Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-gi-oh!, then my cat would be wearing a diamond studded muzzle so that I could get some sleep.
A/N: Surprising as it is, I'm actually starting to get a solid plotline for this story. This time it's thanks to not only Icarus keeping me awake, but also his sister and partner in crime, Yami Neko. And before anyone asks, yes, that is my other cat's real name. She's called that because of her dark fur and I decided that it would be funny to call her 'dark cat' in another language. Though trust me, at the rate she and Icarus are going, I'm VERY tempted to call her something a little more descriptive and a lot nastier. -.-
Unwanted FateAccording to psychologists and philosophers, dreams are supposed to be a release from the daily torments that make up everyday life. They give one a chance to sort through the experiences that have been gained and just what sort of meaning that they may or may not have in the grand scheme of things. A way to further understand just how these things work in the deepest parts of one's heart.
I never gave much thought to this sort of thing in the past, as the only dreams that I really ever had were those of any normal teenage boy. Dreams about girls, especially the particular one that I thought that I liked, about what my future might be or where I might want to go someday after I had gotten out of high school. The sort of things that seemed to hold the most substance to me.
Needless to say, I don't have those sort of dreams anymore. All I ever see in my dreams are nightmares created from my present existence or the few scenes from the past that I can still remember. And if these images don't fill my sleeping mind, then I see nothing but blanks where old memories used to be. To this day, I honestly don't know which is more frightening, the nightmares or the void.
Of everything that I have come to know however, I know that there is something far worse than either of these things. That is the shadows that he has at his disposal and which he uses to torment so many for his pleasure. The very thought always makes me shiver. For despite the intense warmth that enveloped me on all sides, I could still feel the shadows' chill clinging to my skin and taunting me as it threatened to burrow deeper into my insides. It was a feeling that always made me sick to my stomach every time I felt it. I hated that it was like this, as it meant that I had again survived one of the milder punishments that he handed out to me. And that meant that I was still alive and safely, and I use that term loosely, within his possession.
As I became more aware of this fact, I realized that the haze of sleep was starting to leave my mind and with it any philosophical thoughts which had been wandering around my mind. I was becoming more and more aware of where I was and what was happening. Like so many times before I fell unconscious, I was no longer strapped down to the couch by magical bonds while damn shadows covered my body and he stood over me watching and muttering that it was for my own good.
Instead I was lying in the king-sized bed that was in what I guess one could consider our shared bedroom, tucked in the tight embrace of said one who claimed to torture me out of his love for me. There is an irony to this kind of situation that never ceases to amaze me even after all this time and sometimes I'm still trying to figure it out. I probably never will though. Some things, as I have learned through hard won experience, are just never meant to be solved by the human mind. They are meant to remain mysteries and to continue to confuse people throughout their lifetime.
At the moment, the only confusion that I have at the moment is exactly how I was going to get myself out of Yami's embrace without waking him. While I was now wide-awake, he was still deep in slumber and cuddling closer to me as if I was a stuffed animal or favorite plushie. From the peacefulness that I was picking up from his end of the link, I knew that he wasn't going to be getting up any time soon. If anything, he would probably keep sleeping right through the morning if he chose.
It was one of the benefits of being an all-powerful Pharaoh and complete ruler of the world. He was able to set the running of his kingdom to suit himself rather than worry about what the court and populace required. If he wanted to lie about all day, cuddling with a very unwilling and annoyed partner, then he was perfectly capable of doing so. It wasn't as if there was going to be anyone other than said partner who would offer any complaints.
Not that anyone was going to hear what those complaints were going to be. Other than Yami and myself no one was ever allowed within my cage. If anyone dared break through the layers of spells that surrounded the entire area, then they were in for a nasty surprise. Just like the spells that were placed around me, the ones around the cage were designed to either obliterate or disable anyone who got too close.
I've never actually seen the results of this or at least any times that I can remember. But just like everything else with Yami, I knew what sort of consequences he put into his spells thanks to the link. There is only so much that can be blocked on either end, especially when the experiences being felt are intense and overwhelming. So either one of us can tell just when something exceptional is happening with the other, whether we want to or not.
And at the moment, I do not want to be in bed with my yami curled around me. So I returned to square one in trying figure out just how I was going to get out of the dear Pharaoh's embrace this time. There were some tricks that I had used in the past that might have worked, such as spending a few hours slowly wiggling out of his grasp and then slipping a pillow in my place. He would start to cuddle that while I got away to hide in a closet to get some peace in for about half an hour before he realized that it wasn't a warm body that he was hugging.
Then he would wake up in a bad mood, throw the pillow away and start stalking about the rooms trying to find me. It would never take him long to find me, even when I closed off our link. And when he found me, I could look forward to Yami seeing it as a very annoying game and then punishing me by confining me to bed until he felt that I had learned my lesson. And I don't mean by ordering me to stay put until he said otherwise like one does while sick.
I mean he would actually confine me to the bed whenever he wasn't in the room by creating bars that turned it into a literal cage. Like everything else he created, the bars were made of shadow magic and therefore not something that a Hikari like myself or any human for that matter would readily touch. And those bars would become a barrier that keep me imprisoned for as long as Yami felt it necessary to teach me a lesson about running away from him.
A shudder ran through me when I thought about that, remembering the deep chill that came even the shadows were just present. It wasn't as bad as having the damn things crawl all over you, but it was enough to make still make me wary of the whole mess. Maybe, despite my desire to be free of my captor, it might be a good idea for me to reconsider the plans I was trying to formulate.
As much as I wanted to get away from Yami, part of me was in no hurry to have a repeat of yesterday's punishment. The thoughts that I had of the shadows in my barely waking mind came back in full force and made that reluctant part of me want to just endure the embrace I was trapped in. It seemed a better option than risking Yami's for a second time in less than twenty-four hours.
Another, more daring part of myself was more than willing to take the risk though. The side of me that was continually defiant against Yami's advances, regardless of the consequences. And as it often did in the morning for me when uncertainty struck, I was at war within myself. Part of me wanted to attempt the escape and risk punishment, while the other half was willing to endure the imprisonment that I was kept in at the moment.
I don't know how long I kept going through that age-old debate, but time passed faster than I would have anticipated. And in the end, it brought about the deciding factor that ended the internal war going on within me for that morning at least. While I was distracted, I was startled out of my reverie when I felt Yami's end of the link start to open up again. For me, that was a clear signal that he was finally starting to wake up and that I would have a chance at momentary freedom soon.
The only thing that I had to do to get that freedom was to be patient. I knew that eventually, after he had woken and gone through the usual routine, then Yami would leave me so that he could go to Court. So I would just have to endure this a little longer and then I would at least have physical distance between us. I would still have him in my head of course, but at least I wouldn't have to be cuddled in his arms like some damn toy.
Good morning> Aibou Yami yawned as he finally returned to the land of the waking.
He then took a moment to stretch and work out the kinks he had gotten during the night. When he did this, Yami released his hold on me. I took this as a chance to start inching away from him. It wouldn't be much nor would it take him a great deal of effort to catch me again unless I moved quickly, but any distance between us would be sufficient. Just so long as I wasn't as intimately close to him as I had been.
Good morning I answered dryly.
I honestly don't know how he can ever act so calmly after putting me through so much grief last night. Maybe it's just another example at how coldhearted he really is towards my feelings, no matter what he claims otherwise. He really is a dark spirit, with no trivialities such as a heart and the true emotions of love and kindness to slow him down one iota.
Stop that> a voice ordered sternly in my mind.
I couldn't help but wince at his tone. It was one that I had become familiar with through the years, coming into play only when Yami feels I need to be treated like a young child. Right now, I knew just why he decided to use that particular mental tone with me. As I almost always did the mornings after Yami punished me, I had thought something that displeased him immensely.
When that happened, I could either look forward to being scolded or punished again, only the latter would happen in a lighter tone than what I had experienced previously. As arms reached out and took hold of me again, I figured that it would be the scolding. This could mean anywhere from a few moments to hours of being told that I shouldn't behave like that.
You're right. You shouldn't worry about those things, little one> he chided as I had suspected, snuggling closer to me, Someone like you is not meant to worry about the melancholy parts of life. You need only think of our bond and staying happy. I will take care of everything else.>
Oh, how I wanted to yell and scream at him that there was definitely more that I should be thinking about than what he said I should be doing. I wanted to think of some way to get myself out of this living hell so that I could finally have some peace in my miserable existence. I wanted to be able to have the same solitude with my thoughts that I had once and not have to worry about someone else scanning through them without my consent.
But I knew that it would never happen. He would never allow me to have my thoughts to myself again on a permanent basis, no matter what I said. The very request itself would send him into a frenzy that would result in him drilling as deeply into my mind as possible to make sure that I kept the link open. The consequences of that would have a signal effect for him and become a double-edged sword for me.
He would be more in touch with my thoughts than ever before, having my mind touching his every second just like he wanted. I on the other hand, would be left an almost empty shell. My mind and spirit would be drained from the fight that I knew would come from the struggle to keep Yami from going deeper into my thoughts than he already was. I would be left as nothing more than a broken doll that would be good only for proving just how weak the human spirit is compared to higher forces.
I told you to stop thinking like that. You are not weak, Aibou. You are strong> Yami growled into my mind.
If I was strong, then I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't let you hurt me, you bastard I countered angrily.
For once and to my utter amazement, silence was the only answer that I received. No scoldings of either harsh or gentle nature, no deep embraces that left me paralyzed and completely breathless, no lectures on how I should be thinking. Just utter silence that filled his end of the link and left me totally confused on mine.
And that was probably what scared me the most. I was so used to Yami reacting instantaneously to my defiance that it was almost alien to have him just lie there. For a moment, I was actually starting to think that he was sick or something, though I knew that it was a totally farfetched notion. Then, before I even had a chance to react, the reactions that I was so used to suddenly went back into play again.
Never use that language again, Hikari. I mean NEVER> Yami ordered forcefully in my mind, I will not tolerate that sort of thing coming out of your mouth or running through your mind. Nor will I allow you to downgrade yourself as a weakling or believe that I hurt you. I love you and do what I must to teach you your place as my Aibou and a Hikari.>
For a brief second, I was almost scared from the tone that he was using. The same way I used to cringe in those rare instances in the past when he became upset with me. A frightened child that just wanted to be happy with his yami and please him. The same frightened child that made his appearance now as I quivered for that brief second under Yami's stern words. The same child that managed to bring him out of his fury and caused him to ease off as I took control of myself again and forced control over my mind again.
Oh Hikari> Yami sighed, his voice going softer than what it had previously been.
I remained silent, seeing no reason to respond further to him. It wouldn't make a difference at this point. I had already made a fool of myself by letting my fear get the better of me again. The only thing that it would get me was just another lecture and probably just more pain one way or another. So for once, I knew it was best to reign in my defiance and just suffer whatever the Pharaoh decided to do.
Just stop thinking like that, Hikari mine. I keep telling you that. I keep telling you that I love you and that there's no reason for you to be afraid anymore> he soothed, Your punishment is over now and I've forgiven you for disobeying me. Be happy now. Smile for me, little one. Smile like a Hikari should. Don't worry about things that don't have any meaning.>
The tone was meant to be gentle, but I could sense the command underneath. He was going into what I have come to term as 'Pharaoh mode'. When Yami gets like that, then he expects everything he says to be obeyed without question. It comes from his earlier life in Egypt, where he was raised in a palace where he had everything and anything he desired. Nothing and I mean nothing was ever denied to him, even if the situation called for him to be deprived of whatever he was screaming for.
But no, he was raised to be someone who believed that he was the highest form of life in the world. None were equal to him, the living son of Ra himself. He was allowed to have the best that existed in the world while the rest had to make do with the remains. In ancient Egypt, then known as Khemet, it had been the most valuable trade routes and its spoils. Now, it was having me as his personal pet and ruling the world with an iron will and fist. In short, Yami was just being a spoiled brat who had gotten everything he wanted and never deserved in both his lifetimes.
Like he always did, he picked up on these thoughts and the reasons that I had for them. I was almost expecting him to start scolding me again, saying that I was misbehaving again. But for once, he said nothing about my thoughts. Instead, though I felt a bit of annoyance aimed at my behavior, Yami just cuddled closer to me and hugged me even tighter than before. I forced myself to remain as slack as possible so that he would remain as calm as he had been so far. I hoped that maybe if I went along with whatever he wanted to do he might leave me alone at some point and then I could be alone in what little peace remained in my broken reality.
I could feel more of Yami's annoyance spread through the link as he caught onto my desperate desire and slightly released his hold. It wasn't enough where I could break away from him if I tried, but it was enough where I was able to look up at him. His crimson orbs were caught in a hybridization of concern and anger as he glanced back down at me. I interpreted this as him being worried that I wanted to be away from him and upset that I would even think such a thing.
He's always been an extremely possessive person when it comes to what he considers his property, especially where I am concerned. I can remember times when Jou, Honda, and Anzu were still in this world and they would come over to visit me. Though he hid it well most of the time and even managed to appear that he was happy to see them, there were still those days when Yami would find ways to chase off the others. Then my three friends would be so badly frightened that none of them would even look at me for several days afterwards.
The result of this was that I would always complain to Yami about how rude he was to my friends and that I wanted him to start treating them better. After all, they were just as a part of my life as he was. I had wanted everyone to get along since I believed that we were bound to spend so much time around one another. It was the most logical course as far as I could see.
But then, like he always did when I was upset, Yami would take me in his arms and hug me tightly against him. Using his mind, he would soothe the anxiety I felt over the situation and then whisper comforts that would eventually make me forget why I was even upset with him. Then things would settle down again, we would be at peace, and the problem was forgotten until the next time.
Now there is no such alternative result for us anymore. Now if Yami became overpossessive and I became upset, no amount of hugging and soothing would get me to calm down. I would fight and defy him with as much strength as I could muster, always hoping that somehow I would actually manage to do some damage against him. My hopes were never fulfilled of course. Yami would always overpower me in the end or simply let me tire myself out so that it was easier to handle me.
Right now, the option he went with was the former. Tightening his arms around me again and drawing me closer to him again, Yami just sat where he was, as he seemed to be collecting himself. I could feel the emotions from his side of the link growing more intense as the seconds ticked by. The old ones of annoyance, concern, and anger were joined by newer ones of hurt and determination as I could feel that Yami was about to make a decision of some sort that I knew I wasn't going to like.
"You will not be remaining in your quarters today, Aibou. You will be coming to Court with me for the day," Yami said finally.
If there has ever been one thing that he can say to me during our daily existence that sets off all the alarms it is that phrase there. It was the only thing that frightened me more than what he himself could do with those damn shadows of his. For with it comes the fact that I will no longer have the sole comfort that comes from remaining in the amnesty of my cage. I will be utterly and completely exposed to a world that I may as well be dead to.
"You spend too much time alone here, little one. That is what makes you so upset and uneasy when I come for you. I don't want my Hikari acting like that. So it will do you good to get out for the day and have the chance to get some fresh air," he continued in that commanding tone that I know all too well.
There was no chance that I could find no way out of this as I sometimes managed in the past. Today, whether I liked it or not, I was going to be spending my time with Yami. I was going to leave the false safety of my cage and head into the real danger that is Yami's Court. A place where I had no support or protection other than Yami himself, as no one saw reason to be my ally.
To the world beyond the rooms that I live in, I am either a traitor to humanity or simply the Pharaoh's unworthy lover. I have no worth as a person as others do. I am merely a possession, a toy that no one feels sorry for. The only feelings that others have for me are disgust and hatred. For them, there is neither reason nor cause to act any other way towards me.
I suppose that I can't blame them for being that way. It is my fault that the world has been left in the state that it has. If I hadn't been so determined to solve the Millenium Puzzle and get my stupid wish for friends, then life would still be normal. The countless lives that have been ruined in the last few years would have been untouched and go on without incident. People who have lived and died as they were meant to do instead of constantly looking over their shoulders as they did now.
And I might have been miserable with my life, but at least it wouldn't have had anything to do with the supernatural. I would still have my mother and grandfather there to comfort me when things went wrong instead of a sadistic bastard who never lets me have my own mind to myself. I wouldn't be facing another mental reprimand now as the same bastard embraced me tightly again before forcing me out of bed to prepare for the coming torture.
A/N: Well, I guess this wasn't the best chapter that I've done so far, but it was mostly to help move things along. It was mostly just to show how Yugi views Yami on a one-on-one basis and his reactions to the dear Pharaoh's possessive nature. Not a very healthy relationship but it's one that he's stuck with in my story. Also, I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I've just been very busy with school and personal life. I can't promise that I'll be able to update this or Light's Sojourn any time soon, but I'll do it as soon as possible. So until then, later and thanks for reading.