A/N:
I don't know why I'm writing this.
I guess I just love the song.
Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the anime/manga series.
Warnings: SEXUAL REFERENCES. And OOC.
NOTE: The Sohma boy is supposed to be Kyo, but on re reading it, it sounds a bit more like Shigure. So the boy can be whoever you want it to be. Except Yuki.
He was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night he strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been a while. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. He had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night he lost himself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and sunflower purple eyes.
Name was Yuki.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin',
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin',
Well I find it quite a thrill,
When she grinds me against her will,
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'.
Well, faster than you can say 'shallow grave', this pretty little thing comes up to him and starts kneadin' his balls like a hard boiled egg in a tube sock.
"What the hell are you doing?" He practically screamed. The girl was cute lookin'. He suddenly wanted to touch her. The girl gave him a conscious look.
"My name's Tohru," She mumbled. "But they call me Bambi,"
"Well, that's a coincidence darlin'," He smirked. "Cos I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer,"
Well, she smiled. Probably had the came amount of teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern. He twitched. There was no way to avoid her now.
"Eheheh…" He muttered. "How 'bouts I wear your face like a mask while I do my little kooky dance, darlin'?"
"Shush," She ordered. I guess she could sense the desperation in his voice. Of course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin',
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin',
Well I find it quite a thrill,
When she grinds me against her will,
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'.
So, Bambi's going on about how she can make all of his fantasies come true. Of course, he didn't believe her much. He smirked.
"Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well! 10 beers, twenty minutes and thirty bucks later, he was parkin' the beef bus in tuna town, is ya get what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer.
"Heh. That rhymes,"
Sure does. Anyway, he found it even more of a turn on when he found out she was doing him so she could buy baby formula.
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin',
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin',
Well I find it quite a thrill,
When she grinds me against her will,
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'.
Day or so had passed when he decided to pop the clutch, give the tranny a spin and pull into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. He strolled on in and browsed around until he found the latest issue of "Throb". It was then he noticed Bambi starin' at him from behind a milk carton. Well, his heart just dropped. So, he decided to do what any good Christian would.
"Wanna jump in my caddy, ma'me?"
You cannot imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler.
"I never knew missing children could be so sexy," He sighed under his breath. Bambi stared at him. "Oops. Did I say that out loud?"
A smirk played devilishly across his face.
A/N:
Yep.
That was pretty weird.
OMG! Who did you think the guy was in the song?
If you haven't already, read the NOTE in the above A/N.