Disclaimer: I don´t own Grey´s Anatomy or any character mentioned in my story. Well there are only Addison and Derek, since this is my main ship on the show. But, unfortunately I don´t own them either...not yet that is. You have to know that Laura and I are carefully planning Operation McMarried and we won´t stop till we´ll have accomplished our mission.You wanna know what operation it is? Read and review and I´ll fill you in.
Author´s Note: Thanks and kisses to my beloved beta phelipa who is so fast that I´d like to bow in front of her and kiss her feet sometimes. ;)
You are great,girl!
This story is about Addison,though Addek is mentioned, and how she´s feeling about her marriage and Derek. It´s definitely pre-prom and not fluffy...yet. Well I´m not too good at summaries,so go on, read my story and please review.
Hope +
It was a beautiful morning. Still a little cold due to the early hour, but clear and the air smelled fresh. It smelled like freedom must smell in its purest form.
She enjoyed these mornings. They seemed to wash away every bit of sorrow, pain and doubt. At least for a little while. These feelings seemed to occupy her mind every other waking hour since she'd first stepped into Seattle Grace.
She breathed in; letting her lungs fill with fresh air and the hope that its strength would be able to wash out her insecurities.
She breathed out and had to realize that once again her hope was crushed as she felt the numbness fail to overtake her body.
Derek. Derek and Meredith. Derek loves Meredith. Does Derek still love me? He never says he does.
But she fought. She pushed the thoughts back into the depths of her mind. She pushed them far away, where they would not get the chance to torture her in this very special moment. Her moment. Her freedom.
Instead she was reminiscing. Bringing back past memories and moments like the one now. Happy moments for her, for Derek, for both of them.
Like when they had been spending their honeymoon in Rome, the eternal city. He was declaring his eternal love for her and that he would never leave her if he could help it.
You liar.
You stupid little boy.
She was trying so hard; like all these past mornings when the sun had barely risen above her head, to dismiss all the negative thoughts that would most likely take over her mind soon.
But she failed.
And like all the mornings before, she had to witness her walls crumble and her inner turmoil taking over her facade of pretend and hide.
And just then in the minutes of a beautiful sun rise, she started crying. She was crying silently, spilling tear after tear.
8+
After a few minutes her agitated breath became steady again, the stream of tears had nearly dried on her red cheeks and Addison had regained the strength to return to the trailer and face her life once again… or what was left of it, without the day old make up covering up the cracks.
She was sure that what she had was not all that there was to life. She was sure that someday she would find happiness again. She just wasn't sure how to get there and whether involved her husband or not. If he wasn't part of the plan, she wasn't sure if she wanted it or even wanted to know that there was something better. But she was hoping that if she needed to move on, to live a life without Derek, that she'd eventually find the strength to do so.
8+
Addison was slowly and calmly walking towards the trailer, trying her best to hide her tear stained face and her red eyes. They would both give away how miserable she was, emotionally.
She was Addison Montgomery Shepherd, Americas best neonatal surgeon and she was definitely not going to show weakness. She simply didn't have any. At least that's how its supposed to be, isn't it?
She turned the door knob and stepped inside. Her eyes searching for Derek but he wasn't there.
Where did he go? Early surgery? He didn't tell me, did he?
No, he didn't. But it's not as if we'd talked that much lately anyway.
There was a mixture of emotions forming in the pit of her stomach. Relief that he didn't see her appearance for fear he'd ask questions. There was also disappointment because he was again not here to see her, to really look at her and see the broken version of who she'd once been. Maybe if he saw that, just maybe he'd ask all the questions whose answers could help her recover, help her heal her broken self.
Her eyes were wandering aimlessly around the trailer when her attention was drawn to a card sitting on the kitchen table.
Slowly she picked it up and read it.
Hey A,
Sorry I missed you this morning but I had to take of
some things for tonight and of course, I couldn't tell you about it.
Please bring comfortable shoes, no heels to make myself clear.
No further information though.
Happy anniversary!
D
And with only these words she knew that even if she had to, she would not find the strength to walk away and move on anytime soon.
She would cling to the tiniest thread as long as it would hold her weight and she would stay right here. In the middle of nowhere, where she knew she belonged.
And if the world and all its pain brought her down again, she'd just sit down and watch the sun rise and cry. Let the tears try to wash away her sorrows and fill the new found spaces with hope. Hope that at the end she'd be happy. Happy with him.
8+
A/N: Again? I must annoy you,huh? So do you wanna find out what he´s planned for her? Press that lovely little blue button and review. Go make me happy and I´ll let you know.