Chapter 3
It had been almost three days before I saw him again. We had avoided each other like the plague. So when the Friday night house shows started I had to finally talk to him again but I did everything in my power to keep it just business. Every time he looked at me I could swear I saw warmth come through his cold demeanor. But when I would look again it would be gone. The tension between the two of us only continued to mount.
I had talked with another PR assistant; she had told me that he and Trish were an item. I was guessing that they had been since he threw me out. I had been lucky enough to avoid that situation. I was busier with all of Randy's engagements than I would have thought. He was popular no doubt. I knew I was about to run into him because I had to take paper work for a TV appearance to him to sign. I stopped outside the locker room door. I almost knocked but didn't.
As soon as I swung open the door, I desperately wish that I had knocked. It was just like the scene two years ago. There he was sitting on a bench without a shirt, and Trish Stratus straddling him placing kisses all down his bare chest. For a moment I almost ran, for a moment my breath felt like it had been knocked out of me, for a moment I almost cried. But only for a moment, I would not let them see me cry again, neither of them deserved the satisfaction.
"Don't you knock…."? Randy started to yell but when he caught my eye and saw it was me he stopped. Trish must have heard him and she looked at me also. "Sam…" The way he said my name was different than the tone that he took with me since I had been back, it was soft almost regretful.
I cleared my throat and took a deep breath and fidgeted with the paper work in my hands. I begged my voice not to shake as I stared to speak. "I am…uh…sorry … to interrupt. I will come back if it is a bad time. I just ...have some um...paperwork for Randy to sign." I didn't look up again. I couldn't bear seeing the same picture that was all ready burned into my mind.
The mood in the room was so tense that I felt my body reacting. I was doing every thing I could not to shake. "Sam," he said my name again as tender as the first time. I was trying not to look up. I would not give him the pleasure to see me hurt. He must have moved Trish off his lap because he crossed the room to where I was standing still with the door open. I was frozen I couldn't move. He touched me, just my arm but I could feel the tears start. I would not let him see my eyes. I found the will to slam the papers on his chest.
"Sign where the red x is." I said never once looking at his face. I knew that my face was flustered. Why did I care? I didn't want to, he was too hard to love. What am I thinking? I love Brady. I don't care who Randy fucks. He took to papers and I could tell his moment of tenderness had passed.
"Do you have a pen?" He said hard and cold. I knew what he was doing he knew full well that I would have to break my stare down at my weighed down folder full paper work to retrieve him a pen.
"No, I am sure you can find one somewhere." I lied.
"But it's not my job to. It's yours...doll." I could feel the rage and anger rise up in my chest I threw the folder on to his chest and finally looked into his eyes. They were cold, he was a good actor, when his voice was tender I almost believed he cared. I wish that my figure tips had not grazed his skin. It brought back memories, ones that I tried but could never forget. I quickly found my bearings and started going through my purse. I retrieved something from the bottom. I held up the pen and he started to take it but I pulled it back.
"OH, Mr. Orton, I am so sorry, I forgot to take the cap off for you." I quickly pulled the pen back and ripped the lid off. And this time I looked into his eyes; I knew that my anger had masked my hurt. He laughed and used the stack of papers as a solid surface to sign the paperwork. I wish that I had looked away but when he laughed his blue eyes sparkled and I smiled to myself. I also noticed his body, cut and flawless as I remembered. It felt so natural that I would have been the one kissing him, and touching him. I quickly pulled myself back from the thought as he cleared his throat. I wasn't sure how long exactly I had been looking at him. But he knew.
"Still like what you see Samantha?" He was teasing me again. I stated to get embarrassed, but then I stared to play along.
"Oh Randy, you should know, that physical attraction to you was never the problem. Your physical attraction to everyone else was. Now if you both will excuse me I have work to do." I said taking my paper work and leaving them both with a look of shock. I
I just stood there watching the door close behind her. Trish was right, stronger, that was the word that described the change in her. I knew that when she walked it on us that it stirred her. I saw her heart almost break all over again. I knew that mine had. But when I provoked her she rose to the occasion. She had grown up.
Had I not heard Trish stir in the corner I would have thought that she had left. I turned and saw the petite blond starring at me with an expression that I couldn't quite read. "Well," she said.
"Well what?" I replied coolly. I wasn't sure what she wanted. Maybe I really am a jerk but I made it clear all along, I was not with her for love. I had enough of that with Sam. I knew that I would not give anyone that much power to hurt me again. I also wasn't sure it Sam would always hold it or not.
I watched Trish button her shirt. She was angry and this time it was with me. When she was finally done with her clothing she looked at me. "You will never not love her will you?"
This was none of her business. How could she even ask that when she knew the answer? We had discussed it more than once. The last thing I was going to do was say it to her. I glared at her coldly as if trying to tell her to tread lightly, but I knew she would press the issue. "Are you leaving or staying?" I said. I knew that the question had many ways of interruption. I wasn't even sure if I meant now or forever. I just opened up the door and she walked out of it. I think deep down I knew Trish would be back. She wasn't like Sam. Trish lacked the courage of her convictions. And for the first time I felt guilty for taking advantage of that.
It took all I had to walk out and pretended that I was okay, leaving Randy and Trish to finish what I had interrupted. I didn't hate Trish as much as you would think. In fact I felt sorry for her. She loved him, much more than he would ever be capable to loving her. Randy is a hard person to put behind you and get over but an even harder person to love. I wasn't staying for the show and pulled my thin jacket around me tight as I prepared to walk out into the cold Chicago winter night.
When I walked out I saw a sight that surprised me. Snow completely covered the private parking lot of the arena. It was hard to make out which cars were which, at that moment I wish that I had sprung for an SUV instead on a little VW bug. I stood there wondering what I was going to do with a foot of snow on the ground, when I heard the door slam behind me. I knew who it was instinctively.
"Wishing you had sprung for the truck now don't you Sam?" I turned to see him dressed in a Columbia coat and jeans. "Glad I did." He laughed.
"No I stand behind my judgment. I am fine." I said adamantly. He laughed. But the laugh was real not his sarcastic laugh or arrogant smirk.
"Come on you can ride back to the hotel with me." He said. His eyes were not cold they were not warm. I didn't think that I should go. His presents still had too much of an effect on me.
"No I am fine." I stared to walk away to see if I could find my car. When he did something that astonished me. He grabbed my arm. I turned to look at him.
"Sam I am not a bastard I am not letting you drive in a car that I feel quite certain that you will have an accident in." He said firmly. "Let's face it you are not that great of a driver anyway." I opened my mouth to argue and remembered that I wasn't and he was right.
"Time changes things." I stated. Still determined not to be alone with him for that long. I expected him to laugh but he didn't.
He just stated firmly. "Not that much." I knew that he wasn't just talking about my driving.
For the mere fact that I didn't want to drive in the snow and I knew that he wouldn't give up. I gave in. "Ok."
"Besides I would hate to have Mr. Quarterback try to kick my ass for letting you drive in this weather in a bug." I felt a pang of guilt. Why did he bring up Brady? Why did he have to remind me once again of what transpired between he and myself? "Sam you don't have to feel guilty. It was a long time ago." I shook my head wondering why he was being so nice.
I shivered in the cold and wished that I had worn a heavy coat instead of just a stylish small one. I watched Randy dig out the Escalade that he had rented. He looked up at my noticeable discomfort. "You about done?" I said shivering.
"Why are you cold?" He asked.
"You always were an Einstein Randy." I said a little sarcastically. He removed his coat a waded over to me and draped it around me. "No it's cold I can't take this Randy." I slipped it off wondering why he was being such a gentleman.
"Take it Sam, I'm fine." He said. "I'm working up a sweat digging the truck out anyway." He laughed. I was cold so I wrapped the big coat around me. It smelled like him. I could smell his Armani cologne intoxicate me again. I felt as if for a moment he had me wrapped inside his arms just like he used to.
"Thanks," I finally managed. He winked at me. Why was he doing this? Begin charming Randy? I thought he hated me. "Why aren't you at the show anyway?"
"I did my quick spot and decided to leave." He said simply still brushing the snow off the windows.
"Where's Trish?" I asked. He shot me a look. I decided it best not to purse that question. Even though I couldn't help but wonder why he didn't care how she got to the hotel.
I stood what seemed like an hour lost inside my own head when he finally stepped beside me and opened the door and held up his hand to help me into the Escalade. I took one step on the running board that was still slick with snow and ice and my Prada heel slipped. He caught me. I was face to face even closer than the last time I found myself in this situation. My breath caught in my chest. He was holding me so close and all the ice had melted in his eyes. He just looked at me. I am not sure if he wanted to kiss me or if he wanted me to kiss him. I didn't want to move. A part of me wanted to stay here right like this just looking at him forever. But the logical side of me, won.
"Sorry, you know how clumsy I am, your right somethings time will never change." He knew what I meant. He gave me a weak smile and helped me into the passengers seat. And slammed the door.
Damn Randy what are you doing? She's engaged. I kept saying as I stood around the back waiting until I could gain my composure. But she loved you first. You see it she still dose. I wanted to shoot the little voice in my head. I couldn't do this. I finally regained my strength to face her again and got into the drivers seat and started the car. I was silent. So was she. I reached for the radio and fidgeted with the dial until something finally came in. I pulled out as a song that I knew all too well started playing. It made me think of her.
I will not make
The same mistakes
That you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way that you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far
Damn this song, I thought of him every time I heard it. I used to cry myself to sleep listening to it. Seeing his face in the darkness. I reached for the radio to turn it off as I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. He caught my hand. And simply said, "Leave it." For some reason I obeyed.
Because of you
I never stray to far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
She sat straight ahead not looking at me and I not looking at her. She felt it too. She felt like this some how summed her and I up. We were so much alike and so different at the same time. She had made me afraid. I know I had made her afraid. And I ultimately knew that we were afraid of each other.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I can not cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile each and every day of my life
My heart can't possible break when it wasn't even whole to start with
I knew I was crying. I could feel the tears falling down my face onto his coat. Why was he doing this? Why couldn't he just turn it off? It was obvious wasn't it that he had already gotten to me. Randy was mean sometimes but I knew that he was vurnable too. Did he really want me to see him this way? Or was this another game?
Because of you
I never stray to far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I couldn't look at her but I knew that she was crying. I felt as if my heart was being ripped out again. I wanted her back I finally realized how much. I knew that she would never be able to trust me again. I also knew she deserved the truth no matter how much I was afraid of telling her. I knew that it would make her hate me and herself even more. But she had a right to know that I loved her, and that it wasn't her fault. That I was the one, that messed up. I was ready after two years to confess and forgive everything.
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young you should have known
Better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your face
Now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
I hated my self. I hated myself for still loving him. I hated myself because Brady didn't make me feel this way and he was perfect. I hated myself for taking this job. What I hated most of all is that one if not all involved was going to get hurt. There were four lives that had the potential to get messed up in this. I just had to let him go. He would always be him. He would never be what I really needed.
Because of you
I never stray to far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I am ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
We rode in silence the rest of the way. I watched her when we pulled into the hotel parking lot. She starred ahead. "Thank you for the ride Randy." She stared to get out of the Truck. I reached for her hand. Touching her was torture and heaven at the same time.
"Sam we have to talk." I said. I saw her face she looked confused, hurt and scared.
"No Randy, not tonight, I am tired." She said.
"Sam please." I said I didn't want to push her, but I knew that things would go back to the way that they were tomorrow if I didn't talk to her. I knew that if she pushed me away I would retreat like I always did. I felt like I could get through to her tonight. I felt like I could tell her the truth tonight. I didn't know what the light of morning would hold. I knew that by the light of morning what I would like to be holding. Here it rested on her shoulders. Maybe I was being unfair again, I had almost set this up as an ultimatum in my mind.
"Randy, I can't deal with you tonight." She looked at me and I felt the anger rise. Deal with me?
"You are no picnic most of the time either Samantha, but I have got to tell you something. If it waits till tomorrow it will never happen." I spat back.
"What so I will sleep with you tonight and leave me with the morning light? Make me feel guilty, so you can torture me more. What you want to hear you hurt me? You want to hear I'm sorry for Brady? What do you want me to say Randy; I wish things were different between us. Would it matter? You are who you are and I am who I am. Let's just face it." She said getting out and slamming the door. I would have normally let her go but I couldn't I had to fight with her to fight for her.
Just a quick disclaimer I do not own anything that you recognize lol.
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