You may have noticed that I hate quite a lot of things. But there's something in this world that I hate so much I'm willing to sell my soul for it to be vanished forever.
Show and Tell Day.
What kind of an idiot invented that activity? And why do I, a high school student, still have to take part in it?
Turns out it was Show and Tell today. I sat back in my desk miserably, watching little Mary Jones babble on about her grandmother's scarf, or Jimmy Waldorf about the scar he got last weekend.
How pathetic.
I tried to think of something to share while my turn was slowly coming. Should I share about how Loz made a gigantic hole in my wall yesterday, playing football with his buddies? Now when I have to go sleep, bugs and ravage raccoons share my bed with me. Before I already didn't sleep much. Now I can't sleep period. Or should I give in full exact detail how I accidentally tripped on one of Mother's life support chords, almost causing her to topple over and break into a million pieces, and for my punishment all I could eat was prune cereal? Yes, for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Before I already didn't eat much. Now every time my small stomach churns for food, I have to look to prune cereal for salvation. Should I share even more stories of my miserable life, the screwed up ideals of my family? How I don't have a grandmother to make ME a scarf, and how while Jimmy Waldorf gets a scar last weekend, I get one everyday?
Perhaps. Then again I don't wish to fill their heads with such tragedy. I'm not that nice.
"Kadaj, it's your turn," Mrs. Something or other said from the front. I didn't move.
"I think he's dead!" Someone jeered. Laughter rippled through my ears.
"Kadaj, did you not hear me? It's time for your Show and Tell."
I thought of giving her the middle finger, and replying, "Show and Tell this, bitch!" But I didn't. I walked up to the front of the classroom and stood there. I didn't say anything.
"What is it that you have to share with us Kadaj?" Mrs. Pain in the ass asked sweetly. I stiffly turned my head towards her but didn't answer.
"Hey Mrs. Stroganauff, can I ask Kadaj a question?" Some kid asked, waving his hand back and forth through the air.
"Uh...sure?"
"Hey Kadaj, how come you always wear the same clothes to school?"
"Because I have no other clothes," I replied in a bored voice. How stupid is that kid anyway.
"Why won't you get some more?"
"Because I don't want too."
"I have a question for Kadaj!" Someone else raised their hand. Other hands went up too. The teacher didn't say anything, apparently she couldn't handle the situation. She sat back dumbfounded and let the class take over. Gee, thanks teacher.
"Hey Kadaj, why is your hair silver? Are you OLD?"
"Yo, Kadaj, how come you never smile?"
"Kadaj! Will you sign my teddy bear?"
"Why are you so EMO, Kadaj?"
My face started to heat up. I couldn't take it anymore. They were asking more and more questions, and they just turned stupider. I thought of returning to my seat, but that way they would only continue bugging me. So, I merely spun around, and left. Just like that.
Nobody came to get me, so I just started walking down the hallway.
"Hall pass?" Someone asked me. I didn't even turn to them and just kept on walking. "Hey, that's a detention!" They called out after me. Like I cared.
I walked to the library. The air conditioner felt good in there. I strolled through the shelves, just killing time. I didn't really know what I was doing.
"Hey. What a surprise to actually find you here," A soft voice suddenly said out of nowhere. I happened to be in the romance section by accident, and there was a girl infront of when I turned around. This sort of thing is common. But not the girl.
Her voice normally isn't so soft, I thought. And why the hell was she, out of all girls, in the romance section? Wait. What am I doing in the romance section? I wondered. The library was dark and my bangs were in the way of my eyes. I had thought it was someone, but really it was someone else. I'll get to who I thought it was later.
The actual person who was standing infront me indeed always had a soft voice. She had medium length silver hair, in which she braided into two braids resting on her front. She was a Senior. The only Senior girl with silver hair, and also those green eyes. Her pupils were cat like. Just like mine. Just like my brothers. No, I wasn't related to this girl. A lot of people thought she and her sister were related to me. But we were as different as night and day. However, I'll get to the specific reasons later.
She was half a head taller than me, and had a smug expression on her face. She reminded me of Yazoo a lot. They both always seemed content, one way or another. Even their names were alike. The girl standing before me was called Yazmin.
"I've been meaning to bump into you some time sooner or later," Yazmin continued, placing a few books in a shelf. If my memory was right, she worked at the school library. Her cat like eyeglasses, which suited her eyes to a wonderful extent (so much so it scared me), gleamed for a second under the dim lighting. I've never noticed them before. She only wears them when she reads. But, it wasn't just her elegant manner, her eerie kindness, and her strikingly accurate resemblance to Yazoo that scared me. Wait. That was all that scared me.
"I know were in a library, but you can talk you know," She chuckled lightly. She finished putting her books away and faced me with a small smile, a hand on her hip. "I've been meaning to talk to you about Keely."
That was the last thing I wanted to talk about.
"She misses you Kadaj. You two were such good friends back in our old town," Yazmin explained, coming closer.
"I-I don't care. I never want to see her again." I fled. I couldn't help it. Yazmin scared me, almost as much as Father did.
♡♡
I didn't return to class, I just left and headed home. When I remembered school wasn't supposed to be out until later, I roamed around town for awhile. I wrote small poems about the daily sights I saw, and had a coffee. When it was late enough, and I couldn't take it any longer, I went home.
Fortunately, Father wasn't there, or Loz. I was getting sick of Loz. I'm not sure if I ever liked him, but now I truly hated him. I looked around anxiously for Yazoo. I had to talk to someone, and he was the best one to talk too. I knocked on the door to his room. I've learned to do this since the last time I hadn't knocked and just came in. I hope to never remember that day.
"Come in," Purred Yazoo's voice. I raised an eyebrow. Hopefully he wasn't expecting someone else. I opened the door hesitantly, but Yazoo was just sitting on his pink leopard print beanie bag, watching television and biting into an apple. He was fully clothed. He rested his head all the way back to look upside down and see who it was that came in. "Kadaj. What's up?"
"Hey Yazoo," I closed the door. I even locked it.
"Whoa. Something the matter? I don't think Father would like to find out that we were alone locked inside my room." Yazoo laughed but I ignored his stupid remark.
"Yazoo, tell me something. Do you remember the Sisters from back then?" I asked anxiously. I took a seat on the back of a stuffed white tiger. Yazoo got up, and walked to his mini fridge.
"You mean Keely, Yazmin, and Lucy?" He took a sip of a drink and burped.
"Yes. Them...," I gripped onto the stuffed tiger's fur, sucking in my breath. Yazoo wasn't paying attention.
"Hmm...yes...," He kept muttering, going through something or other of his. Finally he stood back up. "Isn't Yazmin a Senior at our school?"
"Yes."
"I'm going to ask her out."
"What?" I jumped up. "You can't do that!"
"Why not?" Yazoo inquired, sitting down infront of his mirror and brushing his hair. "She's actually very intelligent. Did you know she works at the school library? Her grades are impressive too. Oh, who am I kidding? You have to agree that she's pretty hot," Yazoo laughed.
I growled. Did he think that this was just another game? Another woman to play? Yazmin and the others were different. Didn't Yazoo remember, remember what happened–
"Kadaj!" Father bellowed for me. I squeaked. Yazoo turned around in his seat, looking at his door.
"You better high tail it out of here. I don't wanna get involved." Yazoo yawned, and waved me away.
I stomped away, out of his stupid room, whisking away my bangs and wiping tears from my eyes. I never thought I'd actually have a reason for hating Yazoo this time.
I came to Father in the kitchen.
"Dinner time!" He cried, and dropped a prune cereal box infront of me. He cackled evilly.
"I'm not hungry!" I screamed at him. He still laughed, and went to the cupboard to grab a bowl.
"Oh yes you are!"
"Shut up! I hate you!" I cried.
He forced me onto a seat, right across from Mother. He poured the prune cereal contents and milk into the bowl he grabbed and set it before me. "Eat!" He ordered menacingly.
"No!"
He brandished his sword and rested it upon my head. I began to tremble and tears streamed down my face.
"EAT!"
"OK!"
I took a spoonful and forced it into my mouth. I also forced myself to chew. How I hate this cereal.
Father seemed pleased, and continued to watch me eat the stupid prune cereal. I finished and pushed away my bowl.
"Watch your manners!" He boomed, and sliced the bowl in half angrily. I gave out a squeak and jumped from my chair. I hate it when he brings the sword out.
"Get up and go get more!"
"But I'm full!"
"Mother doesn't think so." Father swooped to Mother and caressed her face. "She wants you to eat more."
"No she doesn't!" I choked. I leaned on the table, my hands balled into fists. My crying got harder.
"Stop being such a drama queen! I want that whole box finished by tonight!" Father ordered, and spun around to leave. I didn't complain. I took the box and ran for my room. Two raccoons slept on my mattress. I gave them the box and chose a corner in my room to cry silently until I fell asleep.
♡♡
When I came to school the next morning, I saw Yazoo's car in one of the parking spaces. It was the first time he was actually early. I quickly made my way to the library, hoping he wasn't doing what I think he was doing. He better not ask Yazmin out.
However, while I was walking towards the library, I saw a girl in tears. She ran past me and jumped into the nearest classroom. Something told me that was one of Yazoo's now former girlfriends. Was he making room on his list for Yazmin?
I slammed open the library door only to get shushed by the people who were inside. I ignored them and looked around for Yazmin. She wasn't anywhere to be found. She wasn't even in the romance section. Devastated, I ran out back in the hallway. I headed towards the Senior courtyard, where Seniors usually hung out. I sneaked past Loz who was there, tossing a football back and forth with his friends. I didn't want to draw attention to myself, especially to him.
I spotted Yazoo. He was leaning against a shadowed wall, smoking a cigarette cooly. No one can smoke and look so good. Not even any of those french people. I spied on him from behind a pillar, and watched his eyes suddenly flash. I knew that expression. Yazoo has spotted his prey. He flicked away his cigarette, flipped his hair back, and smiled his winning smile. True Yazoo routine. I saw Yazmin making her way towards him. I half expected angelic voices to rise Yazoo off the ground and have his long hair flow out behind him in a godly light. That's probably what Yazmin was seeing right now.
I watched them for awhile. They idly chatted, and walked around the grounds. Yazoo flirted like crazy. Not being able to stand it any longer, I ditched them. I couldn't watch stuff like that. I was about ready to throw up. Partly because of Yazoo's corny ways, and partly because I knew deep inside he was going to succeed in what he was doing. I sighed. Yazmin was officially on his list.
I shouldn't really be bothered by them. I wasn't. If Yazoo wanted to disobey Father, he can go right on ahead. My only problem was that I hoped he didn't get too close to Yazmin. If that should occur, then I would inevitably be involved. Keely would once again appear in my life, like how she has been trying too, for the past half year. I've been avoiding her. I've been ignoring her. I've been trying to stop thinking about her. But I should have known in the end. Keely always got her way. I wonder who decided who won or lost. I wished the person who decided that, would give me a break. Couldn't I win for once?
A week later, the game ended. I lost.
Keely found me and I couldn't run away. I sensed her walking towards me, miles away. I sensed her thinking about me and making her evil plotting. Since I sensed her so early, I could've made a run for it. But my body wasn't obeying my mind that day. I wonder who was it that turned my legs off without permission.
"You can't escape," Her voice said in my ear. I knew I couldn't. That's what makes me even more miserable.
"What do you want?" I snapped. She walked with me, holding her books. The usual mischievous half smile on her pretty face. If she didn't look so deceiving I wouldn't have my doubts. Today she wore her long silver hair in a high pony tail tied with a black ribbon, her side bangs partly hiding her right eye. She wore knee high black leather combat boots. Black ballerina stockings tied around her legs, forming two big X's each. Short black skirt. Plain black tank top. Heavy mascara on her already long eyelashes.
"I want you," She replied. She took my trembling hand. "You're so intense. You should relax a little bit."
"Don't tell me what to do," I flung her hand away and started to walk faster.
"Didn't my sister talk to you?" She asked, running and catching up to me.
"Yes."
"Good. So you know."
I actually don't remember what her sister said and I had no idea what she was talking about now. All I know is that I hate her and I'm mad her. Her and Yazmin.
"I don't know anything. I don't know you," I stopped and faced her. I glared her down.
She laughed. That laugh stirred inside me and rung in my head. It would gradually turn me insane.
"Oh, you know me alright. You know me too well. So much so, that what you're doing right now, is all just a big joke. Guess what Kadaj? You're funny." She stepped up to me and looked me in the eyes. Hers twinkled with excitement. "I'll see you later." She spun around, her long pony tail slapping me in the face. She strutted off and I watched her go.
I didn't want to see her later. But what Keely wants, Keely gets. I walked home, awaiting her return.
♡♡
I didn't go through the front door. I stepped in through the big hole in my wall, and saw that the raccoons were gone. The cereal box too. I wasn't getting grounded tonight. Yay?
The first thing I did was rip the Queen playing card into two more pieces. Tossing them aside, I found my old poem folder. I briskly thumbed through all the papers and documents I've saved throughout the years. I picked out four. They were badly written. I think I was in elementary school when I wrote them, I barely recognized my own hand writing. However the title was loud and clear. I ripped and crushed those poems to death. I then hid them under my mattress.
Hours later, somebody knocked on my door. It was Yazoo. "Kadaj, we've got company," He sing-songed. I scowled, carving random X's into my wall with my Swiss army knife. "Father's out. We have the house to ourselves. What do you say? C'mon," Yazoo coaxed. Unlike him, I wasn't looking for a good time. I didn't move. "Fine. I'll tell them to come by the hole in your wall."
I got up. I made my way over to the door, opening it so abruptly Yazoo jumped back. "Tell them to leave me alone. And don't even think about telling them about the hole in my wall," I hissed.
"But they're already here! You just don't turn down company like that. It's rude," Yazoo scolded, flipping his hair. He pulled my arm so that I was out of my room, and shoved me away. He closed my door and nodded over to the front door where hell was waiting. I obediently made my way over there.
I opened the door and saw that it was Yazmin and Keely. Surprise, surprise.
"Kadaj! Nice to see you again," Yazmin flashed me a beautiful smile. Instead of her usual two braids, she took all of her hair to the side and had only one big braid resting on her left shoulder. But she wasn't here to see me. She walked past me and made a bee line for Yazoo, who was already elegantly poised on our sofa, sipping wine.
I turned my eyes to Keely. She smiled at me and let herself in without a word.
Yazoo was showing Yazmin the house. I suddenly wondered where Loz was.
"Oh, and this is your dining room?" Yazmin inquired, stepping up to the doors that led to it.
"No, no, no!" Yazoo gently took her hand and pulled her away from the door. "We don't go in there. Father's rules."
Since when? I wondered puzzled. I felt someone take my hand. I turned to see Keely beaming at me. "Show me your room!" She suggested. But I knew it was an order. Like hell I will, I thought irritably. I pulled my hand away. Her strange warm hands felt uncomfortable in my cold clammy ones.
"Sorry. We're remodeling it right now," I explained bluntly. Well, I wish. How long will I have to sleep with that hole in my wall anyway?
"Oh. I see," Keely replied nodding, her green eyes dulling out. She stood there, looking around. I wondered if she was bored. Well, it was her fault. I don't have the slightest clue on how to host women. She shouldn't of have come.
"Kadaj, fetch me a wine glass please," Yazoo called from the living room. I grunted, shuffling to the kitchen.
"I'll help," Keely offered sweetly. I just shot an annoyed glance at her. Cut the act, I thought. Why the hell are you acting so nice all of a sudden?
"Keely dear, come join us," Yazmin called. Keely looked down at her feet, then finally turned around and headed back to the living room. I gave a sigh of relief. It was like all the oxygen was finally back in the room.
I returned brandishing two glasses, one of wine for Yazmin, and not having anything else, juice for Keely. "Thanks!" She took the glass, smiling at me. I looked away and headed back as Yazmin thanked me as well. Geez, I brought two glasses of drinks. What was the big deal?
I didn't go back, but stayed in my room. When the talking and laughter stopped, and I heard Yazoo's door slam, I knew they were gone and it was over.
Finally.