way. I'm used to getting Lindsay out of trouble, letting her stay up late, sticking up for her in front of Catherine. I'm never acting like an adult should.

As I get in, I notice Lindsay look to her feet. She knows her teacher said something to me. I decided that it's best not to push the subject. As I said, I'm more of an irresponsible – older sister figure – if you will to the kid so I'm going to do what I do best avoid the awkward silence and find a better way to approach it. "Well Kiddo, like I said, there has been a change of plan. How's about you and me spend a little quality time together before I have to head to work?"

She turns, and smiles, "Where's mom?" She asks.

"She had to go in early Kiddo" I explain, "Blame uncle Nicky, he needed your moms help" It was true; he had needed the blood spatter analyst A.K.A Catherine Willows. I push Lindsay's back pack onto the back of my seat and then I reach over and pull from my CSI vest two lollypops. Sure, usually they are mine for when I'm at a crime scene to stop me from wanting a cigarette but when I'm with Lindsay I'll hand them over. "I got you the red one" I smile, as I hold it out.

"Thanks Sara" She beams taking the sweet from me. Then I undo the wrapper on my own before putting it in my mouth. I don't smoke around Lindsay, never have. And Catherine doesn't like it because it causes her to want one, so I only smoke when I'm alone usually. I push the keys into the ignition, and start the car, I know that I should talk this whole thing out with her but I really don't think it's my place to corner her and throw questions her way.

----

We have been heading down the road a good while now, mindless conversation has filled the silence but for the past half a mile I've been a little distracted by the darkened blue Honda Civic tailgated my Denali – anger was taking hold now as he edged forward and was getting closer to my bumper. Lindsay picked up on my anger. "Sar?" She asked.

"Yeah Honey?" I asked, as I looked in my review mirror trying to get a look at the guy but couldn't – a pair of shades and a ball cap disguising him. He'd forced his bonnet mere inches away from my bumper around half a mile back after I had pulled out of a slip road and caused him to reduce his speed to that of the legal limit. What the hell was his problem?

"You okay?"

"Yeah" I lie "I'm fine" The guy was really starting to get to me now. I hate people like him; if I could have I'd force him into the lab on a day that they bring in the DB's of an RTA – maybe that'd get his attention. "Okay, here's what we are going to do" I tell her. She looks expectantly at me and I give a reassuring smirk her way. "How about you play cop?"

"Do I get your gun?" She asked excited.

"No" I tell her straight, okay there are a lot of things I let the kid get away with that Catherine wouldn't be too happy about but giving her my gun is past the line. Catherine would pull her own out on me if she found out. And I myself am not happy with giving her a lethal weapon. "Is your belt on properly?" I ask, as the guy begins to swerve. Having Lindsay in the car is making my extremely nervous.

"Yeah" She tells me.

I nod my head, okay then – just calm the hell down – I tell myself, gripping my hands tighter on the steering wheel. "Okay, now reach into the glove box and grab out a pencil and paper, your going to be a detective" I tell her. The lunatic behind me is still trying to swerve into the lane at the side of my Tahoe to overtake, God this guy wasn't giving up –

Looking into my mirror I managed to grab his number plate – I asked Lindsay to write it down. Just incase he clipped me.

I couldn't believe this guy, looking back again in the mirror I watched as the car nearly clipped the side of a red ford mustang that came up the side doing a little over the speed limit himself. This wasn't going to end well, he was going to cause some kind of accident I just hopped it didn't involve me. It moved up my back again, closer than ever now – I decide that I'm officially scaring Lindsay so speak – "You get that number down?" I smile.

"Yeah"

"Wow, well you going to be a cop or CSI like your mom – you got the Willow's head." I complement. Truth is, I know Catherine doesn't want Lindsay to be an officer or CSI because of all the shit we've seen. I have to admit, I wouldn't want my kid to see this kind of crap, I think Catherine is right to protect her.

"No"

"No?" I ask, she seemed adamant about this fact. With still a close eye on the car behind I continue the conversation.

"No because it's too much work and I don't see her"

Instantly I feel bad for the kid, shit she sounded so hurt. "Hey you know your mom Loves you more than anything right"

Lindesay just nods her head with a shrug. I sigh, 'poor kid'.

I need to get some distance, this isn't any good – so I accelerate – but the god damn Civic just follows. "What the fuck" I mumble under my breath. I hope she didn't hear that. Then I watch as the Ford that had nearly been taken out by the lunatic behind pass – there was a baby on board along with another child all of twelve the mother driving looking anger filled and I understood why. I sighed shaking my head. I decide this isn't any good, this guy isn't worth the trouble – and especially with Lindsay sat at my side. So I pull of onto the road side – he passes with his horn blearing and flipping me off. I'd have reacted it the kid wasn't at my side, instead I sat there and just let my anger pass. Deep breaths - Deep breaths, Looking to my side I see her looking expectantly at me –

"You okay slugger?"

"Yeah" She nods, though I can see she's a little shook up.

I have to smile; I reach out with a nod of my head and take the paper from her, "Good job on this…now lets see what trouble I can cause huh?"

She nods, "You gonna arrest him"

"No probably not but I can make life difficult" I explain, reaching down to my waist I take my Cell and call the familiar number.

"Hey brass, its Sara…yeah…I was wondering if you could do me a favor…" I look at the plate, Nevada plates. "Yeah I was nearly taken off the road by a mad man, he nearly clipped another car and took it out…think you can make life a little difficult? It's all I ask" I smile, "Thanks"

Putting down my mobile I lean against my window, "So you, me…pizza? Sound good?" I need to talk to her, I know that now. I may not be her mother, or aunt but I care about her.

"Yeah sounds great" She beams.

I nod my head, "just tell your mom I fed you something healthy – got it?"

She nods her head, "Got it"

We have an understanding.

tbc...thanks for reading!