This is why.

The look on his face. Its everything she's never wanted to see in a person she's loved looking back at her. Like she's reached in and pulled out his heart and proceeded to kick it while he can still feel it.

Why was it she didn't want to be a 'female fog bank' again? She's pretty sure she'd give her right arm to have back that feeling of anonymity back. That feeling that she could walk away and not a worry would cross her mind.

"Logan…"

"Its okay, Max, I get it, I do." This was how it all started in the first place. Him holding eye contact while lying through his teeth. This time however, she didn't see the cleverly hidden deceit. She saw heartbreak. "Its just going to take some time is all. Maybe one day, we can be friends again."

Problem with that is they'd never been friends.

"I really am sorry… Its just…" Her voice is trailing off as she drags her eyes away from his and stares out the window at the rain.

"Its Alec."

She's looking at him again, and hey, at least its not heartbreak she sees now. "It's not Alec. And its not you. Its me."

She flinches at him snorting in a mocking parody of his normal laughter. She hates that sound. It demonstrates better than anything else he can do that she really has broken him and he's doing more than she can imagine to stop from showing it. "C'mon, Max. The old, 'its not you, it's me' speech? Don't you think we deserve more than that? Don't you think I deserve more than that?"

"You deserve the world, Logan. But it doesn't change the fact that I can't offer you any more than the truth. And the truth is, it has nothing to do with any one else. Nothing to do with anything you have or haven't done." She pulls her jacket around her a little tighter blinking back tears she refuses to spill here in front of him. "It just is. I love you, but I'm not in love any more. This whole… thing between us… It's too hard. It's too much. And I can't sustain the energy I need to have hope for us. Not when I have to have hope for every person in Terminal City too."

The tears have blurred her vision, but she can see the tenseness of his shoulders relaxing as he huffs out a sigh. "I do understand, Max. But it doesn't mean I have to like it."

"I know."

"This is hard, Max, we've been bouncing back and forth for so long…"

She's crying now, slow, silent tears and it makes her hate herself just a little bit more each time he reaches to wipe them away. He can't of course. She wants to say that maybe one day, when Transgenics are free, and they find a way to cure the virus… but it wouldn't be fair, on either one of them. Each time she saw him, he'd look at her with hope in his eyes and she'd have to watch it crumble every time. Her guilt would suffocate her in a matter of minutes.

"So. This is it?"

Oh god. She wants, she wants, she wants. "You know if you ever need me, for help with, whatever…"

"I know. Same goes for me."

She nods. "I know."

"Max…"

She wipes her eyes. This all has to be clear. Her photographic memory can't run through this scene a million times later in soft light. It needs to be sharp, clean and hard. She wont be able to stand it any other way. She straightens her spine and nods. "This is it."

She can feel the weight of his stare on her shoulders. Can feel it through the door that she shuts with a small click, though it sounds more like a mountain collapsing, shutting off all return routes to him.

This is why. It's everything she's never wanted to feel about a person she's loved. Like she's reached in and ripped out her own heart and is kicking it around while she can still feel it.

This is why.