AN: Lol, still reading this huh? Taste of Chaos Tour 2006 YEAHHH! Bold writing equals narrative by a character alright?

Apartment complex… Shinji paused outside Misato's door.

"Hey Misato, it's almost eight o' clock…" Misato was hidden underneath her blanket "I just got back from night shift so let me sleep more…" "Oh, okay" "So how's school?" Shinji paused "Um, It's Ok." "Ok, see-ya."

/Phone ringing/

Misato fumbles around for the phone. "Hi, who is this?"

"It's me"

"Oh, Hi Ritsuko. I'm tired, let me sleep…"

/sigh/ "I was going to ask about Shinji's well-being"

"He's fine, he doesn't get calls though"

"Calls?"

"Well, since I figured he'd be needing one, I gave him a cellular phone. I don't think he's ever used it though, or received any calls. I'm not sure but, I don't think he has any friends." "Well, I would guess that Shinji isn't exactly the sort of person who makes friends easily. Do you know the fable the "Hedgehogs' dilemma"?" "Hedgehog? You mean those animals with the spiny hair?" "Even though a hedgehog may want to become close with another hedgehog, the closer they get, the more they injure each other with their spines. It's the same with some humans. The reason he seems so withdrawn, is because he's afraid of being hurt."

School…

/Classmates are talking and playing in the classroom./

A brown haired girl walked toward a boy in class with an authorative air "Aida, have you given Suzahara those printouts?"

Kensuke faltered "Uh, nobody was there…" He shoves said papers in his desk.

The class rep looked at him skeptically "Aren't you on good terms with him?"

"Well yeah but I didn't want to intrude… he might be hurt"

"In that incident? The news said nobody was hurt."

They heard the swish of the door open.

Touji scanned the room for a moment. "There's barely anyone here"

Kensuke pushed up his glasses "Where were you all this time?"

He paused before replying, staring out the window "At the hospital… my sister got crushed under some rubble. Goddamnit that pilot was so stupid!"

Shinji winced when he heard that comment. More or less he wouldn't think much of such comments but these dreams he's been having lately were making him more depressed than usual. He hated pain, almost more than being alone. He hated killing that man, he hated the ache in his heart. Now he has hurt someone else. (It's so hard… living with this pain… ) Shinji lay his head down on the desk and fell asleep.

-Dream- "I was dreaming… Sakae. Everything is so painful. Especially my heart. I am alone now. As I went home every day, I keep wondering why I continue to live…" /giggling/ "Hmm?" "Your so serious Shinji, you'll grow old thinking those thoughts." She turned towards him. "Being alone isn't that bad, and because I was alone, I was able to meet you. Good things will happen. "

-End Dream-

"Rise. Bow. Sit"

Shinji awoke and let out a yawn. What he received were surprised looks from students and a glare from a certain class rep. He had on a clueless look "What happened?"

The class laughed but Hikari quickly silenced them. She then strode quickly over to Shinji. "You were supposed to stand up, bow to the sensei and sit back down."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Ah, sorry I'm new. Just transferred here not too long ago…" Shinji stood up, bowed and sat back down.

(He seems nice enough) "That is fine, but as the class representative I expect you to follow class rules from now on"

"Yes class rep"

As the class settled back down rumors began to spread about the new kid. (I hear he is the pilot of that robot) (Really? I wish I could be like him, it's so cool!) (Let's ask him)

Shinji heard a beeping on his computer. It wouldn't turn off by itself so he opened his laptop to find a message. 'You're the pilot of that robot? Y/N' He decided the last thing he wanted was attention so he typed 'no'. There was a collective disappointing sigh in the class, however Touji still had his doubts.

School grounds…

The lunch bell had rang, signaling that the day was halfway through. As Shinji found a quiet spot to eat his lunch two boys approached him. One of them spoke "Hey, you're the pilot of that robot aren't you?"

Shinji didn't look up "No, I'm not"

"LIAR!"

Touji threw a hard punch at Shinji's cheek, causing him to fall over and drop his bento.

Kensuke turned away "His sister got hurt in that incident, that's his reason anyways"

As they walked away Shinji mumbled something. "I…I didn't pilot it by choice…"

Touji turned around and walked quickly towards Shinji, punching him again. Shinji slowly opened his eyes to see Rei. Her arm and eye had bandages over them. (Why didn't I notice her before?) "There is an emergency, I will report first"

NERV…

"Shinji, remember the plan? Lower the angel's AT field and fire the rifle"

"Right"

Shinji's EVA turned around the building and began firing rounds into the angel.

"You idiot, you created a smoke screen!"

Suddenly the angel's feelers cut his rifle and umbilical cord. 'EVA has switched to internal battery power.'

Meanwhile Kensuke and Touji observe the fight from a mountain shrine. "Shit, he's losing already" Kensuke focuses his camera. "Not a problem…being beat up must've messed him up badly huh?"

Touji turned away "Just shut up… Oh shit that robot is heading this way!"

Said robot was indeed falling towards them. It then impacted the mountain with a loud crash. Suddenly the angel attacked with it's feelers, Shinji however managed to grab them.

Misato's voice was suddenly heard on the speakers "Shinji, leave the current commands on. Let them into the cockpit, retreat then we will start again"

As they stepped they were at the very least surprised. "What? Is this water?"

"My camera! My camera!" Kensuke said in a girly high pitched voice.

Shinji commanded his EVA to throw the angel. "Okay Shinji, retreat to the designated point on the map"

Touji leaned forward "Hey new kid, she said retreat."

Shinji had his head down, mumbling something over and over like a spell. 'I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away' When the internal lighting turned red he let out a scream and charged down with his knife. Misato shook her head (What an idiot).

The angel pierced his EVA's torso, despite the pain however Shinji stabbed the core. The angel's feelers continued to burn him internally until the core broke. He keeled over as the power shut down, coughing up some blood.

Touji and Kensuke had their backs pressed up against the wall, full of surprise and fear. Touji decided to speak "Hey, new kid… are you okay?"

Shinji slowly looked back up. "I-I'm fine…I'm used to pain…" He broke down sobbing.

NERV holding cell…

Misato enters the cell, the door making a rusty squeak. "Shinji, why did disobey my orders?

Shinji stares at the floor "I'm sorry"

"You know I'm in charge of your operations?"

"Yes"

"You know you are supposed to obey my orders?"

"Yes"

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes"

"You know, it may seem easy going along with whatever anyone else wants, but if you get into an Eva with that attitude it'll kill you!" "You know, I just don't care anymore." "It'd be nice if I could say you've got the right attitude, but if you think you're gonna' get any praise out of me, your wrong Shinji." Shinji looked at Misato with emotionless eyes "That's not the point. There is a far more important reason I am doing this" -Flashback- Shinji is laying on his bed, listening to his SDAT. There is a knock on his door. "Shinji there is a letter to you. It's from your father." Shinji got up quickly and opened his door, taking the letter quickly from his guardian's hands. He shut the door and opened the letter. His eyes widened at what it read. I have a use for you. Arrive at Tokyo 3 at the specified time. If you do as you are told, you can see her again. -End Flashback- Shinji looked at the floor again "Anyway I'm the only one who can pilot it. I'll just have to do."

School…

The rain was still coming down, pattering against the windows and blurring the lights of the cars in the street outside. It wasn't the kind of rain you could go out in—it was the other kind, the kind that threw itself down from the sky and splashed where it landed.

Kensuke was busily typing on his computer while Touji stared into space, thinking about the new kid. "It's been three days"

Kensuke continued typing "Since we were chewed out?"

"No, since he stopped coming to school"

The typing stopped "Who?"

Touji stared out the window "The new kid of course"

"You worried about him?"

"…"

Apartment…

Misato woke up to the familiar sound of rain tapping the window. (Usually Shinji wakes me) She stopped at his door, thinking about what to say. "Shinji, how long do you plan on skipping school"

Misato opened his door slowly, not too sure about his current mentality. She looked at the floor and saw the small red box from before, now on it's side. Misato however wasn't prepared for the sight in the left corner. Shinji held a pistol to his head while holding a picture in front of him. He held a small smile and blank emotionless eyes, seemingly void of any life. "Don't worry, I'm coming for you. Then we can be together again…"

"No! Shinji!" Misato tackled Shinji. A gunshot echoed in the apartment.

Shinji opened his eyes slowly. The first thing he noticed was his head hurt. Everything was blurry, sounds were distorted as if he were in a tunnel. (I can't move, am I dead?)

"He tried to kill himself"

"What? Is he okay?"

"Yeah, but I had to knock him out and tie him up. Quite honestly I'm not surprised. We are so hard on these children."

"But we need pilots"

"Oh, he's awake. Talk to you later Ritsuko"

Misato put down the phone and walked over to Shinji. "I have some questions for you Shinji, we're friends here okay?"

"Why did you try to kill yourself Shinji?"

Shinji looked at the floor. (Damn, I'm so weak. I hate myself…)

"Shinji?"

He looked up at her, paused for a few minutes and finally spoke "…This pain… it eats at me everyday… you don't know what it's like… to lose someone… you love"

Misato stared at Shinji, not knowing what to do in these situations. She fell back on her Director of Operations training. "So, you still mourn your mother"

Shinji stared at his shoes. "Of course I do, but that's not what hurts most…"

Misato went into his room and picked up the red box with the picture and the pistol. She then set them on the table and examined the gun. (An old model, but can still kill) Misato turns and faces Shinji, holding the gun. "Why do you have this?"

He continued to stare at his shoes. "That…that is a reminder… of the man I killed"

She faltered and sat down on a chair. Her head was buried in her hands, a million thoughts going through her head. (I don't know anything about him, some guardian I am…) Misato decided to drop the subject and turned her attention towards the picture. "Care to tell me who is in this picture?"

Shinji slowly looked up with distant eyes. "Sakae… she…she was my first love…"

"Hmm? When did you meet her?"

"At my old school, when I was 6. She was the first friend I've ever had..."

He smiled sadly, recalling past memories "We used to do just about everything together. Practically inseparable. I felt like we would live forever."

-Flashback-

Shinji hugged Sakae, embracing her tightly. "If there is anything, any way I can help…"

Sakae looked up at him "I'll give you a call"

"I always thought girls were supposed to call boys"

/Dialing, Ring tone/ 'Ah… Sakae?' /gruff voice/ 'There's no girl by that name here' /Dial tone/sigh/

Teacher's house…

"Shinji there's a call for you, it's a girl"

Coffee house…

Shinji sat by himself at a table, staring out the window. (Maybe she won't show up…) /Heavy breathing/ Sakae was trying to catch her breath "Hi Shinji, sorry I'm late. My parents are very protective of me"

Shinji looked at her skirt and blushed. He turned away "I um didn't think you'd show up"

Sakae grabbed his hands "Why wouldn't I?" She closed the distance between them and they shared a passionate kiss.

"As they say though, all good things must come to an end."

Shinji laughed half-heartedly "On the night, before she had to move away, I called her so we could be together one last time."

Shinji and Sakae froze, too shocked to do anything. A shot rang out, Shinji felt her hand go limp. He looked to his left and saw her fall on her back, her mouth opened in shock. Something snapped in Shinji. He never really acted on his anger, for fear of pain but this was too much. Shinji screamed and tackled the man, taking his gun and emptying the remaining shots into him. He was still pulling the trigger even when the gun was empty.

Shinji turned back and knelt down to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for any of thi-"

Sakae's hand slowly rose up and rested on his cheek. "I..It's not your fault... The only regret I have... is... I didn't say it sooner..." She grimaced in pain. "I-I love you...Shinji" Her eyes became dull, lifeless. Shinji knelt over her, sobbing quietly. "I love you too..." He let out a scream.

-End Flashback-

"My father left me, my mother disappeared and Sakae died… Misato… you're not going to disappear too, are you?"