A/N :
Thanks for the nice reviews, made me feel all warm inside . Here is chapter 4, hope you enjoy it.
DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD
Kira just stood there watching Lacus walk away. He couldn't remember ever seeing her so angry. Then again, he had never seen Athrun so angry either. Athrun… Lacus… Feelings of guilt filled his heart. Oh god… what have I done… i… did I really say all that ?
Of course you did, idiot. Why do you think they both hit you in the first place ? Kira stood there, drifting in his thoughts and feelings of immeasurable guilt, without even noticing that his nose is bleeding again. How…how could I have said those things ?...
Of course she isn't like that… I … I have never said so terrible things to anyone…i…I didn't even mean it … why did I say it ? Now that his mind was starting to work clearly again, feelings of guilt engulfed him even tighter. He felt his face hurting from Athrun's punch. He felt like he deserved every bit of that pain and more.
Noticing that his nose was bleeding and blood was dripping on his shirt, leaving red marks, he quickly tried to dry his nose. It felt like it wasn't far from being broken. Athrun sure had hit him hard. He never would have thought that Athrun was this strong. He must have been pretty mad…
Pretty mad ? Come on, he was furious, I wonder why he didn't kill me on the spot… must have been because he had hurried to help Meyrin… Meyrin… first thought of his was to go and apologize to her straight away. He stopped before he had actually started to move.
Meyrin was probably at Athrun's house by now… And showing up there at this time would probably get him in hospital. It was probably better to avoid Athrun at all costs at this time. Kira lowered his head. Poor Meyrin… he remembered how she broke down on her knees and started to cry… his hands clinched in fists.
He wanted to hit himself… Maybe he should go see Athrun – Athrun would be sure to hit him again, and since Kira felt like he deserved every bit of it, and it would probably make Athrun feel better, it would be like killing two birds with one shot. How could I say all those things ?What had gotten in to me ?... poor Meyrin… i…I insulted her so badly… and I even yelled at Lacus…
Lacus… he raised his hand and placed it on his red cheek – the one she had slapped before. For some reason he felt like that slap hurt him more than Athrun's punch. Lacus… I have been so terrible to her again… He started walking forward. First ill find Lacus and apologize…I hope she will forgive me… although I don't deserve it…
He figured that Lacus must have gone back to Cagali's house, so he started to move. He walked slowly, his head bowed down, still trying to figure what happened earlier… what caused him to say what he did… and what is he going to tell Lacus.
Lacus entered her room, 'slamming' the door behind her. Not that she really slammed it, but she sure didn't close it as gently as she usually did things. She lied back on her bed and blankly stared at ceiling. She felt angry…sad… confused… uncomfortable.
She placed her right hand on her chest and muttered "Kira… what is going on with you… how could you…" Tears started to form in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. She felt confused, unsure what to do… and she didn't like it, she was the one who usually had answers for anything, but she had no idea what to do now, and what was happening to Kira.
Kira arrived at Cagali's mansion and entered. He was met with a surprised gaze from one of the servants. He watched the brown haired young man with his shirt covered with red stains all over it and his nose slightly bleeding. "M… master Kira, are you alright ? "
Kira nodded. He was far from being alright, but he wasn't going to tell that to some servant. "I'm fine. Has Lacus arrived ?"
"Yes, I believe miss Lacus has gone up to her room "
"Thank you". With that he left the confused servant and headed upstairs. Before entering Lacus room he stopped and looked down at himself. Maybe I should go fix myself up first… He really didn't look ok with his blood stained shirt and bleeding nose.
He got to his room, took off his shirt, then turned the water on. After washing his face with cold water he felt that pain and concussion from the punch are fading. In place of those came even bigger feeling of guilt.
He really wanted to apologize to Meyrin… although he had no idea what to say… and he doubted that it would make her feel better… or that she would even want to see him. And Athrun probably wouldn't let him within 10 meters of Meyrin anyway. What should I do to make it up to her… to all of them ?
He wanted to make up to them… Meyrin…Lacus …Athrun…Fllay… the people he killed during the war… He shook his head in surprise. Why was he thinking about Fllay and the victims of war now ? He tried to put those memories away. Instead he saw another one.
Athrun's face. Full of anger and rage, facing him. His eyes wide open, his eye pupils small, radiating with barely visible green light. "You… you killed Nicole. You Killed Nicole. Ill …Ill Kill you!" Kira felt like he was getting sick. He remembered that. How could he ever forget ?
The day he and Athrun fought for life and death. The day he thought he died, but survived by a miracle. The day Athrun killed Tolle. Another memory flashed trough Kira's mind.
He was battling Athrun's Gundam – Aegis, in his Strike, when he saw Tolle's fighter jet approaching. Its shot a missile at Athrun's Gundam. "No ! Tolle ! Don't come !" Athrun easily evaded the missile and tossed his shield towards the small jet fighter with deadly accuracy. "
He could hear Tolle gasp in the communicator, as he saw the shield quickly flying towards him, but he couldn't do anything about it. It was too late. He could only watch as the shield crashed in to his friends jet cockpit and tearing off Tolle's head, then making the jet explode. "TOLLE !"
Kira kneed down near the sink and placed his hands on his head. Stop it…go away…why am I remembering all this ? Another memory flashed trough his head No ! not that…
"Kira" The red haired girl smiled with tears in her eyes trough a window of her shuttle towards Kira's Gundam Freedom, that had just protected her shuttle from being shot down by Rau. Smile found its way on Kira's face, as well as happiness filled his heart. "Fllay…"
A beam shot out of a detached DRAGOON unit and shot right trough the shuttle, making it explode. Kira could see the flames engulfing her body… "FLLAY !"
Kira was now breathing heavily , his hands strongly gripping his head. "Stop" he quietly mumbled. "Stop it… STOP IT !" He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked back and saw Lacus kneeling near him, looking at him with her blue eyes, filled with concern.
"What do you want ? Leave…lave me alone !"
Lacus was shocked. He knew something was happening to Kira, and she wanted to help him. But hearing something like that from Kira wasn't what she had used to her. She could feel tears gathering in her eyes. But she didn't go away.
Instead she grabbed Kira by his shoulders and shook him.
"Kira. What's happening to you, Kira ?... This is not like you…Kira…." She was crying now. These actions seemed to pull Kira back to reality. As he realized what he has done he felt tears gathering in his eyes as well.
"Lacus !" He suddenly pulled her in a tight hug. "Lacus, i'm so sorry… i… i… please don't leave me, Lacus". He started to cry, while hugging her even more tightly. Lacus was surprised by this, but at least it was an improvement. If you can call a crying Kira clinging on to her as if she was going to disappear much of an improvement. But still, it was an improvement.
"Kira…." She backed away a bit, and looked in his watery eyes. He looked frightened, lost… "What is happening, Kira ? Something is happening to you… why are you not telling me ?"
"Lacus…i…i don't know…i…" Kira was shaking. Lacus could feel that, it made her feel frightened about him.
"Kira…please, try to calm down" She pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him. "Please, Kira". She had stopped crying and was regaining her usual calmness. It looked like her embrace worked on Kira in a relaxing way. He stopped shaking, and his breathing calmed down.
Although his heart was still racing, she could feel that by hugging him. But at least he calmed down. She loosened her embrace a bit and looked in his purple eyes. "Kira, why don't you get dressed and after that you will tell me everything that's happening to you, ok ?"
Kira nodded and got up from the bathroom floor, holding out a hand for Lacus to help her stand up. Lacus smiled at him briefly. "Thank you". After helping her up Kira found a clean shirt and put it on, after that he went in the bedroom and sat on the bed, with his head bowed down.
He felt the bead lean in a little when Lacus sat beside him. Kira lifted his eyes and looked at Lacus. Lacus sat there patiently waiting for him to talk. Kira let out a deep sigh.
"Lacus… i'm so sorry about the things I said to you…I really didn't man it… I … i'm sorry for the way I acted in the park … i… " His voice started to tremble as he mentioned the park. That made him remember Meyrin, on her knees on the ground, crying, covering her head with hands.
Just remembering that made him feel like the worst person in existence. How could I have done something like that ?... i…i'm a real jerk… For a moment he had a thought that he would have preferred if Athrun would have shot him there. Lacus voice made him abandon his current thoughts.
"Kira, don't say that… its not me who you should be apologizing to about the park, its Meyrin." Meyrin. Hearing her name made him remember her again, in that state which he had caused. It almost made his heart stop.
"I know…I know…but I don't think she would want to see me" He sadly smiled at Lacus. " I could go… but then you better don't expect me coming back"
Lacus blinked at what he had just said. "What are you saying, Kira ? Why?".
Kira's smile disappeared. "She is staying at Athrun's home, right ? I probably won't make it past the doorstep alive". Lacus couldn't help but let a small giggle escape. If he was able to make a joke it meant he has recovered a bit. Although he didn't mean that as a joke.
Lacus put on a serious face, and looked deeply at Kira. "Kira…tell me…what's happening to you … its not like you to be like this…what's going on? You were very rude to Meyrin … You yelled at me… the other day you attacked the boy who accidentally bumped in to me at the mall… you yelled at Cagali… it has been like this for last few months."
Lacus looked at Kira, with sad expression in her face. Kira was staring at floor again. "What's going on, Kira ? you just seem to become violent at times…its not like you…and it happens more often these days ".
Kira gasped. "I..i don't know… i'm having memories…" Lacus leaned closer to him.
"About war ?"
Kira nodded. "I see all those faces from war… the people I killed… the people I couldn't protect… there were so many I couldn't protect…. I couldn't protect her… " He shook his head, his eyes watering up again. Lacus was carefully listening, sad expression on her beautiful face.
"Its like i'm going trough it all over again… all this anger… all the pain… and I cant even control myself when these emotions get to me… i… I start acting the way you saw… and I cant seem to stop easily… i…"
Again, he shook his head and turned to Lacus, who looked over worried about him. "Lacus…you…do you think i'm going crazy?"
Lacus couldn't take it anymore. He quickly leaned on to Kira, hugging him in a tight embrace. Kira blushed slightly. "La… Lacus ?" Lacus simply shook her head, tears falling from her eyes.
"Don't talk like that, Kira. We… you have been trough this before… you have dealt with those memories before… you will do it again. I know it…"
Kira placed his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. "I…I don't know, Lacus. Its not like before. I never lost my head during the last time when I had these memories. I thought I had finally gotten over it… but now… all those memories are coming back again".
He wiped his eyes, but id dint help, since new tears formed quickly. "I never lost control of myself before… i…. i'm scared, Lacus… i'm not sure what's happening to me."
Lacus couldn't stop the stream of tears that was falling down her cheeks. "Kira… please…don't…. we got over it once… we will do it again…. Ok ? Please, Kira…"
Kira nodded his head and took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. He let go of Lacus and looked away. "You… you shouldn't be with me… I …I could end up hurting you again… I don't want that….i.."
"Kira… please…I want to help you… please, don't push me away… please"
Kira turned his gaze to the floor. "But what if I get out of control again ? I don't want to hurt you… or anyone else… I always end up hurting people… in the war… even now… people that don't deserve it… maybe I really should go and try to break in Athrun's house … it might end the best way for all of you… "
"Kira !" her voice was trembling " Don't ever say such things…ever…understand ? You will be fine… so please…"
Kira looked at her face. It was full of fear, sadness, and kindness towards him. Why does she want to stay with me ? Kira simply nodded his head. "Thank you, Lacus".
Cagali pushed the bell button for the second time. Come on, come on, what's taking you so long ? She was about to rang for the third time, when she heard the door being unlocked. It opened revealing a yawning Athrun.
"Oh…hi, Cagali Yawn. What time is it ?"
Cagali pouted. "What kind of greeting is that ?" Then she noticed that Athrun's eyes are red and puffy. "You ok, Athrun ? you look like you haven't slept at all."
Athrun stretched and yawned again. "Actually, I haven't." He sleepily said, while gesturing to Cagali to come in. After closing the door behind her he walked over to the sofa in guestroom and heavily leaned on to it. Cagali sat beside him.
"Athrun, you look like you had a rough night. What happened, why didn't you sleep ?"
Athrun closed his eyes to let them rest a bit. "I was sitting up all night, watching over Meyrin, in case she would need anything. She cried herself to sleep. I think she cried about 5 hours straight. I didn't even think that is possible…"
"Why, what happened ? I thought yesterday was her birthday, she should have been happy." Cagali's eyes narrowed. "You didn't do anything, did you ?"
Athrun sighed. "Right. Sorry, I forgot I didn't tell you… Remembering yesterday's birthday made him remember the scene that took place at park. He could feel his anger for Kira rising again, remembering the state Meyrin was in yesterday."
Cagali noticed that Athrun seemed angry. Actually, he seemed very angry. She had never seen him like this. "A… Athrun ?... what happened yesterday… please tell me "
Athrun only nodded and slowly started to retell her the events of yesterdays 'party'.
After he was done Cagali's eyes looked like they were about pop out of her head. "He said WHAT ?" She simply couldn't believe what she heard.
Athrun sighed. "That's why I stayed awake by her side last night… I didn't want to leave her alone like that "
Cagali felt no less angry than Athrun himself at Kira. "Athrun, I came to talk about tomorrow, but ill make it short, seems like you need to rest. Athrun looked at her. Tomorrow was the day they were having that ball at Cagali's mansion during which they were going announce about their engagement.
Cagali told a few details and other minor stuff. "Just be there at 7.pm, ok ?" She leaned forward and gave Athrun a slight kiss. "Don't you dare to forget"
He smiled a weak smile "I won't"
"Good" She looked at Athrun with serious look on her face. "You didn't beat up Kira too badly, did you ?" Athrun looked surprised.
"Honestly ? I punched him as hard as I could. And i'm not going to say i'm sorry, because i'm not"
Cagali grinned "You shouldn't be, I was just asking to make sure there is anything left for me. He's going to get it when I get home. Which will be soon."
She stood up and left the surprised Athrun sitting on the sofa. "Get some rest, Athrun. Leave Kira to me. See you tomorrow, bye, love you."
With that she left the house, and rushed to her car. The reason she left was because she wanted to get home as fast as possible. And beat up her brother.
Athrun sighed and got up. He decided to go check up on Meyrin. He quietly opened her room door and went inside. She was still sleeping. He put a hand on her cheek and looked at her tear stained face. Anger once again rose up in him. This isn't over, Kira.
He went downstairs and decided to prepare breakfast. He didn't think she would be hungry, but he wanted to have something ready in case she would be.
He baked some pancakes, while trying to stay awake. Being only half-awake caused him to burn half of the pancakes and get himself slightly burned in the process. He muttered a few curses, but didn't let the burned finger bother him too much – after all he had been trough this wasn't something to keep him bothered.
He threw out all the burned pancakes. Only half were left. Oh well, he had easily do without breakfast as long as Meyrin had one. He placed the pancakes on a plate, poured them with strawberry jam and headed upstairs.
He quietly opened the door and went over to her. He saw her shuffle a bit. "A… Athrun ?"
Good…at least she is talking. Athrun moved to the bed and sat beside her. Meyrin sat up and looked around with sadness in her salty-blue eyes. They were read from crying. Athrun slowly spoke up.
"Meyrin… are you ok ?" She didn't answer. Of course she is not ok. Does she look like she's ok ? "Meyrin, I made you some pancakes, in case your hungry…i…" He couldn't finish as Meyrin leaned against his chest and started to cry again.
Athrun was at loss what to do. "Meyrin… " Not knowing what to say he simply put his arm around her, hugging her. Seemed like it calmed her down a bit.
"Athrun…" she quietly whispered while gripping his shirt in her small hands, her head buried in his chest. "Athrun…what Kira-kun said…" Kira…that word made Athrun feel like he would have just eaten something poisonous.
"What he said… is that how he really thinks of me… is that how people think… of me… being here ?" Her voice was trembling, tears staining Athrun's shirt. Athrun could have sworn, that if Kira would enter the room right now, he would kill him on the spot.
Meyrin gasped before continuing. "If that is true… then… then its better for me to leave… i… I don't want to… cause you any problems… Athrun. She let go of Athrun's shirt and tried to stand up, but Athrun suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her back, Hugging her this time.
She was surprised, but didn't do anything. It felt good to be in his arms… somehow it seemed to calm her mind.
"Stop it, Meyrin… don't … don't say such things. Don't think such things. No one thinks of you like that… and even if they did, I wouldn't care… I don't think like that. I would never ask you to leave. You can stay here as long as you like. So please… don't say such things."
"Athrun…I …I … " her crying , which had almost stopped resumed again. She just sat there in Athrun's arms and cried. Athrun didn't mind at all. As long as she wasn't talking about things like leaving all was fine.
He just sat there holding the crying red haired girl in his arms. Meyrin continued to cry until she finally fell asleep again. Athrun gently placed her slim body on bed and covered her with a blanket, after that he vacated the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.
He decided to get a little rest himself, so he went to his room and got in to bed. As he was falling asleep he was thinking of things he could do to make her feel better … and all kind of things he could do to Kira to make him feel worse.
Kira looked at Lacus, who hadn't left his side for all day. He wouldn't know how he would feel if Lacus wouldn't forgive him. She always forgave him. She was always so patient with him, although he doubted he deserved any of it.
"Lacus… i'm sorry… I know that having bad memories is not a reason to start yelling at people for no reason, but i…i… sorry." He bowed down his head, staring at floor. He felt Lacus place her hand on his cheek and looked up. Lacus was looking at him with her blue eyes, a small smile on her face.
"Kira, its not me who you should apologize to, I already said that. So don't. " She leaned against him, placing her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeats. They seemed calm, looks like Kira had calmed down finally.
She looked up at him, and saw him look back at her with his purple eyes. They were so kind. She could hardly believe that owner of these eyes said those terrible things yesterday. "Kira…"
She slowly moved her head closer to his, still holding her hand on his cheek. She could feel heat rising in his cheeks. "Lacus, i…"
Lacus quickly silenced him by shaking her head, bringing her lips closer to his. She could feel his breath on her lips as she slowly was moving her lips towards his…
"KIRA !" a loud yell from downstairs made her stop, startling her.
"Sounds like Cagali is home…" Kira said while moving towards the door "And sounds like she is mad about something" Kira opened his room door and saw Cagali standing right outside his room.
"Hi, Cagali, how was your daUFHHH" he gasped and dropped on one knee, because Cagali had just punched him in the stomach. Lacus let out a small squeal and hurried over to Kira's side. Cagali looked really angry, justified by her actions.
"Kira, you idiot !" Cagali yelled while holding her fist in front of her brothers face. Kira just remained kneeling there, figuring its safer not to do anything. At least until he figures out what's with his sister. The answer came soon enough.
"You better have a good explanation about what you did, or else I swear – there is more where that came from"
It was clear to him that she was talking about his incident with Meyrin. She must have spoken with Athrun… I … I had this one coming.
Cagali took a step back and looked at her twin brother. "I went to Athrun's place this morning. He told me what happened at park, Kira. I'm disgusted with you."
Kira bowed his head. He also was disgusted with himself, more than Cagali could have ever been.
"Athrun hadn't slept all night. He stayed up by Meyrin's side all night. He told me she had cried half the night before finally falling asleep.
Kira felt like the most pathetic being on the planet. "Cagali, i.."
Cagali didn't listen to him. "That girl hadn't had a birthday celebration since her family died on Junius 7. Athrun went out of his way to make her feel happy that day. But you
… You have to turn that in the worst day of her life. Why , Kira , why !" Cagali yelled, her hands still in fists.
Her words struck Kira like a bullet trough his heart. He felt his eyes was were watering. "It..was..her..birthday ?" was all he could say, his voice trembling, still kneeling on one knee.
"Yes, you idiot ! Why else do you think Athrun would be taking her to a theme-park ? And you just had to…. "
Kira was shocked to the very core of his being. Like saying all those things wasn't bad enough…now he finds out… that it was her birthday… first she had in the past few years … and because of him, she had spent that day crying…
Tears started to fall down his face "I…I didn't know…i…i'm so sorry…i…"
Cagali wanted to punch that sobbing brat in front of her, but was stopped by a voice.
"Um… Cagali-sama ?" She looked at Lacus, whom she had totally forgotten about. "Could we talk a bit…please ? alone ?"
Cagali shot an evil glare at her crying brother, then slowly nodded to Lacus. The proceeded to Lacus room, leaving the sobbing Kira behind.
"So" Cagali positioned herself against the wall near the door "what was it you wanted to talk about ?" She was obviously still very angry.
"Um … its about Kira…"
After hearing Lacus story about Kira's memories, Cagali fell silent for a while and thought about what she just learned.
"This is not new… he had always struggled with his memories." Lacus nodded
"yes, but this time its different… its completely un-Kira like to act the way he does recently at times. "
"True" Cagali nodded "But being in a bad mood is no reason to say such things and act like and idiot."
Lacus sighed "I'm worried, Cagali… about him… what if something bad happens to him…"
Cagali laughed a little "From the way things go it looks like its others who have bad things happening to them. Nothing bad will happen to him… unless he meets Athrun"
She smiled at her joke, realizing that it was no joke – if Kira would meet Athrun now, a 'bad thing happening ' to Kira would probably be an understatement.
"Its not his physical condition that worries me… i…"
Cagali looked at Lacus and grinned "You love him a lot, don't you ?"
Lacus bowed her head "I'm worried about that too… I don't even know if he loves me"
Cagali sighed and stood away from the wall she had been leaning against. "Look, Lacus. I don't have that much time to talk now. I have to make preparations for tomorrows ball" she smiled at that thought. Tomorrow… "I wont be home tomorrow during the day, so I better have everything prepared by now. Thanks for telling about my little bro. I promise I wont hit him … for now".
With that she left the room, leaving Lacus alone, dwelling in her thoughts.
Athrun looked at the clock – it was late already. I should get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. He had stopped worrying about Meyrin a little – after she slept for a few hours, she seemed to have calmed down. She even ate a little and even wanted to start cleaning. Which he didn't allow her to do of course.
He turned out the lights in his bedroom and got in to bed. He heard a knock on the door. "Yes, Meyrin ? come in" Meyrin slowly opened the door and stepped inside the room. She looked a bit better than she did in the morning. She went over to Athrun's side and sat on the bed.
"Athrun…i… can I stay here tonight ?" The question caught Athrun by surprise. Before he could say anything, she continued. "Please… Athrun…i'm not asking for anything…just… let me stay by your side tonight…i…I don't want to feel alone… please"
After a brief moment of silence Athrun regained his speaking capabilities. "Um… sure… if …if you want to "
"Meyrin laid down on his bead beside him and whispered "thank you, before closing her eyes and falling asleep". Thank you for letting me be by your side… though this is probably the last time I see you… Athrun…"
Athrun slowly opened his eyes. It was morning already. He turned his head to the left. Meyrin wasn't there. She must have gone to get breakfast or something Athrun thought, while getting up. He got dressed and went down to the kitchen. "Meyrin ?" There was no answer.
He noticed a small letter on the table. He picked it up and opened it. There were some lines written by Meyrin.
Athrun, thank you…for everything. I have only brought trouble to you, yet you always have been so kind to me, though I never deserved it. I never told you this, but …I love you. I love you more than anything, but I understand that you can't love me… I never told you, because I was afraid of your answer… i'm sorry I have been a burden to you… but I can't stay with you… I will only get in the way. That's why i'm leaving… i'm sorry for not telling you in person, but I was afraid to…
I'm sorry. Thank you for everything. Thank you for allowing me to stay by your side. I was happy I was able to.
Goodbye, Athrun
Near the letter was a small key with a red band – his spare house key he had given to Meyrin.
Athrun clinched the letter in his hand, feeling emptiness and regrets inside him
Meyrin…
It was 4pm , he still had time before the ball. Yet he already had arrived at Cagali's place. He thought he could help with the preparations. He wanted to do something, because just lying around idly made him think about Meyrin and her letter, which he had placed inside his jacket's pocket.
He entered the mansion, heading upstairs to the fifth floor – where the ball room was located. He ignored all the greetings from servants, he just continued to walk, blank expression on his face. He bumped in to something, hearing a soft "ouch".
He lifted his eyes to see who it was he had bumped in to. "oh…sorry, Lacus…i…I wasn't looking where i'm going… are you alright ?
The pink haired princess smiled at him "Hello, Athrun. Of course i'm ok, i'm not that fragile" Athrun smiled back at her comment. Actually, she did look that fragile. Just like Meyrin. … the thought of that made Athrun sigh heavily.
Lacus looked at him with observing eyes, and said in a few moments. "Athrun, I want to talk to you."
"Huh ?" Athrun was surprised.
"Could you please come to my room in a few minutes ?"
Athrun nodded, then turned around to go to the bathroom. After that he proceeded to Lacus room. Then he saw him. Kira stopped in his tracks as he saw the blue haired coordinator coming down the hall. Just like Athrun he stopped and observed in surprise.
Finally Kira took a step closer and spoke up "Athrun…I .."
He stopped as Athrun glared at him with a gaze that clearly stated that its better to keep distance.
Seeing Kira was the last thing Athrun wanted now… and somehow he felt that Meyrin wouldn't have left it wouldn't have been for the park incident. Athrun felt anger building inside him again. Because of him, Meyrin had left… and he had no idea to where.
"Stay away from me Kira." Athrun was grinding his teeth in anger "Stay away from me…"
"Athrun…I just… wanted to say i'm …"
"Sorry ? Oh, your sorry now ?" Athrun ran over to Kira and seized the brunette by his collar "Because of you, Meyrin had her only birthday celebration for the last years ruined. Because of you she spent whole night Crying. Because of your words she left !"
Athrun swung Kira aside against the wall, making him collide against it quite hard. After that he walked away, trying to suppress the urge to smash Kira's head against said wall, and proceeded towards Lacus room.
Kira didn't notice the pain at all. He was too shocked from Athrun's words. She … left ?She left … because of what I said ? he dropped on his knees But… she has no place to go… she…because of my words ? Tears started to fall from Kira's eyes. Athrun…i'm so sorry...
The ball was well under way. Cagali was dancing with Athrun and was apparently having a good time. So was Athrun, despite his hatred for dancing. He tried to avoid Kira at all costs. It helped a good deal that Kira seemed to be doing the same effort.
Yet for some reason Cagali looked a bit sad… as was Athrun. But this went unnoticed by most, only Lacus saw that.
After another dance Athrun led Cagali of the dance floor to the chairs situated by the walls of the ball room., since she looked a bit tired. Cagali sat down and let out a deep sigh. Athrun smiled at her and looked around the ball room.
He didn't expect for so many people to be here. Apparently all the royal families of ORB were invited, and rumors of their engagement have spread, and often he could hear someone mentioning his name, or looking their way. This made him feel uncomfortable.
He caught a glimpse of Cagali – for some reason she was strangely quiet this evening. She even seemed sad. This worried Athrun.
"Cagali, are you ok ?"
"Mhm …?" Cagali lifted her eyes and looked at Athrun. She was wearing the same green dress that Athrun found so attractive the other day. "Oh… it's nothing, Athrun."
Athrun raised an eyebrow "really ?"
Cagali sighed, then turned her head away "Say, Athrun… I" she was interrupted by a loud noise of breaking glass. Eyes of every person in the hall turned towards the source of the noise. It appeared that one of guests had pushed over one of the trays near the door, which was holding ten glasses of wine.
The unlucky guest tried to get out of sight as fast as possible, red all over his face. Athrun chuckled at that. Speaking of red… his eyes widened when he saw a red haired girl standing near the entrance of the room, just a bit outside.
Athrun blinked his eyes in order to make sure he was not seeing things. M…Meyrin ? She was standing there, wearing the black dress, hugging the red heart shaped pillow to her chest. She looked like she had been crying recently again. Athrun's hand clutched the letter inside his pocket, feeling a whirlpool of emotions awakening in his usually calm heart. Meyrin…
Noticing that Athrun was looking this way Meyrin quickly retreated from the door. After few seconds of hesitation she turned around and ran away from the door. She ran trough the empty hallway, without looking where she was going, almost knocking over some man along the way. She didn't stop to apologize, she just kept running.
Kira almost fell over when some red haired girl almost bumped in to him as she ran forward the hallway. Kira stopped and blinked. Red haired girl… could it be…Meyrin ?Why is she here…maybe I should go apologize…maybe
image of another red haired girl crossed his mind. Kira felt he started to sweat. The images got stronger, clearer… Please… not now…not now… he kneeled down, his hands clutching his hair No…not now…please…
Meyrin opened the door that was in front of her and stepped trough it. First thing she felt was water dropping on her. Water ? She looked around. She was on the balcony of Cagali's mansion, and it was raining outside.
Her hair and clothes were starting to get wet, but it didn't matter. She liked to feel the cold water touching her skin for some weird reason. Why did I come here? That was the question that was plaguing her mind ever since she crossed the doorstep of Attha mansion.
Although she knew the answer. She came to see him. Not meet him, simply to look at him, just like she always had. But why ? She knew it would hurt her to see him now. Now that he was gone forever, now that she wont be able to see him anymore.
Why did she some ? Why did she come if she knew that it will hurt ? Because I love him flickered trough her mind. Meyrin shook her head. She was supposed to be over him… she told herself this morning when she left she would not cry over him.
The outcome was she was crying almost all day. She thought she could lock away that part of her heart that longed for Athrun. But she couldn't. Because that would require her to pull out her entire heart.
Stop it, Meyrin… you promised yourself that you would get on with your life… She thought it would be easy…it wasn't. It hurt more than she could handle. Life… what life… what meaning does my life have now ?
She moved towards the edge and rested herself against the railing, and sighed heavily. She didn't know what to do with her life without Athrun. It all felt so … empty without him around.
She realized just how content she was by simply living in the same house as him… being able to meet him few times a day… sometimes even talk to him. But I was merely a burden to him… I …I just got him in to trouble… I was so selfish…
Tears started to fall down her beautiful face, which was now filled with sorrow. Now Athrun was gone , and all that was left was feeling of void and pain in her heart. A feeling of loneliness , emptiness.
Only thing that has held importance in her life had disappeared. Disappear…. She looked down in the darkness below her. I wonder how it would feel… to disappear…in to that darkness. She shook her head, wanting to slap herself.
Stop it, Meyrin, don't even think about it, don't be so foolish. But the only other thing she could think about was Athrun. And that again led to the same point. This time…the thought of it didn't seem so foolish.
Would it hurt… maybe… but it wont hurt more than my heart hurts already. And if that would stop that pain… maybe it would be worth it… Its not like I have anywhere to go…I don't have friends… I don't have anyone that would await me coming home… I have no reason to be here at all.
To live my life on… for what ? For the purpose of existence ? is there any point ?Visions of her past crossed her mind… The day when Junius 7 was destroyed…. The days she spent on Minerva … the day she betrayed ZAFT to help Athrun… her sister…
All that was gone now. Her only relative was her sister, with whom she didn't even have a good relationship. There truly is no reason for me to exist, is there…All her memories of past flooded her mind… it was painful. She started to feel she is losing consciousness, as she started to lean over the railing…
Maybe… maybe all this pain will stop…Athrun…goodbye… I still love you…please…forgive me for that… The image of the blue haired boy was the last thing that crossed her mind before she lost consciousness and started to slip over the railing, in to the darkness below…
A/N
Weee, a cliffie, how we all love those . So, Kira's being plagued with ghosts of the past ( what else is new ), but is it that simple ? What was the thing Lacus wanted to talk about with Athrun ? Why was Cagali upset ? And most importantly, what happens to poor Meyrin ?
If you can still bear with my horrible writing and haven't fallen asleep while reading this (which I hope you haven't done ), then await the next chapter :D I think it will be up in 2 days. Please, R&R, I really appreciate the coments.