Lisa's gaze was fixed on the nearest bank, her mind racing. She still had to say goodbye to ten family members and time was running out. She supposed Luan would be the next logical choice.
Seeing what seemed to be a married couple finishing setting up a tent on the shore, Lisa took a right turn, trying to avoid attracting any unwanted attention, and soon reached knee-deep water, though in her case, it was closer to waist-deep, prompting her to keep paddling until the gentle waves carried her float to the beach and she got off, pulling it towards dry land.
Finding the valve, she tried to deflate it so she could more easily carry it, but the noise this made caught another toddler's attention. The onlooker had been busy admiring the vibrantly colored flowers blooming around her family's campsite and the butterflies attracted to them, before getting distracted by the cool-looking float that appeared on the beach, and noticing its apparent owner.
The girl didn't recognize her at first, as Lisa was wearing a lifejacket over her regular green turtleneck instead of a vertically striped shirt, but the moment she turned around to wipe her forehead, the former jumped with joy and skipped toward her.
"Okay, Luan first, then the other girls…" Lisa tried planning out her schedule on the fly "…maybe I should leave Lincoln for last-"
"Wisa! You're back!" she was suddenly seized in a tight embrace.
"I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!" Lisa had a panic attack before recognizing her cuddle bug assailant.
"D-darcy?" she blurted as she was released, while Darcy giggled, still carrying her stuffed giraffe with her.
She was wearing a simple shirt and shorts, the former with a flower marking, and most notably, rainbow-colored led sneakers that gave her a boost in height.
"You kept your pwomise. You came back to pway!"
"Darcy…just what are you doing here?" the flustered genius asked. She had almost forgotten the girl she semi-befriended during her brief stint as a candy striper.
"Camping. Mommy and daddy missed me a lot, so we're camping together." Darcy explained and pointed at her folks, the couple Lisa saw earlier, who waved back.
"Don't go too far, Darcy." Mrs. Helmandollar told her.
"C'mon, ya gotta met them." Darcy tried to pull Lisa along. "I told them evewything 'bout ya."
"Wait, wait." Lisa yanked her hand free. "Look…I'm sorry, but I don't have time for this."
"You don't wanna come?" Darcy pouted. "But we're fwiends?"
"Yes…I mean no…I mean, sure we are, we are friends." Lisa replied with uncertainty. "And…I'm happy to see you too. What a…small world we live in."
Darcy perked up. "Are you and ya family camping too?"
"Eh…I suppose you could say that…sort of." Lisa rubbed the back of her head. She knew Darcy would continue pestering her to come and play, so she needed to set things straight immediately.
"Look, I've got to be with my family now. We…eh…plan to spend our first day here together, quality time and such. Like you and your parents. I hope you understand that?"
"Oh…" Darcy pouted before asking, "How wong will you be here?"
"All week." Lisa shrugged, her reply making Darcy giggle with joy.
"Gweat! So we can pway tommowow?"
Lisa groaned inwardly. She was wasting precious time with this… or maybe not? Maybe it wasn't a bad thing. Though they'd known each other for only a day, Darcy had taken an instant liking to her, and her attempts to befriend Lisa seemed to have been wholly sincere. And by tomorrow morning, if everything went according to plan, she and Lisa would be on the same intellectual level. Actually, Darcy would be the one with experience in being a fun-loving, carefree preschooler. Lisa already knew Darcy was quite energetic and even adventurous but without any science gadgets at their disposal, the risk of getting into another perilous situation like their run-in with that one-eyed lupine would be basically nonexistent.
Having a friend right off the bat would give Lisa's new self a vital head start. She had gauged from Lucy and Luan how merciless and unforgiving the prepubescent world could be without a friend to back you up. And she remembered how scared Darcy was at the children's hospital, being stuck in an unfamiliar environment and surrounded by total strangers, until Lisa led her to the play area, with the simple act of holding hands seemingly giving Darcy the necessary courage to be more outgoing. Maybe this chance encounter was fate?
"Wisa?" The genius realized she had spaced out again and shook her head.
"I see no reason not to?" she forced a smile. "It's reassuring to be in the company of a familiar acquaintance out here."
"Huh?"
"I mean…I like you too, Darcy." Lisa tried to simplify her response, before looking at her semi-deflated float.
Might as well cement this budding friendship with a token of her appreciation? A tried-and-true technique throughout history for establishing friendly relations.
"Tell you what? How about you play with my float while I'm away?" she dragged it toward Darcy.
"I can?" Darcy was overjoyed.
"You most certainly can, and I promise you, I'll be there to play with you tomorrow. Just after I take care of some…stuff." Lisa explained solemnly and pointed ahead.
"If you can't find me, me and my family are in that big house nearby, can't miss it."
"Thanks, Wisa!" she was pulled into another hug and rolled her eyes. Darcy really seemed to like hugging people.
"Here ya go." Darcy suddenly offered her the stuffed giraffe. "You can pway with Rafo."
"My…how very kind of you. I'll take good care of him." Lisa took it. It seemed Darcy had enough faith in her to entrust Lisa with her most valued possession.
"Wember to wead him a bedtime stowy." Darcy advised her. "And give him a goodnight kiss, so he won't have bad dweams."
"I'll remember that." Lisa nodded, concluding that their little interaction today was a microcosm of things to come. A new beginning.
She just hoped that this sort of physical contact and candid admission of affection would be more appealing to her new self.
Late afternoon and still no sign of Kathleen. Lincoln gauged that if Ryan was here, he would have found today's events immensely disappointing.
He and Lucy returned to their vacation home after their long search, followed by a pooped Charles. The former noticed that a certain car had returned, and saw their grandfather unloading the trunk.
Sniffing the air, Charles felt some relief after picking up the scent of most of the Louds in the immediate vicinity, and he had spotted Rita and Lola chilling on the lake earlier, away from danger. Perhaps they were in the clear, he had so far found no sign of One Eye anywhere. Relieved for the moment, he opted to take a break in the shade, he really needed it.
Sweaty, Albert carried a whole bunch of grocery bags, hardly seeing where he was heading, when he heard his grandson's voice.
"Pop-Pop, you're back."
"Lincoln." He chuckled and turned to them, his vision still obscured. "Have you had any luck finding our host out there?"
"Afraid not, there's no sign of Kathleen or anyone affiliated with her. Us, Lynn, and Lana scoured the whole area." Lincoln confirmed. "But at least, mom and the girls seem to be having a good time. Lori and Leni are at the beach, and mom went sailing and is sunbathing on the lake at the moment."
"Well, at least my baby girl is enjoying her stay, that's something." Albert noted. "If Kathleen's gonna be hands-off for now, I reckon you kids should take a break and enjoy your vacation, I should probably too. Shouldn't strain ourselves for nothing, and I already sense that my back will give me hell in the morning."
"Guess there's nothing else left to do." Lincoln replied. "Do you need help with those bags?"
"Nah." Albert said good-naturedly. "We already brought in most of it, and no offense, kiddo, but I think this heavy load might be a tad too much for you."
Lincoln lifted one of his noddle arms, which almost flapped against the mild breeze, and sighed in silent agreement.
"Alright. Is Luna still with ya? I want to ask her something."
"Sure, she's inside. You kids have fun." Albert confirmed and was about to walk in when he remembered something important.
"Oh, almost forgot. Your dad got ya something while we were shopping, it's still in the backseat. It's the latest volume of that funny book guy in the long johns you like."
Lincoln raised an eyebrow as his grandfather entered the house, while Lucy took the time to inspect and came back with a stack of half a dozen comic books wrapped in viewfoil.
"It's the latest volume of Ace Savvy?" Lincoln noted with mild interest. It reminded him how he had completely ignored his favorite comic in weeks.
Much like when Charles accidentally broke one of Lynn's trophies during the big roommate swap, Lincoln should have had a bigger reaction to this gift, but he just didn't. The comics felt trivial compared to what he was currently doing.
"This must be dad's way of saying "thanks"?" Lucy figured, not expecting to find any tokens of appreciation for herself in the car.
"I guess it is, come on." Lincoln took the comic books. "Let's find Luna."
Lucy raised an eyebrow at her brother's apparent indifference to the comics.
Inside, Lincoln absentmindedly left the comics on a stand next to a lotus lamp, as he and Lucy heard their dad and grandpa talking about what to make for supper.
"I don't think a lot of them will come for supper. Having fun tends to stave off hunger pains." They heard Albert say. "Better just let them take snacks from the fridge and cabinets, while you focus on making us dinner."
"You're right. Since I already have all the ingredients I could possibly need, I'll make my family a six-course meal that will knock their socks off!" Lynn Sr. sounded very excited about the prospect.
That's when the slide door to the spa opened and Luna came out, wearing an oriental bathrobe she had found there.
"If anyone needs me, I'm upstairs getting a tan!" she shouted to her father.
"Sure. Have fun, sweetie!"
As the rocker headed for the stairs, Lincoln and Lucy caught up with her.
"Hey, Linc? Sup." She smiled at him.
"Hi, Luna." Lincoln started. "I just wanted to say thanks… for volunteering to go grocery shopping. I doubt some people will show gratitude for your sacrifice, but I sure want to."
"No biggie, bro." was Luna's chill response. "I owed pops lotsa favors anyway. It was long overdue."
"Happy to hear that." Lincoln's tone grew more serious. "I just hope you're…y'know…not falling for this sham."
"What sham?" Luna blinked.
"You know what I'm talking about. Kathleen trying to butter us up?"
"We spent all day searching for her, but she hid her tracks well." Lucy carelessly added, much to Lincoln's dread.
He knew that with Luna being out of the loop, such an admission wouldn't cast them in the most sensible light.
"Dudes?" Luna gave them an odd look. "You're sounding a bit…paranoid, don't ya think?"
"Maybe we are…" Lincoln admitted, knowing they didn't know Kathleen's motives in full.
"…but it's better to be safe than sorry, and I'm just worried that you might be falling for her act again."
"Falling for what? Lincoln, what's this about?" Luna asked.
"You seemed very excited to come here, especially after you got that picture of Kathleen with Swagger." Lucy pointed out.
"What about it?" Luna pulled it out of her robe. "Of course I was stoked to visit the place that my idol did. Who wouldn't be?"
"Yeah, well, that picture is a fake. Photoshopped." Lincoln said plainly. "Lana's photo with Fletcher was as well."
Hearing that, Luna gave the photo a closer look. Now that she thought about it, Swagger's head did look a bit…pixelated and had a jagged outline, like a cheap head-swap edit?
"Son of a….so he wasn't really here?" her face dropped with disappointment.
"Of course he wasn't, it was just another lie by Kathleen to endear herself to us. See what we mean? You oughta know that she's shady." Lincoln explained. "You questioned her yourself while you were in the Taylors' basement."
"Bro, if you're worried that she's going to lead me astray, then don't." Luna scowled. "We rock n roll musicians would rather be buried alive than be shameless sellouts…
"I have my doubts." Lucy muttered under her breath.
"…and I'm no blimey fool either, unlike Lori… or Luan."
"Luan?" Lincoln asked.
"Yes, Luan." Luna scoffed and pointed over her shoulder. "That idiot is wasting a good situation with her stupid "protesting", and now she's getting a scrub bath in the cellar after getting skunked."
Lincoln didn't appreciate Luna's attitude towards the comedian and folded his arms. "You know she has every right to be suspicious."
"Maybe, but the way I see it, she's just the opposite extreme. Lori and Lola are kissing Kathleen's arse while Luan is causing herself misery for nothing." Luna explained. "I told ya I want to be more responsible with my decisions, so I'm following mom's example. If Kathleen wants to butter us up, might as well exploit it for all it's worth."
"Mom's example?" Lincoln was caught off guard. "How do you…"
Luna guffawed. "I know how to read between the lines. Mom clearly knows what's going on and made the right call. Look at this place?"
She spread her arms out to emphasize the luxurious nature of it all. "It's a vacation paradise. It's like winning an all-expense-paid stay at a five-star resort."
Lincoln sighed inwardly, understanding her stance. It didn't seem like Luna was relapsing on her old habits, but she was still naïve about Kathleen's true nature.
He felt her hand on his shoulder. "So don't be so high-strung, take a chill pill and enjoy yourself, we have a good thing going on. If we play our cards right, we could get plenty more."
"Alright." Lincoln shoved her hand away. "But should Kathleen show up and ask you to do something-"
"I ain't gonna do it, stop being so paranoid." Luna retorted, miffed by her brother's patronizing attitude.
Before Lincoln could reply, the rocker was already heading up the stairs.
"We'll talk later, Linc. I gotta make use of that sick tanning bed before my roomies come back and hog it all night."
"She's still giving into temptation." Lucy crossed her arms. "As long as she doesn't turn her back on the devil, she won't be free of sin."
"At least she's making progress, she's not fooled by Kathleen. Which is more than I can say for Lori or Lola." Lincoln replied as they walked back and he grabbed his comics.
"Hell will freeze over before those two have an epiphany." Lucy deadpanned. "Lori has no dignity, and Lola has essentially disowned us in favor of her new big sister. Not that anyone misses her."
"Let's go and find Lynn." Lincoln changed the subject as they were now outside. "Luna and Pop-Pop are right. We should all take a breather, because, for all we know, tomorrow might not be as carefree as today."
"Sigh, okay." Lucy saw no point in arguing. "But let's not wander too far, just in case."
"Duly noted." Lincoln nodded when he saw a group of boys slightly younger than him on the beach, some playing volleyball in the water, others burying one of their friends in the sand.
"Excuse me for a moment." He sighed and walked towards them, much to Lucy's confusion.
She couldn't make out the conversation from a distance but saw the other boys smile and raise hands before Lincoln handed them his comics and walked back to her.
Lucy's eyes widened behind her bags and she raised her finger but couldn't find her voice as Lincoln passed by her. "C'mon, Luce."
"Lincoln…?" the stupefied goth followed him. "Did you just give away your comics? Without even reading them?"
"Yup." He nodded.
Lucy's mouth hung ajar until she shook her head and seized him by the elbow.
"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Lincoln? You must be an imposter planted by Kathleen!"
Lincoln rolled his eyes and jerked his arm free. "Lucy, get real. You can recognize your own brother, right?"
"But Lincoln would never-"
"I don't have time to read through a whole volume." Lincoln explained despondently. "Plus…"
He paused and sighed in resignation. "…plus, I've learned from experience that if I have something that's dear to me, some way, somehow, it's gonna get destroyed. Best to skip the heartbreak."
Once more, Lucy was stunned. That did accurately describe a lot of Lincoln's experiences with personal possessions. Her own were often the same, many of them involving Lynn.
"That….that's bleak." She said simply.
"Our whole home life has been bleak for years, that's why we have to make it less bleak." Lincoln regained some vigor. "Whatever it takes."
That's when they stumbled across a familiar, jersey-wearing tween standing by a hollow tree. To their surprise, she was feeding berries to a possum and her youngsters.
"Lynn, what's going on here?" the two approached the jock.
"Helping the underprivileged vermin. Meet "Virginia"." Lynn quipped sardonically while gesturing at the possum. "Me and Lana found her and her ten bundles of joy, and took pity on them."
Lincoln didn't need further explanation. Lana would obviously do something like this, and he couldn't fault her for it. She was trying to help others.
"Guess big families need to stick together." He shrugged. "Do you need any help?"
"Nah, we got this covered." Lynn pointed at the hollow trunk, which had a nest made from moss and branches, with berries stacked in the corner.
"He's so nauseatingly cute and fluffy." They noticed Lucy picking up one of the joeys and petting it. "But I guess he is a bit… appealing."
"Guess you failed to find Kathleen too, huh?" Lynn snarked. Lincoln just shook his head.
"Did I ever mention how much I hate her guts?" the jock asked rhetorically.
"We know, Lynn. We know." Lincoln gave a slight chuckle. His worries aside, today hadn't been a bad day all things considered, with most of his family having fun and avoiding trouble.
"Guys, look at what I found." They heard Lana as she ran up to them.
"Lana, they have enough berries for now…" Lynn stated before her jaw dropped at the sight of Lana carrying a cowering cottontail.
"Not another one?" an incredulous Lynn put her hands on her hips, making her sister shrink a bit.
"Please, Lynn." Lana pleaded. "I saw him limping, one of his legs must be busted."
Lynn was about to argue when Lincoln stepped ahead and inspected the rabbit.
"Well, we're gonna be here all week, guess we have the time to help him recover."
Groaning, Lynn just gave up, threw her arms up, and walked away. "I'll see if we have any carrots…"
"Awesome!" Lana cheered before looking at the rabbit. "I think I'll call you…Lucky! Because of your lucky feet."
Shaking his head, Lincoln said, "We'll just need bandages and a popsicle stick, maybe some disinfectant?"
That's when a cardinal with a six-pack ring stuck to its neck cumbersomely landed on the boy's head and chirped.
"And I'll call you Red!" Lana greeted him. "We'll build you a new nest in no time."
Lincoln and Lucy could see where this was heading…
A drenched Luan sported a miserable look while being surrounded by bubbly foam and cowering her chest with her arms, as she sat butt-naked in a barrel planter inside the old cellar under the house.
She shut her eyes tight as a brush scrubbed against the back of her head, courtesy of Lisa standing on a wooden stool.
"Worry not, Luan. This mixture of sodium bicarbonate and hydrogen peroxide I've poured into your bath will break apart the chemical compounds in the skunk's noxious musk."
"Yeah, yeah, baking soda and detergent get rid of the Pepe Le Pew odeur, I got it…now I know what washed dishes feel like." Luan deadpanned in a surly tone while blowing wet strings of hair off her face.
"What wise guys ever said tomato juice was the answer?" she scoffed.
"Just another myth spread by misinformative media." Lisa replied.
"Good, cuz I can't stand tomatoes." Luan grumbled. She'd been pelted by them so many times that their mere scent caused her anxiety.
"Perhaps it is time to cease this senseless protesting of yours?" Lisa suggested while continuing to scrub her, making the latter tremble with rage.
Sensing the teen's rising anger, Lisa added, "I hope you realize just how counterproductive it is?"
The comment staved off Luan blowing her top and she just glared over her shoulder.
"Counterproductive? What do you mean by "counterproductive"?"
"Well…clearly you haven't fared well on your own, that is demonstrably true." Lisa elaborated as she moved to brush Luan's armpit. "You had nothing but misfortune with the local wildlife, hence why you are here now. Further exposure to the savage outdoors is sure to negatively affect both your physical and mental health."
Luan's shuddering proved Lisa's point. The former got scared witless being chased by sheep and geese. She couldn't imagine running into like…a dangerous predator?
"And furthermore…" Lisa continued while starting to brush the left side of Luan's face. "…if Kathleen learns about all the misfortune you've been subjected to, she would surely be delighted by it? You yourself claimed that she relishes seeing you suffer, and today, you've been suffering while trying to rebel against her. In short, she gets what she wants without having to lift a finger."
Luan pursed her lips and flushed pink. She wanted to argue but couldn't. Lisa was right on the mark. She hadn't even realized it until now, Kathleen was making a fool of her without even needing to be here. She wanted to scream but knew it would be of little use, it would just further prove that Lisa was right.
"It won't happen again…" she stated with pent-up rage.
"So you intend to quit?"
"No! Because Ryan will help me, as soon as he's here." Luan adamantly insisted.
Lisa wasn't gonna touch that one. She didn't want to get involved in this weird romance drama between Luan, the chronically caustic boy, and their sporty sister, so she settled on giving Luan the most basic and inoffensive advice that could be of use to the latter.
"I suppose, that's between the two of you. But until he arrives, I think you're better off staying as far away from the outdoors as possible, less you want to give Kathleen what she wants. And for your own wellbeing."
Luan stewed and made a "hmph" noise as she looked away while Lisa continued scrubbing her.
"Luan…" Lisa sighed "…I'm truly sorry that our siblings aren't more supportive of you, but just know that I have no intention of ever being part of that lot. I truly sympathize with your plight."
Luan said nothing, still looking away from her. Lucy and Lincoln did have her back, but the others were either ambivalent with her or just didn't give a hoot.
"I know there isn't much I can do to help here, so just let me tell you that despite all your years of…excessive practical jokes and callous shenanigans, I hold no ill will towards you, especially now that I know a bit more about your life outside of our home. I very much understand what it's like being unable to fit in, both with my own age group and my fellow college students."
Luan's glare softened. "Eh…thanks." Lisa was the last sister she expected to hear this kind of support from, besides two certain blondes.
"Think nothing of it. You did promise to ease up on your old habits, especially in regard to April Fools, and I greatly respect you for it, for it is a very mature and responsible decision, and I trust you to uphold your word. Despite our many differences, we are still family." Lisa replied while returning to scrubbing Luan's back.
"Just please refrain from doing anything shortsighted, it won't pay off." She advised her, making the comedian cross again.
They stopped talking, allowing Luan to mull over her day so far, which forced her to gradually come to her senses. Just a few hours in the wild were enough to scar her for life.
Looking around, she started considering alternative options. Perhaps sleeping in the dusty, unused cellar for one night, away from all the commodities above still counted as proper protesting?
She hung her head and slumped her shoulders as bubbles continued popping around her. It sounded pretty pathetic but what else could she do now?
For once, the Louds' home was silent. Eerily silent. Because it had been abandoned, save for a bunch of small, cold-blooded critters that had recently been moved to Lynn's room.
The front door was unlocked and an elderly man walked in, carrying a bag of kibble with him. He wasn't thrilled with his task but considered it a small price to pay for a full week of peace and quiet. He had just returned from grocery shopping and parked his car in front of the house, having stopped to get this over with for today so he could return to enjoying himself. He had already set up a one-man party back home, complete with balloons and a small cake.
"What kind of nut keeps snakes and salamanders as pets?" Mr. Grouse wondered out loud. "A Loud, that's who."
He had agreed with Mr. and Mrs. Loud to check on and feed Lana's pests once a day in order to pacify the unruly little vermin lover, and they had given him a spare key. He was naturally hesitant but once he learned why they needed him to play pet sitter, he jumped at the chance, even impetuously agreeing to buy the filthy things their food as long as the Louds packed their things and left as soon as possible. He didn't know what sort of dietary needs amphibians and reptiles had, and he honestly couldn't care less and just bought the cheapest dog food he could find. This one sack should be enough for the week.
Finding the room containing the pets, he shuddered at the sight of the slimy, wall-eyed, and tongue-lashing creatures and grabbed a nearby cup to scoop up some kibble, before haphazardly tossing it in each cage and swiftly closing the lid. Grouse skipped the snake cage, and not by accident. Those lousy slither things could surely go a week without food.
To his surprise, he also found a bird cage containing two snipes that flapped their wings and screeched, as if imploring him to release them, but he ignored their cries for help and just poured some kibbles into their food holder as well.
Little did Grouse know that someone was tampering with the lock on his car door, eventually opening them and loading his cargo into the backseat, before hopping into the driver's seat and hotwiring the vehicle.
Grouse walked out and locked the front door. "Huh? Could have sworn they told me there was a frog among those things?"
He shrugged. "Oh, well. I've done my job-"
Walking away, he halted as he stepped on a familiar license plate lying in the middle of the driveway. Surprised, he suddenly heard engines running and saw his old car sputtering out exhaust fumes, despite nobody seemingly being in the driver's seat.
"My car!" Grouse panicked and chased after the moving vehicle, which quickly gained speed and left its owner in the dust.
"Wait! Help! Thieves! Somebody stop them!" Grouse yelled in desperation but his old legs couldn't carry him for very long, forcing him to stop and rest on his knees, as his car became a mere speck on the horizon.
"Help…" he wheezed and straightened his aching back, "…police…help…oh, why me, why always me?"
His panting soon turned into pathetic sobs. "I don't have car insurance…"
Inside Grouse's car, mechanical arms were steering the wheel, while extendable legs pressed on the brakes. The carjacker's neck extended so his little head could see what was in front of him.
"This automobile is. A very primitive. Model. But it will suffice." A trucker cap-wearing Fenton commented while driving. Reginald Grouse's car had been the most practical option, being in close proximity and having next to no security features.
After an unsuccessful takeoff, Fenton learned that the brain drain helmet was too heavy for him to lift, even with his jet boots, so he needed an alternative way to transport it. And the van belonging to Master Lisa's paternal progenitor was practically unusable.
"Mustn't be tardy. Master Lisa is waiting. For me." The robo-fox said as he hit the road, while turning on the radio to play some random country song.
"It can't get any better than this." Luna said in a blissful daze, wearing nothing but a purple sports bra and panties along with round sunglasses while lying belly-down inside the tanning bed.
But the tranquility got interrupted as she heard someone knocking, making her frown and open the canopy, which made a "whoosh" noise.
Squinting as she took off her glasses and adjusted her eyes, Luna saw… nobody.
Hearing throat-clearing, she glanced down to find none other than Lisa, looking timid and fiddling with her fingers.
"Lisa? Eh…you're kinda interrupting my "me time"?" the rocker said, trying not to sound too harsh. "I had a long day hauling groceries around."
"I apologize for encroaching on your leisure time, but I was meaning to talk to you."
Luna rolled her eyes. How could she tell Lisa to leave her alone without sounding incredibly mean?
"Lisa…" she started tentatively "…I don't know to tell ya this gently, but I'm really not looking forward to…well…seeing any of you guys?"
She worried Lisa would get angry but instead, the genius just shook her head and pointed at one of the beds, the one Luna had chosen as her own.
"I understand. So I'll just inform you that I took the liberty to construct a little gift for you, dear sister."
Luna's eyes widened, realizing what was lying in the bed. "Dude…it that a…"
"A traditional guitar? Yes, it is. I fashioned it from basswood and some spare parts lying around the garage and cellar. It's not the most high-tech musical instrument, but it should last you for the week?" Lisa explained. "I understand that our parents prohibited you from using any instruments for a week as part of our collective punishment, but there is no harm in…"
Lisa scratched her head, trying to remember the type of slang her rock n roll sister used. "How do you say? Bend the rules behind our folk's backs?"
By the time she finished, Luna was already by the bed and holding up the guitar, looking positively ecstatic.
"Lisa, I don't know what to say?" she was overjoyed. "Thanks, bra. You did me a real solid. How can I ever repay you?"
"I don't seek compensation." Lisa sighed. "I just felt compelled to do something for a family member."
Luna didn't know what to make of this, between suddenly receiving smuggled goods and Lisa's unexpected assistance, so she responded with the simplest gesture she could think of.
"Thanks anyway." She picked the toddler up and hugged her. "You rock."
Lisa grew a small smile. There was no doubt here that she made a good final impression.
"It was my pleasure." She said simply. "And I should probably inform you that tanning beds increase your chances of getting skin cancer by about 56%."
Luna's eyes widened in horror.
Groaning and dragging himself towards the shallows, Ryan's feet finally touched solid ground. It had been smooth sailing until his log hit some rough water and he had to jump ship. He got banged up pretty bad but at least he got out of there in one piece. And he had given One Eye the slip while the water had wiped his scent clean. The mutt would have a hard time tracking him down now.
With his drenched clothes sticking to his frame, Ryan waded through the water, while sucking up the blood dripping from his chin and wiping it clean. Exhausted, he crawled onto the pebble-filled bank and rolled onto his back, trying to catch his breath. He saw small birds such as swallows and crows flying over him, but fortunately no buzzards. He didn't want to lie there too long, for there were many ways to get eaten out here, not just by One Eye.
"It's just pain, just excruciating pain…your legs are still working." he kept telling himself before rising up awkwardly and scoping his surroundings.
Ryan found himself in a depression, with the river cutting through it, both sides flanked by hills covered in barren pine trees, and as he was lurching up the left hill, grabbing onto branches for support, he froze after hearing a growl. Until he realized that it was his stomach's rumbling. He rolled his eyes. If he had the time, he would fashion himself a fishing rod and get down to business, but people on a time crunch couldn't afford to be picky eaters. He had to find a road or a vantage point to spot the Great Lakes and hopefully reunite with his team.
Grabbing a small stick, he walked up to a fallen, rotting log and tore the bark open, poked around a bit, and skewed a big, plump larva.
"That will do." He said nonchalantly and tossed it into his mouth. Ideal survival food, even if it tasted like a burrito filled with dog barf.
Sitting down to rest, Ryan poked around for seconds when he spotted, in the corner of his eye, something moving through the trees on the adjacent hill. The animal came to a stop, looked up, and locked eyes with him.
Ryan dropped his stick as One Eye sent him a death glare before charging toward him. The tired boy soon got his second wind.
With his heart racing, Ryan was on the run again. He was very scrappy and durable, but he feared that wouldn't be enough to save him. He had heard tales from back home of wild canines chasing their prey for days until it dropped from exhaustion, as they didn't tire easily. It was like getting the zoomies, only with murderous intent added to the mix.
Skidding down the hill, the pine trees became more clustered and he heard the sound of running water again. The river must have been curving around this hill. Ryan grumbled inwardly. He was getting more baths today than he usually did in six months. But if the water was calmer there, he could let nature give him another ride. He quickened his pace but halted and ducked behind a tree trunk as a large brown mass erupted from the bushes, sniffing the air, followed by two smaller ones.
"Oh, crap, oh, crap, oh, crap…not a momma bear." Ryan tried to hide from the grizzly but soon noticed that she was oblivious to his presence and seemed to likewise be in a hurry, quickening her pace, with the cubs following her. Ryan didn't dwell on it and booked it toward the river once the bear family was gone.
Running up a rocky overhang, he was overjoyed to see that the river was indeed calm… until it turned red all of a sudden. No, these were schools of crimson-colored fish passing through, spawning salmon.
Ryan gulped, connecting the dots. Bears? Salmon? He heard a splash and saw another grizzly in the distance, a bigger one, surfacing with a salmon clenched in its jaws. Ryan heard roars and saw two even bigger males fighting one another over the best fishing spots. They looked like they could bench-press a Clydesdale… and then rip it in half.
Ryan turned to the other side of the river, only to find more bears emerging out of the woods, swarming the river. Great, how was he supposed to pass through?
That's when he heard rustling behind him. Turning around, he saw One Eye running through the forest, coming closer, snarling and teeth barred.
"Then again? These bears don't have a death wish on me?" Ryan figured and took the plunge, just as One Eye reached the overhang, growling in anger as his prey dove under.
Ryan swam laps like he was going for the gold, trying to navigate through the gauntlet of grizzlies. He halted as one surfaced in front of him with its back turned, forcing the boy to go under. Holding his breath, he continued swimming, more than once almost getting bludgeoned by a bear's swiping paw as they tried to grab a salmon. Holding onto the rocks, Ryan pushed himself towards shallower water.
On land, One Eye was on edge and tried to find a gap in the ever-tightening bruin barrier forming along the river. He hated these brutish, honey-gobbling oafs and did not wish to get close to them while they were in a feeding frenzy, and he couldn't spot his quarry either.
Underwater, Ryan didn't just have to steer clear of the bears but also the aggressive salmon, who kept bumping into him in their mad rush to swim upriver. They were no sight for sore eyes either. One of them wound up biting Ryan's arm, distracting him long enough to bump into something. Ryan jumped up to gasp for air and wilted as he found himself staring at a dripping 10-foot mountain of muscle and shaggy fur, who growled and glared at the puny creature with his beady eyes, while fish guts hung from his massive teeth.
Ryan chuckled nervously, gripping the salmon clinging to him. "Sorry about that, big guy. Catch!"
As the salmon flew into the air, the giant grizzly's eyes widened and he grabbed it like a frantic child, tearing it into with his fangs while Ryan zipped past him, clumsily dragging himself up the slippery rocks on the bank, holding onto roots and branches until he hauled himself far away from the water.
Panting, he looked back, trying to spot One Eye. Sure enough, he saw the wolf entering the water some 60 yards away from him. Trying to catch his breath, Ryan grew a smile as he saw bears getting between him and One Eye, frantically trying to grab a salmon. The wolf grew a look of fear and promptly turned around, wading through the water and onto the bank, where he shook himself dry.
Knowing he was safe for the moment, Ryan blew a raspberry and did the loser sign, much to the wolf's visible ire. "You're barely even trying, Fang Face! See ya!"
Growling furiously, One Eye made another go towards the river but a pair of fighting grizzlies reared up at the sight of him. They were in no mood to share their food with each other, let alone their mortal enemy, and one of them roared and charged at the wolf, forcing him to retreat into the woods.
Laughing, despite his exhaustion, Ryan made his way into the woods, not wanting to waste this stroke of luck. He was safe, for the moment. The downside was that there was still no sign of civilization, not that he had any clue where he was going anyway.
"I gotta find a better vantage point…" he pondered.
Climbing up a tree would be of little use since all trees here were about the same height, he had to reach higher ground. Grunting, he staggered onward, picking up a walking stick along the way. Strolling through the pine needle-covered forest floor, not a pleasant experience when you were missing a shoe, it wasn't long before Ryan heard rustling and raised his stick in defense before a small yellow form jumped out of the bushes, much to his surprise.
She jumped into his arms, making the boy plop on his butt but he still chortled in relief, his morale rising now that he was in the presence of his oldest companion. "Wow, you'd make any bloodhound feel inadequate."
Marceline purred and rubbed her head against his, making him roll his eyes and lightly shove her back. "Alright! Let's not get overemotional, this ain't no Disney flick."
Letting her down, Ryan exhaled and asked. "Sorry for not heeding your warnings, Marcy. But in my defense… I don't speak feline."
"Meow!"
"Right…I don't suppose you know of a way out of this neck of the woods?"
Marceline strolled a few yards ahead before meowing and gesturing with her head, making Ryan cheer up as he rose to his feet.
"I guess you do? Lead the way." He happily followed her.
Standing on top of a small cliff, One Eye growled as he saw the duo disappear into the woods. Turning back to the river, he saw that it was crawling with hungry and ornery bears as far as the eye could see. His only way around this obstacle was to literally go around it, wasting valuable time.
Some of the bears still kept a wary eye on him, the nearest one rearing up and roaring. One Eye bared his teeth at him in return. "Brainless brutes. I didn't think it was possible to despise them even more."
"CAW!"
He heard a cry from above. Looking up, One Eye saw his feathery lackey swoop in and perch on a branch, cawing at the wolf. One Eye's mood improved as he heard the news.
The other runts were in Bristlecone Woods, were they? He knew a shortcut to those camping grounds. He realized that the ugly one was undoubtedly heading there as well. Where else could he be heading? Perfect.
Smiling to himself, One Eye made sure to beat him to it, running along a pathway.
"You can run, runt. But you can't hide."
Yes, I brought back Darcy. Most of the canon characters that aren't part of the Loud family are incredibly forgettable and boring, and Darcy isn't an intriguing character per se, but she is…cute I guess, plus she and Lisa had potential for an interesting dynamic. I've only really scratched the surface with their polar opposite personalities bouncing off each other, given Lisa's storyline, but it was fun having Lisa interacting with a normal kid her age and being unable to understand Darcy's naïve and innocent outlook on life or understand the latter's simple and candid acts of kindness, for as long as possible. Plus, sweet, innocent Darcy Helmandollar is just hilariously out of place in my cynical and irreverent Loud House AU, much like Sam Sharp XD
I had completely forgotten that Lana's pets were left behind with nobody to take care of them and initially just decided to leave it unaddressed (since it's not relevant to the plot) but then I thought up a humorous scenario explaining the former as well as how exactly Fenton followed the Loud family to deliver the brain drain helmet (besides the usual "Fenton can do anything the plot requires" explanation XD), which I also originally didn't consider addressing. I also showed Luna's opinion of Kathleen following the former's epiphany at the end of Second Chance, which ironically mirrors her mother's very closely. Luna is aware that Kathleen is full of shit but like Rita, she thinks she can exploit it for her own enjoyment, especially since she thinks Kathleen is just a bratty and eccentric trust fund bimbo.
And finally, Ryan's solo adventure has come to an end, as One Eye has left him be, for the moment, and is heading to settle the score with his other targets. And unfortunately, one of the Louds is certainly going to sneak away into the woods in the dead of night, and spoiler alert, one of the precautions she took was to remove all of Fenton's deadly weapons. Plus, Lincoln might pick up that something is seriously off about his youngest sister.