Title: Renaissance Part 4: Every Now & Then
Author: Cryptic Quill
Spoilers: AU, First Season, Jack/Janet relationship
Status: On-Going
Rating: T (Just in case)
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1 or any of the scripted characters, they're the property of someone else. They're just mine to toy with.
Author's Note: I hope you're enjoying the story so far and as always, my thanks for spending some time in this AU that I've created.
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Several days later, Jack still felt he was losing his mind but in a different way.
"When am I getting out of here?" Jack asked irritably. He was tired of sitting in this bed staring at the same walls and ceiling.
"In the morning Colonel. I'll release you from the infirmary and then you can go home and do whatever it is that you do, sir." Janet waved her hand and set her penlight down to make a note in her logbook.
"It's been a week, Doc." Jack said and rubbed his eyes. What is it with her and that damn light? He wondered and blinked until his vision became clearer.
"It's been two days, as of three hours ago." Janet commented "There are still a few tests I need to run, just to make sure." She was sure there was no damage from the antihistamine she'd given Jack O'Neill and the rest of the SGC to combat the virus, but she had to make sure that the massive amount of sedative she had given the Colonel hadn't caused harm to his nervous system.
An antihistamine, Janet still couldn't believe it. Unbelievable. And to think, she actually had Jack to thank. Or his dog Gordie Howe, rather. Janet had started taking a much more powerful antihistamine when she first started seeing Jack nearly a year ago, as her previous one left her vulnerable to Gordie's animal dander. If not for prescribing a similar dosage to Dr. Jackson before leaving for P3X-797… she shuddered to think but for now she was enjoying the gratitude of everyone that the virus had infected.
The most special came from Jack as he simply held her hand and thanked her after returning from the planet with a recovered Daniel Jackson. To other observers it may have not have appeared overly expressive but to Janet, it was a moment she held quite dear.
"Couldn't you just run them all at once, get it over with?" Jack asked, bringing Janet out of her musing.
"Well I could run tests with small blood samples like I'm doing or I could do a spinal tap." She nodded with arched eyebrows, without looking up. If Jack wanted to be difficult at this point, she could give as well as get.
"Don't those hurt pretty bad?" He wondered.
"Only as much as a needle being inserted between two vertebrae"
"Ouch." Jack winced and shifted in his bed.
"Uh huh." She looked up from her logbook and smiled at him. She set down her logbook to the table near the bed and reached into the pocket of her lab coat.
"Here" She held out a small square toy.
"What's this?"
"A video game. Matthew left it at my house." Janet answered.
"Sweet." Jack said smiling. "Video hockey."
Shaking her head at his reaction to a child's toy.
"Just make sure you don't lose it. My nephew is going to want it back."
Jack pressed a few buttons and rested the game on his lap.
"Thanks, Janet." He said in a low voice, not wanting one of her nurses to overhear him calling her by her first name.
"It's just a toy, Jack." She chuckled, taking her logbook back.
"I didn't mean for the game." He looked up at her with a serious expression.
Janet nodded, her smile remained frozen as she locked eyes with him. He reached to take her hand when one of her nurses walked nearby and stopped. Janet saw the nurse as well.
"Yes well, goodnight Colonel." She said brightly. Even the disruption couldn't diminish the warm feeling Janet had inside. If anything confirmed her decision to accept the position at the SGC, this entire episode with the virus had.
"Goodnight, Doc."
Jack returned to his game and Janet left the infirmary for the night. What she didn't notice was that he only held his attention to the game until he was sure Janet wasn't watching. Then he followed her exit with his eyes.
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Janet was sipping a cup of chamomile tea in her living room which, according to Captain Carter, was supposed to be soothing. She had only a few conversations with Carter before the virus, there were after all hundreds of people at the SGC and NORAD above it to get to know but they had hit it off well until this past week. Janet was still trying to separate her feelings of friendship from jealousy with her fellow captain after Carter had attacked Jack in a hormonal frenzy. Janet knew it was the result of the virus but still, Sam had the big blue eyes and long legs that sent most men babbling. She didn't know how Jack felt about Sam.
Truth was Janet didn't know how Jack felt about her, she only knew that her feelings for him hadn't changed. That was the part that had kept her up these past few nights. Had she acted out of medical necessity in treating Jack with so much sedative or had she breached an ethical barrier by letting her feelings cloud her judgment? This whole thing could have turned out so differently and so easily.
Janet wasn't normally a tea drinker but was finding it a pleasant diversion and it was relaxing, thank goodness. This was the last alternative she could think of since even warm milk hadn't helped. She had some pills she could take but if she even heard the word sedative once more, she would go crazy. It just reminded her of Jack who, as good as he was a soldier, was the most awful patient she'd ever taken care of.
She luxuriated in the feel of the soft sofa beneath her and set the tea down to stretch out on the couch. Dressed in a pair of cotton shorts and an oversized tee-shirt, she wiggled her toes in contentment and sighed softly. Janet felt the most relaxed she had in days and yet she knew she wasn't even close to being able to sleep.
The sound of her phone ringing brought a groan out of her. She was tempted to let the machine answer it for her but she decided against it. It might be the base with an emergency. So help me, if it's Jack causing trouble, I'm going to order a round of rabies shots for him.
"Hello, this is Dr. Frasier" She answered wearily.
Within a few moments, Janet just clicked off the receiver and set the phone down. Her eyes welled up with tears as the sound of the phone's rhythmic beeping announced it was off the hook.
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The SGC infirmary could be one hell of a boring place, Jack noted. Nothing to do, they won't let you leave and the keep sticking you with big honkin' needles every few hours.
They wouldn't even install a television in here to watch the Simpson's. He didn't know how Sergeant Siler stood this so often.
It had been several days since the virus had nearly transformed him into some sort of caveman. Everyone else had been discharged except Jack and Siler. Jack because he'd received massive amounts of sedatives and needed testing to check for cellular damage. Siler because, well he was Siler and being a caveman just increased his propensity for doing personal harm.
The worst was the nights. Janet went home by dusk and the sedatives he'd been given by her had screwed up his sleep pattern. He would often just lay awake in the uncomfortable hospital bed and think.
"O'Neill"
Jack turned to see Teal'c standing beside his bed quietly. He hated when the large man did that.
"T!" Jack exclaimed, grateful for company.
"Pull up a chair. Have a saline solution, on me" He joked.
"I do not require additional fluids." Teal'c questioned.
"It was a joke, Teal'c. How's Gordie?"
Teal'c was aware of O'Neill's sense of humor, even if he rarely understood it.
"Your canine tried to bite me once again."
Jack looked at Teal'c in frustration. "How'd he tried to bite you? He's 12 years old and nearly blind."
"Nevertheless, the incident has occurred again." Teal'c complained in a monotone voice.
"If you'd talk to him and call him by name instead of 'canine' he might be more friendly." Jack advised. This was growing troublesome. Jack's neighbor wouldn't look after Gordie anymore but not because of biting. He was running out of options and Teal'c couldn't watch the dog much longer anyway. Jack considered getting one of the enlisted men to do it.
They were interrupted by General Hammond who unlike Teal'c, came into the infirmary slowly as if there was anywhere else on the planet that he'd rather be.
"Teal'c" The general greeted and turned his eyes to Jack.
"Colonel O'Neill, I'm afraid I have some bad news, son about Lt. Hicks."
Lt. Hicks had been one of the members of SG-3 Marines, who'd recently gone on the injured list because of a staff weapon wound to his side. He'd barely survived coming back through the gate until Janet saved him in the operating room. SG-3 had already temporary replaced him but was adamant about not filling the position permanently. The Marines of SG-3 stood together and were as a family.
"What's wrong with Hicks?" Jack was in shock, the words barely came out.
"I'm sorry Colonel. But I'm told he passed away several hours ago." Hammond hated giving news like this. For more decades than he cared to count, he'd written letters to families informing them of the loss of a loved one and it never got easier.
Teal'c knew the pain of losing someone under his command. As First Prime of Apophis he had led many Jaffa in combat and been forced to watch them perish from unspeakable wounds.
"My sympathies at your loss, O'Neill" Teal'c offered.
Jack didn't hear him and couldn't understand. The Lt. had been transferred to a VA hospital some time ago. He was as healthy as he could be under the circumstances. He was even supposed to be going home to finish recuperating in another week or two.
"They said it might have been a stroke, they're still not sure."
"Get them sure!" Jack growled and caught himself. "Sir" He added, forgetting for a moment that he was yelling at his superior.
Janet. Jack thought of how she would take the news. Hicks had been her first patient at the SGC and had even gone to visit him every day at the hospital until the virus attacked the base. She'd mentioned just yesterday how proud she was of him and his recovery.
Hammond didn't react to the tone, he knew what Jack was going through. The letter would be Jack's to write this time and Hammond didn't envy him in the least.
"I'll go see if I can't prod more information. Get some rest Jack and I'm sorry." Hammond said and put his hand on Jack's shoulder.
"Thank you sir." Jack commented into the air, still shocked. Teal'c nodded in respect as the senior officer left, quicker than he had entered. Too many times he'd had this conversation and they were taking their toll.
Jack and Teal'c remained quiet for several minutes. Teal'c felt he should say something but didn't have the words. It was Jack who finally broke the silence.
"I gotta get outta here" He said and removed the fingertip sensor and threw it away from him and tossed the blanket covering him aside.
"That would be most unwise, O'Neill." Teal'c commented.
"I have to go somewhere. It's important to me." Jack wondered where his keys were. Locker room? Office? He tried retracing his steps and stopped when he hit the point where he became a caveman for two days.
Teal'c frowned. If I assist O'Neill in evading further medical care, Doctor Frasier will be most irate, he thought. And possibly retaliatory, he added. Nevertheless, his closest friend asked for help and he would not deny it.
"Then you will require assistance and more adequate attire. Your clothing appears to have suffered significant damage."
"It's a hospital gown, Teal'c" Jack interrupted quickly, embarrassed.
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Janet was numb. She hadn't been able to visit Lieutenant Hicks since the emergency at the base but she had just spoken to him and his wife on the phone earlier in the day. He was being transferred to the rehabilitation wing. She had experienced such a charge of success in that he was out of danger and well on the road to healing. Combined with finding the cure for the parasitic virus, she had felt she could do no wrong. Now Hicks was dead. Killed by a stroke from a blood clot of all things. Unbelievable that fate could be so cruel.
She would bring his primary care physician on charges for this, Janet ranted between sobs. She had recommended that the Lt. remain on blood thinners because of the severity of the wound for another week at least to avoid the possibility of a clot. Yet that incompetent, butchering bastard of a doctor put him on coagulants.
When she heard the knock at the door, she nearly picked up the phone and hurled it.
"Go away!" She shouted, but the knock resumed.
"I said, go AWAY!" She exclaimed as she jerked the door open, ready to unleash her fury and resentment against whomever was foolish enough to have remained at her doorstep. What she saw was like a splash of cold water on her senses.
"Jack?"
"Hey." Jack smiled. He could tell she had been crying, there were still tears on her cheeks. He wished he could have been here sooner. As it was he left so quickly that he was dressed in hospital scrubs that Teal'c had stolen from inventory.
"I told you not to leave the base." Janet said in a shaky voice and wiped her eyes.
"Can I come in?"
She nodded and stepped aside, closing the door behind him.
"You should be in bed. What are you doing here?" She asked and sniffed from the tears. She knew full well why he was here, he must have heard about Lt. Hicks. She was glad to see him but also very afraid. Janet felt very alone and vulnerable right now.
"I've come to file a grievance about the food in the infirmary." Jack said, deadpan.
Janet let out a small chortle, much against her will and it turned into a painful sob. Too many feelings were swirling around her right now; pain, tiredness, elation at saving Jack and now the grief for Lt. Hicks. Jack moved towards her but she put her hand up to stop him. Her lips were pressed flat to keep them from quivering and she was doing everything in her power not to let the torrent of emotion loose, especially in front of Jack. She could barely see him from the well of tears forming in her eyes.
He ignored her upturned palm and advanced, spreading his arms out to envelope her in a hug. She continued to resist and kept her hand in front of him even as he leaned closer to hold her.
Her sobs became deeper and she hit him lightly on his shoulder with her fist to let her go but he continued to hold her firmly.
That's when she couldn't hold it back any longer.
Janet was openly crying now, gasping for air and moaning against his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. Jack could feel the sobs wracking her body, they were far too large for such a tiny figure. She was crying for Hicks. Crying for his newly widowed bride. Crying for herself in the arms of the man she still deeply loved.
"It's ok, Jan. It's ok." He softly repeated and gently rocked her back and forth and kissed her hair.
She clutched his shirt against his back and held on as if he was the last rock above water in an ever increasing tide.
Outside of Janet's house a cab was idling its engine. Looking out of the cab, Teal'c could see the silhouette of two figures embracing through the curtains of Janet's window. He did not think O'Neill would be returning to the base this evening.
"You may drive onward, now." He ordered.
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As the dawn sun broke through the window of Janet's living room, she fought the feeling of waking up to snuggle more deeply into the warmth of her bed.
It felt lumpy. She stopped suddenly to realize she wasn't in her bed at all but in fact laying on her couch with her head resting on Jack's chest and one of his arms around the small of her back.
Janet tensed slightly, trying to emerge from that foggy place between waking and slumber. She tried to recall the events of last night; she remembered crying as Jack held her for what seemed like hours and sitting with him on the couch talking, but not much more.
"Hi" came a whisper.
He's awake, Janet tensed still trying to gain her footing. She could knew that nothing had happened last night, they were both still fully clothed but waking up in his arms again after so long was a rather surreal experience.
Janet raised her head slightly to look at him. Oh please, please, please don't let me have drooled during the night. She wiped the corner of her mouth deftly to make sure and met his gaze.
"Hi" She returned softly.
"You slept like that all night?." She knew with his knees and back that would cause trouble. He must have slept half sitting, half laying in order to hold her. The thought struck her as incredibly sweet. And made her very nervous to be so close to him like this.
"Well the room had a nice view. How'd you sleep?"
Janet didn't realize until now that she had actually slept quite well and through the entire night for the first time in the better part of a week.
"Ehh" She lied, not wanting to tell him the truth. Not just yet anyway.
"Well it was good for me" Jack said in a sarcastically smug tone, which given her nervousness sent Janet into a fit of giggles.
For a moment, they just enjoyed the smiles on each others faces.
Janet finally broke the gaze and looked to the clock on the wall and saw that it was nearly 5am. She groaned knowing she needed to get up and get back to base.
"Time to go?" Jack asked.
Janet nodded. "And you" she whispered "still need to be in the infirmary. I have more tests to run."
"Needles?" Jack asked.
"Only half honkin'" she joked. "How are you going to explain being gone all night?"
Jack moved in head side to side, pretending as if deep in thought.
"I'll manage. Worse case, I'll ask for a note from my doctor." he winked.
Janet smiled in return. "I'll need a bit to get cleaned up and I'll take you in."
"Can we stop by my place first?" Jack asked.
Taken aback by the forwardness of his comment, Janet's mind raced and wondered what for. She hadn't been there since their breakup and couldn't figure out a reason why he would want her there.
"I wanted to check on Gordie." Jack said, somewhat embarrassed, now realizing how the question may have sounded.
"Ohhh" Janet said in a tender voice. "How is Gordie?" She stopped herself before admitting she had just been thinking of Jack's dog recently. She'd left herself too vulnerable as it was.
"Getting older but not slowing down much." Jack grinned at his inside joke.
"I need to get up and get ready." Janet said with half frown. It felt so good, just laying here against him, she wanted to savor it. Jack saved her from the dilemma and removed his arm from her back and Janet tore herself away.
She noticed Jack almost immediately stretched out one of his legs as she rose. Poor guy, his knee must be aching after sitting like that for hours.
Janet reached out and took his hand.
"Thanks Jack." Janet said with emotion. I wonder if Jack even knows what he does for people just by being around? She needed a friend very badly last night, to not be alone. She felt better, still hurt over the loss of the Lt. but at least now she had the strength to deal with it.
Jack said nothing but nodded and squeezed her hand gently.
As she turned away he couldn't resist.
"Janet?" He asked.
"Hmm?"
"Isn't that one of my old tee shirts?" He inquired.
Her eyes grew wide and a thousand tiny pricks of nerves danced across her neck and cheeks causing her to blush. She realized last night that the tee shirt she had been wearing was one of those she had saved from Jack but hadn't given it a thought when she answered her door. It announced Air Force Academy in big bold letters across the front. She tried to speak but couldn't think of a single word to say.
"Ah" Was the best Janet could manage with a dying voice.
"I'll make some coffee." Jack said with a smile.
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Eeep, Janet fumed at herself as she readied for work. Of all the comebacks you could have uttered, you squeaked at him, she chastised. You could have said it was from the Academy hospital or a former boyfriend left it, making him wonder. It was from a former boyfriend, after all; it was from her last boyfriend who just happened to be Jack. But he didn't need to know that. Jack didn't seem to realize the depths of her mortification which only made it worse.
At first she was angry at herself but then it turned into anger towards him. There was no way she would leave him with the upper hand like this.
They made small talk on the way to his house and finally standing on the porch as Jack fumbled for his spare key, Janet marveled. The house looked just the same as it had months ago. The grass on the lawn was a little longer and some of the plants on the porch appeared to be rather sickly but everything else was just the same. Moments came back to her mind of the times she'd visited him here. Sitting on the porch swing, holding each other while watching the sun going down. Barbeques and Sunday mornings still in bed blending into the afternoon. The clarity of it took her breath away. It was scary but comforting at the same time. Like coming home after a long happy vacation, you didn't want to return but you were glad to be coming back.
When he opened the door, Janet heard Gordie's bark and she stepped inside.
He padded straight towards them and completely ignored Jack, pouncing on Janet's small frame. The dog was on its hind legs, barking rapidly and licking her face, tickling her with his tongue.
"Hiya Gordie" Janet sang out. She couldn't believe the dog remembered her but he obviously did. She held out her tumbler of coffee for Jack to take away from her before she spilled it.
"Down boy" Jack ordered him, taking her coffee but his feelings were somewhat hurt that after being gone, his dog chose to run to Janet first.
"He's ok" Janet laughed and began petting him furiously. Gordie laid down on the floor to submit to some overdue attention and Janet scratched him behind the ears.
Jack shook his head. "I'll just go see to his food and we can get going."
"I missed you boy, yes I did, yes I did" Janet said in a sing-song voice as she continued petting the dog, causing one of his hind legs twitch and making Janet laugh.
Hearing the sound of a can opener, Gordie got up and licked Janet's hand before trotting toward the back of the house where his food was kept.
"Just like a man, get what they want and off they go." She joked.
Janet looked around the living room. It was neat, always was, she noted. Unlike most bachelors, Jack had kept his living quarters very tidy, almost Spartan. Her eyes were drawn to the pictures on the wall. He hadn't put up any new ones since she'd last been here and there was one she hoped he hadn't taken it down.
Just to the left of the living room wall there it was. The companion photograph to the one she secretly carried in her purse, only larger in size. He still had it on the wall. She'd hoped but was afraid he'd taken it down. There was no reason to leave it up, they'd parted so long ago. Was it to remember or merely because Jack rarely changed anything in his home. Did he just leave it on the wall and never noticed? Seeing the picture left more questions than answers for Janet. It was a lot to consider, she thought and glanced away.
Janet picked up her coffee that Jack had set down and took a sip.
Bitter, she thought.
"Jack do mind if I take some milk for my coffee?" She called out.
"Course not, but uhm, check the date first." Jack's voice came from the back of the house.
Janet went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door.
"Oh my God, Jack!" She cried out.
"What?" Jack came running back towards her.
Janet looked at him in dismay and waved her hand in front of the collection of pizza boxes, Chinese food containers and some things she couldn't readily distinguish.
"I am 'so' going to check your cholesterol when we get back." She exclaimed.
"I thought you'd seen a Goa'uld or something" He laughed at her reaction to his food.
"You have got to stop eating like this." She chastised and held up a container that if she had to identify would be simply 'green food'.
"I eat fine." Jack defended and reached down to Gordie who had trotted back into the room.
"For a teenager." Janet said sarcastically and put the container back inside the refrigerator.
"Are you about ready?" He asked, wanting to change the subject away from his age.
"Sure." Janet took her tumbler and noticed another plant needing attention. "Jack, who takes care of Gordie when you're away on business." She asked, making a joke of the Stargate.
"Well the neighbor did until Gordie got a.." He coughed. "Little too friendly with her dog." He said and petted his dog's wide head.
"You're kidding. Gordie!" She accused him and bent down to ruffle his ears. "You dirty old man, you."
"Teal'c's been watching him while I've been in the infirmary but I'll probably hire a kid from down the street."
"I can do it." Janet offered.
"Seriously?" He was shocked. "You wouldn't mind?"
"Nope, not at all." She was somewhat surprised at herself and of Jack. She felt another portion of the emotional wall she held up start to crack a little more. She couldn't even tell how much was left of it.
"Cool." Jack said. "Thanks."
"We should get going." Janet pointed to her watch. Petting the dog once more, she headed towards the door. Gordie attempted to follow her but Jack stopped him. Gordie let out a small whimper.
"Yeah, I know boy." He said quietly as he petted his dog. "I've missed her too." He said wistfully but for the first time, with hope in his voice.
To Be Continued...