Ian

Here we go again.

Another newbie to convince that my wife isn't going to go all Invasion of the Body Snatchers on them while they sleep in the next hallway over. As if she has the time.

Wanda has always stretched herself too thin, believing she needs to work twice as hard as everyone else to prove she belongs here; but now with Eamon in the picture, the girl barely has the energy to sleep, let alone come up with diabolical plans for a hostile takeover.

Kyle had pulled me aside to warn me about the new guy's testiness before Wanda and I even had the chance to make our way down the tunnel to the caves, but it wasn't that hard to pick up on once I got a good look at him. There was a feverishness to his movements, an anxiety spurred on by ugly fear and constant anguish; it's a characteristic that always helps me to tell the souls and humans apart before I can check their eyes. I've only ever seen that kind of disquiet on a soul's face once – when Wanda was still peering out from behind Melanie's gaze – when she was scared of us. Scared of me.

With all the fuss Henry kicked up when he realized Wanda was a Soul, I honestly expected him and his sister to be gone by first light. Well, color both Mel and I surprised the next morning at breakfast when Jeb approached us to encourage us to talk to Henry about Wanda. When I tried questioning the old coot about the value of doing such a thing, he pulled that same tired excuse, the one he knows neither Mel nor I can ever bring ourselves to refuse – because once upon a time Jeb replied the same way, and it allowed us to keep Wanda.

Curiosity.

So, I agreed to his terms, but told Jeb that if the new guy pisses me off, I have no qualms with punching him. Kyle's been far too pleasant lately, and I sort of miss the thrill of hitting someone.

I know Henry has talked to Jamie and been threatened by Melanie; Jared said he spoke with the kid this morning, so I guess I'm next. I can only assume he's working his way up to approaching Wanda. Why I'm less intimidating than my wife – who barely reaches my chest and is about as threatening as a box of kittens – beats me, but whatever. Can't account for a lack of sense, it seems.

He finds me while I'm sorting supplies from the raid, arranging boxes of non-perishables by expiration date and grouping them by meals that are likely to be put together. No one's going to eat black beans with spaghetti, right? We've moved far enough away from that level of desperation in the years since Wanda came to live with us.

"Hey man," Henry greets me. I don't turn around, but I can hear him shuffling awkwardly in the darkness behind me.

"Hey," I reply. I feel myself sigh with preemptive exhaustion, but just as quickly I hear Wanda's voice in my ear. Ian, you are kinder than most. Be good, Ian.

When she was in her cryotank, I used to imagine I could hear Wanda's voice. During those endless days and nights when I wasn't sure I would ever get to hear her again, I'd pretend I could talk to her in my head the way I used to watch her do with Melanie. I would tell her all the stupid details about my day and what everyone was doing around the caves, how Jamie was getting so tall and how Mel was circling Kyle like a shark locked on to its prey; who my first kiss was and who I used to be before the invasion, before the possibility of her – how I wouldn't trade any of it, as long as I got to keep her.

When she finally came back to me in this host body, I told her everything all over again.

So, I roll my eyes at the low ceiling of the cave and project some Lord, give me strength vibes out into the universe that delivered the love of my life to my doorstep, before acknowledging Henry over my shoulder. "Give me a hand, if you want to talk now."

I explain my system to him, and let him get into a rhythm, allowing him the space to figure out how he wants to broach the discussion I'm already sick of having.

He gets there, eventually. "How did you end up here?" he asks, his tone one of forced casualness. "In the caves, I mean."

I clear my throat and tell him, "My brother, Kyle, and I ran from our parents' house in Oregon at the height of the invasion. They'd been taken, and it was obvious we were next. Kyle's girlfriend was already gone as well; we didn't have any more ties, so we just started running." I take a moment, swallowing down the fear that floods my body simply at the memory of that time in my life. The uncertainty, Kyle's heartbreak over not getting to Jodi fast enough, our sadness at the loss of Mom and Dad. It's physical, that fear; it clogs my throat and locks my muscles in place. "We made our way south, dodging Seekers and roughing it until we eventually ran into Jeb while we were robbing houses. I'm not sure how long it's been, but we've been here ever since." I pause, finally looking over at the kid. "You?"

He tells me about how his parents came home one day when he was in high school, and how he just knew something was wrong, that he knew he had to get Mia out. So he took his kid sister and ran. It's a similar tale to mine and Kyle's, and to Melanie's. It sounds like it's just plain old bad luck that he never found any other humans to run with.

It softens my defenses a little bit; I remember how that life shaped me. The fear and sadness sculpted me into something angry and resentful. Aggressive. Dangerous. It made me willing to kill someone to keep a hold of the desperate grasp I had on what little was left; it made me question my humanity.

Once, I tried to kill Wanda with my own bare hands. It's ironic now, that I'd give up every part of me to keep her alive.

I think he can sense how alike we once were and how he could have been, if fate had allowed him the kindness of crossing paths with Jeb Stryder sooner. "How did you get from that to...you know. Um…," he tries to ask, tripping over how to offend me the least amount possible, I think.

"How'd I go from running from the enemy to being married to it?" I quip as I lift a pallet of tomato sauce.

"You're...?" Henry sputters, his face pulled into an expression of horror as his hands drop to his sides. "You're actually married to a bug…?"

"Careful now," I caution him, cutting him off with all the gentleness I can muster. Which falls somewhere between that of Jamie and Jared. I haven't reached the full-on batshit impatience of Melanie yet, but I will if this guy doesn't mind his words. Piling an industrial size box of pasta on top of the sauce, I tell him, "I had to talk Wanda into it; Souls don't marry, not the way we do." That was a conversation between Wanda and I with a lot of confusion and run-arounds, if there ever was one. "She wouldn't mind if we stayed partners, but I was raised Irish Catholic and making it official helps to ease the guilt that I'm sure my mother is projecting at me from wherever she is." My own smile at least seems to pull a small one out of Henry. "Wanda doesn't truly understand the significance of it," I divulge gently. "But she did it for me."

Wanda worried that our wedding would upset people, or would be considered too frivolous. I'm sure a couple of the horrible hold-outs still felt that way, but Doc convinced her that it wasn't a bad thing to have something to celebrate. Jeb was only too obnoxiously pleased to be asked to perform the ceremony and Mel walked Wanda down the makeshift aisle. Wanda wore a dress that she borrowed from Sunny and everyone was smeared with cave dust; it felt a little bit like kids playing at being grown-ups, and was interrupted by a flash thunderstorm, but besides the day Wanda woke up in her new body and the day Eamon arrived, it is one of the best days of my life.

My wife, my constant, my anchor.

My Wanderer.

I eventually remember that Henry had asked me a question, before I either blew his mind or made him nauseated – from the look on his face, I'd say it could be either. "You asked how that happened though, right?" I check. He nods. He's trying to be subtle about it, but he's staring at me real hard out of the corner of his eye, like I might suddenly start projecting silver out of my eyes and tackle him to the ground. "I don't really know," I say. "How does anyone fall in love?"

His eyes narrow and he grumbles, "I don't fucking know, I've been alone with my sister for the better part of a decade."

I bark out a sharp laugh. I hope this kid gets over his hang-ups about Wanda, because we could certainly do with another someone who has an actual sense of humor here.

"True enough," I agree. "And I'm sure we're all thankful you maintained those social boundaries." At that, Henry looks at me like he just sucked on a lemon or wants to sock me in the gut.

"Well," I continue, ignoring his displeasure at my teasing. "I spent time with Wanda, got to know her. Not a lot more to it than that," I shrug simply, because falling in love with Wanda was the easiest thing I've ever done in my life.

"But...she's…," Henry is gaping, no longer even attempting to hide his derision at what I'm saying to him.

"She's an alien?" I supply, arching an eyebrow at him.

Be kind, Ian, she says again. Her voice is a whisper behind my ear, brushing against my hair and sending a warm shiver down my spine.

Henry doesn't say anything, but it's beyond apparent that he wants to run. Or throw something at me. Or some combination of the two.

"She is that," I admit. "I'm not an idiot, nor am I in denial." The love of my life is a silvery glowing alien that can't survive outside of a host body for more than a few minutes. She could easily live in Mel or Jeb, Sunny or myself. She isn't the body she lives in, and yet she is. "It's weird, I know; and certainly not how I expected my life to turn out. But I am human – I'm still me. So it's my life and my choice, and I will live every moment of the rest of my days loving Wanda for who she is beneath the skin she wears."

He looks thoughtful for a few moments, like he's genuinely trying to absorb the things I've said. I shift another pallet – black beans can go with that giant bag of rice Jared insisted on.

Henry squirms as he gets the next words out. "Melanie said she was there the whole time the bu – Wanderer – was in her body. Like...did you, um – did you...shit, man."

I want to help this guy out, if for no other reason than to be done with this fucking conversation, but I honestly have no idea where he's going with this train of thought.

My thoughts must be painted pretty obviously across my face, because words start stumbling out of his mouth faster than he seems to be in control of them. "If there were two people in there, who did you love? Were you into both of them?" His face flushes bright red, like he can't believe he just said what he did.

I snort as I continue to organize the food in front of me. Everyone has questions about this, but very few people ask. I can probably count them on one hand – no, one finger. Kyle is the only one to broach the subject, his lack of tact and absence of social etiquette fully powering him forward – but thank God he's only done so with me. He once asked me if we all – Wanda, Mel, Jared, and myself – were in some sort of elaborate quadruple relationship, as if that was the only way to explain how the four of us managed to get along without any blood being shed. If she had heard Kyle's question, Wanda would die of embarrassment in this current body, and Melanie would probably just throat-punch him. Plus, I meant it when I told Jared Howe I could do better than him, if I were so inclined.

We're not, for clarification's sake.

The four of us…. We're just...family.

"No matter what anyone thought – or thinks – about the Souls, there can be two people in one body,'' I tell him. "They are not the same being. Wanda has always been separate from Melanie for me, maybe because I didn't know Mel beforehand. I know it was harder to separate them for the others, the ones that did. It was confusing and painful, for Jared especially. But also for me, because I loved Wanda and she came to love me, but her body loved Jared, and he loved Mel, who was still locked away in there." Henry looks like he isn't sure what to say. "Complicated, right?" I offer.

He nods, emphatically.

"It can be confusing for them too," I continue, shoving a pile of canned fruit into a corner. "Wanda says that humans are the most complex hosts she's ever encountered, and that seems to hold true with the other Souls I've talked to." He looks slightly ill at even the thought of that interaction. "The emotions… they're overwhelming, entangling, even though most of the Souls have had hosts before. Humans are... something new to them. But, even with all that confusion, there's never been any on my end. Wanda is Wanda, no matter what she looks like."

"You've talked to other Souls?" Henry's voice is disbelieving.

While that's not exactly what I was hoping he'd get out of what I was just saying, I may as well be the one to break this to him. "Yup," I say quickly, like pulling off a band aid and taking the scab with it. "My brother's partner is Sunlight Passing Through the Ice, or Sunny, if you'd prefer." I wait a moment, and then decide to really blow this kid's head off. Kyle deserves a fraction of the heat I'm generally on the receiving end of for falling in love with the enemy. "If you think my story's nuts, you should hear Kyle's. Maybe don't talk to him about it, cuz no matter how calm he's acting these days, he's much more of an impulsive idiot than anyone else in this cave can ever aspire to be, and he won't hesitate to knock your head against the wall." The memory of how close he came to killing Wanda and Melanie still colors the edges of my love for my brother, even after all these years of forgiving him. "Sunny lives in Kyle's girlfriend's body, from before the invasion."

I let that juicy tidbit sink in, and watch as Henry's face rapidly loses all its color, much to my private glee. "I'm not so controversial now, am I?" I grin, clapping him on the shoulder. Getting back to the cans of fruit, I continue answering his question. "Besides the girls, there's Burns Living Flowers, or Burns, who lives with another group. They're the only three who we've allowed to stay with our communities."

Henry's quiet for a long time, the only sound is the dull clanging of cans and the thud of cardboard and wood against the cave floor. It's a series of sounds that fills me with relief; relief that my family will have food and we won't be afraid of what comes next. That we'll have what we need to keep on surviving.

"I'm trying, I swear I am," he murmurs, his voice barely louder than a whisper but so acutely filled with desperation that a thread of anxiety shoots through my stomach. "I just don't know if I really get it. Is there no one else? Your...wife, isn't a person like you or me. Is it desperation? Do you feel like you owe her for bringing supplies into the caves?" He hastily tries to backtrack when he looks up and sees my expression. "I'm sorry," he says, his hands raised in supplication. "I didn't...I just…."

I let out a long, loud sigh, because...fuck, man. Jared was optimistic about this guy, but I don't know what more I can say to Henry to make him understand. Honestly, I may even prefer it if he leaves. But Wanda would want me to keep trying.

You're good, Ian. You're better than any other human.

"I wasn't majoring in philosophy or any of that shit before the invasion happened. I don't really know the answer to this question, but...what does it mean to be human? To be a person? Is it biology, or is it our actions?" I don't look away from him, the same way I didn't look away from Jared all those years ago when we first spoke to Wanda about the Seeker. This is too important – a last chance. "Wanda came to us as an alien, but she's more human than anyone I've known before or since. That's on you to try and understand. It isn't about not having another choice, because I would rather give up my body to the Seekers than be apart from Wanda. For me, there's no simpler choice. And it isn't about owing, although God knows I owe enough people for a lot of things. I owe my idiot brother for keeping me alive during the ugly years after the invasion, and Jeb for taking us in. I owe Jamie for convincing me that Wanda was her own person, someone other than Melanie, even when they shared the same face. I'll never be able to repay Sunny for calming Kyle the fuck down with whatever it is she does. Jared and I have had our differences, but when it comes down to it, I owe him for saving my girl's life when she couldn't see that it was worth saving. Melanie kept Wanda safe with her body, and continues to protect her every single day." I let a beat pass as I realize something. "You know what? You're right; I guess I owe Wanda most of all. She gave me a life, when before I was only surviving."

I've done all I can do, revealed more of myself to a stranger than I ever enjoy doing; I've answered his questions and made my wife vulnerable. The storage room is organized and we'll be healthy and fed for another couple of months, and then it'll be time to venture out into the world once again.

"I gotta get going, man," I mumble, watching Henry out of the corner of my eye as I make like I'm inspecting the piles of food in front of me. "I hope you make the right choice for you," I say, and turn on my heel to leave the dark hallway behind.

Whether he stays or goes, I have my Wanderer. I have Eamon and Jamie, and Mel and Jared. I have Kyle and our memories. I have my life, and I have my home.