TOPIC: Chocolate, steel, and a blanket.
Winry: Roy, truth or dare?
Roy: Dare.
Winry: Remember when Scar gave Ed that chocolate...?
Roy: (thinks, then shudders) Eh, yeah.. Why?
Winry: I dare you to lock yourself in a triple-reinforced steel room for an hour with Ed on chocolate!
Roy: Yeah, I can do that, I think..
Ed: NO WAY! I'M NOT GONNA BE LOCKED IN A STEEL ROOM WITH HIM OF ALL PEOPLE!
Winry: Too bad! (hits him with a wrench, he goes unconscious) Okay Roy, your clock starts when he eats this chocolate. (hands him 5 bars of chocolate) Now, the room has a camera and a microphone, so we'll be able to see everything and communicate with you, incase things get ugly..
Roy: Incase things get ugly...? I don't like the sounds of that..
Winry: Oh well! (throws Ed in the room, then drags Roy to it and throws him in. Slams the door shut and locks it with three keys, two padlocks, and 5 deadbolts) Yeah, he ain't goin anywhere. (walks over to the table with a TV screen and microphone on it)
Hawkeye: So, how ugly do you think it'll get..?
Winry: This is Ed we're talking about. That pretty much says it all..
(on the screen Ed wakes up)
Ed: (looks around, sees Roy, then spots the camera) Hey! What's the big idea!
Winry: (into the microphone) Don't worry, it's just for an hour! Besides, you probably won't notice since you'll be hyped up on sugar!
Ed: Says who?
Roy: (sighs) Here.. (holds up the five bars of chocolate)
Ed: GIMME! (snatches them outta his hand, downs them all in one gulp, wrappers included)
Roy: I don't think you were supposed to eat the wrappers...
Winry: And your time starts now! (hits a button on a nearby digital clock, it starts counting up from 0)
Roy: This'll be a piece of cake, right Ed?
Ed: (eye twitches, starts twitching)
Roy: Uh.. Ed? You okay..?
Ed: (pops up inches from Roy's face) OKAY? I'M BETTER THAN OKAY! I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS! (starts jumping around wildly)
Roy: (backs away into a corner)
Ed: I KNOW! LET'S PLAY A GAME!
Roy: ..What kinda game..?
Ed: TAG! YOU'RE IT! (smacks Roy hard upside the head then runs around the room in circles)
Roy: Grr.. ED! (chases him)
(on the screen, it shows Roy chasing Ed around the room in circles)
Hawkeye: (laughs) Now THIS is entertainment!
Ed: Neh neh, You'll never catch me! (claps his hands, transmutes the wall into a cage that wraps around Roy)
Roy: ED! LET ME OUTTA HERE! (trying to pry the bars apart)
Ed: HOW ABOUT NO, COLONEL PRICK!
Roy: ED, IF YOU DON'T LET ME OUTTA HERE, I'LL FRY YOU TO A CRISP, SO HELP ME GOD! (getting ready to snap his fingers at Ed)
Ed: I'LL DO IT LATER MOMMY! (Transmutes a pogo stick from the floor, starts bouncing on it) BOUNCY BOUNCY BOUNCY!
Roy: (melts the bars apart, goes over to Ed and strangles him) YOU LITTLE BASTARD!
Ed: (appears behind Roy, the 'Ed' being strangled by Roy is one of his transmuted dopplegangers) HI, SERGEANT SNICKERS! (transmutes a rubber mallet from the floor and hits Roy on the head with it)
Winry: (laughing her ass off) Yeah, this is hilarious! (the clock shows 10 minutes have passed)
Roy: (takes the mallet away from Ed) THAT'S IT! I'M GONNA SQUASH YOU LIKE A BUG! I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU TWO SINCE YOU'RE THE SAME HEIGHT!
Ed: (eye twitches) WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP SO SHORT HE NEEDS TO WEAR TWO-FOOT-THICK PLATFORM SHOES TO RIDE THE ROLLER COASTER AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK!
Roy: YOU, SHORTY! (burns the mallet)
Ed: WELL YOU'RE A DUMBASS LOSER WHO CAN'T EVEN BEAT A 15 YEAR OLD SHRIMP!
Roy: WHY DON'T YOU GET ON A STEP LADDER AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE!
Ed: GAH! THAT'S IT! (gets ready to punch him)
Roy: (puts a hand a good foot or two above Ed's head) Sorry sir, you must be at least this tall to fight me!
Ed: (tackles Roy and starts biting his arm)
Roy: AHH! GET 'IM OFF! GET 'IM OFF! (kicks him off, a quarter falls outta Roy's pocket)
Ed: Ooooh, shiny! (pounces on the quarter, starts playing with it)
Roy: (catching his breath) Well, you've got the attention span of a fly..
Ed: (stops playing with the quarter, transmutes it into a blanket, ties it around his neck) LOOK! I'M SUPER ALCHEMIST! WHOOSH! (runs around with his arms outstretched)
Roy: (sweatdrop) He reminds me how much I don't want kids...
Ed: (unties the blanket, lays down and covers his legs with it with enough room next to him for another person. has a lustful look in his eyes) Roy darling, why don't you come back to bed with me..?
Roy: (goes wide-eyed, runs to the door and starts pounding on it) LET ME OUTTA HERE!
Hawkeye: (laughing) Winry, your boyfriend's coming on to mine!
Winry: (giggles) Yeah, but it's too bad your boyfriend doesn't swing that way!
Roy: QUIT LAUGHING ABOUT IT AND GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
Winry: Nah, you still got 30 minutes left and uh, it looks like your 'lover' wants you back!
(Roy looks over at Ed, Ed starts crying)
Ed: Why (sob) don't (sob) you (sob) like me? (crying) I thought we were lovers!
Roy: ...have you gone COMPLETELY INSANE? (walks over to Ed, picks him up by the shirt collar, smacks him) WE (smack) ARE (smack) NOT (smack) LOVERS! (smack smack)
Ed: WHO ARE YOU? I DON'T KNOW YOU! THAT'S MY POT PIE!
Roy: (stares at him) Wha..?
Ed: (bites Roy's hand, he drops him. starts ribbiting and hopping around like a frog)
Roy: (Blinks) Well, it's better than coming on to me..
Ed: OMIGOD ROY!
Roy: What now?
Ed: It's a fashion emergency! (transmutes the floor into a chair, grabs Roy and makes him sit down in it)
Roy: What the-!
Ed: This will not do! (straps him into the chair)
Sheska: What do you think he's gonna do?
Winry: Dunno, but I bet it'll be funny.
Ed: (pulls something out of his pocket) You need a makeover! (starts putting makeup on Roy)
Roy: GAH! IT BUUUUURNS! (blinks) Wait... Why are you carrying around makeup in your pocket?
Ed: You don't wanna know.. Now sit still!
(a few minutes later)
Ed: ..And voila! I give you, Rachel Mustang! (turns the chair around to face the camera. they gasp. Roy looks like a girl wearing a dress with no hint of him being a man)
Winry: Haha! You're dating a girl, Riza!
Hawkeye: He looks just like one!
Al: ...I'm kinda disturbed that Ed knows how to do that so well..
Roy: I'M GONNA KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUTTA HERE! (rips his arms out of the straps, then his legs)
Ed: RUN! IT'S GODZILLA! (points to Roy)
Roy: (Eye twitches) How much longer do I got in here?
Winry: (looks at the clock) about 5 minutes, Rachel.
Roy: Don't call me that! (wipes the makeup off and tears off the dress)
Ed: VROOM VROOM! (runs around acting like he's driving a car)
Roy: Hey Ed, how hard do you think you can hit the wall?
Ed: LET'S FIND OUT! (runs from one side of the room to the next, hitting the wall as hard as he can. he's knocked unconscious)
Roy: (sigh of relief) Finally...
Winry: Okay, time's up! (unlocks the door, Roy runs out of there fast as lightning)
Hawkeye: Are you okay, Roy?
Roy: (eye twitches, insane grin) Knick knack paddy-whack, give the dog a bone... (falls over)