Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with Warner Brothers or Dorothy Parker Drank Here or anyone else attached in any way with Gilmore Girls.
Chapter 6 – Gathering the Pieces
They were just about to pull up to the entrance to the Lodge. Chris and GiGi were coming to spend the weekend with the Gilmore girls.
Lorelai and Rory had been staying at the Lodge for almost three weeks. This was the third visit that they had made.
Chris tried to convince himself that he was just doing this only out of friendship but he knew better. He was coming to see her and be with her. He still loved Lorelai.
But, right now, she needed him only as a friend.
Lorelai would be happy to see him he knew. He made her laugh. They had a rhythm together that was comfortable and comforting. She needed that right now. That was enough for him today.
There was always tomorrow.
Lorelai and Rory had returned from shopping. They had spent the morning at a Flea Market and had come home with what they felt were treasures. They both felt giddy from their successful foray into the world of bargain shopping.
Lorelai had spent nearly 35 minutes haggling for a rhinestone flower hat pin that the dealer had been trying to sell for $50.00. She had used all of her talents of persuasion and charm to successfully beat him down to $25.00.
Then she spent another 20 minutes beating him down on the price of an Art Nouveau porcelain hat pin holder that he was asking $55.00. Lorelai paid $30.00 for it.
Rory tried to point out to her the absurdity of purchasing a hat pin, "Mom you don't need a hat pin because you rarely wear hats and the ones you do wear, don't require pins."
"Of course I do," responded Lorelai, "it's sparkly."
"But then you had to spend an additional $30.00 to buy the hat pin holder to hold your hat pin."
"Right."
"If you hadn't bought the hat pin which you didn't need, you wouldn't have had to buy the hat pin holder." reasoned Rory.
"Yes and your point is?"
"I have no idea."
Rory had found what she suspected was a rare volume of the 1888 edition of "Romances, Lyrics & Sonnets" by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. The seller was asking $50.00 but she got him to drop the price to $39.00. Her haggling skills were not in the same league as her mother's but she was pleased.
The Gilmore girls had just returned to the Lodge and were getting out of the car as Chris and GiGi pulled up. GiGi squealed in delight when she saw "Aunt Lorelai" and Rory. Hugs were given all around. Everyone was up for a light-hearted, fun weekend.
Rory was almost always happy to see her father but his frequent trips to visit them since they had arrived at the Lodge were becoming increasingly worrisome for her. She suspected that he was using her mother's present vulnerability to try to entrench himself into her life in a more personal way. That felt wrong to Rory.
Rory could remember when the present scenario would have been a fantasy comes true; the image of her mother and father together would have seemed perfect. But that was when she was young and innocent and stories always ended with "and they lived happily ever after". She wasn't so young and innocent anymore.
There was a lot pain connected to Rory's relationship with Christopher, pain that she had only begun to really explore and analyze in the past year. For so much of her life, he had been this witty charming man that momentarilywould come into her life spreading happiness and love. Then he would leave and she would hurt.
She had never been a priority in his life. No matter how pretty or good or smart or charming she was, it was never enough to make him want stay with her. He always had to leave to be somewhere else. Someone or some other place had always drawn him away from his first born child.
But in the past few years, he had changed. He had settled down and was really trying to be a responsible parent for GiGi. And he was trying really hard to find a place in Rory's life.
She appreciated his effort and his support. She just didn't trust him, especially where her mother was concern.
Lorelai was so susceptible right now. Only Rory had been witness to her tirades about how she had failed Luke. Lorelai's self esteem was at an all time low. To the casual observer they saw a women that seemed confident and assured but Rory knew that Lorelai felt anything but that.
The problem was that around Christopher she was more confident and assured. He was kind and attentive and looked to Lorelai as a mentor and advisor which was all very appealing for her in her current state of mind.
Rory could see how Christopher was attempting to transform himself into the conception of what he thought Lorelai wanted him to be. He was trying to shape his way of living according to her values and agenda.
That was so wrong at so many levels.
The last thing that either her mother or father needed right now was a Pygmalion type of relationship. It would be neither healthy nor satisfying. The outcome of such a bond would bring only disappointment and frustration and pain to both of them.
It was Sunday afternoon, just after Chris and GiGi had left to return to Boston. Both Lorelai and Rory were lounging outside on the deck of the Lodge enjoying the late afternoon sun.
Rory turned to her mother and asked, "Can we talk seriously about you and Dad?"
Lorelai was startled by the randomness of the question but responded with, "Of course hon, you know you can talk to me about anything."
"How exactly would you define your relationship with Dad?"
"Boy, are you sounding like a reporter or maybe more like a therapist? I guess that fancy Yale education is kicking in or does this question stem from your two month foray into the world of psychological therapy?"
"Neither, it comes from the heart of your daughter that loves you."
"Wow, okay you want to know how I define my relationship with Christopher? I don't know, we're friends and we share a special bond because of you, our gifted and beautiful daughter. It is what it has always been."
"I'm serious Mom. Do you think you could be happy with Dad, I mean romantically?"
Lorelai was silent for several seconds. Then she took a deep breathe and let it out slowly before she responded. "Oh Rory, I will always love your father you know that, but I am not in love with him. I know that it would make for a nice neat little package to have your mother and father finally together even though it took 21 years to happen, but I can't do that babe, not even for you. I have only truly loved one man in my life, that real adult scary no holes barred type of love. I may have screwed everything up with Luke but he is still the only one for me. I just don't feel the same way about your dad."
"Good."
"Good? I'm confused? You don't want me to be with your father?"
"No, I don't. I guess it probably sounds weird but I really don't think that you are good for each other that way.
" I don't get it, so why the question then?"
"I don't know. Dad has been bringing GiGi here to stay with us every weekend and it seems to make you really happy. I guess I thought that there might be something starting between you two."
Lorelai stared off into the distance. She had such a heart-rending look of sadness about her. When she spoke, it was quiet and unaffected, "I know that Christopher is hoping that time will change what I feel. He's playing the role of the ever-faithful friend hoping to be my knight in shining armor and I know that it's probably wrong of me to let him. It's just that it feels so good to be needed by someone right now. But you're right; I'm not being fair to Christopher."
"Mom, I'm not criticizing you! I'm just trying to understand what's in your head and your heart. I just want you to be happy."
"Oh kid, if I could only understand what goes on in my head! It's like a carnival house of mirrors in here. I keep seeing what I think is the right path and then I end up smacking into my own reflection. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go."
Lorelai then turned and looked intensely into her daughter's eyes. "But what's in my heart, that I am sure about."
Rory got up and came over to give Lorelai a hug. As she squeezed her mom tightly, Rory softly said, "You know things are not as bad as you might think. He still loves you."
Lorelai smiled stiffly and looked off into the distance. A single tear rolled down her check as she bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. "I tried to be there for him, I wanted to be supportive. It's just that I got tied up in my own thoughts. I don't know; I just got so scared."
Lorelai then looked down and began picking at the polish on her fingernails, "I finally knew what I wanted you know; no questions no uncertainty. I'd never felt that way about anyone before. I just got so afraid that he wasn't in the same place and it turns out that he wasn't."
Lorelai raised her head up to look into her daughters clear blue eyes before she confessed, "I just wanted the whole package. I really wanted it. I could see it, smell it, and almost touch it. It was there, right there but I couldn't reach it. I guess I'm just not destined to get it, you know, it's just not in the cards for me."
Another tear trickled down Lorelai's check as she turned away from Rory. "It's not fair." she thought, "I finally find love but it's not enough."
Rory, touched her mother gently on the shoulder and said, "You know, I think you're wrong. I think he was right there with you all along."
Lorelai pulled away from Rory and stood up with her fists clenched with anger. Rory watched as her mother began to tremble. With a ragged breathe, Lorelai began, "No he wasn't. Maybe he had been but he had moved away. Would he have come back, I don't think so but it doesn't matter anymore? Don't you get it Rory, it is too late? I screwed it up big time. I freaked out and pushed him to elope. But he couldn't bring himself to do it, he needed more time with April. I try to make him choose between us but it was really no choice. She's his daughter! I'm just a complication that can screw it all up for him."
The tears began streaming down her face as Lorelai turned to run away but Rory was faster. She caught Lorelai in a strong hug and held her. Lorelai began crying hard.
Tenderly, like soothing a small child, Rory held her mother in a warm embrace trying to calm and comfort her.
"Mom, you are wrong. He is just as miserable as you. It is not too late because you and Luke can fix this. All of this happened because you two are just so damn independent and refuse to really talk to each other. I swear, you and Luke are just alike, you are two stubborn turtles!"
Lorelai couldn't help but snicker through her tears at Rory's accusation that she and Luke are turtles. It was so random, such an out of the blue analogy that she had to ask "I'm a turtle?"
"You and Luke both are turtles, independent turtles! Whenever you get scared, you both have that automatic response to pull within your own shells. Both of you have spent your entire lives struggling to make it work without anyone else to help you. You have done this so long that neither of you know how to accept help. Whenever anyone tries, it is like poking a snapping turtle with a stick. You end up trying to bit off a finger!"
Lorelai pulled away to look into Rory's face as she said "I have never tried to bite off your finger!"
"Mom the turtle is an analogy; we are talking metaphoric fingers here."
"So you're saying that both Luke and I have some serious trust issues, that we didn't trust each other? Well, that doesn't say anything good about our relationship does it? I mean if we couldn't trust each other then we were doomed. All of this was inevitable."
"No Mom, I do think you and Luke trust each other but you don't know how to show it. As soon as something bad or scary or just unknown happens to either of you, your first response is to pull within your shells. This is like a self-defense response that the both of you do without thinking. But it isn't some instinctual response, I think it is more of a learned behavior. You both need to unlearn and quit doing it!"
"What if we can't?"
"If it is important enough, you can and will. The first step is recognizing what you are doing. That doesn't mean either of you will just change overnight but you can change. You just have to work at it."
"You know Mom, when Luke found out about April, he pulled into his shell. He felt that he had to handle it all by himself which was wrong. But you let him stay in there!"
"Rory, he needed space. I gave him space. I was being supportive."
"Mom, he may have thought he needed space but he didn't. Remember, he's a turtle, he couldn't see much from within that shell. You needed to poke him, make him come out. You needed to talk to him, make him talk to you. All of this confusion is as much your fault as his because you never told him he was handling it wrong."
"He never meant to hurt you or make you feel unimportant. He thought he was doing the right thing, that he was handling everything correctly. He couldn't see what was really going on because remember, turtle in shell? His view was obstructed."
The realization of the truth of what Rory said was just beginning to dawn on Lorelai. Maybe if she had talked more openly with Luke and made him talk to her, things would not have become such a mess. That maybe pulling back and giving him space to deal with everything on his own was the wrong way to handle it. That maybe her biggest mistake back then was not talking to him about what she was feeling, but that was then. Now everything was so much more complicated.
There are things in life that can't be mended. Sometimes pieces are missing or just too broken to fit together; that all of the King's horses and all of the King's men can not put Humpty back together again. Lorelai was scared that this was one of those times.
It was all more complicated than Rory knew, than anyone knew. Lorelai had a secret, a secret that she needed to share. But she was terrified that when she did, it would make everything so much worse than she could imagine.
Jess had packed up his things and left earlier in the morning to go back to Philly. He had stayed in Stars Hollow for the past couple of days. He had taken care of Luke and even helped out in the diner. It was a good visit.
Luke was a lot better. Physically, he was healing. His back was much better, the swelling in his eye was almost gone (though he still had a big shiner), and his arm was sore and weak but functional. All in all, he was physically okay, not great but okay.
Emotionally he still had a ways to go but he was better there also, a lot better. It wasn't as if he and Jess had talked about it anymore, because they hadn't. But just having Jess stay there with him, knowing that he cared had helped Luke a lot.
Luke had spent the days since Jess arrived thinking about everything. He kept reliving every stupid action that he had taken since April's arrival in his life. He saw all of the wrong decisions he had made and now saw how they had affected Lorelai. He would do anything if he could change it but he was scared that it was too late.
Lorelai was gone. He hadn't seen her or talked to her since last Friday. He didn't know when or if he would ever see her again. It wouldn't surprise him if she never came back because of him. And the thought of never seeing her again was driving him crazy.
As he physically healed, Luke had become restless. He needed to do something; fix this somehow, but how? He had no idea where Lorelai was. She wasn't answering her cell phone, at least not when he called. He had even considered a plan in which he would break into Sookie's house and call Lorelai from there. Luke figured that she might be screening her calls but if she thought the call was from Sookie, she would answer.
He had tossed that plan aside realizing that it was childish and underhanded. No, he needed to be patient and wait until she was ready to talk with him, it ever. Until then, there was nothing he could do
But there was something he could deal with now. He had called Anna and talked with her. The talk had not gone well
He had tried to calm her down and begged her to let him see April again. She had relented but very reluctantly. He had to promise that he would be more careful who he let April come in contact with.
He swore to Anna that Lorelai would not be around April (that was hardly a problem since he was sure he wouldn't be seeing her soon). The whole conversation had been extremely distasteful for him. But it had opened his eyes.
Anna was trying to control him just as Jess had indicated. Did really he want to spend the rest of his life (or at least until April was grown and on her own) being dictated to by Anna?
The answer was obvious. He was going to have to take care of this.
Luke called Martin Friedman, the attorney that had handled his divorce and explained the situation. He had an appointment at 2:00 PM this afternoon.
Martin Friedman was an attorney in Hartford who specialized in Family Law. He dealt with divorces and child custody cases. The case of Luke Danes vs. Anna Nardini was definitely an unusual case.
Luke had explained the situation very clearly. He had provided Martin with detail and concise documentation. The documentation consisted of the copy of the science fare DNA test, copies of all of the cancelled checks that Luke had written to Anna for child support including the initial large payment that was restitution for the first twelve years and monthly checks since, and he had a record of all of the dates of his visits with April. Luke was nothing if not methodical in his record keeping.
Martin was duly impressed. He shared that though the science fair DNA test was impressive, it would have no legal standing in a court of law. Luke and April would both have to submit to a second and legally valid DNA test. But once this test proved that Luke was in fact April's father and given the evidence of Luke's active participation in April's life, Martin felt that any attorney would advise Anna to agree to Luke's very reasonable demands.
Of course, it was best to proceed cautiously. Sometimes mother or fathers did not behave reasonably when it came to custody. No matter how strong the case, things could always get ugly.
Martin suggested the following. First they obtain a court order requiring a new DNA test to be perform at a court recognize laboratory, preferable where none of Anna's relatives were employed. Second, he wanted to obtain a court order restraining Anna from taking April outside of the county without the written permission of Luke until the outcome of the DNA test was certified. Third, he wanted to file on Luke's behave for joint custody.
Luke was taken back by the aggressive nature of all of the filings especially in the restraining order. Martin assured him that these were standard in cases such as this.
He told Luke to return on Friday and all of the paper work should be in order. He also advised Luke not to say anything about this to anyone, especially Anna until the orders were filed with the court.
Early Friday afternoon, Luke was once again in Martin Friedman's office. There he was given copies of the court order for a DNA test to be performed within the next 10 days, of the restraining order, and of the request for joint custody. A court date had been set for 3 weeks from today at 3:00 PM but both men hoped that everything would be settled out of court before that date.
Luke had decided to go to Anna that afternoon and personally give her copies all of the court orders before she was officially served. He figured this was better than having her blindsided.
Anna was surprised to see Luke. The store was empty of customers and she had been doing some paper work. He asked if they could talk, privately.
Though school was out for the day, April was over a friend's house, so Anna agreed.
Luke began hesitatingly, "Anna, you are a wonderful mother and you have done a great job raising April. She is so pretty and smart and polite and funny and, well, perfect."
"It is just that I am her father. I have as much right to spend time with her as you do. I can't have you micromanaging my relationship with April. Not anymore."
"I am not trying to put myself forward as the perfect parent, because we both know I don't really know what I am doing. But I love her. I love her completely and I would never intentionally do anything or let anything bad happen to her."
"I had hoped that we could work together and not have to, you know, get lawyers involved because lawyers are just bottom suckers and would complicate things. But now I realize that it's not going work that way. I can't have you threatening to cut me off from April if I don't follow your dictates exactly."
"And I can't allow you to force me to keep Lorelai away from April. She is my fiancée and my best friend. If I was just casually seeing Lorelai, then yes, I would agree that April doesn't need to know her or spend anytime with her. But this is not casual; I fully expect to spend the rest of my life with her."
"I have seen my lawyer and he thinks I have a solid case. First there will have to a legally authenticated DNA test, here is the order requiring it be performed within the next 10 days. I have scheduled the test for next Tuesday at 4:00PM. I will take April if you don't want to."
"Here is an order for Joint Custody. I am not trying to take April from you. She will still live with you as always. I mean she has always lived with you and I am not trying to change that. This is her home, where her school is and where her friends are. All that this document is saying is that I am her father and I have the right to know what is going on in her life and be involved in decisions that concern her. And so you can't stop me from seeing her."
Anna looked at Luke in shock. If he thought that he was going to get away with this, he had another thing coming. April was her daughter; he was only the sperm donor. She had carried this child for nine months and had raised her without his help for over twelve years. He couldn't come in and do this now. She would stop him any way that she could.
"Luke, I don't know what you think you are doing but I am not letting you step in and pretend that you are a fit parent. You're not getting my kid. Why are you even doing this, you don't even like kids. You haven't been there for April. You have no idea what means to be a real parent."
"This is not going to happen, do you understand me Luke Danes. I will leave and take April with me where you can't find us before I will let this happen."
Luke let out a frustrated sigh before he replied. "My attorney warned me that you might respond like that. So here is a third document filed with the court. It states that you cannot take April out of the county without my written permission. If you do so, you will be in violation of a court order and subject to arrest."
"I don't need to leave the country, state, or county. April is thirteen now and old enough to testify. I am sure that after I talk to April, she will never want to see you again. She won't like that you filed all of the legal attacks against me. Once she tells the court that she never wants to see you again, they will listen."
"Anna, please do not put April in the middle of this. It should just be between you and me. I am not attacking you. I am just trying to establish by legal position as her father. That's all."
Neither Luke nor Anna had noticed that someone had entered the store through the backdoor. April had come in just after Luke had asked to speak to Anna privately. She had hidden in the back of the store behind one of the displays and pointedly listened to her parent's conversation.
"Stop!" yelled April. "Mom, what are you saying?"
"What? Oh my god, April honey, it's not how it sounded."
"I can't believe you Mom. What are you doing? Luke is my dad, I love him. You are not keeping me from seeing him."
Then April turned to Luke and said, "So we have to undergo another DNA test on Tuesday. That's cool. Not surprising though, it makes sense that a court would need an unbiased test. So you are want joint custody? What does that mean?"
Luke responded, "April it is just a legal formality to state that I am your father. It won't change anything between you and your mother or between you and me. You will still live with your mother just like always. But with this custody agreement, no one can prevent you and me from spending time together."
"That makes sense." April replied in a matter of fact tone.
"Mom," April asked Anna, "did you tell Luke that Lorelai couldn't be around me?"
"April honey, you don't understand. I don't want you to get attached to people and then have them disappear from your life. I mean Luke and Lorelai aren't married yet so who knows if they ever will. I'm just trying to protect you."
"Well that's just dumb, Mom. There have been plenty of people that I knew that moved away. It was sad but I survived. Remember Jenna Prescott who was my best friend in third grade? Her family moved to France and I never saw her again. How about Bailey Simpson in first grade, her family moved to New York? Sure I was sad but I got over it."
"So Dad, should I just come to the diner at 3:00PM on Tuesday or will you pick me up?"
Luke was feeling good when he finally left Anna's store. Sure Anna was still a little angry at him but she would calm down. He knew her strong mothering instincts would prevent her from fighting him for custody. She would never do anything to consciously hurt April.
Luke was feeling a tinge of guilt for misleading Anna regarding the actual status of Lorelai's and his relationship but it wasn't any of her business. Besides, he fully intended to win Lorelai back, even if he had to grovel.
As far as he was concerned, he was going to marry Lorelai Gilmore and have lobster at the wedding, the sooner the better.