Jamie

Uncle Jeb told me I'd have to talk with the new guy – the angry bigot with the cute sister. I'm not completely proud of how my mind immediately jumps to describe Henry, but Mia…. Let's just say there aren't many girls within a stone's throw of my age left at the end of humanity, and she seems nice, so…yeah. That's how I see the two of them.

I know what Jeb's hoping for, really I do; I just don't love the idea of trying to force some guy to understand the complexities of my familial relationships. I mean, all of them are still navigating the oddness of their situation, even after all these years, and it's just…hard, I guess, to make someone else get it, like, at all.

But I'll try. For them.

And, you know, for Mia. Because, I mean, I am human. And a guy.

So, when Henry awkwardly approaches me while I'm weeding the east field under the harsh morning sun, I try not to grimace too openly at the quagmire of emotional messiness I'm about to wade into with a stranger.

"Hey man, I'm –" he begins. I know he's hating every second of this, because the poor guy can't even manage to make eye contact with me.

With a heavy sigh, I decide to be nice about this, because it's what Wanda would ask of me. "Henry, right?" I offer, thrusting out a dirt-streaked hand for him to shake. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jamie – Jamie Stryder."

His face is a study in both gratitude and surprise. "Did Jeb tell you I'd be coming?" he asks, his voice awash in barely-veiled distrust.

"Yup," I reply briskly. No reason to hide behind false politeness now. "He mentioned you'd be by at some point, if you decided you wanted to get over your prejudices and stay on with us."

The guy at least has the courtesy to flinch at my forthrightness. I know he doesn't like the idea of Wanda being here, and now he knows that I'm aware as well. But, at least he's here, which means he's trying.

"Yeah…. Look, I don't…. Fuck, I don't know what I'm supposed to be talking to you about," he admits, his voice low and urgent. He looks about ready to bolt.

I shrug, and drop back down to the dirt, getting back to my chores. Maybe if I take my focus off him this'll feel less like pulling teeth. "Me neither. But, I'll be here if you come up with anything. In the meantime, start pulling weeds over there so I can finish this in a reasonable amount of time."

And to his credit, he doesn't hesitate. He begins at the opposite end of my row and quietly weeds the crops, gathering the discarded leaves and stems to deposit in our compost pile. He'll think of something to ask me eventually, I muse to myself.

I'm not wrong.

By the time we're a few arms' lengths apart, he clears his throat and I see him look up at me from my periphery. "How old were you when you came here?" he asks.

"I was thirteen," I answer without thinking. But I have a feeling that's not his real question, so I throw him a bone. "I was real young when the invasion happened, and thirteen when my sister was taken. Jared and I came here before my fourteenth birthday, and I've been here ever since. Wanda brought Mel back after we were here for at least six months. It's hard to always keep track of time, you know?"

Henry nods absently at the excess of information I just dumped at his feet, his brows furrowed as he stares at the ground. "What was it like?" he murmurs.

"What was what like?" I prompt. I know the answer; it's the same question everyone always has when they learn about my sisters. But if Henry wants to stay in the caves, he needs to get comfortable talking about this kind of thing. Wanda and Melanie's story isn't a secret; if he stays, he'll have to grow some manners as he deals with the subject.

Finally he asks, "What was it like…to have your sister come back as a bug?"

My eyes snap up and my gaze latches on to his face. My expression must convey how utterly sick of that goddamn word I am, because Henry's eyes widen and he swiftly raises his hands in supplication.

Regardless of the obvious immediate regret he feels at his misstep, I can't help but bark out, "Wanda is not a bug, or a parasite, or a centipede, or whatever other stupid fucking name you feel moved to call her. She is a Soul, if you must separate her from the rest of us."

"Look, I'm sorry –" he tries to interject.

"Good, be sorry, because she's not actually bad or wrong or other. Whatever you think about her, she's my sister, and I do not appreciate you being one more person who judges her for something she cannot help," I practically snarl at him.

So much for channeling Wanda during this conversation; I can practically hear her chiding me over my behavior. Jamie, he doesn't know any better. He doesn't have the same experiences with souls that you do. He's allowed his pain, Jamie. Gotta love that Stryder temper; maybe I'm more like Mel than I thought. I exhale audibly and turn back to my task at hand. Calm calm calm calm….

"Sorry," I mutter eventually, refusing to look up at Henry.

"No…. I shouldn't have said that," he concedes, his voice full of chastised apology.

I shrug sullenly. "It is what it is," I grumble. After a few moments of awkward silence, I finally feel like I've gotten myself under enough control to give him an actual answer to his question. "It was…hard," I admit eventually, pausing in my work. "Melanie was practically my parent, and to lose her was devastating. Jared and I struggled a lot without her." I dig aggressively at the dry soil as I remember that horrible time in my life. It was gut-wrenching on a good day, and the rest of the time... God, it was a never-ending nightmare. "So when her body showed up here at the caves, I was eager to embrace her anyway I could have her. Wanda wasn't Mel; they're incredibly different people. I'm sure you can tell that just by talking to them. And it was…confusing to have Wanda speaking through Melanie's body. But Uncle Jeb caught on that Mel was still there inside her body, and Wanda didn't lie to me when I confronted her about it. Knowing she was in there, listening to me and loving me through Wanda, it was enough for me at the time."

Looking back, it was an incredibly simplistic way of navigating the situation, but I was young and I missed my sister. I know now that it was very hard and super painful for Wanda to be caught in the middle of Melanie's relationships, but whenever I try to apologize to her or make amends, she waves me off and tells me there's nothing to fix. Ian always says that she's too good for this world, and nothing I've seen has ever made me think otherwise. "By the time everything came to a head with Mel and Wanda, it was devastating to imagine my life without either of them. They're two different people, but they're both my sisters."

Henry's too quiet for my liking after my long-winded speech, so I decide to rile him up a bit.

"I helped pick out Wanda's new body," I tell him proudly, letting a smirk tug at my mouth. Henry's head whips up at my words, and I'm not surprised in the least at the horrified expression steadily taking over his face.

"But…. God, why would you do that?" he sputters.

"Call it human selfishness," I shrug again. I'm not ashamed of my choices, and I honestly wouldn't do anything differently. "I didn't know what Wanda was planning before she had Doc remove her from Mel's body, but when I found out, I did volunteer to help choose the host to replace Mel. To be honest, they needed the help. Mel was an outright emotional mess without Wanda, and Ian was basically useless from the second she left. So, Jared, Mel, and I picked the host out, and then we waited for weeks to see if the body would wake up. When she didn't, we put Wanda in, and the rest is history."

"Was it…she, I mean," he says, correctly himself quickly. "Was she happy with your choice – about the body?" he asks with deliberate purpose.

I snort without thinking. "Not at all. She was so mad at all of us; well, as much as Wanda can get mad about things. Souls are inherently peaceful, so anger doesn't come naturally to her," I explain to him thoughtfully. "But in the end, Wanda is so loving that when she saw how much we wanted her to stay with us, she made peace with the whole thing. She was so annoyed with her body for that first year; it's so at odds from what she was used to with Mel." I chuckle, remembering how she used to complain whenever someone would pat her head, like they would a child or an errant pet.

"She's very small," Henry offers quietly, like he's afraid to offend.

"Yeah she is," I laugh. "It's frustrating for her, because she wants to contribute so much, but it took a long time for her body to catch up. She had what Mel referred to as a nuclear meltdown of a shit-fit for Wanda – which really just meant that Wanda slightly raised her voice and was a touch less polite than normal – over everyone going easy on her, chores-wise. It was about six months after she woke up in the new body, and she told all of us off for treating her too delicately. Which, I mean, guilty as charged," I accept ruefully. "But she's stronger now, and for the most part Ian's stopped hovering like he used to." I remember how intense Ian was in those first few months when Wanda woke up in her new host body and can't help laughing. Kyle always teased his brother that he was an intense clinger, and that Wanda was going to lose it on Ian one day after she stepped on his foot for the six hundredth time in one week. He's come a long way, he even gives her room to breathe now.

"I saw the four of them last night," Henry says, bringing me back from the fond memories of my family. "In here," he clarifies.

I nod, understanding exactly what he's referring to. I'm aware of their post-raid tradition of stargazing and imbibing. Mel says I'll be allowed to join when I turn twenty-one; Jared promises he's trying to wear her down to let me partake before then.

"I'm guessing it was wine?" I wonder absently. "I thought I heard Melanie mutter something about Satan's grapes when she stalked past me this morning at breakfast." I toss Henry a look that actually gets him to crack a smile. Go figure, he does have a sense of humor buried under all that grimness.

"That's what it sounded like, from all their yelling," he replies, his voice awkward as it works around his reluctant smile.

But he's trying.

"Ha!" I throw my head back and laugh openly at that image. Jared in particular is a very goofy drunk; I think it has something to do with how much tension he regularly carries around on his shoulders.

"What's…um…. What's the deal with the four of them? They seem...close?" he stumbles over his words, but when he sees my eyebrow raise in response, he immediately backtracks. "I'm sorry! That was none of my business!" He moves to get up and run away but I hold up a hand to stop him.

This isn't the first time someone's wondered about the layered relationships between Mel, Wanda, Jared, and Ian, but it is the first time someone has gotten up the balls to ask me directly. Usually I'm just looked at like the odd orphan taken in by a group of swingers. So, I'll give the guy a bit of credit for his bravery, and for not making me feel like a freak.

"It's fine, you just caught me off guard," I reassure him. He stays where he is, but he's blushing so hard he could be Wanda, and he's having trouble meeting my eye again. "They're…," I exhale in thought, trying to figure out how to accurately explain. "They're complicated," I begin. "Jared and Mel were together before she was taken, and her love for him – and for me – ultimately led Wanda back to us. It's intense." I will never doubt the fierce love felt by my sister; and I know that no one has ever been as wholly loved as I am. "But because Mel and Wanda shared a mind, Wanda felt that same love. She loved Jared and I, sight unseen. Then at some point, Ian and Wanda fell in love, making it all even harder. When Wanda gave Mel back her body, it separated everything…for the most part." I pause for a moment in my explanation, because I don't really know the messy details of how they all went about working things out – nor do I ever want to, I'm not a masochist.

"They all have these slip-ups," I allow quietly, like it's a secret. And it may very well be; if Mel heard me talking about this, especially with a stranger, I think she may kill me herself. But it feels nice to unload a little bit of this on someone who isn't directly involved. "When Wanda and Jared will look at each other for too long, or Mel touches Ian the way Wanda normally would. It happens a lot less than it used to, but I've always thought of it like leftover sense-memories that are still being worked out."

Poor Henry looks like his head might explode, so I hasten to clarify the simplicity of it to him. "Jared and Mel love each other so much that it's disgusting, and Wanda and Ian are so stupidly happy it makes the rest of us so goddamn exhausted. They're not all together, or anything like that. But they're close. They're just…they're family, and they're good, however they've worked it out between them. Regardless," I shrug. "Remember how I said Mel was like my parent?" Henry nods thoughtfully. "Now it's like I have four parents. Which, some days is as annoying as it sounds, but most of the time, it's an embarrassment of riches," I tell him, borrowing from one of Ian's favorite phrases. He used it once to describe how much they all cared about me after I had an embarrassingly dramatic teenage reaction to Wanda and Mel fussing over me before a raid. Something about his words clicked, and now I think about it whenever I'm feeling smothered. The four of them love me with an overwhelming ferocity, and to know that four other people would give their lives to protect mine is a heady feeling that I'm still working to fully grasp as I get older and start to understand more.

My story isn't as difficult as some, but it's mine, and I treasure it. At the end of the world, I am loved by two sisters who have always been more like mothers to me, and two men who also love them with such intensity that they have defied death on more than one occasion to keep them safe.

I've laid my soul and my story bare to Henry, and I hope I've done what I can to make it clear to him that Wanda isn't a danger to him or his sister. That she's just as human as the rest of us.

"Well man," I say as I finally push myself up to stand. "I have to get on with my chores." He stands up from his spot as well, and brushes his hands clean of the dirt from the crops. I extend my hand to him again, and after a beat he reaches out to grasp it firmly. "I hope you make good choices," I offer kindly. He nods once and walks away quickly, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. I smirk as I heft my basket of weeds to rest against my hip.

I think he'll get there, I just hope Mel doesn't tear him a new asshole when he tries to talk to her.