TOPIC: Roy/Ed, a llama, and a bottle of scotch whiskey.
Hawkeye: Okay, Roy, truth or dare?
Roy: Dare.
Hawkeye: I dare you to...
Winry: Hey Riza, how about.. (whispers in her ear)
Hawkeye: Hmm, not a bad idea.. Okay Roy, I dare you to make out with Ed! (Ed spits out the tea that he was drinking)
Roy and Ed: WHAT?
Ed: There's no way in hell I'd let him kiss me!
Roy I'm not gonna make out with that little troll!
Ed: (eye twitches) GO F-CK YOURSELF, BASTARD MUSTANG!
Roy: (getting ready to snap) DON'T MESS WITH ME MIDGET! I'LL BURN YOU TO A CRISP IN AN INSTANT!
Hawkeye: How about this Roy, make out with him or no sex for a month?
Roy: (actually considering it) Kiss Ed, or no sex for a month, kiss Ed, or no sex for a month... I'd rather go the month without sex!
Hawkeye: How about kiss him or no sex for a year?
Roy: But you said a month!
Hawkeye: Well I made it a year!
Roy: D'oh! Okay fine, I can't go that long without it... (sigh) Ed, come here..
Ed: (being pulled over to Mustang by Winry) NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! (Winry forces him in front of Mustang)
Roy: Let's just get this over with.. (looking down at Ed, who is twitching and angry) Okay, I just can't do this... I mean look at him! I don't think even a girl would kiss him looking like that! I mean, I knew a girl would never kiss him before, but this is on a whole 'nother level!
(Ed hits Roy)
Sheska: Hm, I think we can take care of that!
Winry: Yeah, no prob!
(Sheska, Winry, and Riza force Ed into the next room)
Ed: (seen trying to get out of the room) YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! IT'S CRUEL AND UNUSUAL! SOMEONE HELP ME! (the door slams. Ed's screaming is heard along with transmutations, crashes, and things breaking. After a few minutes of that, nothing but silence)
Al: ...You think that's a good sign..?
Roy: I'll get the shovel, you find a good place out back to bury him... God, why do I have to bury all the bodies!
(suddenly the door opens. Winry, Sheska, and Riza appear)
Winry: And now, meet Erika Elric! (they step aside and Ed is seen wearing a sparkling red prom dress, a pair of red stilettos, and red lipstick with light purple eyeshadow with his hair down)
Ed: I hate you guys so much...
Winry: Aw, you know you look cute!
(Roy looks Ed up and down and blushes. Riza catches him and smirks)
Hawkeye: Like what you see?
Roy: I uh... um... er..
(Al and Ed look at him)
Ed: You can't be serious! Are you falling for me? So help me, Roy...
Roy: Well uh, you do look pretty sexy in that..
Ed: Gah! I can't do this! (Tries to get away, but Winry's holding him back. He sighs) Fine... (walks over to Mustang)
Winry: Boy Ed, for being a guy and all and not wearing girls' clothes, you walk pretty well in those stilletos..
Ed: (blushes) So..
Roy: (looks him up and down again) Yeah, I can do this.. (kisses him)
Ed: (pulls away after a few seconds. Thinks to himself) Wait, I'm not.. liking this.. am I?
Winry: That wasn't nearly enough!
Hawkeye: Yeah, get in a minute or two!
Roy: (sigh) Fine.. (kisses him again, this time Ed kisses back)
Winry: Think they'll turn?
Hawkeye: (Shrugs) Long as they still like us I don't care what they do..
(they're still kissing, Roy wraps his arms around Ed's waist and Ed wraps his arms around Roy's neck)
Winry: Squee! They're getting into it! (stares intently along with Sheska and Hawkeye)
Roy: (stops kissing Ed for a minute) I love you..
Winry, Hawkeye, and Sheska: WHAT?
Ed: Eh no ya don't, you love what I'm wearing.. Now let's pick up where you left off.. (starts kissing Roy again)
-a few minutes later-
Roy: (pulls away) Think that's enough?
Ed: Uh, one more.. (kisses him once more)
Roy: Okay, that was easy...
Ed: I'm gonna go change.. (walks into the other room, a few minutes later comes back dressed as usual)
Roy: Okay then, Winry, Truth or- what the? (looks down to see Ed clinging to his arm) Ed, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Winry: Aww, he loves you Roy!
Roy: (eye twitches) The dare's over, so get the hell away from me..
Ed: But- but- but you said you loved me! (eyes water)
Roy: No, I said I love "Erika" Elric, now get the hell away from me!
Ed: (Starts to cry) You're so mean, Bastard Mustang! (moves away from him)
Roy: (sigh) Anyway, Truth or dare, Winry?
Winry: Dare.
Roy: I dare you to drink as many shots of Scotch whiskey as you can!
Winry: What! I'm underage!
Roy: Who cares!
Winry: Well, if you insist.. (smirks, opens a cabinet that contains all kinds of alcohol. pulls out a few bottles of scotch whiskey and a shot glass. She pours a shot then drinks it) It's been a while since I- (looks at Hawkeye, Mustang, and Sheska) I mean.. This tastes really good for my first time having it.. (shifty eyes)
Roy: Yeah yeah, we know you're an alcoholic when no one's around. Just drink up.
Winry: Well, if ya put it that way.. (throws the glass behind her and starts drinking from the bottle. She drains the bottle empty in a few seconds)
Hawkeye: ...How does she do that?
Ed: ...You don't wanna know...
Winry: Okay, another bottle and I get to see the donkey! (drinks another bottle, then points at Al) Gasp! The donkey! How'd it get here? (squints) Wait... that's not a donkey..
Al: Yeah, I'm Alphonse, damnit!
Winry: It's a llama! C'mere talking llama! (gets up and runs after Al who's running away) I'ma get you, llama!
Al: I'm not a goddamn llama!
Winry: Say what you want, llama, I'm gonna pet you!
Roy: (whispers to Ed) Is she always like that when she's drunk?
Ed: (thinks, then holds his knees to his chest, rocks back and forth, eye begins to twitch) I don't wanna play with Winry, mommy. She drank wierd stuff and now she's acting crazy. (falls over, sucks thumb)