Ripping foliage out of his way, Heero Yuy pushed through the forest. The morning air was cold, and above him, Heero was aware of an obnoxious fairy boy floating along with a look of disgust none too discreetly arranged on his face. Heero tried to remember what he'd dreamt about last night, before he became aware of this morning, and of his life, but he had a splitting headache, like a truck had hit him in the face, and he felt pelted with thoughts, like someone was channel surfing his memory.

He remembered the black sky of space, and the blue oceans of Earth. Coffee: its warm, bitter taste. The perfect soldier was in some serious caffeine withdrawal. He remembered the cockpit of wing, Relena, the colonies, and Duo. Oh how he remembered Duo. Heero remembered that he was on an uncharted island, that this place was not his real home. Pan had led him here. From where? Earth? Yes. Earth, it was the Saudi safe house. The carpet smelled funny at the Saudi safe house. Heero remembered the mission. They had infiltrated the headquarters of a rapidly growing rebel group, and the next step was to destroy all evidence of the facility… yes. Then he'd found a shadow. Yes… then he'd found a boy…

MEANWHILE

"So nice of you to join us, Dorothy!"

Dorothy nodded a silent agreement and took a seat among the others before the captain.

"Men," el captain addressed the group, "Dorothy is about to tell us when pan will come to rescue Relena."

"Well.. Funny story actually…" Dorothy laughed nervously, "Pan won't come for Relena. But-"

"…What!" The captain whined.

"BUT! I brought you the mother he will come for!"

"SMEE! How long have there been TWO mothers?"

"Uh…I-uh…."

"Going on 72 hours" Dorothy announced.

"And I have /both/ mothers? Here on my ship?" the captain pressed.

"As we speak."

"Oh. Well that's perfect then. Thanks!"

"It is, as always, my pleasure to serve you Captain Kushrenada."

"Uh, pardon me capt'n," Smee piped up, "Would we review the plan, one more time?"

"Perhaps one of my cronies would like to brief you, Smee."

Crony #1 began, "We lure pan onto the ship by taking hostages. We will have the upper hand because we are more familiar with all the hiding places on a ship."

"Of course." The captain confirmed.

"And I," Dorothy interrupted, "have recruited the mermaids to tell the lost boys that Pan has left for a bit."

Crony #2 jumped in, "we will set up pirates on the island and signal the mermaids to make the announcement, triggering an hour long window of opportunity in which the lost boys will brawl for power in Peter's absence, like they always do. However because this time we will have control of when the to trigger the rioting we will be able to choose the most opportune time to ambush them."

"And then," the captain interupted, "The island will be ours for the taking, to set up as our main base- seeing how questionable existence of Neverland is the ultimate in stealth- and we will then be poised for world domination!"

"Location! Location! Location!" Dorothy interjected, sounded suspiciously like a realtor…

MEANWHILE … Deep in the bowels of the ship…

"Heero! I knew you'd come for me!"

"Ugh! Lena! He's not coming for you! You can stop saying that! He hates you! How many times do I have to tell you- you stupid, audacious bitch!"

"Bite me fruit loop! IT"S REALLY HEERO THIS TIME!"

"er?"

Chibi Heero was tossed roughly into a cell beside the one Relena and Duo were sharing.

MEANWHILE

See coughed, "but, uh, if all the pirates are capturing the lost boys, who will guard Peter and the um, mothers?"

"Doesn't matter. If they get away, Dorothy has arranged for the mermaids to inform Pan that the lost boys abandoned him. That they made the one called Wufei their new captain in a glorious union of the lost boys, and the Chinese clan, which would be an unstoppable army of little people who don't express their emotions very well."

"Ah," Dorothy smiled, "the stuff misplaced aggression is made of! Mwh-ha-ha! Cough! Sorry. That sounds pretty plausible, eh?"

"Oh," Smee's eyes went wide, "that would be a recipe for some devastating destruction, and Pan without his following is practically powerless… genius captain!"

"Yes, I know."

"Um."

"Do you have a question, Smee?"

"Well, I guess I'm wondering why we don't just kill Pan when he comes for the hostages."

"Because that wouldn't cause him the same mental anguish."

"But, it'd be so much less risky.. "

"I'm sorry Smee! Are you the captain of this ship?"

"Cough! Not yet."

"Hmm? didn't catch that…"

"No, ma'am!"

"That's what I thought."

Knock-knock

"..Captain!"

"Yes?"

"We've caught a chibi trying to sneak aboard the ship! We've locked him below!"

"Ooo! Um, I'll be down shortly"

"Aye-aye! Uh! I mean, ROGER THAT!"

MEANWHILE

Heero smiled shyly at Duo, "…hey gorgeous. I've missed you so much.."

Duo's face cracked with a grin, "You remember shit!"

"HEERO!" Relena whined, "It was horrible, the pirates abducted me as part of some elaborate plot and, they've been calling me Mama ever since…"

Heero scowled, "you've been telling stories about us.."

"Yes. One of the pirates made me an offer to get a manga written and eventually maybe even an anime series. Wouldn't that be exciting Heero?"

"No."

"Oh of course it's exciting Heero" Relena continued to whine.

"Oh Relena, you know how Heero loves the lime light," Duo sneered at Relena, "that's why he's dedicated his life to being an unsung hero-…Oh…wait…."

"AW!" Smee grinned, "They all know each other!"

"Who are you suppose to be?" The child captain smiled sweetly at Heero.

Heero frowned, "I'm a lost boy. Who are you?"

"Well, I'm Mariemeia Kushrenada, daughter of Trieze Kushrenda, and Capitainne of this ship!"

"Trieze had a daughter?" watching Heero ask this, Duo thought Heero looked nervous…. nah! Couldn't be!

"Yes, he did, and it's me." Mariemeia announced, "And you'd better get use to the idea because you are my prisoner now. Tell me who sent you and why."

"CAPTAIN" a pirate, shouted, "IT'S PETER PAN! HE"S HERE!"

"Hehehehe" Mariemeia giggled her evil giggle, "Smee, you keep an eye on these prisoners. I've got an axis of evil to supervise."

"I wonder who's wining.." Relena mused absently, as they watched the pink haired terror run off. Above them, the sounds of an epic battle came reverberating through the deck

Heero reached through the bars for Duo, "I don't like this- what starts as a plot to abduct Relena in a ploy for attention ends up snowballing into this shit! Remind me never to let a Relena kidnapping get so out of hand that there's Duo endangerment again."

"Heero, next time Relena goes missing I will consider it an act of affection for me if you leave abruptly and rescue her as efficiently as possible."

"Hey!" Smee wagged disappointed finger at the chibis, "This isn't suppose to be a time for making plans!"

"C'mon now, Smee," Duo tried to look sympathetic, " Are you gonna let that lil girl keep bossing you around?"

Smee snickered and shook his head.

"She's just a puppet," Heero asked in monotone, "isn't she?"

"The pirates are loyal to her" Smee began to explain, "because her "father" single handedly enable the pirate boots with knee pads to make a come back."

Heero scoffed, "You're kidding."

"I would never kid about his Excellency's footwear."

At this point, a rather traumatized Heero cringed, "aw fuck, you're- "

Smee smiled at Heero and removed his smee mask,

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Heero! Shut the hell up."

"Huh?" Heero sat bolt upright, realizing he was in his bed, in the room he shared with Duo, in the Saudi safe house.

"You were having a bad dream," Duo groaned as he rolled onto his back, "I warned you about staying up watching the Disney Channel with Quatre."

"Duo! You- you're not a chibi.."

"Nothing gets past you, koi."

"Ha. Now I don't have to worry about how to make us all normal size again."

"I don't even want to know."

"Right," Heero was noticing gold glitter on his finger tips as he turned to his lover, brushed some of Duo's hair back into place behind his ear, snuggled back into a sleepy pair of waiting arms.

"Aw!" Quatre cooed from the doorway, only to be fiercely shushed by Trowa and Peter.

"Sorry!"

"Alright, " Trowa put a hand on his hip and turned to Pan, "He seems adequately convinced he dreamt the whole thing," Trowa offered Pan a wad of bills that was suppose to be a 25 cut, "here."

Pan rolled his eyes, "I don't want you're money, Tro- besides I'm grateful enough that you took Relena and the pirates off my hands."

"s'least we could do!" Quatre examined a 6" vile of glitter, "Now we finally have something powerful enough o sedate Heero."

Trowa snickered and reached for the vile, "it's a fair trade, you get peace and quiet, we get peace and quiet, everyone wins."

"HA!" Pan laughed, "You call that peace and quiet? He screamed all about Dekim in the Smee disguise all the way through the battle of youth vs embittered age, the trip home, and up until we tucked him into bed, just now."

"That was just a the shock talking" Trowa shrugged, "He usually works his problems out through acts of terrorism."

"It's true" Quatre sighed, "poor Tink."

Pan sniffled and nodded in agreement.

Quatre looked at Pan with wide, emotional eyes now, "Peter, will we ever see you again?"

Pan smiled mischievously, "Well… a little bird told me a compatriot of mine was deprived a carefree childhood, but tells some terrific stories. He believes in magic, and we Englishmen have to look out for each other. I could use your help.."

"Oh!" Quatre lit up, "You want to bring him to visit Neverland?"

"Yes, but he's a little on the grown side, and the older they are the less willingly they come along, so I could use the extra muscle."

"Wait," Quatre folded his arms, "You're asking us to help you abduct someone? When?"

Pan shrugged, "yeah, tonight."

Quatre tugged Trowa's sleeve, "Trowa! Can we! Please!"

Trowa frowned, "We don't have any other plans tonight, so I don't see why not."

Pan grinned, "You guys are the greatest thugs a fairy could want!"

Quatre quietly cooed another Aww, while Pan pulled off his hat and checked the notes he kept there. Leading Quatre and Trowa to the window he laughed, "Next stop: number four Privet Drive, Harry Potter's cabinet under the stairs!"

FIN