Mmph. Chapter five. Where we finally find out who took the cards. And maybe even why they ended up in a snack machine… lmao That part just made me laugh really hard, well, the conversation about it did. Jeez, and I'm the one writing the story.

The White Raven013: Thanks for the review. Glad you liked the chibis. :)

Takarifan101: As always, thanks for the review.

Maux: Yes, I left Xemnas out on purpose. Mainly because I don't really picture him living in Castle Oblivion and because he'd have to stop what happens later in the chapter, if everything goes by the plot in my head. Sorry if you really wanted to see him in there. I agree, the Organization didn't get enough face time in the game.

Scylla Desdemonia Ophelia: Your review made me laugh so hard. I'm more for Australian accents, myself, but British accents are a close second. :D

Lily Vendrem: Close. And I actually considered making it that, up until the last minute, which was a few minutes ago.

If any of you wanted a chibi, send me an e-mail or a message or something saying so, and I'll send you one in an e-mail.

I wish I owned Kingdom Hearts and the characters in it, but, alas, I don't. (pouts)

Warning: There will be out of characterness in this episode, and a lot of it. And, I'm not good at ending things, so sorry if this sucks and you don't like it.

This chapter was inspired by the song Snakes On A Plane (Bring It) by Cobra Starship. Well, not really, but that song effing rocks! William Beckett is so cute, not hott, cute.

At this point, Luxord has gotten his cards back from Xigbar, who did not steal them. He got them out of a snack machine. Luxord has just figured out 'who dunnit' when he and Xigbar heard maniacal laughter outside of Number II's room. They opened the door to see two shadowy figures that we've seen before.

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When Luxord and Xigbar came out of the room, the two shadowy figures starting laughing even harder. Although he couldn't see their faces, The Gambler of Fate knew exactly who they were.

"Stop your laughing, it isn't that funny!" roared the blonde.

"O, no, it's pretty funny…" Shadowy Figure 1 said, stopping his dying laughter to breathe.

"Yeah, you searching all day (night) just to find your precious 'CAWDS'," chimed in Shadowy Figure 2. "You didn't even have to come this far down the tower to really get them."

"Yes, I figured that out, about a minute and twelve seconds ago." Luxord had regained his gentlemanly composure.

"Oooo, the man who controls time knows exactly how long ago it was," he was mocked by Shadowy Figure 1, whom he would have thought was Axel if he didn't already know whom it was. "Congratulations for solving 'The Mystery of the Missing Cards', I think you're ready to join the cast of Scooby Doo."

"O, shut your bloody trap. There weren't exactly clues as to who would have stolen them. Well, at least not until I visited your rooms," Luxord smirked. "And why would you put my cards in a snack machine, anyways?"

"Yeah, I was wondering the same thing!" Xigbar said, after having been silent since the beginning of the chapter.

Shadowing Figure 1 placed his hand on his chin in his 'thinking position' and Shadowy Figure 2 looked at him. "Actually, I don't really know. I just thought it'd be funny!" said Shadowy Figure 1.

"And really, we were hoping that Larxene or Axel would find them, since we knew they'd destroy them. In reality, we didn't figure Xigbar would even be down in the lobby, or that he'd be so… different since his interior decorating classes…" explained Shadowy Figure 2.

"Well you thought wrong, Mr. E-nigma!" Xigbar said all cocky-like.

"You know, Xigbar, you don't have to call him that," Number X told the graying surfer-dude-guy.

"Why? Who is it?" Xigbar was stumped.

"The one you called 'Mr. Enigma' is Lexaeus, and the short one is Zexion."

"I'm not short!"

"As if! They wouldn't pull a prank like this!" said the unbelieving Freeshooter.

"O, but it is them." After saying that, Luxord walked over to the pair of shadowy figures and pulled them into the light.

Xigbar gasped. "But why? And how did you know, Luxord?"

"I knew because of when I visited Zexion's room. He sounded semi-giddy when I first knocked on his door, and I had to wonder about that, because, let's face it, Zexion is never giddy. But when I went into his room and I talked to him, that's when he unknowingly told me who it was."

"O, and how did I do that?" queried the now unshady-Zexion sarcastically.

"Your bloody Sudoku puzzle. You were just starting it, and you were in the easy section of your book. You never do the easy section. I know this because you laughed at Demyx and called him stupid for doing an easy word search; you said that only children and idiots do the easy puzzles. Another way I figured it out was, because you couldn't concentrate on your puzzle. You only filled in two of the little boxes the whole time I was in the room with you."

"You're just too clever, Luxord. It must be your British charm," Zexion said with sarcasm evident in his voice.

Luxord flashed him an award-winning smile. "Yes, I am quite charming, aren't I?"

"But that doesn't explain everything! How did you, like, know he was Lexaeus?" Number II asked.

"Yes, how did you figure that out?" asked Lexaeus.

Luxord began his second explanation of the chapter. "Well, first of all, when I said I was gonna go down to Lexaeus's room or whatever I said, Zexion said he'd be in the gym. But how would Zexion know, when he's never in the gym, himself? Ooo, that's my smart British mind for ya." Luxord tapped his forehead and smirked; Zexion crossed his arms and Xigbar just rolled his eyes, while Lexaeus stood there, playing the role of The Silent Hero very well. "When I went to Lexaeus's, he was there, not in the gym, and he didn't even look like he'd come back from it; he wasn't sweating, wasn't tired out, just fine. In fact, he'd started a book, just like Zexion had started a puzzle."

"Very good, Luxord, I think we should start calling you Sherlock Holmes from now on," said a very sarcastic Zexion.

"Yeah, maybe you should… We're both British," Luxord replied.

"Well, whatever." Xigbar shrugged. "I still don't get why you two did it," he said, pointing his fingers at Zexion and Lexaeus.

"Ehm. I just did it because Zexion asked me to help him," Lexaeus replied, shuffling his feet.

"My reasoning is very simple," Number VI started. "Everyone always makes fun of me and plays stupid jokes on me. No one ever thinks I'd do anything. And…" he seethed, "everyone calls me short! I am not that short!"

"Actually, Zex, ya kinda are," Xigbar pointed out.

"Shut up! I don't even care--"

"Well, you must care if you're throwing a bloody fit about it like an itty bitty baby," Luxord smirked.

"Ugh! I hate you! No one understands me!" Zexion started into an emo-induced rage. Sorry Zexion fans. The author actually really does like Zexion. (A lot. She draws him all the time.)

"…" Lexaeus remained silent and just stared at Zexion, then placed his hand on his shoulder to still him. "Zexion, you really need to calm down… Do your breathing exercises."

"Okay… Breathe in… and out… In… out…"

While Zexion and Lexaeus were distracted, Luxord turned to Xigbar. "Hey, Xigbar, what do you say about an 'epic battle to the death' to get back at them. I mean, they did try to frame you for stealing my cawds," Luxord raised his eyebrow.

"As if! We both know they didn't plan on framing me, but I'm all for an epic battle!" Xigbar and Luxord turned to the two retired shadowy figures and approached them slowly, evil grins on their faces. Lexaeus noticed them first and nudged Zexion again, disrupting his breathing exercises.

"…and o--what? What are you two grinning about……?" asked Zexion.

EPIC BATTLE TO THE DEATH ENSUED! This epic battle actually consisted of Zexion getting hung by his cloak on a coat rack that just so happened to be hanging in the hallway. Lexaeus was tied to the coat rack by his feet; him being so tall and all, he was actually halfway lying on the floor. His hands were also tied up, so that he couldn't untie his feet, but had to wait until someone walked by and helped. Most members of the Organization wouldn't help, though; they'd stop and laugh for a few minutes and then leave.

"Dammit! I hate you guys! I'm going to fucking kill you!" Zexion shrieked as Xigbar and Luxord walked down the stairs to the lobby. He then started laughing maniacally. "You guys are just mad because, I, Zexion, The Cloaked Schemer have outsmarted you! Mwahahahahahahaha! You'll never underestimate Number VI again! I am superior to both o--!" Zexion was then kicked in the head by Lexaeus and knocked unconscious. Yay Lexaeus!

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Luxord and Xigbar were walking down the stairs to the lobby, trying their very hardest to ignore Zexion and his creepy laughing, his screaming, and his acting like an emo kid.

"What a day…"

"Totally. I can't believe it was Zexion and Lexaeus, though. Demyx, Roxas, and Axel, yeah, I'd believe that. But those two? Wow, some weird shit happens in this castle…" Xigbar went on. "Never would have expected that Zexion has the ability to scream, either."

"I know what you mean. That kid's wicked crazy," they laughed. "So, Xigbar, ya wanna go down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart to get an entirely fat-free, sugar-free smoothie with me, to cool down from that 'epic battle to the death'?"

"As if! I don't want a fat-free, sugar-free smoothie! That's Saïx's bag, not mine. But I would like an ice cream cone! So, what are we waiting for?"

Luxord and Xigbar then, set off down the canyon, across the valley, and through the forest of evil, evil trees to the Quikki Mart and had themselves their dairy treats.

Did you guys really think you I'd let you read an entire chapter without putting in the Quikki Mart thing? Tch, no.

There will be an epilogue, with some stuff at the Quikki Mart and possibly what happened when Axel and his band of merry miscreants went to the Pride Lands.

Tell me how it was, if ya want.