My worst fear
Part 8
AN/ sorry about the long wait – writers block hit me. Sorry – but here is part 8 hope that you like ;) thanks so much for all the reviews that you sent my way
"Can I get you anything else Sar?"
I looked up from where I was sat on Nick's sofa with my legs pulled tight into my chest to see the concern. Ever since I'd got through his front door it had been, Sara you okay? Can I do this? Do you need that? He wanted to help me – truth was I couldn't help myself. There's a reason I loved Las Vegas and it sure as hell wasn't for the flashing Neon lights that the Strip brought me – it was these, my colleagues, are team – my family. "No, I'm good" I tell him. He'd already given me a blanket that was still neatly folded and to my side, a hot black strong coffee that I wasn't really drinking just holding in my hands and tried to make me eat something – took him a while to look for something that contained no meat in his fridge and he'd produced a spring roll left over from a recent Chinese takeaway, the thought and all huh?
He nodded his head, he felt uncomfortable – didn't know how to be. Should he leave me alone? Should he sit down next to me? Should he give me a little room but not too much? He was wondering if I may try and top myself obviously…I mean now that would be a bitch for him to explain, so I help him out. "Would you, sit with me?" I asked, pathetically weak even to my own ears – so much so that it pained me. But I couldn't be alone, not when the memories were flashing through my conscious state.
He smiles comfortingly and takes a seat at my side. There is a few moments silence, as he looks at me and finally he answers the questions that I am thinking yet to weak to ask – something is stopping me from doing so. "She's worrying about you Sar, not hating you, not wanting to get you from her life" He says this sweetly, with no accusing tone. I appreciate that.
"IS someone with her?" I just want to know she's not having to deal with this on her own. That's all, I want to know that she's safe- I want to know that I'm not hurting her more than I am doing.
"Greg has headed home to get some sleep, and then he'll be back in a few hours to switch with Warrick and take over. I've made sure that there will always be someone Sara – she'll be okay" He comforts. "What about you?"
"What about me?" I ask, me? He does realize I just put a little girl who I love in hospital and have as a result hurt the woman I sworn to love and protect. I didn't give a damn about me.
"Tell me how you're doing" He says, "Right now I know the only thing you want is to hold Catherine, so why are you sat on my couch?" He asked, now his hand slowly moved across and held mine. Interlinking our fingers – another time, another place this would be Nick Stokes trying to claim yet another victim, but tonight right now this was Nicky, a guy who was about to earn the big brother title I've given him. Along with the other guys, 'Rick and Greg – over the next few days and maybe even weeks they would be dealing with a lot from myself and Catherine and I know that. "What went on with Eddie before I showed Sar?"
"He was upset. He had a right to be…" I mumble, I don't know why I was trying to justify what he did to me.
"Yeah he had a right to be upset, a right to be hurting – not a right to pin you against the wall. Don't punish yourself anymore than you have Sara – you don't deserve it" Nick was been so sweet, so caring – damn him, he's making me open up. I speak without even thinking about it.
"He wants them back" I explain, "he's fighting for his family"
"What? Eddie?" Nick asked.
I look at him; I don't need to answer that question.
"No, he'll never get them back. Is that what's done this to you?" Nick asked me.
I shrug my shoulders, "I'm scared of losing her" I finally cave in and tell him.
"She loves you; she's never going to take him back. She hasn't been as happy as she is when the two of you are together Sara – she'll never leave you" He seems panicked, If I want so close to crying again I'm sure I would have smiled – he was so sweet.
"They will never let us be together, not without doing their best to break us apart" I tell him. And I believe it, that the family, they will do anything.
"Well Sar guess what – I'm going to do everything to keep you together because I have never seen you to this happy in my life. The other guys and I are backing you…"
I lean across, my head finds his shoulder and I just sit their – thinking. It's true, I've never been this happy before, Catherine makes my life worth living. I still can not believe what actually happened tonight.
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"How's Cath Rick?" I awoke to the dull whispers of Nick as he stood in the door way between the kitchen and the living room. I had a headache that made me want to fall into the unconscious state all over again and my arm was killing me. My whole body felt weak. I listened, to nicks soft words of concern. I move the blanket that he must have draped over me out of the way and shifted softly trying to reduce the pain I felt. I gave up, resting my head on the back of the sofa I just looked at Nick's back. "Tell her everything will be okay…got it. See you later man" He cut off the call. And then he turned around sighing.
"How are they?" I ask.
He seemed a little startled, "Thought you were asleep"
"Was" I explain, and then ask again, "How are they?"
"Lindsey is out of the danger zone, she's been stabilized and things are looking good" Nick explained, I let out a sigh in relief.
"She'll be…she's"
"She's going to be fine"
"Thank god" I could have cried right there again, but held it in.
"Cath asking for you" he tells me softly…
I look from his eyes to the floor, "I…I can't"
"You can't what?"
"Face her"
"She's worried about you Sar…she needs you with her"
"No, she doesn't need me…I just cause her trouble"
"No…look I just promised Rick I'd talk to you – Sara, Cath's a mess without you…"
"No she's a mess because her daughter is in hospital – she's a mess because of me" I explained. Then looked to the floor, tears sliding down my face. "How can I live with this Nick…knowing I put her through all this pain?"
"You need to talk with her Sara…" He moved and sat at my side.
"I can't face her, not with what I did to her daughter…I just can't" I explain, does he not understand?
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TBC