Hawkeye: Roy, truth or dare?
Roy: Dare.
Hawkeye: I dare you to have a nice conversation with Ed.
Roy: (sighs) Fine. (Pulls out a long ass list) Well first...
-2 hours later-
Roy: ...And that's basically all you can do..
Ed: ...You just pulled out a list and stared at it for 2 hours...
Roy: Okay...(Reads it out loud)
-2 days later-
Roy: And that's basically all you can do..
Ed: ...THAT WAS HARRY POTTER YOU JUST READ!
Roy: (Reads something else)
-2 months later-
Roy: There we go..
Ed: ...I can't believe you read the entire Lord of the Rings collection... the books, screenplays, AND fan scripts!
Roy: Yep! You wouldn't believe how much I had to pay for this sh-t! (Pulls out another list)
-5 minutes later-
Roy: And that's how much it cost.
Ed: ...a half eaten sandwich and some bubblegum?
Roy: (Reads other side)
-10 minutes later-
Roy: There.
Ed: ...and 126 coupons for 30 percent off a bag of potatoes?
Roy: Hey! (Waves coupons in front of Ed's face) This stuff comes in handy when needed!
Ed: For what?
Roy: For this. (pulls out a book, reads it)
-3 days later-
Roy: Done
Ed: ...why does that book have my bank account numbers in it?
Roy: Because it does. (Closes it, pulls out tiny slip of paper, reads it)
-2 seconds later-
Roy: ...when I realized what it was.
Ed: You don't have to read me your receipt for 10 boxes of viagra...
Roy: Deal with it. (Pulls out a huge book, reads it)
-50 seconds later-
Roy: (slams it shut) Any questions?
Ed: Wait... so you're saying the meaning of life is...
-3 hours later-
Ed: ...with two forks and a Bon Jovi concert ticket?
Roy: No no, you have it all wrong, the meaning of life is...
-4 hours later-
Roy: Along with a toothpick and some floam.
Ed: Ooh, I get it now! But how does a bucket of cat litter and three dozen cherry bombs fit in...?
Roy: Simple.
-5 minutes later-
Ed: And when the psychic guy eats the cheese, what happens to the dog?
Roy: Well when that happened, they were taken by penguins and...
-5 hours and some very graphic stories later-
Roy: ...and that's how cheese came to Japan!
Ed: ...Wait a minute... If that's true, then shouldn't the solution to World Peace be...
-2 days, 4 boxes of cereal, and 1 trip to the hospital later-
Ed: ...with a bag of sawdust and some twizzlers?
Roy: No no no. You have it confused! The solution would be...
-3 days, a bear attack and 1 website later-
Roy: So the bag of bear claws would counteract with bag of kittens!
Ed: But then when...
-an hour, a few cups of coffee, and 3 heart attacks later-
Ed: ...and the...
-2 minutes and 5 popsicles later-
Ed: ...wouldn't the...
-4 seconds and 196 boxes of crayons later-
Ed: ...holding the President of NBC hostage with a sack of doorknobs?
Roy: Nope, because then the...
-2 hours and 3 bags of ground up cardboard later-
Roy: ...would suffice for...
-2 days, several mangas, and a pack of plastic wrapping later-
Roy: ...would easilly stop the...
-15 minutes and a very descriptive explanation about how sex works-
Roy: ...which would cancel Barney!
Ed: Gasp! But then...
-1 hour, 15 minutes, and 5 packs of cards later-
Ed: ...with the bologna...
-2 seconds, 9 bottles of rat poison, and 12 antfarms later-
Ed: ...and Richard Nixon's grandson's dog...
-3 days, 27 DUIs, and 1 night in jail later-
Ed: ...when he realized I didn't have any money!
Roy: Wow, but wouldn't that mean...
-3 days and a water bottle later-
Roy: ...with the green grass...
-1 minute, a gardening hose, and a pack of granola bars later-
Roy: ..with the hair plugs...
-2 hours, a machine gun, and a hostage situation later-
Roy: ...THAT would be the solution of how the HELL TO GET "THAT 70'S SHOW" BACK ON THE AIR WITH MORE EPISODES!
Ed: I've seen enough episodes, but it would be nice if...
-3 minutes and a kennel full of attack dogs later-
Ed: ...with a spatula...
-6 hours and a toaster in a tub of water later-
Ed: ...not counting the time...
-a few seconds later-
Ed: ...when all of a sudden Martha Stewart..
-5 weeks, a monkey, 4 lawsuits, and 15 burning houses later-
Ed: ...who happened to award me the Nobel Peace Prize!
Roy: (points at Ed) YOU MAD MAN!
(everyone just stares at them, shocked and horrified)
Winry: What.. the hell.. just.. happened...?
Sheska: I don't wanna know...
Al: ...I didn't know brother did that..
Envy: Jesus Christ, kid! You're creepier than me!
Hawkeye: That was uh... interesting...
Gluttony: Gluttony scared...
Lust: I'm gonna have trouble sleeping...
Scar: Man, that's the most messed up thing I've ever seen, heard, or ever been a part of!