A/N: GILMORE BASHING AHOY! Remember what time period this takes place in (post season 6). Both Gilmores have done both Diner Men wrong. They're not too too pleased. Don't flame for their bashing. Thanks!


A Year in the Life of Jess Mariano

Part 7
September 5th: Luke's Birthday

Upon arriving in Stars Hollow, Jess hopped out of his car, and began to make his way to the diner.

"Hey! You!"

He slowed his pace and looked to the sky. "Jesus fuck."

Lorelai caught up to him and stood in front of him. "What's the big idea, you ignoring Rory when she came to see you a few weeks ago?"

"Gee, Lorelai. I don't know. What was the big idea, you giving Luke a crazy, psychotic ultimatum, and then fucking your ex?"

"How dare you!"

"How dare I!" Jess cried. "How dare I. Did you know that in May, your daughter showed up at my store, led me on, and nearly used me to get back at her cheating douche bag of a boyfriend?"

Lorelai said nothing.

"Did you know Luke loved you more than anyone he's ever had in his life? Shit. He loved you more than Rachel. And you fucked it up."

She glared.

"I didn't come here to play angry relative with you," he spat. "I've got a dinner to start making."

"What?"

"It's Luke's birthday," Jess replied. "Family stuff. Go away." With that, he walked to the diner.

"Jess!" Luke said, looking up.

He scowled. "Fucking Gilmores can't leave well enough alone."

"Somebody had a run-in with a Lorelai," Patty muttered from her table.

Jess kept grumbling.

"Baby!"

He looked up just in time to be mauled by his mother.

"Hi, Liz."

"Hi, Jessie."

"Hi."

"Which one was it this time?"

"The stupid one."

Liz giggled and pulled away from her son. "Which one?"

"The old one."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Jesus fuck."

"That's what I said," Jess replied. "Didn't those two used to have...I don't know...brains?"

"Somewhere along the way," Luke muttered.

Jess frowned and walked over, giving his uncle a manly hug. "Happy birthday."

Luke hugged back and gave him a thump on the back. "Thanks."

Liz tugged on Jess's arm. "Come on! TJ is upstairs cooking, and he wants your help!"

Jess sighed. "I'm so very, very lucky. The world is my burrito."

Liz pouted. "Stop Quoting Weird Al and come on!"

He shrugged at his uncle. "At least she got the reference."

Luke smirked as his sister dragged her son up the stairs to the apartment.