Thanks to all my reviewers, you are all helping to keep me writing, I really appreciate it. About Kira being OOC last chapter – well, its obvious he was possessed by his inner demons again, i'm sure you have noticed he doesn't act too rational then :D
About me updating so fast – let's just say that i'm 'enjoying' all the 'benefits' of a broken leg, so I have truckloads of time to spend in front of my PC. (At least till my eyes start to hurt so ill have to take a day off from the PC screen :P )
GSluver – wow, that's a pretty good take on how Kira could see Meyrin and relate her to Fllay ( Ill have to snatch the idea if I write another AxM fic later ), but I have a different explanation this time. What it is – you will find out later :D (but it is kinda related to Fllay )
risingsundynasty – np, I like all kinds of opinions and was expecting some angry KxL and /AxC fans to visit :P (omg, no AxC fans yet X.X muahaha, my camouflage net must be working) Well, about me writing Kira's character that way – this is my story and here he hasn't gotten over his past and it haunts him to insanity :D About their love… from the series it's obvious that Lacus loves Kira a lot, but we see little to none affection from Kira himself.
Sure, there are many ways how that may change and this is one of them in only this fic, so no need to get upset about it :D And hey, don't feel bad about me destroying all the relationships – now that its done, ill have to stitch something together again :D Just don't get your hopes too high if you expect a happy end to all :D
So, here is chapter 6, hope you like it.
DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD
Cagali was standing near her brothers bed in the hospital's room. Her golden eyes were filled with concern and sadness, while she was stroking Kira's bandaged head. Kira… how could this happen to you… darn. But… you will be alright. I know you will.
The brown haired coordinator slowly opened his purple eyes, blinking a few times, and then closing them again because the light seemed to hurt his eyes. Cagali noticed that her brother was waking up and smiled happily. I hope he's alright.
"Kira. Kira! Can you hear me ?"
Kira slowly turned his head, hesitantly opening his eyes again. At first his vision was blurry, but it slowly sharpened again, enough for him to recognize the person standing beside him.
"C… Cagali ?" he quietly muttered.
Cagali nodded her head, obviously relieved that her brother seemed ok at the moment.
"Kira, how are you ? Are you ok ?"
Kira placed his hand on his aching forehead and looked around the room. For some odd reason this reminded him a lot of a hospital ward. And it felt like his head was bandaged. "Where… am I ? What happened ?" his expression was blank, obviously he hadn't still recovered completely.
"Kira, don't you remember what happened yesterday… at the ball ?" Cagali's voice was trembling a bit as she said those words. Image of bleeding Athrun with unconscious Meyrin on his hands came to her mind. I really think he has lost it. He tried to kill Meyrin..
Cagali shook her head, Remembering Athrun's words and the bloody knife Kira had held in is hand.
"What happened…?" Kira repeated watching his sister's worried face. Then his purple eyes widened and he froze, when with a sudden burst all his memories of the yesterday returned his head.
He suddenly sat up, breathing heavily, his hand clutching the hair on his head, startling Cagali in the process.
"Kira ! You shouldn't stand up ! You need to lay down, you…" She stopped as she saw tears starting to fall down Kira's face. Cagali was unsure what to do. She slowly placed her hand on Kira's shoulder and asked with unusually concerned and quiet voice.
"Kira… are you alright?" When the boy didn't answer she slowly shook his shoulder, carefully speaking up again. "Kira ?"
Kira slowly turned his tear filled eyes towards Cagali. His voice was filled with regret and disgust towards himself. "What…what have I done…" he was slightly shaking, his voice trembling, tears rolling down his cheeks.
Cagali knew that something like this was bound to happen. But still she couldn't take seeing her brother so torn up, so miserable, so emotionally shaken to the very core of his being.
"Kira…you…"
Kira shook his head, both his hands clinging his hair, it looked as if he would be trying to pull them out. "I…I stabbed Athrun… i… i…" A picture of Meyrin, resting in Athrun's hands came up in his mind… he remembered how he had dashed forward, trying to reach her with the knife before Athrun had placed himself in the way.
Kira let out a cry and bowed his head down while sobbing, making Cagali worried. "I…I tried…to attack Meyrin…i… she was unconscious… yet i… tried to attack her…i… I insulted her… I even tried to attack her…i…
Meyrin… she is the most innocent person I have known… even more than Lacus…She is unlimitedly kind… she… she always cares for others… yet i…I said all those things to her…I … I almost killed her !. This thought made Kira twitch in pain and guilt.
Why… why am I even alive ? Athrun…why…why didn't you just… "Maybe…maybe he was right after all…"
Cagali was obviously shocked after seeing Kira like this. She had never seen him so broken. She wanted to do something, but felt helpless…. "Who was right, Kira ?"
"Rau… " Cagali's eyes widened and a shadow of fear could be seen on her face.
"Rau?… Kira, what are you saying ? What are you… "
Kira turned away his head, remembering the words his old enemy was saying once. Could he have been right all along …?
"Maybe he was right… that a person like me shouldn't exist…" His hand clinched in to a fist, lightly shaking "Maybe…maybe Rey was right… that I should disappear together with him…
"Kira !" Cagali shouted out, grabbing her brother by his shoulders and forcing him to look at her. "Don't…don't say that! Rau… Rau wanted to end the world… you … you stopped him… you…So don't say such things. Don't…" Tears were starting to fall from her golden eyes, as she breathed heavily while looking at her brothers face.
But only a sad smile crossed Kira's face. "I didn't… it was Athrun who stopped Genesis from firing… he was ready to give up his life… while i…I was too busy with my vengeance to do that … I was too busy trying to kill Rau…"
"But ! But you killed Rau in the end… you did that, remember ? You… "
"Rau existed because of me … "
Cagali's eyes widened in shock. "What the hell are you saying Kira !"
Kira bowed his head down and turned it to a side. He didn't want to look in to Cagali's eyes. "My father… he wanted to create me… as the Ultimate Coordinator… but to do that he had to make Rau in the process… to get the funding for his research…"
"If…if I would have never existed… then there would be no Rau…if i…"
"Kira" Cagali shouted, while starting to shake Kira by the shoulders, tears streaming from her eyes, desperate look on her face. "Kira ! Stop ! Please stop ! Its not your fault…its not…"
"How is it not my fault ? Everything I said to Meyrin… I hurt Athrun, I …" He looked up at Cagali, who was still lightly shaking him by the shoulders. "Cagali…how… how is Athrun… is he ok ?"
Seeing that Kira at least wasn't thinking about depressing things made Cagali calm down a bit. She let go of Kira's shoulders and tried to stop sobbing, while wiping away her tears with a handkerchief. Actually she had no idea how Athrun was doing, but she was certain that he would be ok.
And Meyrin as well. This thought made her heart ache a bit. But Athrun was no longer with her. He had left, and she had told him to go. But it didn't hurt that much. If Athrun could let go of his past, so can she. She realized that she didn't need Athrun as much as she had thought.
But this was not the time to dwell upon those thoughts. She had to convince Kira that Athrun is ok, if she wanted him to calm down.
"Athrun … he's probably fine. He's strong you know. He has been trough worse." She winced at the thought – the day she met Athrun she had shot him. Twice.
Kira sighed and bowed down his head. But seemed like he had calmed down a bit. "And… what about Meyrin ?"
"Physically she is ok… you didn't do anything to her." Cagali turned her head away "Besides…she is…with Athrun, …so she will be all right"
Kira lied down on the bed, placing a hand over his eyes. So, his sister had broken up with Athrun. Athrun…i'm sorry…I … I actually attacked you…i… Athrun's words crossed his mind "Because of you, Meyrin had her only birthday celebration for the last years ruined. Because of you she spent whole night Crying. Because of your words she left !"
Athrun… you… you really do like her, don't you? I…I hope she wont push you away because of what I said…if she will, i…i…I will just kill myself…i…I cause only suffering to those around me…maybe…maybe it would be better if I wouldn't be here at all…
Cagali saw a look of depression on Kira's face, despite the fact that he was covering his eyes. "Kira, what ever it is you are thinking it is not your fault".
"Why?" the brown haired boy asked, removing his hand from his purple eyes and looking in to Cagali's golden ones. "Why is it not my fault ? It was I who did it. My past problems should be mine, but instead I keep hurting others."
"It's not your fault, because… because…" her hands clinched in to fists and started to shake.
Kira looked at his sister, suspicion. Why is she being so nice to me ? I tried to… kill…the thought of this made him want to die, his heart almost stopped at the thought what could have happened if Athrun wouldn't have reacted so fast …Meyrin…i…I stabbed Athrun…I yelled at Lacus… at her…
She punched me when she learned that I insulted Meyrin in the park… now I almost … killed her…I wounded Athrun…yet she is being so nice to me… why ?I… I deserve to be punched…i…I don't even deserve to live… then why …?
"Cagali…" Kira slowly spoke up, making Cagali focus on him again "Why are you doing this…saying it's not my fault… I deserve to die, not to be comforted"
"Kira ! stop saying that ! Its not"
"It is" Kira quickly interrupted her, for a second looking irritated, but that quickly passed when he saw the look in Cagali's face. Her face was filled with sadness. And concern. And it worried him for some reason.
"It is my fault… we both know it…so why ?... tell me, Cagali."
Cagali was left with surprise in her face, mixed with fear. She had to tell him. She knew that all along, but now that she had to, she felt like she couldn't. But she had to.
"Kira…it's … her eyes started to water
Flashback
"I'm afraid I have some bad news" the doctor announced when he approached Cagali and Lacus. Cagali shot a surprised glare at the doctor, while Lacus quickly jumped up from her chair, where she had sat for two hours without saying a word, and quickly ran closer, obviously worried.
"Bad news ?" Cagali raised an eyebrow "Don't tell me that the hit he got to his head is that serious. His skull is thicker than that."
"Cagali" Lacus shouted with reproachful voice, and the doctor looked at her with surprised look on his face.
"Sorry" Cagali muttered, lowering her head, trying to hide her slightly red cheeks. "So, what seems to be the problem?"
Doctor's face turned serious, and he said in a low voice. "During the testing we have uncovered that your brother has a cancerous growth in his brain."
"W…what ?" Cagali's golden eyes widened, she felt that her jaw could drop to the floor at any moment. Lacus brought up her hands and covered her mouth, not to let anyone hear her gasp.
"D…doctor, he… he's going to be alright, right ?" She nervously spoke up, with an expression of shock and worry on her face, while moving a bit closer to the doctor."
"We will operate, and please don't worry miss – these kind of operations have a 97.5 success rate."
Lacus sighed with relief and Cagali grinned – she didn't expect some little cancer to bring her bro down while two wars didn't.
Their relief, however, was darkened with the doctor's next words.
"However there is one thing that i'm worried about. Your brother's mental state. You have stated that your brother seems to be experiencing some sort of memory 'flashbacks', and often during or after those seems unable to be in control of his actions, which are expressed in an aggressive manner, correct ?"
"Eee… yes…I guess" Cagali slowly said, seeming utterly confused.
"And that seems to be the problem – while the cancer doesn't affect any regions of the brain that are required for the body to function normally, we believe that the cancer might be the cause to his mental problems."
"But… if you remove it, he will be back to normal, right ?Right ?" Lacus quickly spoke with trembling voice, her eyes watering up, hands lifted in a pleading manner.
"Unfortunately we can't guarantee that, miss. As it stands now, we are unable to detect how big is the damage caused by the cancer, and how its removal will affect it. However we are sure that there are two outcomes."
"First" he raised a finger "After the cancer is removed, all the problems connected with Mr. Yamato's behavior and memories will be gone."
"And second ?" Cagali angrily asked, almost grinding her teeth. How could the damn doctor remain so calm ? They were talking about a cancer in her brothers brain, and he was giving his speech so blankly that it sounded like a weather forecast.
"Second" The doctor announced, ignoring Cagali's tone and her glare "If his brain would be badly damaged already, the effect won't disappear, but will continue to get worse even after the cancer is removed. In other words, we are almost certain that the cancer's removal will be successful, but we have no idea if this will improve your brother's condition."
Cagali looked really worried now, Lacus looked like she would break down and cry any moment now.
"And… how good are our chances that his situation improves ?" Cagali asked, not knowing if she wants to know."
"We don't know that. We will only be able to determinate that in few days after the operation." Doctor took a look at his watch. "Mr. Yamato is still sleeping after the blow to his head, he should be waking up in few hours, you can visit him then."
"And…when is the…operation ?"
"In two days. Now if you will excuse me, I have other patients to tend to." With that he left, leaving stunned Cagali and shocked Lacus behind.
End of Flashback
"I… see" Kira slowly answered, with unreadable expression on his face. Then he placed his hand on Cagali's head, who was crying in his lap.
"Cagali, don't worry – I will be fine, don't cry."
Cagali lifted her head, trying to stop herself from crying and looked in Kira's purple eyes. "R… really ?"
Kira smiled at his sister. "Really. So don't worry about me, ok ? I'll be just fine"
Cagali nodded her had and brought out her handkerchief to wipe the tears away. "You better keep that promise"
Kira smiled a little more. That's more like the Cagali I know. There is no need to worry about me. I'll be just fine.
"Cagali, i'm a little tired and my head hurts – Athrun must have smacked me pretty hard… I would like to rest."
Cagali nodded and stood up. "I should get back to my house and get some sleep… I have a big meeting early in the morning." She stretched and shot a worried gaze at Kira. "You will be alright, wont you ?"
"Ill be fine, Cagali. Besides, i'm in a hospital"
Cagali hesitated a bit, but seeing Kira's peaceful expression she nodded and vacated the room, closing the door behind her. Lacus had already gone home one hour ago. She was surprised that Lacus didn't wait for Kira to wake up, but she said she wanted to get some rest, and since she did look tired, Cagali hadn't objected.
She looked over her shoulder to Kira's room. He said he will be alright… he's a coordinator after all. That thought calmed her down a bit and she started to climb down the stairs, to go home and get the little sleep that was left for her tonight.
Kira sighed heavily and leaned back on the bed, placing his hand on his head, closing his eyes. So much for being a coordinator… can a coordinator even get a cancer ? Foolish question. He was there lying with one.
So…two days. I have to stay here for two days till the operation So all these thoughts are bothering me because I have a cancer in my brain ? Ill have to thank Athrun for hitting me on the head, otherwise we would have never found out, before it would be too late.
Kira frowned at that thought. Too late ? I don't even know if its not too late already. After all the doctor said there can be two outcomes if the operation succeeds. He sighed and opened his eyes, looking up at the ceiling.
"I sure wish all those memories would stop bothering me…" he quietly muttered and yawned. His head still felt heavy. Ill have to remind myself never to anger Athrun again. Athrun… I'm not angry at you for breaking up with Cagali… we cant control how our heart feels…Athrun…I hope you and Meyrin will be happy…
I… I still want to apologize to her…to you…darn… The feeling of guilt hurt him more than the aching head. He wanted to apologize to both of them… but he had no idea what to say… or will Athrun ever forgive him… or Meyrin… or even talk to him for that matter.
Kira sighed and closed his eyes, feeling tired and feeling he would fall asleep any second now. He had a lot of time to think of things to say and how to apologize to his old friend.
Athrun moved slightly and winked in discontent. The sun shining trough Meyrin's room's window was really irritating. He slowly opened his eyes and glared at the window with irritation. And just why didn't I get curtains for this room in the first place, especially after Meyrin told me about the sun ?
Meyrin. That thought brought his attention away from the sun and curtains, and turned it to the girl sleeping beside him. Athrun smiled at the fact that at least this time she was still there. He carefully moved the arm he had been holding around her and sat up.
The injury on his hand started to hurt, but Athrun paid it no heed. He gently moved her hair away from her face and placed his hand on Meyrin's forehead. It seemed a tad warmer than it should be. Looks like she will have a slight fever after all.
Carefully, not to wake her, Athrun slowly got out of the bed and proceeded to the door. He slowly turned the handle and stepped outside, quietly closing the door behind him, after catching one final glance of Meyrin. He yawned, then started to walk downstairs, to prepare breakfast and find some medicine.
After finding the medicine he started to prepare the breakfast. He decided to cook some eggs and bacon. While cooking he thought about what happened yesterday. His talk with Lacus. Athrun only shook his head. How in the world she could see inside people was beyond him.
At first he was unsure how to feel about their talk, but now he was glad they did talk. Then his talk with Cagali. Cagali. Athrun twitched at that thought. What was his true feelings for her ? Cagali's for him ? He didn't know, but one thing he knew for both cases. Not as strong as I thought they are.
Perhaps Lacus was right – perhaps they were trying to cling to the past. Cagali seemed to understand… she even told me to go after Meyrin…
Athrun was surprised that that he didn't feel too sad about breaking up with Cagali again. And he was glad that she didn't seem too upset either. He was expecting a lot of tears from her and regrets from himself – but in the end there was neither.
Maybe…maybe it was for the best. Perhaps I and Cagali were never meant for each other. There was a time that I could love her, but… words that he himself had said one day to Cagali crossed his mind. There are things even I can understand, but can't accept.
Athrun sighed at that thought, realizing how deeply those words reflected what he felt. He knew that she left him for the good of her country. That she didn't do it with pleasure. He understood that. His mind understood that. But his heart couldn't accept it. No matter how logical it all sounded, his heart still couldn't accept that she had thrown him aside for her country in an instant.
I guess that's when my love for her ended… I guess we can be close friends… but nothing more. And it seems she understands that as well. I need to move on, and so does she.
And just like Lacus had said – he had someone to move on to. Someone he had barely noticed, someone his heart had noticed. Quite strongly at that. But his mind was too busy trying to sort out things to let him to notice it. It took Lacus to open his eyes.
Meyrin… she had tossed everything she had aside to help him - a man she trusted with all her heart, despite the fact that he had barely spoken to her. Athrun remembered how he had protected Meyrin when the GOUF was falling in to the ocean with his body.
He remembered that his first words when waking up at the Archangel later, all bandaged up were – how is Meyrin. He remembered the relief he felt when he learned she was safe. Then she took care of him the whole time – she helped him walk around, she tended to his wounds, she was by his side all this time. And yet he was too blind to notice it.
Only yesterday he had his eyes opened. Only yesterday, when he saw Meyrin slipping over the railing, he realized how scared he had felt. If I wouldn't have made it in time, she would have been…Athrun's hand clinched in to a fist and trembled lightly.
Athrun took in a deep breath and tried to calm down, slowing down his heartbeat, that had jumped up for some reason.
His relationship with Cagali couldn't happen because of various reasons. The war, her being a representative of ORB, the fact that her country meant more to her than him… all those circumstances ensured that their relationship wouldn't last.
This time… it was different. This time there was no war. Meyrin had left her country just to stay by his side. He had no country that would get in the way anyway. He didn't have a job – he didn't need to work. He had all the time in the world, and so did she. There wouldn't be anything that would get in the way should they form a family.
Athrun froze at disbelief about what he had just thought. Family ? Zala, you must be really losing it. He pictured himself living with Meyrin, peacefully spending their time in a small house, two kids running around and playing, laughter filling the room…
Athrun just shook his head at that thought. Do I really like her that much ? Would I really want to spend my life with her? The previous image seemed to be the answer to that question. I guess I do, huh ? Such thoughts had never crossed his mind, neither with Lacus, nor Cagali.
Looks like Lacus was right again, saying that I care for Meyrin more than I had cared for her or Cagali.
Athrun's thoughts drifted back to the moment when he carried Meyrin away from the balcony and Kira had appeared. Kira… Athrun growled. He had no idea what had gotten in to his friend in the last time, but he sure as hell didn't like it. Kira really seemed out of it.
Maybe I should ask Lacus…I bet she knows something. Image of Kira charging towards Meyrin in his arms came back to him. After a few seconds Athrun came to himself and realized he was breathing heavily, and that he was gripping the handle of frying pan so tightly, that his fingers were starting to turn white.
Athrun decided it was time to stop thinking so much about yesterday. Firstly – because it made his head hurt and made him remember some things he wish he wouldn't have experienced. And secondly – the eggs and bacon were starting to burn.
Athrun quickly removed them from the pan and placed them on a plate. Then he filled a glass with apple juice – Meyrin's favorite, took the medicine and proceeded upstairs. He carefully opened the door and walked inside.
Meyrin was still sleeping. Athrun moved over to the bed and placed the plate and glass on a small table near the bed. Then he sat on the bed, once again gently placing his hand on Meyrin's forehead. It seemed a bit warmer than before. Athrun sighed and looked at Meyrin's face with worry in his emerald eyes.
Meyrin moved slightly and let out a weak groan. Athrun removed his hand from her forehead and leaned towards her. "Meyrin ?" he asked with a soft voice. "Meyrin ?"
Meyrin slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times, trying to figure out where she was. First thing she saw was a bright light, that made her eyes hurt. Am i… dead ? was the first thought that came across her head. Everything sure felt real enough. Even her headache.
Apparently not. But…why ? how? As her eyes adjusted to the light she could clearly see the room she was lying in. It sure look like the room in Athrun's house she used to stay in. Athrun's house ? Why…am I here ?
"Meyrin? Are you ok ?"
Meyrin's eyes suddenly widened a bit, as she recognized the voice. She turned her head and blinked in confusion. Athrun was sitting beside her, looking at her with worried expression.
"A…Athrun ?"
Suddenly her memory of the previous evening returned to her – how she went to the Attha mansion. How she watched Athrun dance with Cagali. How she ran among the hallways. How she was falling over the railing.
At that thought she suddenly sat up, causing her to feel a bit dizzy, startling Athrun in the process. Tears were starting to gather in her eyes again. In the past days it seemed she cried more often than not.
"Athrun…i… why…am I here…? What happened ?"
Athrun was at a loss what to do. Of all the things in the world he didn't want her to cry. Her eyes were already red from all the crying she had done in the past few days. He took her hand in his, making her look at him. "Meyrin…why ? Why did you try to…? Why did you run away… ? I…I barely made it in time…i… if I would have been a few seconds late, you would have been…." Athrun's eyes were watering, much to his own surprise.
Barely made it in time ? Does that mean…that he… stopped me, before I …
"Meyrin…why ?" Athrun quietly asked, while gripping her hand tighter. There was so much sadness in his eyes. Sadness, confusion… fear. She had never seen him like this. The sight alone made her want to cry more. Was he worried… about me ?
"I…I don't know." She answered with a trembling voice, shaking her head. "I…I just…didn't want to …live…"
Athrun's hearth stopped at those words. "Meyrin !...why …why would you do that ?"
"i…i…" she felt like her heart would fall apart. She had to say… once for all…how she felt, her heart couldn't take it anymore.
"I dint want to live without you, Athrun". Athrun froze at these words, staring blankly at her salt-blue eyes. Meyrin bowed down her head and continued in trembling voice, tears streaming down her face "All I wanted… was just to…be with you. I …I just wanted to be with you.
But what … what could I possibly offer to you ?... i..i don't have anything…i…i'm just a burden to you….i… I was just happy to be able to be close to you…i… But all I do… is get in the way… I don't want to get in your way…i… I didn't want to be in your and Cagali's way…i…
But …i'm being a burden just by being here…i… if people think of me…like… like I would only want your money…or… " She shook her head, clinching the blanket with her left hand. "I'm just being more of a burden… if…if people think that of me…it…it might end up inconvenient to you… i…
I understand I can never be with you…i… I know you can never be mine…I … I just…just … forgive me, Athrun… forgive me that I love you… its selfish of me… i… i know you belong to Cagali…i… forgive me, Athrun.
I…just didn't want to live without you…i…I should go… don't worry about me…i…"
Athrun was listening in a shock, unable to bear the sight of Meyrin who had broken down on the bed crying, her body shaking lightly, her hand clinching the blanket, while the other one was clinching his hand.
Tears were starting to fall down Athrun's face, as he heard the Meyrin quietly sobbing. His heart couldn't take the sight of the young, fragile girl crying her heart out in front of him. He couldn't bare the things she said. Why…why does she always think so bad…of herself ? Why… why didn't she just tell me before…that she…
"Forgive me, Athrun…i…I will go…I shouldn't be with you, I understand that…i…"
Meyrin tried to stand up, but was suddenly pulled back by Athrun. She was surprised when Athrun pulled her in to an embrace.
Athrun placed his head on her shoulder, wrapping his arms closely around her, pulling her close to him.
"Why…why do you say such things, Meyrin ? Why…why do you always think so lowly of yourself ? Why do you think I would want you to leave ?"
Meyrin buried her head in Athrun's chest, her hand that was previously gripping the blanket was now gripping Athrun's shirt.
"But …but I will only get in the way of you and Cagali...i'm nothing but a burden for you by living here…what Kira said…"
"Forget what Kira said! Why would it matter what that idiot says ? Does it matter more than what I say ?" Athrun realized he was yelling. "Meyrin…sorry, please forgive me…I didn't mean to…i…please, don't mention Kira… nor what he said… it doesn't matter, ok ?"
Still sobbing, Meyrin slowly nodded her head and calmed down a bit. She felt safe in his arms. The feeling that Athrun was right there with her seemed to calm her down. But she still was shaking a bit.
"But…Athrun, I can't stay here…i… I feel that i'm a burden to you… and you are with Cagali now…I should…"
"You will not go" Athrun announced, wrapping his arms even tighter around her. "Meyrin, i'm not with Cagali. And have I ever made you feel that you are a burden ?"
"What… do you mean...not with Cagali ? You are engaged, and…"
Athrun slowly shook his head, feeling happy that Meyrin seemed to have calmed down a bit. "No, we are not. Not any more. Stop saying that you are a burden. You are not. And even if you were, that's a burden I would gladly bear."
Meyrin looked up at his emerald eyes, filled with tears, looking down on her with kindness and sadness.
"Athrun, what do you mean…you are not with Cagali ? You two were dancing that night, i…"
"Meyrin, that day I realized a lot of things. I realized that Cagali and I are simply not meant for each other. She felt the same way I guess." Athrun had stopped crying and was regaining his usual calmness.
"We were just trying to find something that never existed I guess. We are not engaged any more, Meyrin."
Meyrin couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty about the fact that she felt her heart take a leap as she heard what Athrun was saying. She didn't think it would mean that he wants to be with her, no. But it still gave her a little hope in the heart. A slightly positive feeling, if nothing more.
But she still couldn't turn down the reality. That she had nothing. Nothing at all besides her life. Why would Athrun ever want to be with a girl like that ? Its not like Athrun cared about that in the slightest, but Meyrin couldn't see that.
"Athrun…forgive me please. I..i know its wrong that i…love you". There! She had said it again. "I…I know I can never be with you, but "
Why does she keep saying that ? Why does she think so lowly of herself ? Does she think… that I actually care about the fact that she has nothing in her life ?Does she really think that I wouldn't like her because of that ?How can I make her understand ?
"Meyrin" Athrun quietly said, while placing his finger on her lips, to make her stop talking. Meyrin looked really surprised and confused. Is he angry ? what is he going to do ? Did I say something I shouldn't have ? I never should have told I loved him, i..
"I would never ask you to leave. I…I don't want you to leave. Stay…please ?" Athrun removed his finger from her lips and looked deep in to her salty blue eyes. The eyes that had cried so much over him for the last days. The eyes he was too blind to notice. I have always screwed up things… I …I wont let that happen this time.
I have kept quiet so many times when I should have said something. I have always known what to say, but I rarely did. I won't let that get in the way this time.
Stay ? He…he wants me to stay ? But why would he want that ? "Athrun…why…why do you want me to stay ?" she asked, her voice trembling a bit, showing that she was a bit scared to ask something like this.
Athrun was struck dumb with such a straight question. Of course he knew the answer, but as always, he couldn't get himself to say it. Get a hold of yourself, Zala. I said myself that this will not get in the way.
"I...um…" he turned his head away "I… I like that you are here…i…like you."
Meyrin looked at Athrun, who was still facing away, with light shade of pink in his cheeks. She felt so happy that she could squeal from happiness, if she wouldn't be too busy being happy. Those words, although not anything grand made her heart pound faster.
He… he likes that i'm here? He likes me ?He actually likes me ? These words made her heart race, she felt like she would cry again. This time from happiness. Athrun actually liked her being with him. He actually liked her. That was more than she had ever hoped for.
She rested her head against Athrun's chest and started to sob quietly. Athrun was confused by her starting to cry again. He hoped he hadn't said anything to upset her. "Meyrin, is something wrong ? I'm sorry if I said anything that… "
He stopped when he saw Meyrin shake her head and look up at him with her teary eyes. Eyes filled with happiness and shine, that seemed to reflect depths of her heart. He had almost never seen her this happy. Only on her birthday when he gave her the necklace.
"Thank you, Athrun" was all she said. That was all that was needed to calm Athrun down. The look in her eyes, the soft and joyful voice in which she said it, the fact that she wasn't shaking anymore – it all calmed him down.
Athrun smiled at her and slowly pushed her away and reached to the table near the bed. Meyrin felt a little disappointed when she left his embrace – she liked to be held like him. She felt like she could stay in his arms for all eternity. She felt safe and happy being there.
Athrun took the pills and the glass of juice and turned to Meyrin. "Here, take these. You have a slight fever, we should do something about it before it gets worse." This brought up a funny memory at his mind – him lying sick on the bed at Archangel and Meyrin taking care of him. This time it was the other way around.
Meyrin took the pills and swallowed them, then she took the glass and drank a bit of the juice. "Thank you" she nodded her head and looked at Athrun with grateful look. Athrun chuckled a little "Hey, don't look like that. It was only some medicine. Oh, are you hungry ? I baked some eggs and bacon in case you would be."
He is so nice to me… he is like a dream. And he actually likes me ? Please…don't let this be a dream. She started to feel like she was being a burden again.
"Athrun, thank you so much. You shouldn't have done that just for me." Her stomach growled a bit, making her blush like a cherry. Athrun smiled at her, thinking how cute she looks when she blushes.
"Looks like I should have. And its no problem, so don't worry about it, ok ?"
"Thank you" Meyrin wiped her face in the sleeve of her shirt. A green shirt ? "Athrun, isn't this our shirt i'm wearing ?"
Athrun froze on the spot at that question, his face turning red like it would have been painted with red. "Am…i…you see…um…. " Athrun felt like falling trough the floor right about now. But it seemed like the floor didn't want to cooperate.
Surprised at Athrun's reaction Meyrin slightly nodded her head to the right, confused look on her face. "Athrun, are you ok ?"
Athrun's face gained another shade of red. "I…um… when I carried you back yesterday…you were soaked in rain, so…i…I changed your clothes." Athrun explained while stuttering, turning his head aside. He would blush even more if that would be possible. "Um…all of them".
Meyrin realized she is not wearing a bra, or panties for that matter. Her face turned just as red as Athrun's, she gasped and looked at Athrun with shocked look in her eyes.
"I…um…i'm really sorry…i… I just couldn't leave you in wet clothes…i…sorry." Athrun quickly walked out of the room, feeling like he would die from embarrassment on the spot. It certainly didn't help that certain images popped up at his head.
Athrun quickly hurried over to bathroom and washed his face with cold water. What will she think of me ? she must think i'm some kind of pervert. Oh god, how am I going to explain this to her…
Meyrin was sitting on the bed, her cheeks red and burning, and it was not from the fever. He…changed all my clothes ? Meaning he saw me…naked ? She also felt like she would die from embarrassment. Of course she didn't consider Athrun a pervert or anything close to that for that matter.
Meyrin had always been extremely shy, unlike her sister. She hadn't even kissed before, and now someone had seen her naked. The only thing that kept her from dying from embarrassment was the fact that this someone was Athrun. Had it been someone else she would have probably fainted from learning this.
After sitting like that for a few minutes, red like a tomato she calmed down a bit. Calm down, Meyrin… its…its not like the world has ended, right ?I mean… its not like he watched on purpose, right ? I…I wonder … what he thought. He…did he …like what he saw? He… did he like it…did he find me ugly …?
Athrun had certainly liked it enough for it to bother him whole previous evening before he fell asleep. Meyrin was beautiful, and that was clear to probably anyone, but her.
She shook her head, trying not to think. Stop it, why am I thinking things like these ? She sighed, hearing her stomach growl again. So, Athrun had seen her naked. It's not like that fact could be changed. She felt surprised that she was wondering more about the fact whether Athrun found her attractive than the fact that he had seen her without clothes.
It was very unlike her, being as shy as she was. Still being a tad pinker on the cheeks than usual she started to eat the breakfast Athrun had brought her, thinking of what to say to Athrun later.
Athrun was sitting on the sofa downstairs, thinking the same thing. He slid his finger trough his hair and took a deep breath. Aaaargh. What am I going to say to her ? She must hate me now. Darn!.
He sat there , blankly looking at one spot for a long time. When he finally came to, it was evening already. Athrun widened his eyes and looked at the clock. 9 pm. What the hell ? I have been sitting here all day ? He couldn't even remember what he was thinking about.
Pretty annoyed he got up and stretched. Feeling a bit hungry he decided to go get something to eat. While making some sandwiches he sighed heavily. He had just wasted a whole day doing nothing. Wasted ? Not like I have anything specific to do anyway.
And what bothered him more than the fact he had just wasted a day – he still had no idea what to say to Meyrin. Meyrin…I wonder how she is doing. Maybe I should go check on her. Athrun decided not to, since he had no idea what to say to her. With a heavy sigh he walked back to the sofa, sat down and turned on TV to watch some news.
He ate his sandwiches and realized he isn't following the news at all. He was about to turn the TV off when he heard someone walking up behind him. Meyrin slowly walked up to him, obviously looking unsure of herself. "Good evening, Athrun."
"Um…yea, evening" Athrun replied, realizing how stupid he just sounded. He frowned at himself.
"Um…may I sit down ?"
"Of course you can.. Why would you need to ask permission ?"
Meyrin nodded and sat beside Athrun, noticing how nervous he was.
They sat for a moment in silence, when Athrun took in a deep breath and looked at Meyrin, sitting beside him. "Look, Meyrin…i…um…i'm really sorry about yesterday, I just… I couldn't leave you in wet clothes…i…I understand if you are angry with me and don't want to see me, so i…"
"Athrun, you… you don't need to apologize, I … it was my fault anyway, so…"
Athrun sighed with relief that Meyrin didn't seem changed much. She is not angry at me ? Thank god.
"No, Meyrin, i'm sorry. You must feel very embarrassed about it, i…I just… sorry. Can you forgive me ?" he looked at her with his emerald eyes in a pleading manner. Meyrin felt like she could melt from that look. She couldn't be angry at him even if she wanted to, and she didn't want that.
"Athrun, you don't need to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong…if it will make you feel better I forgive you, although i'm not angry at you or anything."
Athrun felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you" he nodded, smiling slightly, then slowly placed his arm on her forehead. Seemed like the fever was gone. "How are you feeling ?"
"Thank you, I guess i'm feeling better" She looked like she was hesitating, then she slowly leaned against Athrun's chest, almost frightened look on her face, expecting that he would push her off. Seeing how that didn't happen she looked at Athrun and looked in to his eyes.
He seemed happy. Something he rarely looked like. He was smiling his charming smile while looking down at her. A true smile, not the small smiles or grins he usually showed, but a true, genuine smile.
Meyrin lied down on the sofa next to Athrun, turning so that her back was resting against his chest now. "Athrun… do you really want me to stay ? I would love to stay, but… I just don't understand what could you possibly like In me, i…"
"Meyrin, please stop thinking so lowly of yourself. What could I like about you ? Is there anything I should not like ? You are the kindest person I have met, Meyrin. You always think of others. You threw away everything… just to be beside me… a man you barely knew.
All that time on Archangel you took care of me, you have always taken care of me. You have done more for me than anyone else ever had, without expecting anything in return. You have a very kind heart, Meyrin." He was speaking with a soft voice, while stroking her red hair. "And yes, I …I would like you to stay".
Meyrin turned to her right and looked up at Athrun. He was rarely so talkative. She was very happy to her Athrun say again that he wants her to stay. She could hear his heartbeats, while leaning against his chest.
"You are beautiful, Meyrin" Athrun quietly said, while stroking her hair and looking in to her eyes. Meyrin felt heat gathering up in her cheeks. He…he finds me attractive ? He… really likes me ?
"Athrun, I " She fell silent as Athrun gently placed a finger under her chin and lifted it up, slowly leaning down towards her. "Athrun…" Meyrin closed her eyes and slowly moved her head closer to Athrun.
Athrun slowly brought his lips to hers, and kissed her softly, while holding her chin up and stroking her hair. Meyrin felt like she was flying in the air. His touch… his lips meeting hers in a gentle kiss… it made butterflies dance in her stomach and her head swim. She would gladly stay like this for ever.
After few moments Athrun slowly backed away and smiled at her again. Meyrin was slightly blushing, making her look so cute in Athrun's eyes that he could just melt away.
"I hope this is not a dream" Meyrin quietly spoke up, leaning her back against his chest again and looking up at him.
Athrun smiled back at her "It's not. I promise that."
Meyrin was about to say something but something caught her attention – the TV was starting to play a song. It was one of Lacus songs, a beautiful and sad melody – Fields of hope.
Athrun placed his hands around her slim body, pulling her closer to him. Meyrin truly felt like she was living a dream. This all was more than she had ever hoped for. Her first kiss… it was as perfect as they come. She was with the man she loved more than anything, and for the first time she felt that maybe the hopes and dreams she had for well over 6 months now were coming true.
Athrun was listening to the song, holding Meyrin close to him. He really liked her. Now he fully understood what Lacus had said. He had never felt like this before. Meyrin was just like something he would need in his life – limitlessly kind and caring, she was gentle like summer winds. Someone who had given all to be with him.
And he felt he could do the same for her. He would never let anything happen to her. He had never felt so relaxed, so at peace as he felt now, lying here with the red haired girl resting against his chest, listening to the soothing song.
Athrun leaned his head down and whispered in to her ear the words that Meyrin wouldn't even dare to dream about hearing. "I love you, Meyrin" Athrun quietly spoke and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.
Meyrin felt like she was floating in heaven. This was indeed the best day in her life. And to think that yesterday she tried to end this life… at this thought she cuddled closer to Athrun, and they both lied there, listening to the beautiful song, enjoying the magical moment.
When the song ended Athrun looked down on Meyrin and noticed she was asleep. With a smile on his face he reached after the remote and turned the TV off. For a moment he was about to carry Meyrin to her bed, but he changed his mind.
He didn't want to disturb her, and quite frankly – he liked her there – in his arms. Athrun was glad that he hadn't turned on the lights – he wouldn't be able to turn them off without getting up. He grabbed a blanket that was located on the floor, near the sofa and pulled it over them.
"good night, Meyrin" He quietly said and lightly kissed her on the forehead, then placed his arm around her again and leaned back his head to get ready for sleep. Despite his not so comfortable pose he felt so content as he couldn't remember feeling at all. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, with smiling Meyrin sleeping on his chest.
A/N:
Weee, another one done. Hope you all don't hate me yet, at least too much :D hope you liked the chapter, will update in 3 days(i think)my eyes are starting to hurt from the constant sitting in front of a screen :D R&R please, I really appreciate the comments, both good and bad :D