Revised for your reading pleasure as of 09/05/07
Leon's thought's will always be in italics!
I don't own RE, chanel (is that even spelled right?) perfume, or Reebok.
oAo
(WARNING: What comes next may cause you to vomit, rip out your eyeballs, run away from your computer screaming "MY EEEEYES!", or cause you to just hit the back button and pretend you have never read this story in your entire life. No! Wait Come back! Don't go just yet! Please? If you're just staring blankly at this warning, HURRY UP AND JUST SKIP TO THE MENTAL DAMAGE THAT AWAITS YOU! I'm not responsible for whatever damage, physical or physiological, you receive. You've been warned.)
OvO
"Leon! That truck's heading right for us!" The presidents' only daughter shouted to her bodyguard, who was currently in the bed for the bulldozer pumping hot lead into Ganado that were jumping on and trying to get to them. How do I get myself into these kinds of situations? Ashley tried to veer the giant bull dozer to the right to get out of the trucks way, but only succeeded in making Leon fall on top of one of the Ganados, the agents face square on top of the hideous mans crotch. The fallen Ganado gave a toothless grin (with a gleam in his eyes that made Leon think the thing wanted to do something to him other than kill him.) to Leon before his head was blown into a million pieces.
"LEON, HELP!" Ashley honked the horn of the bulldozer.
"As long as I'm you bodyguard," Leon mumbled to himself, kicking the bloody corpse of the nasty Ganado into another one that was a little to close for comfort, "I'm going to make sure you won't even be able to ride your bike down the side walk." Ashley's not a horrible driver, heavens no. (Let's all fear her backseat driving.)
More Ganados jumped on and made there way over, murder in there eyes. (And some with the creepy glint that the now headless Ganado had had.)
Leon reloaded his striker.
All for the jacket, (BOOM. Got one right in the kneecaps)
All for the jacket, (BOOM. Killed two for the price of one.)
All for the jacket,(BOOM. Shudder. That was a close one. Better blast the perverted looking ones first.)
ALL FOR THE JACKET! (BOOM. The freaks head exploded like a cherry tomato. Crap! A parasite!)
"JACKET!" Leon yelled manically as he pulled the ring off the flash grenade and tossed it in the direction of the parasite.
"LEEEEEOON!"
"ARRGH!"
Leon finished off what little there was on the bulldozer and turned and blasted a full round into the trucks engine just in time…for it to burst into flames and STILL make them crash into something. (Namely the concrete wall that was to their left.) After the dust settled Leon checked the damage. The bulldozer was totaled, and Ashley was unconscious. He ran over and tapped her cheek. C'mon, wake up! I need you alive if I wanna get paid! Now, don't get the wrong idea. Leon did care about Ashley, but like one would care for their puppy, or their gold fish. Leon had always wanted a pet. (And you can take that however you want.)
Ashley slowly opened her eyes and looked up at her knight in shining armor, Leon. The older man's eye's filled with worry. She smiled at him, and he sighed in relief as he dropped her back on the ground with a light thud. Too bad Leon was so dense (and hell bent on getting his jacket back) to notice that the blonde was in love with him. Too bad she was too dense (and hell bent on finding a way to get Leon to admit he loved her too) to notice that he was and never will be interested in her that way.
For a scenario that was supposed to be mostly horror, why did it seem to be more like a daytime soap opera? Alshey concluded she was going into withdrawals from not enough Young and the Restless.
"Now what do we do?" Ashley asked, bouncing up from the ground and over to Leon in the blink of an eye. Leon inwardly flinched at how close the girl was.
Be careful Leon, everyone wants a piece.
"Well, we obviously can't use the bulldozer, so we OBVIOUSLY have to use that door over there." Leon said mockingly, pointing over to the door.
Ashley (not noticing the sarcasm) hung onto his every move as they approached the rooms exit. (Leon getting anxious as the space between them declined steadily.) When they made it to the next room Leon was happy to find a reason to put some space between him and the love struck girl.
"What are ya buyin', stranger?"
Leon ran across the room to the merchant, leaving Ashley in the dust. (Quite literally. The room was full of cobwebs and was a complete mess.)
After upgrading his striker to its maximum level and buying a few first aid sprays, Leon was ready to move out again. "Hey Ashley," The blonde looked up from the cabinet she was peering curiously into. "Let's get going."
"Hold on a sec!" Ashley took out the small glass bottle that had been previously in the cabinet and rushed over to Leons side. (Who once again recoiled at the lack of personal space.) "Look what I found!" The girl said, her face beaming, "Chanel Perfume Number five!"
Leon took the perfume from Ashley and looked to make sure that it was actually women's perfume in the bottle and not anything like poison, arsenic or the like. He read the label and it said exactly what Ashley had said it was, Chanel Perfume No.5. What's women's perfume doing in a hole like this?
"I can't believe something this expensive is just lying around in a hole like this!" Whoa, scary. Watch what you're thinking Leon!
Leon sprayed some of it into the air and Ashley jumped right under the mist of the substance. Thinking that if she smelt a little more decent Leon might finally say something to her other than 'wait' or 'hide!'.
Leon handed Ashley back the perfume and made a note to find a bathroom to wash that horrid stench that was on her. "Let's go."
Too bad it wasn't arsenic.
oAo
(Special thanks to Lindsay for the info for this cute scene!)
They didn't get half way through the next room when Saddler made his appearance at the top of the stairs.
"I can feel them," he said cryptically, "Growing ever so strongly inside you."
Leon ignored how wrong that had sounded (on so many levels) and pushed Ashley behind him. Ashley just stood there, looking at her hero with eyes full of hope. The poor delusional girl.
Saddler raised his hand toward Leon, and suddenly the man was on the ground twisting in agony. The parasite inside him ripping at his insides.
"Perhaps you can resist. But you cannot disobey…" Saddler smirked. "Now, come to me Ashely…"
Ashley felt her body go numb and found that she could no longer control her movements. Leon could only watch as her eyes turned red and she slowly walked up the stairs over to the enemy.
"No. Ashley!" Leon's mind was reeling. DAMNIT, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET PAID NOW?! The agent quickly threw a tracking device that latched onto the girls back.
There nothing more Leon could do but watch as blinding pain began to make his vision fade in and out. Unexpectedly, images of Saddler appeared in his mind. And not the kind that had Leon blasting the crazy bastard's head off either. Leon tried his best not to scream as and image of Saddler dressed as him began to prance around in his head. The Ganado dragged up as Ashley popped up as well, and pretty soon cheap porno music started cranking up in his eardrums.
Saddler watched in amusement as Leon rolled on the ground in physical and mental pain. But the fun was short lived as Leon dragged himself off the ground and ran head first into the nearest wall, knocking himself out cold.
Saddler shook his head in exasperation and exited the room, the president's daughter in tow. Entertainment was so hard to come by these days.
OvO
"ANTONIIIIOOOO!" Leon shouted as he bolted upward, pointing his handgun at an enemy that wasn't there. The government agent shuddered. His dreams were starting to become all too real. And why he was dreaming about Antonio's Pizzeria, (A place that probably didn't even exist.) he really had no idea why. Leon put up his gun and checked his watch, which was broken. I must've been out for hours. He got up from the ground and nursed his head wound as he went up the stairs to the next room, but not before he grabbed the papers from the alter titled 'Our Plan'. The wounded man barely read the document and folded it into a small neat square then stuffed it in his back pocket to be forgotten forever.
oAo
(sometime later...)
Leon was mess. He was covered in dirt, sweat, and other substances he couldn't name at the moment. Getting past the Ganado were getting to be more of a pain then ever, with they way they would look a him with those dead eyes…and with a hint of something extra that would make the strongest man run for his mommy. Well, every man except for Krauser, who Leon now believed was a deranged psychopath who was obviously working to restore Umbrella. (And seeing as how they ran into each other not too long ago and the complete awkwardness of the whole entire thing was making Leon think that EVERYONE wanted him.) Even Ada was staring to grate on his last nerves, strange, because she was the only one that wasn't trying to hit on him.
Leon brushed the hair out of his eyes and walked through the sliding doors, but stopped when three red lasers appeared in his way. He pulled out a nickel from his pocket and tossed it out to the red beams in his path.
Flip. SIZZLE. Clink.
"Oh, damn."
Leon looked down at the fired metal that had once been American currency and then looked back up at the lasers. One screw up and he was a dead man without ever getting a new jacket. Well, seeing as his jacket savings had been literally fried there really wasn't much left to lose now, was there?
After making his way through the security lasers, (borrowing a few cheap tricks from some action movies he'd seen before he took this mission) he walked into the room. There was nothing in here but a very fancy looking chair and a mirror.
OvO
"Lord Saddler!"
"What is it?"
"The American's still alive sir!" The Ganado at the control panel cowered in fear as Saddler made his was over to the security cameras. Right there on the screen was the American agent, who was very much alive, and was in his private chamber.
The Ganado next to him tried to act as casual as he could, hoping that he wouldn't have to be punished like he had been last time. Although he never slept, he still got flashbacks of himself in a blinding platinum wig.
Saddler didn't seem worried at all. "Just wait and see." He told his follower. "Wait and see. Oh, and take the girl to the containment chamber." Saddler pushed Ashley like a rag doll over to the nearest Ganado, and it did as was instructed.
oAo
After thoroughly inspecting the area, Leon had found nothing suspicious at all. (Unless you count finding a nice shiny emerald to add to his jacket savings.) Leon sighed and unconsciously sat in the chair. Not knowing that he was being watched….
Why did this room look so freaking familiar? He stared at himself in the mirror trying to sort his thoughts.
"I'm overworked, under paid, with a horrid taste in fashion and wear cheap imitation jackets that are five times then what they're really worth!" (sexy pose)
Sweet mother of God, this was the room he'd seen in the security monitors! Leon jumped out of Saddlers chair and quickly shot the mirror that was hanging on the wall into a million tiny pieces.
Leon could hardly contain his anger. That bastard Saddler…Leon began to pace back and forth until he noticed something on the wall high above the entrance. He easily shot it down and added the elegant headdress to his jacket fund. Taking a look back up at the wall he saw a red button about the size of his fist which had been hiding behind the expensive hair wear. "Hmmm…" Leon shot it (seeing as the button was only 20ft above his head.) and it began to glow a bright crimson red. The brunette waited for a few seconds, but nothing happened.
"That's it?" he said aloud to himself, "This mission is entirely POINTLESS!" Leon was about to sit back in the chair and pout when he realized that a small cubby hole had slid open beneath it.
Leon crouched down and stuck his head under to the contents of the secret compartment. "The hell is this crap!" Leon began to pull out various items. A straw cowboy hat, red rhinestone high heel shoes, broken glasses, a compact mirror, big puffy yellow pants (which Leon had dubbed them 'banana shorts') a pink and blue tie-dye shirt, and another shirt that said 'Man, I Feel like a Woman!' with a cowboy boot on it, and finally a big leather jacket which after trying it on, could not (EVER!) replace the one that been lost. (EVER!)
"What kind of freak would want to keep any of this garbage?" Leon said irritably, laying out all the clothing and accessories before him. They were all completely useless! Leon looked back in the secret spot to make sure he hadn't passed anything up, and seriously regretted it when he found a red dress that seemed all to familiar. (AN: heheheheh….you know who…) The brunette began to get up from his spot under the chair when he conked his head on the bottom of the solid gold piece of furniture.
"EEOUCH! SON OFA-!"
BEEP.
"What the—?"
BEEP.
BEEP.
BEEP.
"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Leon quickly got up from the floor and kicked the chair down the small stairway. Well, he tried to, but seeing as how the chair was welded to the floor it wasn't about to move anytime soon.
KICK.
BEEP!
PANG! (The sound of Leons foot colliding with the chair.)
"GAH!"
Thud. (The sound of Leon falling to the floor, clutching his left foot.)
BEEP!
BEEP!
BEEP!
"Stupid f—"
BEEP!
"ARRRGH! Leon crawled back over to the chair and saw there was a small button on the bottom of it glowing a brilliant crimson hue just like the one on the high wall. I must've triggered a security alarm! Sh—!
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Leon clamped his hands over his ears as the eardrum shattering noise rang throughout the room. After a few minutes, and a couple of bloody cotton balls (Which Leon was thanking God that he'd brought them) later, the horrendous buzz ceased, as did the beeping.
The agent left the cotton balls in his ears (which were a bit blood stained now), and scanned the area. Ignoring the loud ringing in his ears he got up from behind the chair and walked over to a sliding door that was most definitely NOT there before.
The opening was pretty small and the agent couldn't fit himself inside, but a rotting stench told him that it was for the best. He slowly stuck his head inside, handgun loaded and ready to shoot and kill. This hole smells awful…The ringing in Leon's ears stopped and was replaced by defining silence.
………….
………….
(gurgle, SPLURT!)
"Eeew…" Leon looked down at his feet and saw that someone or something had vomited blood all over his Reebok shoes. Before the agent could react…..
"OH LEON YOUR SOOOO HOTT!"
oAo
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