Melanie

Oh my God, I am already beyond sick of the askance looks the new guy has been shooting me all day. When Uncle Jeb told me the conditions he presented to this guy to stay in the caves, my eyes just about rolled right out of my head. I have no desire to set this guy straight; I mean, c'mon, I have shit to do. And I'm hungover; which is technically Jared's fault. That beautiful asshole.

Bottom line, I don't want to do this today, and that's a hill I'm willing to die on at this moment.

Mel, you know he's going to be nervous around me. You cannot blame him for that. Wanderer's words from last night echo in the corner of my mind, sending shocks of nostalgia and pain dancing throughout my chest as I'm wrapped up in memories of how the two of us used to communicate when we shared my body. It hurts to remember, to imagine her back with me, safe inside my head, but I'm never sure whether it's the memories that are painful or I ache because I miss being so close to her.

And as I'm not inclined towards self-examination, perhaps I'll never know for sure.

I mean, I absolutely hit the jackpot with Wanderer. If I was going to be implanted with a centipede against my will, there is no one I'd rather share a skull with. But now that I don't…. I don't know, I miss her sometimes. All the time. She is my…. Well, we say sister, but we both know it's more than that.

There just isn't a word for what we are, for what she is to me.

And now Jeb expects me to extrapolate on that to some dude who was dumb enough to fall into Jared's trap, which by the way, was meant to catch Souls, because they're too trusting to imagine that someone would do anything underhanded. So, the fact that a human fell for it…. Let's just say it doesn't bode well for his survival skills. Close-minded moron.

I saw the way he looked at Wanderer last night, when we returned from the raid. He was disgusted – but more frightening than that, he was scared of her. And angry. I shiver as I remember when those emotions were aimed at me, at my body, and I was powerless to do anything about it. I couldn't even fight them off when they came for me, for Wanderer. Every time I see those looks pointed at her, I feel compelled to shield her with my body once again, to take the blows for her, to spare her. She is an extension of me, and mine to protect.

So bring it on, new guy.

I'm wavering between baring my teeth and glowering at him like a petty brat by the time he finally works up the nuts to approach me after dinner. I've intentionally lingered over my food so I can get this over with. Jared enticed Jamie away with an offer of soccer in an attempt to make the guy more comfortable coming to talk to me, and Wanderer and Ian had already high-tailed it out of here after they spent the entire meal making goo-goo eyes at each other to such a degree that it'd make even the most cynical of us blush. So, come on new guy, let's get this over with.

Henry sits down and quietly introduces himself, but he's smart enough to keep his hands to himself. He's probably afraid I'll bite one of them off if he gets too close. I've never been touchy-feely, and the whole alien apocalypse really didn't help matters there. The only people I'm physically affectionate with these days are Jared, Jamie, and Wanderer. And Eamon, obviously. Jeb blushes and coughs it off whenever I even attempt to give him a hug, so I try to spare him that awkwardness for the most part; Aunt Maggie and Sharon can got fuck themselves after everything they put Wanderer and I through; and Ian…well, Ian and I try not to make it weird if we can help it. We're getting better at it, finally.

After a couple minutes of loaded silence, I roll my eyes and give up on him leading this conversation. "How'd you manage to fall in Jared's pit trap? That wasn't supposed to work on anyone who knew what the hell they were doing," I snap at him. I can practically hear Wanderer admonishing me in my mind. Melanie Stryder, be nice, she'd say. Shush, I think back…to no one. It feels like a punch to the gut, just like it always does.

Wanderer and I have discussed this strange leftover habit from our time together; evidently, she still talks to me in her head as well. While they'd be accepting, no one else really knows that we do it; no one else could really understand, because no one else loved the Soul they got paired with, not the way I did. We are alone in this, the two of us.

Henry visibly flinches at my words, and I resolve to try and chill the fuck out. My defensiveness will never get him to warm up to Wanderer. And that is the ultimate goal – get him to change his mind, even a little bit, so that she's safe.

"I'm sorry," I mutter mulishly, dismissively waving my hand. "I'm not…good with people. You know, interrupted social skills at a crucial point in my cognitive development due to an alien invasion and all that. Blah blah blah."

He actually laughs. Huzzah, it appears I can still successfully make a joke.

But when he doesn't say anything else, I end up whining internally but resolve to try again. "They picked that tree because that's where Jeb and the others found Wanderer and I when we came here. We were close to death – dehydration and exposure, ironically. Didn't think I'd die that way in the middle of an alien takeover, now did I?"

He clears his throat and quietly asks, "Is that its name? Wanderer?"

"Her," I immediately correct him. He needs to cut that shit out right now. I remember when Wanderer absolutely schooled Jared on her gender identity after we were attacked by Kyle. Her pronoun preferences haven't been a problem since, and I don't need this guy's intolerance stirring that shit up again.

So, that's strike one. He's got three before I chuck a plate at his head and tell Jeb to get someone with more patience than me for this guy's spirit quest. Hell, even Kyle'd be a better choice at this point.

Henry looks apologetic at least. He nods his head and asks his question again, but at least he calls her her this time. Good boy.

"Yes, her name is Wanderer. At least here, on this planet. She's gone by other names on other worlds," I explain, my tone clipped. Worlds that I still see in my dreams and secretly wish I'd get to see for myself, instead of only experiencing them through Wanderer's vivid memories. "Uncle Jeb shortened it to Wanda a couple weeks after we got here. To this day he claims it was just easier to say, but that old goat was doing her a favor, humanizing her for the others, getting them comfortable with her. It went a long way towards calming the villagers."

"What other names does she have?" he asks. It's obvious he's curious against his will.

"Lives in the Stars, which is akin to Wanderer, I guess," I muse. "And Rides the Beast, but that one embarrasses her."

"Why?" he asks, his tone incredulous, like he can't imagine Wanderer having such a blatantly human emotion.

"Go ask her," I retort harshly. Honestly. I'm not this dude's gossip buddy. "That's personal to Souls, and I'm not just going to tell you her life stories without her permission."

"But…why do you care?" He actually seems confused by this. Oh buddy, strike two. I just can't with this level of stupid today.

I'm never going to hear the end of it from Wanderer when she finds out about this.

"You wouldn't ask me about all my personal shit without really knowing me," I point out. I mean, other than what he's being forced to do right now.

He murmurs something that sounds like he's conceding my point, but I'm swiftly losing patience. And my head still hurts from that God-awful wine we had last night.

"So you…both, I guess, almost died getting here?" he offers, trying hard to make this conversation move somewhere so we can both say we tried our best.

"Mhm," I agree, tapping my fingers on the counter beside my half-eaten dinner. I'm radiating impatience, and if Wanderer could see me right now she might even slightly raise her voice while gently encouraging me to be less unpleasant.

"Why'd…she...do it?" he asks. "Why search out your family?"

And here we go. "Because I was still in there. I loved, so she loved. I talked her over to my side, and we wanted to find Jamie and Jared. They meant too much to us to just let them go. I – we – needed to make sure they were alive, that they were safe. Wouldn't you try to do the same for your sister, if it was you?"

He sputters, gaping at me like I just blew his little mind. "I...yeah, of course. It's just…. It's impossible to imagine still being inside, still being there, after being taken. You know?"

I chuckle ruefully. "No, I don't know. Because I'm living proof that it's not impossible, obviously. I don't have to imagine anything."

He turns white, like he just remembered who he's talking to. I keep my mouth shut, but internally I'm scoffing at this guy's idiocy. Mel, try harder, please, her voice, which sounds deceptively like my own, slides against my mind like a caress. Fucking fine.

I take some deep breaths to help me deal with dumbasses that I have no ability to change and try to remember that I could have been this guy. If I had never been found by the Seekers, if I had never met Wanderer, I may still be filled up with my own paranoia and a healthy dose of anger at the state of the world. If nothing else, experiencing Wanderer's endless joy and appreciation of this place and our human family has allowed me to let go of a lot of the feelings that I once had in common with Henry. Now I feel more happiness than sorrow, more acceptance than hostility.

But Henry isn't there yet.

"But wasn't it awful, having someone else in control of your mind, of your body?" he sneers, obviously not sharing the same soft feelings I was just savoring.

Lord give me strength. "Of course it was! It was fucking miserable," I answer. I don't censure myself, sure that my tone contains enough antagonism to communicate just how much of an imbecile I think he is right now. "I was a wraith – a ghost of myself – except I was haunting my own body that was walking around without me. I couldn't use my hands or make my own decisions. I had no say in what my body did, I couldn't protect us from harm or hug my brother or kiss the man I loved. And to top it off, no one fucking believed Wanderer and I about it for-fucking-ever. My body was physically abused over and over and over again when we arrived here; no one knew how to treat us, and to this day some people don't even have the decency to even play at having the intelligence to treat us equally. I'll level with you, I would never wish it on my worst enemy." But then I think of Kyle, and I wonder if he wouldn't sometimes benefit from a bit of Soul-like zen. "It got better for me, but that's only because it was Wanderer. She's special."

Henry at least looks a tiny bit chagrined at my tirade of bitchiness. Wanderer is going to scold me when I see her next, but I just cannot with any more of this tonight.

"Look, kiddo," I try again, more gently this time. The last thing I need is Wanderer – and by extension Ian, because he can't actually detach himself from her for more than an hour – getting pissed at me and limiting my access to Eamon as some sort of punishment or ill-conceived learning opportunity. "You seem willing to learn, and regardless of the fact that you fell in a hole meant to trick Souls – who operate at the same level as toddlers in terms of their understanding of the concept of deception – you probably aren't a total waste of space. You survived for what – a decade out there without help? That's impressive, truly. And…. I get wanting to protect your sister. I raised Jamie by myself, for years on the run before I literally fell into Jared. Being a parent to a sibling is a powerful thing. I'm sure you would die for Mia the same way I threw myself down an elevator shaft to keep my brother safe." He's listening now, his defensive stare thawing slightly the longer I talk. "Just…don't give her a hard time. Every time someone new joins the group, Wanderer goes through some sort of crisis of conscious, or faith, or whatever the fuck – I don't know. My point being, she's never felt like she deserves to be here. I mean, I get it, she used my body to get here, and everything that followed was complicated and ugly and hard. But she does – she does belong here; this is her home. I am her home. And while I'm not above threatening others into compliance, I prefer to do things the easy way, for her sake, if for no other reason. So be nice, and play nice. More than anything else in the universe, Wanderer wants to live here with the people she loves. And we fucking love her too." I stand and gather up my dirty plates. "If I can forgive her…. If I can miss her while she's standing right next to me…. Then I think that should be the precedent for everyone else who lives with her." I move to leave, because I'm feeling overwrought and very much done with all this.

But I pause, just to toss the new guy one last curve ball. I lean in close to him, making sure my voice is no louder than a low whisper. "Just so you're aware, if you make Wanderer cry, I swear on everything you've ever held dear, I will fucking slice your Achilles in your sleep and leave you for the Seekers."

I smile to myself as I mosey off, because when Wanderer hears about this she'll just have to get over it.

And she will, because it's us.