Not my dream alone, but our dream.
Not my world alone,
But your world and my world,
Belonging to all our hands who build.
-Langston Hughes
A hole.
I've fallen into a fucking hole in the middle of the goddamn desert and this is how I'm going to die?
This is my end at the end of the world.
After everything….
After running for what must have been years upon years, after hiding in the goddamn dirt and filth like an animal, all in the hope of keeping one step ahead of the bugs that want nothing more than to steal my body from me. All in vain, it seems, since I'm stuck in a hole waiting to be served up to them.
Well, the joke's on those persistent little buggers, I guess, because this body of mine is already nothing more than a husk – a shadow of what was once a functioning specimen of humanity.
But it's mine, and when they come for me, I'll continue to fight tooth and nail to keep it.
"Mmmmm ugggghhh."
The sound of a pained groan snaps me out of my rapidly escalating pity-party and focuses my attention back on the shitshow at hand.
"Y'alright, Mia?" I ask, desperately trying to mask the concern in my tone with gruffness. My sister doesn't need my panic over our situation, she needs me to be strong while I try and figure out how to get us out of this mess.
She's sprawled across the hard-packed dirt floor of our sandy prison, but immediately curls into herself when she hears my voice. The instinct to hide never really leaves us; just one more thing the aliens gifted us with when they took over.
She moans again, rubbing her hand against her forehead. "Where the hell are we?" she mutters.
"A hole," my tone is clipped and my explanation short. I take a second to glance around. The hole has corners that, upon closer inspection, betray the fact that it was dug with shovels, that it isn't a natural part of the desert landscape. Who knew the Seeker bugs had gotten so creative with hunting down their prey? "From the looks of it, a man-made hole."
As if she can read my mind, Mia's eyes fly open and she gasps, "Seekers?!"
I can only shake my head and shrug uselessly at her because I don't have any answer she would want to hear.
Who else but the Seekers would dig a human-sized pit in the middle of the desert, and then camouflage it with a sand-covered tarp?
"Shit shit shit," she sputters, drawing in deep heaving breaths. Then she breaks my heart, letting out one distinct sob, dry and rattling with dehydration and starvation. It is the unmistakable sound of my baby sister giving up.
No. Absolutely not. I fucking refuse.
This is not how it ends for her…. It can't be.
"Henry, what happened?" she entreats after a few moments of weighty silence. I turn to look at her over my shoulder; she's curled up on her side now, her head resting on one of her skinny arms while she prods at her tender ankle with her free hand. She doesn't have to say anything about it, it's clear that she must have hurt it when we tumbled down here.
"You don't remember?" I ask as I run my hands up the sides of the hole, hoping to find some hand-holds or roots or fucking something that would make getting out of here even slightly feasible.
No such luck, it seems.
She shakes her head, but then winces at the movement and presses one palm flat against her forehead. "My head…," she whimpers, her voice rising into a high-pitched keen.
More than anything, I want to wrap my baby sister in my arms and hold her close. I've been running with her since a year after the first-wave of the invasion, when just a few days short of her tenth birthday, our parents came home from work with unnerving silver eyes and a strange lilt to their voices. I grabbed her hand and ran, never stopping, never looking back. I was fifteen, barely more than a child myself and forced to become a parent to another. The urge to comfort Mia is nothing new, but now that we're both basically adults, she tends to regard my actions as smothering rather than soothing.
So instead, I clench my hands into fists so as to keep them to myself and look up at the sky above us. I try to relay how we ended up in this holding pen. "Do you remember how long we were walking for? Forever, right? I saw that stupid fucking tree and said, hey let's rest there! So we went to sit below it," I explain, pointing to the ends of the branches I can see dancing in the breeze at the edges of the pit above us – taunting me. "I should have fucking known. The second we sat under it, the ground gave out," I say through clenched teeth. Looking back at it now, the ground had been just a little too flat, just a bit too conspicuous; the bits of shade under the tree's branches just a little too inviting. "I'm such a dumbass. I'm so sorry, Mia. How bad are you hurt?" I ask her.
She groans again in response. "I think I twisted my ankle, and I must have hit my head on something; it hurts a lot." She pauses, and I can hear her swallow loudly. "It's not your fault, Henry," she adds softly.
It is though. But rather than argue with her, I lean forward to brush her red hair out of the way so I can examine her head. "Not bleeding," I assure her with a tight smile.
"Thank heavens for small favors," she mutters ruefully, with a small grin of her own. After a moment she turns her head to look up at the towering walls of the hole. "Can we climb out?" she asks, her voice low with fear.
I shake my head, returning to my full height. "Don't think so; we're down too deep." The sides of the pit extend a good three feet above my head. "And I doubt you'd be able to lift my ass up or pull me out." I let out a rough exhale, abruptly coming to terms with my sudden unwelcome fate. "If we're still in here by tonight, you're going without me." She tries to interrupt me, to contend with what I've decided, but I swiftly cut her off. "No! If I can get you out, I will. We don't both have to die down here, Mia."
"I'm not leaving you here, Henry! Don't be an idiot," she counters, reaching up to tangle her fingers with mine.
I brush off the pain that threatens to crush my chest at the idea of separating from my sister, more my child than sibling at this point. "I may not die, Mia," I try to reassure her. "But if there's a chance you can get away from the Seekers, then we have to take it. Once you're gone, I can fight them off on my own."
"No!" she spits, tightening her hold on me, as though she can tether herself to me rather than abide by my plan.
"Jesus Christ, Mia!" I snap. She's breaking my heart, and I can't handle that while I try to imagine my ass being dragged off by the Seekers. "Just – fucking just rest for now, ok? Regardless of what we decide, we need you to be able to walk. Alright?" And even while she wearily nods her assent, I know in my heart there is nothing to ultimately decide. My sister will get away, no matter what happens to me.
We run out of our already meager supply of water by the time the sun has made its way halfway across the sky. Mia dozes in the afternoon sun, flinching occasionally when she shifts in her sleep, jostling her head or her ankle against the hard ground. I'm restless, and I would pace if there was enough room. Instead, I study the cut marks on the sides of the pit, wondering how many Seekers it took to construct this fucking thing. It's certainly ingenious, I'll give them that. Lure the stupid humans with shade under a tree, trap them the second they let their guard down; the bugs are definitely getting creative, no longer relying on the tried and true methods of simple body-snatching.
This goes on for hours, and by the time the sun begins to set, I'm almost hoping the Seekers would just hurry the fuck up and retrieve us already.
I'm getting ready to start my second attempt at persuading Mia to take off without me when I hear something that freezes me in place. It's faint, but after so many years of running, of hiding, we've trained ourselves to pick up on anything that seems remotely out of place. So after what feels like endless hours of only hearing the sounds of the desert winds rustling the sparse leaves on the desolate tree above us, the addition of anything else was bound to catch our attention.
The sound moves closer, and with an icy wave of dread I realize it's footsteps. There are more than one set of them, and they're heading right for us.
A group. Of Seekers.
And we're trapped in a hole.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
I've run out of time.
"Henry…," Mia gasps, her voice little more than a breath. She pushes herself against the rough hewn walls of the pit, working to make herself as small as she can.
I shush her harshly, trying to keep my own volume as low as possible, and move to brace my body above hers. The Seekers aren't taking her if I can help it. I've spent years keeping my sister safe; I know in my bones that there is no way the bugs are getting her without killing me first.
I bend my head over Mia's prone form and squeeze my eyes shut. I feel like a child hiding from the monsters under the bed, hoping that if I can't see them, then they can't see me either. My own bone-dry breaths echo in my ears, each one scraping my throat until it feels like I'm swallowing back my own blood-coated fear.
No no no no – this can't be it. I can't –
"Hello there!" A jovial male voice interrupts my swiftly mounting panic attack. "I see you found our doorbell, of a sort." Then he chuckles. He laughs. I'm about to die – my sister is about to die – and this bastard is laughing at us. I remember the haunting smiles on the faces of my parents after they'd been taken, empty and mocking, waiting for Mia and I to fall asleep so we wouldn't struggle. When that happened to our family, I was filled with a deep, unparalleled hatred for those awful invaders, one that could never possibly be wiped away. And this bug's mocking certainly isn't doing anything to help soften those feelings.
"You a soul?" another male voice asks from the empty darkness above us. "Or maybe human?"
"Fuck off!" I spit angrily. I can't help it – I don't care how fucking polite they are, no way am I bowing out gracefully.
"Well, you're unpleasant," a female voice observes. She sounds almost amused at the fear and pain that's fast-consuming me like a cold fire.
I snap my head up, no longer able to hold back my incredulous fury. "Fuck you, you parasitic bitch!" I hiss, flinging each word at the dark silhouettes above me. I don't want them to miss a single one.
"I'm going to go with human," the second male voice mutters. "Never heard a soul talk that way."
"Probably right, I'd say," the first man agrees. He moans roughly, his shadow getting bigger against the night sky, as though he is crouching down to get a better look at us. I remember my dad making the same noise when he'd get down on the floor to play with Mia towards the end. The uninvited memory of something so human and innocuous makes me suddenly want to weep. The disembodied voice continues, "If it gives you any comfort son, you're amongst friends." A pause. "We're human as well."
One.
Two.
Three full beats of silence.
My heart stops. I swear it.
"Bullshit. Seeker lies," I spit back at the shadows above, but my heart isn't in it. I want to hope – to believe – more than anything.
"What?" Mia's cry comes up from below me. "Did he say humans?"
"Mia, shut up!" I bite out frantically.
"Oh well now, there's more of you down there," the first voice chuckles again. This time it sounds less mocking, more kind. It reminds me of my uncle's, softly finding amusement at my expense whenever I'd done something that resulted in my own upset. "Yes darlin'," the voice continues without waiting for any response from us. "We're about as human as they come." With that, the man turns on a flashlight and shines it down on us. He catches my eyes and once he sees that there is no freaky silver reflection, he turns it on himself. He has a white beard that is surprisingly well-kept and light blue eyes that radiate sympathy. But there is no reflection, no light that bounces off his gaze that would immediately signal our deaths.
He is human.
Holy shit.
"Would you like a hand out of there?" he asks gently.
I nod dumbly. I haven't seen another human besides Mia in so many years, and I can't seem to wrap my mind around what's happening in this moment. The man steps out of view, but returns quickly, dumping a rope ladder over the edge of the pit. I head up first – no matter what they say, I can't just send Mia up without me there to make sure it's alright. As overwhelmed as I am with the discovery of humans out here in the middle of the desert, I can't drop my guard just yet, not at the risk of my sister. Hands pull me up over the edge of the pit, helping to get my feet under me, giving me space to pull Mia out. They back away to stand in a loose group a few feet away from me, maintaining a safe distance between themselves and the two of us.
The older man with the flashlight speaks after a few heavy beats of silence. "M'name's Jeb. This here's Andy, Paige, Heath, and Aaron." He points to each person in turn, taking the time to make sure the harsh shine of his flashlight hits their eyes, reflecting back...nothing. They're all human. Each one of them. Five people. Five more humans left on Earth. I'd never let myself hope for so much.
"I'm Mia," my sister speaks up from behind me. "This is my brother, Henry. We thought…well, we thought we were the only ones left."
The man Jeb introduced as Andy snorts. "We all thought that at some point." He steps towards the woman in the group – Paige – as he talks, and rests his arm possessively around her shoulders.
Then Jeb proceeds to drop a bomb on us.
"There's forty-five of us in our group," he tells us, his eyes crinkling up at the corners. "We've made contact with four other groups, but we have the biggest."
Mia inhales sharply at this revelation. I feel numb, my brain scrambling to understand through the confusion and astonishment, desperately trying to grasp that everything I've held to be true for years is wrong. As alone as we were, Mia and I were not the last ones left behind. Not at all.
"I'm sorry," I cough. I don't feel like I'm getting enough air. "Can you say that again?" I must have stumbled a bit, because Jeb steps forward and places a steadying hand on my shoulder.
"We know of about 80 survivors, give or take," he explains, patting my arm comfortingly, as though to emphasize his words. He lets that sink in for a few moments before stepping back and gesturing to the others in his group. "We can offer you some water, but we didn't bring any other provisions with us. Were y'all inclined to come along with us? At least to get yerselves sorted, maybe rest up a bit?"
Mia started nodding before Jeb even had a chance to finish his question. Eventually she seems to remember that I'm here with her, and she turns to me with pleading eyes, frantic for me to agree to this stranger's offer. I had long ago lost my inclination towards easy trust, but Mia has never once shed her optimism in all the years we'd been on the run. She wants this badly – needs to believe there is something good and real within her reach.
I exhale and nod once to her in acquiesce. I pivot to Jeb and make sure my terms are clear. "We can leave whenever we want? That won't be a problem?"
Jeb scoffs, and raises a hand to pat his broken-in wide-brimmed hat. "Ain't a problem for me, two less mouths to feed in that case."
My chest unclenches just a little bit more with his easy agreement. Jeb strikes me as an honest man, and I want to believe he is telling me the truth here.
When he sees that I believe him, he stoops to pick something up and clicks off his flashlight. "Let's head back y'all," he barks at the others. His silhouette turns to me and Mia, and says, "We move in darkness; I'm sure you can appreciate the necessity of such a precaution, even all the way out here."
I hum in agreement, and even in the dark I can see Mia nod. We know what it is to move in the shadows. And anyways, the moon will serve us well enough out here.
We hike for what feels like hours in the opaque blackness. I can tell we aren't moving in a straight line, that we are being led on a circuitous route designed to confuse and disorient us. I even understand why – we are strangers to these people as much as they are to us – but I can't help but smart a bit at the realization. I need to remember, being the same species is ultimately not enough to place their trust in us, not entirely.
As the sky begins to lighten with the first gray hints of dawn, the group comes to a stop. Jeb steps forward from his place trailing behind us. In the dim light, I can see that he has a long rifle slung over his shoulder. I realize with a start that this is likely what he picked up from the side of the pit when we set off into the night.
"Were you planning to shoot us?" I question him dubiously.
"I didn't plan on doing anything," he replies, his tone derisive and dry. "And I didn't shoot you, so you got nothin' to complain about, do you?"
When I don't answer him, he continues speaking as though he wasn't inclined to hope for a response from me in the first place. "Now, y'all are my guests, and while that entitles you to plenty, it does not entitle you to the knowledge of how to enter and exit my home."
"But –" I move to interrupt. "You said –"
"I am aware that I told you that you could leave whenever you wanted," he interjects, already anticipating my protest. "And that will not change, ever. Whether you choose to remain my guests or take up permanent residence here with our group, you will always be allowed to leave. It's your choice – I'm not anyone's keeper. But I will have you escorted in and out, and you'll be blindfolded at that. A precaution, you understand?"
Whatever softness was previously contained within this man, he is all sharp edges now. Jagged shards that won't hesitate to tear apart anything that threatens him and his. And right now, Mia and I have the potential to do just that if we don't agree.
I narrow my eyes at Jeb, but ultimately agree. "Fine," I murmur. I have no doubt that my tone betrays my displeasure at my lack of options. Heath moves forward to wrap a bandana around Mia's head, adjusting it to make sure her vision is fully obstructed. Just before Andy does the same to me, I reach out to grab Mia's fingers, pulling her body closer to mine.
We're in a cave system. I know it before they even remove our blindfolds, the echoing of our footfalls a dead giveaway. But to see what Jeb has turned these caves into is a marvel all the same. There are multiple fields filled with different kinds of crops and an elaborate system of mirrors that provides sunlight to grow them, no doubt designed by Jeb's mad-genius mind. There is a goddamn kitchen where people bake bread every single day and prepare food that isn't only warmed by the sun. There are bedrooms and a rec room, a bathing room, latrines, and a hospital with people who evidently know what they're doing. There are storerooms that Jeb assures me will soon be full of food.
Mia would never starve again. I would never have to worry that she could get the flu or break a bone and somehow die of something stupid because I couldn't make her better. This could be her home, and she would be safe.
And the people. There are so many people.
While they're all slightly ragged and their clothes are rather worn, no one looks sickly or malnourished, or even unhappy. Everyone greets us with a wave and a half-smile before returning to whatever tasks they were in the middle of before we entered the room.
And they're human.
Jeb shepherds us around, explaining how he discovered the volcanic tunnels and built them out over the years, making sure we grab food from the kitchen and water from the underground spring, ultimately leading us on a winding trip to the makeshift hospital to get Mia's injuries from our fall checked out. A man introduces himself as Doc, and I want to sob, because they have a doctor – an actual human doctor. He examines Mia's head and her ankle, taking the time to wrap it in a pressure bandage to maintain stability and reassures me that she's alright really, no harm done.
"I think she musta hit her head on that damn rock at the bottom of the hole," Jeb posits while Doc is feeling the lump beneath Mia's hair.
"I told Jared he needed to see to that," Doc grumbles absently. "I told him someone would end up getting hurt by it the second I saw it. Didn't I, Jeb?"
"You surely did, Doc," Jeb drawls back.
Stepping back from Mia, Doc looks between the two of us and softly proclaims, "You're both surprisingly healthy for two people who, from the sounds of it, have lived rather ferally. Just need to put some meat on your bones and up your water intake, and you should be good to go. And Mia, you should take it easy on your ankle for a few days. It doesn't appear that you have a concussion, but if you experience any headaches, nausea, or dizziness make sure you come see me right away."
I reach forward to shake his hand, because truly, I'd given up on ever having a doctor examine my sister again. "Thank you, Doc. I really appreciate it."
He nods, grasping my extended hand firmly. Looking to Jeb, he adds, "Just make sure one of the guys gets that stupid rock out of the hole – for next time, Jeb."
The older man genially agrees with the doctor's request, but I can't help posing my own question while we're on the subject.
"Can you explain to me why the hell you have that pit, Jeb?" I ask tentatively. I wouldn't normally push – I'm aware it's none of my business – but I figure since I spent the better part of the day in said pit, I'm at least a little bit entitled to more information about it. "You scared the shit out of us with that thing, by the way."
"Well I apologize for that, I truly do," Jeb offers. He shoots a quick glance at Doc; I sense a hint of censure in Jeb's expression, or at the very least in Doc's grimacing reaction. Perhaps we were not supposed to be party to the details of the trap we fell victim to. "We dug the hole a while back to give us a chance at delaying anyone who wanders too close to the caves. Like I said, a doorbell, if you will."
"You asked if we were souls," I remind him hastily before he can navigate the conversation towards another, more palatable subject. "What would you have done if we were bugs instead of humans?"
I watch as the underlying hardness of Jeb's expression returns briefly, and I wonder what it is about this exchange that he's displeased with.
"We have procedures in place, strict ones, whether we happen upon humans or souls near our home," he answers decisively, leaving little room for further discussion. "Now, let me show you where y'all can rest up tonight."
Jeb brings us to a tunnel with a series of small doorways carved out in a long row along a narrow corridor. He explains that each one leads to a cave that serves as a bedroom; each one is covered with a different type of covering that serves as a makeshift door. One has a colorful sheet, another a patchwork quilt; one entrance even has a set of swinging doors propped against the inside and another has a plastic tarp.
"We had to start expanding the caves about a year back," Jeb tells us as we follow behind him. "These are the newer rooms; the older ones are in the other tunnels nearby. Once more people started joining us, we realized we'd need more places for everyone to sleep – not the worst problem to have these days, I know." As he speaks, his lips curl up into a warm smile. When we come to a stop in front of a doorway that's covered with a thick plaid flannel sheet, Jeb gestures loosely for us to enter ahead of him. "This one will be yours for now. No one's using it at the moment, so don' worry 'bout that. It's not much, but we managed to get our hands on some more mattresses a while back, so you'll at least have that."
"It's more than enough," Mia quickly assures him. "Thank you, Jeb."
He nods, patting her shoulder in appreciation at her words. "Think you can find the kitchens from here?" At Mia's reassurance that we won't have a problem, he turns to leave. "Get some sleep, y'all," he bids us as he steps out into the corridor.
The two of us stare at each other, twin looks of incredulous disbelief on our faces. Twenty-four hours ago, we were sleeping in the ruins of a ramshackle cabin in the middle of the desert, choking down sand and shivering as the night crept by. Now we're in an underground cave system, surrounded by more humans than I ever imagined could still exist in the entire world. But they're here – they've been here for years, it seems. They've been living while we've barely been surviving.
So, as Mia and I settle into the small mattresses that take up most of the floor space in our small cave, I resolve to hold tightly to this little bit of luck I've been handed. And for the first time since the world ended, I fall asleep without fear that my sister may be lost to me in the hours before I wake.
Days pass.
We sleep like the dead and eat more than we have in years.
Once we recover a bit, Jeb has us work the fields and bake bread and make soap.
We bathe for the first time in months and drink slightly sulfurous water and eat fucking homegrown fruits and vegetables, for Christ's sake. So regardless of anything else, at least Mia won't get scurvy.
My sister looks clean for the first time in years, her red hair gleaming and her skin covered in only a light dusting of cave dirt as opposed to the layers and layers of accumulated grime that we're used to.
After I emerged from the river room, following my own turn cleaning up, the brat widened her eyes comically at the sight of me. You look like a guy – like a real guy, she said. Not like, you know, Bigfoot. I rolled my eyes at her and told her to shut the hell up, but in truth, I appreciated her words.
Being here makes me feel like I'm slowly clawing my way back from the edge of no return and back towards the man I should have become if the world hadn't ended.
The most important thing though?
Mia is happy. She smiles, and I can hear her laugh as she works alongside other people or when she plays with the small group of children who run wild around the cave system. If for that reason alone, I know I need to do anything to stay here, to ensure our place with these people. I'd do anything to make that a reality.
But when I approach Jeb about staying in the caves long-term, he seems hesitant. "I'm glad you're partial to my place, you and Mia both." He pauses, his eyes drifting away from mine. "But let's wait 'til after the raiders get back in a couple weeks for you to make a final decision."
"Why?" I question, my heckles immediately going up. I'm a man in my mid-twenties, I know my own mind; I can make decisions for myself and Mia. And the fact that we would be better off staying with Jeb's group goes without saying.
Jeb hums in thought, as though trying to figure out how to phrase what he wants to say to me. "Personalities may not mix," he finally offers. "Everyone on the raiding party has been here for years, they're family. I hate to be prickly, Henry, but I'll choose them over you and your sister – well, most days at least. So, until I see how y'all get along, I'm unwilling to accept that you'll want to stick around long-term."
I get it, really I do. Sometimes people are dicks, it's the nature of humanity. And Jeb doesn't want me to say we'll stay and then turn around and demand to leave if some jackass and I rub each other the wrong way. But I don't think he understands how much I need this for Mia. "We'll be staying, Jeb," I inform him once again.
He hums again as he turns to leave, saying over his shoulder. "We'll see, Henry. I surely hope you do."
After my conversation with Jeb, I spend a lot of time wondering about these raiders. I'm told that they head out for a few weeks at a time, gathering supplies to restock the caves. Food, clothing, toiletries, medicines, tools, seeds – anything a rebel community could possibly need, and everything I haven't been able to give Mia for the last bunch of years. If we stayed – when we stayed – I would talk to Jeb about joining the raids. While farming is all well and good, I want to provide, to take care of these people who are left at the end of things.
I learn that a guy named Jared is the unofficial organizer of these raids, so he will be the man to ultimately convince. Jeb's niece and nephew are out on this raid as well, along with a handful of others that are referenced in passing conversation. But whenever I try to get more information about these people or the specifics of how the raids go down, everyone clams up. I get wanting to keep trade secrets from an outsider, but what the fuck? This seems a bit excessive – even if I don't stay in the caves because I can't get my head out of my ass for some reason, shouldn't the fact that I'm human allow for some friendly advice on surviving out there in the world?
It's some fucking bizarre bullshit, in my opinion.
So, by the time the raiding party returns to the caves, I'm almost as excited about it as everyone else who actually knows these people.
We know they've gotten back when one of the children tears through the kitchen at breakneck speed, announcing the raiders' arrival at the top of his lungs.
"They're home! They're home! THEY'RE HERE!" he screams as he shoots past Mia and I.
A thread of excitement winds its way through the people who had been dispassionately picking at their dinners just moments before. Everyone rises from their seats and makes their way to the tunnel that leads to the large main cave, shaking out their arms and shoulders, gearing up to help unload supplies. Once there, Mia winds her way through the gathering crowd to my side and smiles up at me hopefully; she knows that Jeb has been waiting to make a decision about us staying until this group returned, so she's full of budding hope that everything will work out after our meeting them.
A dark skinned man I've never seen before emerges from one of the dark corridors, closely followed by a tall, burly man with pale skin and black hair who, upon entering the open space, immediately crows at the top of his lungs, "We have returned!"
Others chuckle at his antics, but I want to cringe back at his volume. I'm used to the necessity of silence, and I have to fight the reflex to look for a place to hide Mia when his words echo loudly around the open cave. The rowdier man catches sight of Mia and I and arches one dark eyebrow at us. After handing off his load to one of the people on hand to help, he pivots towards us but addresses Jeb, who has suddenly appeared at our sides.
"Newbies?" the man asks loudly, a half-smile on his face.
Jeb nods and offers this man our names. "I found them in the desert. Jared's pit trap finally came in handy."
The pale, dark-haired man throws his head back and barks out a sharp thundering laugh. "I'm sure he'll never shut up about it now." After a beat in which he seems to quickly assess both of us, he adds, "Humans?"
"What the hell do I look like?" I snap back at him harshly.
The other man doesn't outwardly react, other than raising his eyebrows at my words. Or my tone. Honestly, it could be either. Mia elbows me and smiles abashedly at the man in apology.
She sheepishly says to him, "Ignore his attitude, we've been out of practice being polite for quite a while."
"Years," I add grumpily, because I get it, I do. I'm being defensive for no reason other than my own shit. Plus this guy is noisy and it's throwing me off.
"Ah," he allows, his eyes shifting quickly to Jeb. "Well, this'll be fun. It's nice to meet you both. I'm sure I'll see you around." He swiftly turns on his heel to jog back down the tunnel where he had emerged from.
"That there's Kyle," Jeb explains quietly. "Kind of a hothead, but better as of late."
My mind immediately goes to the prominently crooked nose that Kyle's sporting and I can't help but speculate how many times his hotheadedness has led to its being broken.
Over the next few minutes, the other raiders begin to trickle into the open cave. A young guy, maybe a year or two older than Mia, with shaggy dark hair; a blonde man carrying a pallet of industrial size canned goods who chats amiably with a tall girl who looks close to my age, her chestnut hair pulled back into a messy ponytail; a man with brown hair and a beard; an older guy with salt and pepper hair talking to the same dark-skinned man from before; Kyle again, who's followed closely by a another man who looks almost identical to him, except without the crooked nose; and a diminutive girl with an abundance of curly blonde hair, her silvery skin covered in freckles, who is practically dwarfed by the gigantic box she's carrying.
Jeb lists off everyone as they enter and exit the cave, hauling in goods and returning to bring in more. "Jamie – my nephew, that's Jared and my niece, Melanie. Liam… Joseph and Brandt, Kyle and Ian – brothers, if you couldn't tell. Though I rightly assume you'd have to be blind not to see it. And… there she is, that's Wanda, just there."
When we offer to help the group with bringing stuff into the caves, Jeb just waves us off. "Next time," he mumbles, before stepping around us to move towards the raiding party, calling out greetings to each of them as he goes. Once the endless stream of activity comes to a natural pause and each raider has handed off their supplies from civilization, Jeb has alerted them to our presence amongst the larger crowd. The group comes a few steps closer, their bodies loosely facing Mia and I, but they keep a measured distance from us.
I have no doubt they had already spotted us, probably as soon as they entered the cave. There's a casual hyper vigilance about each of them, except for the small blonde girl, who is still struggling to neatly pile her items nearby; she notably lacks the casual athletic grace that the rest of them seem to possess in spades.
"This here is Henry and Mia," Jeb gestures to us as he speaks, as though they may have somehow missed us. He's positioned himself exactly halfway between this group and the two of us. "Found them in the hole, Jared."
The corner of Jared's mouth ticks up in amusement. "Glad it worked," he replies simply.
Melanie snorts derisively.
These raiders certainly seem to be a...rather restrained bunch. Well, except for Kyle.
"I wanted them to meet everyone, before they make a decision about whether or not they plan on staying with us…." Jeb trails off, and as he does, I watch as some of the raiders physically close ranks, shifting backwards and closer to one another. I exchange a glance with Mia, both of us puzzled by their odd behavior.
"Everyone's been so wonderful to us," Mia offers with a hopeful smile. "We really…well, we'd love to stay."
Melanie crosses her arms in front of her chest, sends a harsh glance at Kyle's brother, and then shoots a distracted look over her shoulder to where Wanda is still noisily struggling with her boxes.
"It's not really up to us," Melanie bites out, her eyes flashing. "It's up to you."
Now I'm completely confused by the direction of this conversation…. Jeb said it depended on the raiders, and now the decision is being volleyed back to us.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Kyle rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically with seeming impatience before reaching out to smack his brother in the chest. Ian grunts and clenches his jaw. He narrows his eyes as he assesses us in the same harsh way his brother did, before exhaling loudly and turning around to finally assist the small girl behind him. I hear him murmuring to her as he takes the items from her and hands them off to Heath with a pointed look. Ian already doesn't like us, of that I'm sure.
I watch as he runs a hand through the small girl's wild curls and smiles kindly at her; he glances back at us, his expression closed-off and grim, before drawing her forward slowly, her hand grasped firmly in his.
I didn't understand what the big deal is about this girl. She's small and fine-boned, an interesting choice for a raider. The others all seem to be better-suited – the men are all in good shape, and Melanie is tall and athletic. What does Wanda bring to the table when this group ventures out into the world?
Why does her opinion matter more than the others, when it comes to us staying in the caves? Is this Wanda a huge bitch? A great judge of character? Why does she hold the fate of my sister and I in her hands? I can't make heads or tails of the situation.
But then I hear Mia's sharp intake of breath and my eyes jump up to Wanda's face.
To her silver eyes.
To her reflective eyes that mean only one thing.
"She's a fucking bug!" I yelp, immediately throwing Mia behind me. "What the actual fuck is this shit?! Have you all lost your goddamn minds? Fucking kill her!" Mia's hands are clenched tightly in the back of my shirt and her heavy panicked breathing only serves to stoke my rage.
I expect chaos to erupt at my words – for Jeb to shoot the bug parading around in this little girl's skin. For the raiders to be rounded up and their eyes checked. I expect screaming.
Instead, I'm only met with silence.
In response to my wrathful indignation, Ian immediately pulls the bug behind him, effectively obstructing it entirely from my view. He keeps one arm behind him, likely wrapped around the alien in girl's clothing. Melanie's eyes narrow with rage as she, Jared, and Jamie all take a noticeable step closer to Ian, forming a barrier between the rest of us and the bug. The other men in the raiding party frown at my outburst and shift their weight back and forth while casting imploring looks at Jeb, their discomfort obvious. Kyle simply rolls his eyes once again and scoffs vehemently.
"I don't have time for this shit," he grumbles loudly. "You need me, Jeb?" he asks the older man. At Jeb's slow shake of his head, Kyle pats his brother on the shoulder and steps away from the rest of the group. "I gotta go find Sunny," he says to no one in particular. But then he calls over his shoulder as he moves to leave, "I'll let her know, Wanda." Kyle strides down the tunnel that leads towards the bedrooms without once turning back.
Jeb sighs audibly as the standoff doesn't move to resolve itself without his intervention. I'm about to grab my sister and fucking run when he finally speaks. "Y'all go clean up now," he bids the raiders. There's a low murmuring from the gathered crowd that I now realize had gone silent when I'd started yelling; or had they been quiet before that, anticipating my reaction to the bug? The other members of the raiding group remain reticent, beginning their retreat without another word to anyone. First Brandt, Joseph, and Liam peel off, throwing frowns and expressions of disapproval my way. Then Jared gives Jamie a gentle shove to get him moving. Melanie scoots around to where the bug is hiding, but Ian uses his considerable bulk to block the two girls from my view. They all leave together, making their collective way towards the caves that house the older set of bedrooms.
None of them even look at me.
"Let's take a walk," Jeb quietly entreats.
"Fuck a fucking walk Jeb! What the fuck is going on?" I bark out, whirling on the older man as soon as they're gone. I feel like I'm going insane. It sounds like Mia is hyperventilating behind me.
"Watch yer mouth," he snaps, his voice all sharp edges again. For some reason I can't even fathom putting my finger on, I feel like I've failed some sort of test of Jeb's. I don't like feeling as though I've disappointed him, but I'm not fucking pretending that a bug isn't just waltzing around this cave system where it can get a hold of Mia any time it wants.
"You take a walk, I'll explain the situation," Jeb drawls, his earlier calm suddenly returned. "I have confidence that with time you'll be reasonable of mind," he adds as he turns to leave the open cave room, with or without me it appears.
God help me, but I feel compelled to please this man, to prove him right about me. I want his confidence in me to be well-founded. "Fine," I spit out. I keep my arm around Mia though; now that I know what's going on here, I refuse to let her out of my sight.
We trail behind Jeb towards the east field, and when he turns back to check on us, he scoffs quietly as he catches sight of my defensive position, keeping Mia tucked half-behind me. When I glower back accusingly at him, he just chuckles, "Well you saw how small Wanda is; I rightly doubt she'd be able to do y'all much harm."
But you know what? I don't see the humor in this situation, at all.
It's quiet in the cavern that houses the vast east field; all work was completed for the day before we had gone to dinner, and now the first hints of moonlight cast an unearthly glow that highlight the shadows dancing around the edges of the large room.
"Sit," Jeb directs us without preamble.
"Talk," I counter, refusing to do as he says.
"Fine, I'll sit," Jeb grumbles. "I'm old and I'm tired." He makes his way over to the wall of the cave and lowers himself slowly to the ground. He makes a show of settling in, stretching out his legs and letting out loud sighs as he adjusts his back against the unforgiving stones. I roll my eyes at the old man's dramatics and pull Mia down to take a seat next to me; I get the feeling Jeb won't be happy until we do as he says. As soon as we're down, he begins talking. "A few years back, we found Melanie and Wanda under that same tree where we found you. Those girls were more than almost dead – exposure and dehydration had done a number on them. They were in real rough shape."
"Why were they together? How the hell did your niece end up with a bug?" I interrupt, my anxiety making it difficult for me to hold my tongue.
Jeb sighs loudly in displeasure before answering me. "They were one in the same." He pauses.
"Wanda was the soul that had been placed in Melanie's body."
An onslaught of thoughts race through my mind at this revelation. Why didn't Jeb kill the thing that wore his niece's body when he found it? Why the hell was it still here? How the fuck did they get it out of Melanie's body? What the fuck –?
But I don't get the opportunity to pose any of my questions out loud before Jeb continues with his explanation. Which is probably for the best; I have a feeling he won't welcome another interruption from me.
"Melanie had been with Jamie and Jared before all this. She threw herself down an elevator shaft to avoid being taken as a host, to protect those boys, and likely would have died if the souls hadn't been right behind her and healed her right up." He pauses, "Ironic, ain't it?"
I suddenly respect the ornery Melanie quite a bit more than I did a few seconds ago. I'd rather die than risk Mia's safety; and I would have done the same if I were in Melanie's shoes. The only difference is I would have made sure I died.
When neither of us answer what is debatably a rhetorical question, Jeb rolls his eyes and grunts at our lack of response. "So, a while after she disappeared, Jared shows up here with Jamie in tow and their sad tale of what happened to my niece. It took some time, but the two of them really settled into the community. Those boys were destroyed at the loss of Melanie though; she's a force, my niece." He smiles fondly at some memory he chooses not to share.
Jeb continues, his enigmatic grin firmly in place, "The day we found those girls out in the desert, something woke up in these caves. For some it was beautiful – exciting and enlivening and mind-blowing; for others it was harder. There was a lot of pain and fear and confusion, on our part and on theirs. Wanda earned her place here with us; she worked harder than anyone else in these caves, still does. She answered my endlessly annoying questions about the universe, and she immediately stepped in to care for Jamie, even though in theory he wasn't hers. Eventually it became clear to me that more was going on than met the eye."
I knew it. The bug was probably planning something, it was the long con –
"Melanie was still in there with Wanda."
Jeb lets those words hang there between the three of us, the implications of such a thing expanding to fill up all the empty space. Mia drops the hands she's been clenching in front of her face while she nervously bites her nails, her mouth wide with astonishment.
"Can such a thing actually happen?" she whispers, her hand fluttering back up to her mouth.
He clenches his jaw and nods once. "Oh yeah, it can definitely happen. Not always, but it does. Wanda says it's the fighters that stay, but we think there are other factors involved." Then he goes ahead and drops another bomb on us. "There are a few people in these caves who were once occupied by souls."
"What?" I yelp, my voice echoing loudly around the cave.
"Mhm…. Eight, by my last count," Jeb replies, a study in nonchalance as he scratches his jaw through his thick beard.
"What…. How?" I sputter. I can't seem to form a cohesive thought, let alone do more than sit here in the dirt and gape at this crazy man who has just blown apart my understanding of the world.
"Told you before," Jeb murmurs gently, his voice a stark contrast to mine. "We have strict procedures in place for both humans and souls that we come upon. Souls are removed and shipped off-world; stopping by the shuttle port is a regular part of raiding."
"How?" I ask again, desperately trying to get my thoughts in order. "How do you remove them?"
"Sorry kid, that's a trade secret," Jeb admonishes, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. "Only about a handful of people in these caves know how it's done, and we're not giving that information out to anyone. Though I will tell you, you'd never get it right on your own, so don't even try." Quite suddenly, Jeb's expression transforms into one I haven't seen on him before; the man looks completely and utterly haunted. "You'd only be setting yourself up for a whole lot of death and heartbreak, kid."
He must recognize the first hints of manic excitement in my eyes at the information he's revealed – my mind begins to spin at the thought of having a way to fight back. We could take back the world and defeat the bugs at their own game.
"Doc tried for years without success," he continues, choosing not to acknowledge any of my reactions. "Nearly broke the poor man too. We never would have gotten it right without Wanda."
"Wait," I gasp, truly not believing it. "The bug told you how to do it?"
"Mind your manners, boy," Jeb practically snarls at me. I flinch back automatically at the vitriol in his tone. "This is my house, and I will not have that kind of talk under my roof."
I nod meekly, immediately chagrined at upsetting the man who has been nothing but kind to me, even if he is nuts.
"So, um…. Why is...Wanda still here then? If you're so strict, that is," Mia asks tentatively, trying to figure out how to phrase her question without somehow offending Jeb.
He offers her a small grin and chortles softly, all upset seemingly forgotten with her efforts. "Well young lady, as much as we try to get ahead of things, there are always complications. Wanda became a part of us – this is her home. She came here for Jamie and Jared, to make sure they were safe from the Seekers; in the beginning, Melanie led Wanda here with her love for them, but Wanda stayed because of her own love for them. Well, them and others," Jeb grins. "Melanie and Wanda were intertwined. They loved the same people, as well as each other." At my disbelieving huff, Jeb narrows his eyes. No more interruptions are invited or welcome, evidently. "Don't have to believe me, kid, but look for yourself. Even now, those girls are closer than sisters, and they were the same way when they shared a body. But things got complicated, as I said." Jeb clears his throat, signaling his discomfort. "We had losses and gains, and Wanda couldn't bear to be the cause of any more strife, as she saw it. She elected to give Melanie back her body, and chose to end her life and be buried with the humans that died during her time in these caves."
"But…why?" Mia asked softly, her voice breathless and incredulous.
"She didn't want to take another human's body – to be a bug or a parasite or whatever y'all accuse her of being – as a means of continuing her own life. Wherever she may come from, Wanda is pure, and kind; and when we found out about this little plan of hers, I can't say I was surprised in the slightest." Jeb smiles fondly, the corners of his mouth twitching up as he recalls this. "Stubborn girl almost got away with it too, but she underestimated the level of bonafide human pigheadedness that she had surrounded herself with."
"You stopped her?" Mia wonders. At Jeb's affirming nod, she asks, "Who saved her?"
"Who didn't?" he counters, his tone genuinely jovial once again. "Jared held poor Doc at knife point until the terrified man saw her safely into a cryotank; Melanie started shrieking like a banshee to save Wanderer, save Wanderer from just about the second she regained consciousness; Ian protected her in her soul-form for months on end during the aftermath, while Jamie spear-headed the raids to find her a new host body. All that's to say, Wanda is loved."
"But the host body…. Who is she?" I can't help but ask. The bug was no longer in Melanie, but she was walking around the caves wearing another human face. She'd gotten it from somewhere, since she sure as hell hadn't been born with it.
"Melanie knew how to find the right kind of host from the time she and Wanda shared a mind, so she employed Jamie's gut feeling and Jared's cunning to hunt down a body that would be the right fit for Wanda. Took a while, but their determination eventually paid off. We removed the soul and waited for the host to wake up. When it became apparent that there wasn't anyone left in the body to actually come back, we made the call to put Wanda in."
"It must have been relieved to find out it was still alive." I need to know. Jeb's pet bug must have been happy to have avoided dying.
"She was actually rather displeased with all of us," Jeb corrects, a hint of annoyance coloring his tone. "But she got over it. Wanda has a family now, and she's free to live her life with them, fully, and as herself."
We sit quietly for a few moments, letting the strange tale Jeb has just told us settle deep into our bones.
"So, you see," he continues eventually. "This is why it's up to you to decide whether y'all want to stay. That girl is just another girl to us. She works hard, she has a role in this community; she's invaluable to us, on a number of levels. Life has only improved with Wanda here. But she also loves Ian, and dotes on Jamie; she reins in Melanie and keeps Jared smiling. She's a real person, and she isn't going anywhere. So y'all are welcome to stay, but you have to accept – and respect – Wanda." He pauses, clearing his throat. "And Sunny."
"What?" I gape stupidly at him, because come on. "There's two of them?"
"Mmmmmm," Jeb hums in casual acknowledgement, completely disregarding my further upset. "Did I not mention her? Sunny's pretty darn shy and tends to stick like glue to Kyle. Reckon y'won't see much of her. Y'all ever want a real redemption story, g'on and ask Kyle about how all this shook out for him with those girls." He chuckles to himself, snorting in private amusement. "Though if'n you do, keep yer distance. Kyle's got a short fuse and a long reach, and he doesn't take kindly to anyone speaking poorly about our two resident souls."
And with that final bomb dropped all over my life, Jeb slaps his hands on his thighs and pushes himself up to stand. "I'm gonna leave y'all to think it over. Some folks may end up wandering through here in a while – sort of a tradition after they return from a raid. Try to give them their space, they'll likely keep to themselves. Find yer way to bed and we'll talk more tomorrow." He claps a hand on my shoulder, and squeezes Mia's arm before sauntering out of the large cave, whistling all the way.
Once he's out of sight, Mia turns to me, her expression bleak. "Henry… I don't want to go," her tone is pleading, as though she suspects I've already made up my mind to leave.
"I don't either," I admit after a pause. "But...Mia –"
"I'll stay away from it!" she quickly assures me, already bargaining for my favor. "I won't go near the bugs, I promise, Henry! It's so wonderful here…. I don't want to go back out there."
Before I can formulate any sense of an answer, before I can tell her all the ways this is dangerous and stupid and that I didn't spend years keeping her safe for her to end up sharing a home with a body-snatcher, I'm cut off by the sudden sounds of laughter. It's coming from a cave entrance across the field from where we sit in the dirt – it must be the group Jeb had warned us about. I turn to Mia in hopes of ushering her away before we're caught infringing on some sort of private gathering, but she isn't paying me any mind at all. Her eyes are locked on the tunnel where the laughter is coming from – on the group that's entering our cavern.
Four shapes break away from the shadowy darkness of the cave tunnel, the moonlight catching the edges of their features and shining a spotlight on their identities. Melanie is the one who we heard; she is laughing uproariously, the sound bursting forth and filling up the wide-open field. She's holding Wanda's hand, swinging their arms back and forth like I remember my parents doing with Mia when she was a little kid. The moonlight bounces off Jared's blonde locks while it appears as though it's eaten up entirely by Ian's own pitch black hair. The two men trail a bit behind the girls; Jared lazily moves his hands as he discusses something with Ian, while the other man casually holds the neck of a bottle in each of his.
As we watch, the bug leans in close to the taller girl and murmurs something too low for me to hear, but whatever it is causes Melanie to shriek with glee, cackling wildly as she pounces on Wanda and bestowing her – it – with a loud, smacking kiss on its cheek before she tears off and throws herself wildly into Jared's arms. He makes an exaggerated sound of distress at their impact, which only results in Melanie smacking him soundly in the chest before she snatches the bottles out of Ian's hands. Melanie scrambles up onto Jared's back, who then takes off across the field in an easy, loping run. Quickly though, they collapse roughly, hysterically, their bodies lost amongst the low crops in the middle of the field.
But it is the other two members of this little group that firmly seize my attention.
The alien remains where Melanie left it behind; it stares up through the large hole in the cave ceiling, its attention focused intently on the night sky above it. Ian tucks his hands into his pockets, slowing his pace as he approaches the bug, a fond smile on his face clearly visible in the pale light. The parasite must have heard him, because it turns its head, blonde hair everywhere and frightening silver eyes casting a shimmering reflection on the wall nearby. Ian stops just out of reach of the parasite but slowly, ever so slowly, he lifts his arm, holding his hand out to it.
What was it that Jeb said? She loves Ian. How does the man even stand the horror of such a thing?
The bug smiles at the human man then, and if I didn't know what I know about it, I'd swear she – it – is beautiful. She looks like any young girl from before the world ended, full to the brim with adoration and fondness. But it isn't – it isn't – a girl; Wanda is merely an illusion of one. And despite that very real fact, Ian pulls the creature to him and bends down to press his lips to its, his hands coming to rest possessively on its hips as I watch in confused revulsion. Their height difference is so substantial he has to bend at his waist to reach the alien girl's mouth, but he doesn't seem concerned in the least. He looks comfortable, practiced.
When he finally pulls away from the bug, even at this distance and in this low light, I can see the girl creature's face is colored by a deep red blush.
"Good or bad?" Ian asks, his wide, easy grin dramatically altering his face from the one marred by anger and distrust that I saw earlier tonight.
Wanda giggles – like a human girl would – and stretches her arms up to wrap around Ian's neck. She has to stand on her toes to even think about reaching, but he stays hunched over to maintain the contact between them. "Good," she tells him through her laugh. "Always good now." Her voice is a high soprano, like that of a girl on the cusp of womanhood.
For the first time, I wonder how old the body is that this alien wears.
"Hey! You two! Stop being gross and come drink this wine!" Melanie's voice calls out from the darkness, interrupting the idyllic and bewildering scene playing out in front of me.
The couple startle at the sound of her words, but neither appears upset; their smiles are rueful now.
"Wanda! Wan-der-er!" Jared's slightly slurred yelling tears out of the night to join Melanie's. "Lives in the Stars and traveler of galaxies! Rides the Beast and… all that jazz! You heard Mel – come and partake in the singularly human experience of drinking a bottle of crappy red wine that will leave us all with splitting headaches tomorrow morning! Come! On! Now!"
"Obviously, Howe has already started in on his share of the spoils from that last store we hit," Ian snorts, his amusement softening his censure.
"Why would I want a headache, Ian?" the bug asks, and her guileless tone is filled with mirth. As she speaks, she tilts her head to the side, as though she truly doesn't understand the point of the activity she's about to participate in. "That sounds rather unpleasant."
"Oh my God, Wanderer! Stop being such a killjoy! We've talked about this!" Melanie's disembodied voice scolds from afar. "You too, O'Shea! You're only enabling her!"
Ian snorts again but detaches himself from the bug, instead slinging his arm nonchalantly around her shoulders as they continue on towards the voices of their companions – as though touching it is second nature; as though this is fucking normal.
How are they all so casual around the parasite? Touching her and kissing her and just being so kind to it?
She is loved, Jeb's voice comes back to me, whispering in my ear like a plea. Where his words at first were strengthened throughout with threads of warning, now it feels like a sigh, a revelation.
She is loved.
And it appears she is.
Over in the field, I watch as Ian and Wanda drop down out of our sight, their disappearance immediately followed by the hooting approval of both Melanie and Jared. As time passes, I can make out the gently raucous cadence of hushed conversation and the occasional burst of laughter, their voices raised in uninhibited excitement as they drift across the moonlit night towards Mia and I. Occasionally, I see a long arm emerge, pointing up at the stars, which is soon accompanied by the high-pitched melodic murmuring that I can discern as probably belonging to Wanda.
After a while of this, I realize that what I've seen tonight isn't so different from what my life could have looked like if the world hadn't ended, if I hadn't been forced into the man I became. If I wasn't consumed with taking care of Mia – with saving Mia – would I be the kind of normal twenty-something that drinks with his friends to celebrate the end of an adventure? Who plays and teases, spending the night gazing at the stars and kissing his girl in the moonlight?
Would this place allow me to become that man?
Maybe, if I let it.
I don't sleep that night.
Not at all.
My thoughts bounce around my head nonstop, going back and forth and around and around all night. I don't want to be anywhere near the alien – or aliens, I guess, because evidently they're just opening the doors to them here – but I do want Mia to be safe and sheltered from the harsh realities of our world. Even after hours of dedicated thought, I'm not sure how to reconcile these unavoidable necessities of life in the caves.
A couple of weeks ago, this wouldn't even have been up for debate. Mia and I would be out the door at the first inclination that a parasite was living openly in the caves. But now, having seen how good this place could be for Mia…. Was it time to give her something more than just the survival I'd provided her with thus far?
Since arriving at the caves, she has been safe, and she has been happy. She's been more hopeful and optimistic than she has been since our parents were taken, and as much as I feel compelled to leave this odd disconcerting place in the dust, I don't know that I have the strength of will to take all that away from her.
So the next morning, exhausted from the emotional roller coaster of the last twelve hours and proverbial hat in hand, I approach Jeb about staying on permanently with his community.
I don't expect additional opposition.
"Not yet," he hums out, his eyes squinting in assessment as he takes in my flabbergasted expression.
"But Jeb, come on man –" I try to argue. I've done as he's asked and I'm willing to go against everything I know to be true to make this situation work for Mia. What the hell more does he want from me?
"I said yet didn't I?" Jeb grumbles, cutting me off. "I appreciate you thinking over what I said, and believe me, I can tell yer takin' it seriously. But I've had problems in the past with people's fear gettin' the better of them, and frankly, I'm gettin' far too old to police things the way I used to. If y'all are stayin' on, I need to know you can keep yerself in check."
When I open my mouth to say something, anything really, to counter his words – his doubt in me – he bulldozes on. "I ain't got any concerns 'bout Mia. That girl is open and kind, and I think she'll come around on her own after the first time she's stuck on kitchen duty with Wanda or Sunny. But you, my boy, it's your anger and fear that concerns me."
His words are like a punch to the gut. I've only known this man for a matter of days, but the knowledge that I'm not living up to his expectations or, I don't know, his hopes for me…. Well, it feels awful. I find that I do not like to disappoint Jeb Stryder, not one bit.
"What can I do?" I mutter miserably, my voice as unsteady as a scolded child's.
"I want you to talk to some people," he tells me immediately. It seems he came prepared to this conversation, wasting no time on indirectness. "Five people, to be specific. There are five people that have a story to tell that may change your way of thinking, and each one is important. I want you to talk to Melanie, Jamie, Jared, Ian, and Wanda." I desperately want to protest, because c'mon, but he raises a hand to silence me. "Don't try to talk to them together, they're like to close ranks if given the opportunity. They are…. Well, they all have a complicated relationship that tends to manifest in shuttin' down outsiders if they can. But I spoke to them this morning, so they'll each be expectin' you."
"What do I talk to them about?" I ask, because this man seems to get crazier by the second.
Jeb shrugs. "Don't rightly care. Just talk to them. They're people, all of them. Ask them questions that come to mind about living here, or whatever you're moved to ask. But what's more important is what you ask yourself at the end of each conversation."
"And what's that, Jeb?" I'm sure my tone betrays the exhausted resignation that's slowly overtaking me.
This batshit crazy man in front of me just grins. "Well now," he says. "I think you should really ask yourself what it means to be human, and whether your firmly-held beliefs are really worth holding on to? Because at the end of the day, you may just learn something new."