Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Warner Brothers or Dorothy Parker Drank Here or anyone else attached in any way with Gilmore Girls.
A/N: Hope you like this. Don't be worried, I am aavid JavaJunkie, but I don'thateChristopher.
Chapter 3 – Finding the Pieces
As she turned on the coffee pot, Rory felt that gnawing fear in the pit of her stomach growing and spreading. Maybe they came back too soon. Maybe her mother wasn't ready for this. Maybe there was another way. Maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe it would backfire. There were just so many maybes.
As painful as Lorelai's breakdown had been something positive had come from it. It forced both Lorelai and Rory to really talk; a no holes barred brutally honest type talk. There was a lot crap that they had allowed to build up between them and it all had to be torn down before they could begin to rebuild bridges.
Breaking up with Luke had been the final push that had broken Lorelai but it was far from the only reason for her emotional crash. This had been building for a long time.
The years of alienation from her family, the weight of responsibility at such a young age, the feeling of abandonment and rejection from so many in her life had left Lorelai with a bruised and batter ego. She had protected herself from pain through flippant humor, quirky wisecracks and an effervescent personality. Losing Luke had stripped her of all those defenses.
Luke had been her confidant, her support, her rock, her soul mate, and now he was gone. Lorelai couldn't remember ever feeling so completely alone, so completely vulnerable. There had always been someone in her life that she could rely on, someone she could trust completely. Now she felt like there was no one and there would never be anyone ever again. She would never have Luke again. This terrified her beyond belief.
When she was young, Christopher had been her best buddy, they were allies. Their lives were parallel worlds filled with frustrations, dissatisfaction, and disappointment. They were two jelly beans in the Harford elite pea pod, forever doomed to be ignored and rejected.
Christopher had kept her sane all those years ago. He had given her hope that not everyone would see her just as a disappointment and failure. That there were other peoplewho would accept and maybe even embrace her for whom and what she is.
Lorelai and Christopher had been the terrible twosomes, the disappointing duo, united for ever. That was, until a third person joined the team.
From the very moment that Lorelai first realized that a baby, a person was growing in her, she changed. Long before she knew IT was Rory she knew she had a new confidant. Someone who needed her, loved her, and would never reject her. Oddly, the very knowledge of the baby inside her freed her from so many of her pesky insecurities.
Christopher never had the same epiphany. He was just alone.
Everyone (except her parents) saw Christopher as this negligent father who essentially abandoned both Rory and her. Lorelai saw it just the opposite. She always felt guilt about Christopher because she knew that once she had found out about Rory, she had pulled away from him. She left him alone to deal with life.
Lorelai drew her strength from Rory. It was Rory that gave her the courage to leave Hartford, to leave her parents, to build a new and wonderful life. Rory was her salvation. She loved and trusted Rory like no one else on earth. She built her life on the foundation of her relationship with her daughter.
That was until her daughter abandoned her last year and moved back to Hartford. Rory not only rejected Lorelai but she chose to embrace the very life style that had nearly destroyed the essence of Lorelai's soul.
But Luke had been there. He had held her together. He comforted her and kept her steady while she waited for Rory to come back. She knew that without his support, she would have simply ceased to exist.
In return she completely and totally surrendered all of her love and trust to him. She willingly and happily gave all of herself to Luke forever.
But now he didn't want her any more. He left her alone and without hope. Without him, Lorelai was just an empty shell.
So Friday night, with no where else to go, Lorelai had knocked on Christopher's door in desperation.
Saturday morning, Christopher called Rory for help.
It had been 7:03AM on Saturday morning when Rory's cell phone had began to ring. She was still sleeping and didn't appreciate the wake-up call. Last night had been tough on her, she had said goodbye to Logan as he left for his year in England.
She thought about just letting the call go to voice mail, but luckily, she checked the caller ID first. It was from her mom's cell so she answered.
"It's too early" she grumbled in the phone.
"Rory, I'm sorry to be calling you so early but it's me, Dad."
"Oh Dad, hi, I'm sorry but I thought it was Mom on the phone. She does this to me all the time. Hey, what are you doing calling on Mom's phone?"
"I need your help, kid. Your mom's here with me and she's not in the best of shape."
"What do you mean? Why is she there? What happened?"
"I'm not sure exactly. She just showed up at my door late last night. Rory, I have never seen her like this. She'is a mess. I don't know what to do. Should I call your Grandparents or maybe a doctor?"
"What happened? Was she in an accident? Did she get attacked? Oh my god, did someone rape her?"
"No, no, no I don't think it was anything like that. She said that she and Luke got in a big fight. She said they broke up."
"Oh my god! Okay, just let her stay there and don't let her leave. I'll get there as soon as possible. Try to get her to eat or drink something at least. I'll take care of her."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. She was like this the last time they broke up. It'll be okay. I can handle it."
Rory hung up the phone and started to get dressed. "Oh, this is bad", she thought. "This is really bad. I wonder what the hell happened."
It normally took Rory about an hour and a half to get from New Haven to her Dad's condo in Boston. Today she arrived on his door step a mere one hour and seventeen minutes after the phone call (and that included dressing). Chris opened the door almost before she could knock.
"Oh, thank god you're here. I don't know what to do for her. She won't eat or drink, not even coffee! I have never seen Lorelai refuse coffee before! I tried to get her to talk but she just keeps saying something about Luke and her middle? I don't know. It doesn't make any sense."
"Let me talk to her, okay? Where is she?"
"She's in my bedroom."
Rory entered her dad's room cautiously. She found Lorelai curled up in almost a fetal position lying in Chris' bed staring at a blank corner in the room. Her face was blotchy and her eyes were red and swollen from crying. She was clutching the covers tightly up to her neck.
"Mom?"
(Crickets).
"Mom?"
(Crickets again).
"Mom, please talk to me?"
"Rory?"
"Mom, I'm here."
"Go away. Please, just go home Rory."
Rory moved to the opposite side of the bed and lay down. She scooted close to her mom and reached out to hug her tight. "I'm here and I'm not leaving. Now you have to tell me what happened."
"It's gone, it's all gone."
"What's gone?"
" Luke. My middle."
"Mom, what do you mean your middle; middle of what? And where's Luke? Did something happen to Luke?"
"Luke's gone. Luke's and my middle is gone."
Lorelai's breathing was becoming ragged and raspy. She was trying not to cry but it was hard.
She really wanted just to be left alone. Talking was too hard. Everything was too hard. She was sorry that Rory cared so much and that she wanted to help but Lorelai really just wanted her to leave.
She didn't want to think about anything even though she couldn't stop thinking. The same thoughts keep rolling over and over in her head and they wouldn't leave her alone. "Luke doesn't love me. No one really loves me. I'm just a disappointment to everyone. There's no one that wants the real me. Luke doesn't want me. Rory doesn't need me. Luke doesn't need me. Luke doesn't trust me. Everyone would just be better off if I was just gone."
All of those thoughts kept spinning around and around in Lorelai's head as she slipped into a fitful sleep.
Rory laid there watching her mother sleep. She was really worried. Last time it was days before Lorelai would leave the house. This time her mom seemed even more devastated.
They couldn't stay here in Boston at Christopher's condo but Rory wasn't sure she could get her mom home without help. Actually, she wasn't sure that she should take her mom home at all. That house was full of Luke reminders. That might make everything worse.
If she didn't take her mom home, where could they go? The grandparents were out of the question. The apartment in New Haven would work for a couple of days but with Logan out of the country for a year, all of his stuff was going to be packed up and put into storage on Tuesday. So at best, New Haven was a very temporary option. After that, what should she do?
Maybe Christopher could help.
Rory checked to see if her mother was still sleeping before she left the room to talk with her dad. Lorelai was sleeping fitfully but still sleeping, so Rory got up.
Christopher looked anxious as he sat on the sofa waiting for Rory to come out. When he saw the bedroom door open and his oldest daughter emerge, he sat up straighter.
"How is she" he asked
"Not good. She's even worse than the last time. She didn't really tell me much. What exactly happened last night?"
Christopher had the decency to look contrite knowing full well he was one of the major causes of the last breakup. "Like I said, about 11:00 o'clock last night I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and there was your Mom. She was really upset and I could see that she had been crying. "
"God, Rory, she was in bad shape. She could barely walk. She just kind of stumbled through the door and I caught her and helped her to the sofa. I tried to find out what had happened but she wasn't making much sense. All I could get was that she had fought with Luke and that they had broken up."
"Then she just broke down and really started crying and shaking. I must have held her for at least a half hour just trying to get her calm."
"When she finally stopped crying, she was still shaking. She seemed like she was kind of in shock. So I got up and fixed her a brandy. She drank it and then before I knew what she was doing, she grabbed the bottle and started chugging it. She must have drank half of the brandy before I got it away from her"
"When I grabbed the bottle from her, I don't know whether it pissed her off or what. Anyway she just started in on this rant. How she wasn't worth serving brandy to, she only deserved rotgut. Then she started talking on and on about how she was nothing but a burden to everyone and everyone would be better off if she was gone."
"I tried to calm her down again but she kept pushing me away. The all of a sudden she kind of hunch over and began looking really pale. I knew that she was about to, you know, get sick. I tried to get her to bathroom but I wasn't fast enough."
"She just started to heave. She was really sick. I finally got her to bathroom but she was already a mess. I held her over the toilet for many 30 or 45 minutes. I've never seen anyone that sick before. I've got admit I was scared."
"When it finally looked like she was done, I tried to clean her up. She didn't fight me or try to help. It was like she didn't care."
"I put her into the shower but she just stood there. She wouldn't even take off her clothes or anything. So I had to clean her up myself. She was a total mess but she was like a zombie, totally immobile."
"You took off her clothes?"
"Yes, but God Rory, it wasn't like that. She had gotten sick all over herself: it was on her clothes, in her hair, everywhere. She needed to be cleaned up. I just took care of her, you know cleaned her up, washed her hair. Nothing else happened."
"After she was cleaned up, I dried her off. She still wouldn't move or do anything for herself. It was like she was catatonic or something. I even had to carry her to bed. I just laid her down and left her there to go get her some clean clothes. By the time I got back, she was already asleep. So I just covered her up and left her alone."
"I came in here to clean it up. She had made kind of a mess, you know with the puking and all. Then I cleaned up the bathroom. I tried to rinse out her clothes but I think they're trashed. I'll send them to the cleaners. Maybe they can do something."
"I came back in here to sleep on the sofa but then I heard your mom. It sounded like she was crying again, so I went to check on her."
"She was crying and moaning in her sleep. I guess she was having a nightmare or something. I lay down next to her and held her because she was shaking. I thought maybe she was cold. That seemed to comfort her. She quieted down and I guess I fell asleep."
"Next thing I know, GiGi is in the room and she's screaming. Seeing Lorelai kind of freaked her out. I grabbed up GiGi and got her out of here. I quieted her down and fixed her breakfast. While she was eating, I checked on Lorelai."
"I found her just lying there on her back, staring into space. She looked freaked so I lay down next to her like I had last night, you know, trying to comfort her again. All I was trying to do was help, but it just seemedto upset her. She started crying and yelling at me to leave her alone. So I left."
"That's when I called you."
"Dad, you swear that's all you did," Rory asked suspiciously?
"For God's sake, Rory, do you really think I'm some kind of monster or something? That I would ravish Lorelai when she was so obviously hurt and broken? Gee, feel the love."
"I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't mean anything by that. It's just that you and Mom kind of have this history, bad history of inappropriate behavior. It always ends badly and then Mom ends up hurting."
Rory looked directly into her father's eyes as if to read his mind before she said, "If you're telling me that nothing happened then I believe you. I do!"
"So what's the plan now, kiddo?"
"She can't stay here but I need to take her somewhere. I just don't think home is such a good idea right now. She and Luke renovated the house, you know, to make it more Luke friendly. I am afraid that it might be just a little too much of a reminder of him. I thought of staying at the Dragonfly but I am not sure that anywhere is Stars Hallow is a good idea right now, too many memories too many nosey people."
"I guess we could stay in the apartment in New Haven but everything is being packed up there on Tuesday so that is only temporary. I don't want to take her to the grandparents. I don't think she is in any state of mind to be able to deal with Richard and Emily. I suppose we could stay at an inn or motel until she's feeling better. I just have to check and see about the money situation"
"Oh, please Rory, if you're worried about money, don't. Remember, I'm loaded. I will pay for whatever you need. Maybe you and she should check in to one of those fancy spas for a week, no make it a month. Or take a month long cruise or better yet, rent a villa at the Côte d'Azur. The sky's the limit, kid. Whatever you need to take care of your mom, just say the word."
Rory smiled at Chris's over the top generosity. There were a lot of thing she could say that weren't so nice about her father, but she knew that he sincerely cared her mother.
"I don't think a month at a spa or on a cruise or a villa at the French Riviera is what she needs right now. We just need someplace peaceful and quiet and away from everything. Just someplace that would give Mom a chance to get it together and heal."
Chris slapped his forehead as he said, "Wait Rory, I've got the perfect place. The Hayden Family Trust has a place up in the Pocono Mountains. The main house is this big log cabin with five bedrooms, seven baths, a kitchen and a huge great room. A couple of months ago, I had the whole electronic system rewired and upgraded for internet access. It's got a satellite system, plasma TV in all the rooms, and an awesome sound system. There's even a hot tub and tennis court. Outside of the main lodge there's this game room with billiards, ping pong and stuff. There are even a caretaker and his wife that take care of the place, you know, who do the cooking and cleaning. They live in cabin on the property."
"No one is using the place much since my grandfather died. He loved it up there. He would invite various family members and friends to stay there with him all of the time. It was like a royal summons to be invited to the Lodge."
"It's a great place and it would be perfect. You could stay there for as long as you needed to" said Christopher smugly.
"But Dad, what if someone else wants to use it?"
"Then they're out of luck. I control the access to it. No one can use it unless I let them. Look, this is for the Hayden family and you are entitled to use it just like anyone else in the Hayden family. You are my daughter; you are part of the Hayden clan."
"Err; I guess it would be alright. I mean it sounds perfect, Dad. It just that I feel really weird about it. I don't want Mom to feel weird about it."
"Rory, please. I owe you and your Mother so much more than I can ever give you. I really want to do this for you and for your mom. Besides, like I said, you're entitled to use it just as much as any of the rest of the family."
"Okay. It does sound perfect. Now I guess I better called Sookie. I don't know, it's heading into the busy summer months. Hopefully she and Michele can handle everything until Mom is better."
"Rory let me help there, too. You tell Sookie and Michele that if they need to hire someone temporarily to help cover the slack, I'll pay for it. You just tell me what you need; I'll take care of it. It is the very least I can do. I want to do this kid. I really need to do this."
"I get it Dad but it's just that Mom really hates to take anything from anyone. She's got that stubborn pride thing going. I don't want her mad when she finds out. It's just that I don't know what else to do."
"If your mother gets mad, then tell her it was entirely my fault. I forced you. I told you that if you didn't take my help, I would call Richard and Emily! Even your mom would agree that this is a better option that your grandparents."
"Okay, I guess so. I suppose I better go and pack up some stuff. I'll go to back to New Haven first and get the rest of my things. I can then head to the Hollow and pack some stuff for Mom. Then I guess just come back and get her and we can head off, if that's okay with you? You think you can take care of mom while I'm gone, 'cuz it's going to take me six maybe seven hours to do all of this?"
"No problem kid. Take your time. I'll take care of your mom. I sent GiGi with her nanny to visit her grandma today. They're staying the night. When you get back you and your mom can stay here tonight. You can get a good night sleep tonight and take off for the Lodge tomorrow."
Luke was stun beyond words, beyond action, beyond feeling. What the hell had just happened?
Sure it had been a really bad day. Anna had freaked out because Lorelai had come to her store. He wasn't sure exactly what had happened between them but Anna was sure upset. She yelled and threatened him.
He was pissed at Lorelai. Why couldn't she just stay out of it, it wasn't her concern. He was handling it. My god, did she think he was totally incompetent? April was his daughter, his and Anna's. It didn't concern Lorelai.
He had been trying to reach Lorelai since he left Anna's but he couldn't find her. Sure he had been a little upset with her at first but when he wasn't able to reach her, his anger sort of built up. By the time she walked into the diner tonight, he was really mad.
He started out by yelling at her. She responded by blaming the whole thing on Anna, like going behind his back was no big deal.
Things just went downhill from that point.
The next thing he knows, Lorelai is pushing to elope tonight! Like that would solve everything.
Luke was not having any of her trickery or evasive maneuvers. Of course he told her absolutely not, they weren't going to run off and elope. They had some serious problems to work on, like how she didn't respect his space.
Then, completely out of the blue, she hands him the engagement ring, says that she can't be in this relationship anymore, and walks out the door.
He was dumbstruck. What the hell was that? Sure they were fighting, couples fight but it wasn't that big of fight, was it? He still love her, didn't she love him? He still wanted to get married, he just needed some time.
But evidently she was out of time.
It was a good five minutes after Lorelai walked out before Luke could actually respond. He needed to talk to her, to try to understand. This just didn't make any sense.
He ran out of the diner and to her house. It was dark and her car wasn't there. She wasn't there.
He began to run all over town, but he couldn't find her. He tried her cell but it went to voice mail immediately.
Dejectedly, Luke came back to the diner. He had neglected to lock up before he ran out so naturally Kirk was setting at the counter.
"Kirk, what are you doing here?"
"It's a diner, I came to dine."
"I'm closed now, go home Kirk."
"But the sign says OPEN and the door was unlocked."
Luke just turned and looked at Kirk. Something in his eyes told Kirk to shut up and leave if he valued his life. Kirk got up and ran out the diner.
Luke turned the sign to CLOSED, locked the door and turned off the lights. He didn't bother finishing up the tally for the day, he didn't mop the floor; he didn't do any of his normal closing procedures. He just went up to his apartment.
(tbc)