Chapter 10
Disclaimer: No, no, no… I do not own the phantom of the opera.. But that may not be for long, because I'm going to go and hypnotize Madame Kay into giving it to me! Mwhahahaha!
Lilblondegiry- yeah, this was on my xanga. But since I did it quite along time ago, I thought that it would be a good idea to rewrite it and add a few different twists that sorta change the plot around a little bit. Not to mention, my grammar was atrocious on the old one. Thanks for the compliment btw!
I can't breathe! I tried to scream, but my voice seemed to have escaped me, for now I'm sitting in alone in the pitch blackness, again. 'This is only a dream, it will all go away, oh please!' I whispered to myself, trying to calm myself in anyway possible. The silence was suffocating and seemed to crush me even harder into this unbearable darkness.
Invisible fingers wisped over my skin and I struggled to get away from them. It was no use trying to find the hand that belonged to these fingers, it was that dark. My stomach rolled in panic and in an unearthly delight and I tried desperately to keep my lunch in my stomach. The hands would not stop, would not pull away, they trailed icily down my spine till I could take it no longer.
Hurling myself at the place where the hands must have been, I made a head long collision with a brick wall. If anyone was to have heard me swear as I had just did, they would either have burst out laughing or scolded me firmly on my use of such colorful language. After all, a lady of my status should never, god forbid, act like a commoner from off the streets!
I bit back a laugh as I stood up shakily, trying to see what exactly I had rammed into. Whatever it was, it was felt like a rock with a smoothes ridges wrapped around it. Almost familiar now I think about it… but it couldn't be!
This dream always plays out the same, I struggle against the hands in complete darkness until I wake up. I drew my hands up against the wall, to find that the stone, was not stone at all but in fact, someone's chest. I traced the outline of a persons figure, a tall and slightly lanky person… Realizing what I had been stroking, I pulled back instantly, blushing insanely, chocking out incoherent apologies.
Stupid Fool! I kept on telling myself, but also rationalizing, how was I supposed to know weather or not it was a person, it could have been some window or something… I paused my frantic thoughts, thinking about the ghostly hands sliding all over my body just moments ago.
My face went beat red with anger and I instantly attacked the man, it must have been a man judging by the form and composure of his body, with an furious array of insults. In the midst of my womanly fury, a dim, gray light began to surface from the heavens above. I spun around immediately, forgetting my quarry and gazed at the landscape before me.
It was dull, barren, and tossed across the ground here and there was what looked to be multicolored skulls, each swaying in the not existent wind as if calling for someone to save them from a long awaited death, that they knew they could not escape. Hopeless pleas in a sea of abyss, seemed about right. Up close, I found the skulls were flowers, which put me at ease, if only slightly. Everything was so bare, so empty and dead, that it numbed me to the core. I could smell it too, that familiar scent that I had only smelled a few times before, and those were the times I wished I couldn't remember. It was there when I was with my father on his death bed, when he spoke to me of my Angel of Music. I closed my eyes and pushed away the memory, it still hurt to think of him.
I faced the man, a little less enthusiastic and felt my heart along with every other single organ in my body lurch to by throat. He stood there, my father, encased in stone. I felt my jaw drop and hot tears streak my face, but I didn't care. He was here! Before me, it had been almost an entire decade since I had seen his face and now… It shone warmly before me, like a beacon of light calling to the angels. Oh how I had missed him, everything about him and before I could stop myself, I through myself at the statue, hugging it's cold stone feet, the tears blurring my vision.
"Papa! Father!" I choked out, pulling myself closer to his feet. The memories hit me like bullets to the heart and I wept on, afraid to let go of my father who I've missed for so long.
"I've missed you Papa." Standing up, I starred him in the face. I put my hand to my mouth to cover the gasp of shock before I flung my arms around his shoulders. That face! My heart clenched in thought of it, the pain almost unbearable. I trembled and shook and my weeping finally ceased.
All those horrible years, alone without him, seemed to have been at it's gruesome climax just moments ago. I would never find recovery, but at last, the hurt and longing subsided, and I stood there, clutching him like the frightened child I was. What seemed like hours passed when finally I came to my senses and let him go, slowly and painstakingly.
"All those years without you, all those times when I cried myself to sleep, when I thought I could do no worse than die right than and there in the hands of sweet darkness, you were there. Silently guiding me to the path of my destiny. For that , I can never forget you, or stop loving you." I patted his cheek gingerly, wishing he could hear me, but somehow knowing, deep inside he could.
"The only question is, why does this path feel so.. So wrong? Like I am a stranger in my life. What am I doing wrong Papa? Whose path did I take now?" A lonely silence stretched across the barren landscape, refusing me passage to the answers that I know it hides from me. Sighing, I gave my father a sorrowful smile before fading into the darkness.
"Mademoiselle Daae! Please, hurry! He's calling for you, Monsieur De Changy, he is asking for you!" Christine jumped out the lounge chair immediately, lunging to her feet. "He's awake! He's calling, speaking! Oh thank the lord…" She breathed, running towards the sleep deprived maid.
"Mademoiselle, I hate to ask you of this right now, but may I have the rest of the day off? I'm dreadfully…" "Excused! Desole!" She flew past her, tripping over the hem of her skirts before rounding the corner. Maria laughed softly to herself, "Ah! Young love, it is truly a beautiful thing. And watching these two grow will be quite the entertainment!"
"Raoul!" Christine whispered ever so softly, walking into the dark bedroom as quietly as she could. The minute Christine's eye adjusted to the darkness, she spotted Raoul sitting up, looking quite bewildered at the sudden burst of light that illuminated the surroundings.
"Christine?" he rasped slightly, blinking at her furiously. A soft smile of relief flew over her tired features and she sighed heavily. "Yes, mon Dieu! I thought I had lost you for a moment there!" She walked in and plopped down besides him. "Lost me? What happened? The last thing I remember, is a beautiful bold blue colored fabric and than…" His eyes glazed over as the he thought of that perfect fabric, waiting down stairs for him. She put her hand over her mouth and stifled a laugh at his oddly normal behavior.
"Well I see you're back to normal, if only partially. How are you feeling?" He looked at her confusedly, scratching his matted blonde hair before flopping back against the pillows. He closed his weary eyes and leaned his head up to the ceiling as if seeking guidance. "The side of my leg is killing me and feels as though someone just shot me there and I have a bit of a head cold." Christine nodded, relieved. These were the symptoms the doctor told her to expect when he woke up. Everything was running smoothly. Everything except for… Oiy vey.. Worry about that later. She smiled wearily, soft lines grazing the her soft façade.
"The pain should wear off soon, the doctor had to perform an.."
"The who! What in God's name happened Christine? Why do you not tell me? What doctor? When did this all happen? Why did whatever this was happen? Where did the fabric go?" Christine let the endless questions come, thinking how much he resembled a child just than. His face was a glowing red from the fever and the rampage of questions. Sighing slightly, Christine dove straight in to the story, telling him everything from the illness, to the piece of blue material, which, to his relief, waited patiently for him down stairs.
"Interesting… Very interesting that I might come across an arachnid of such a rare kind." He said, his thoughts wondering off and his hands massaging the flesh absently around his wounded leg. "Very interesting indeed." She added absent mindedly, twirling a finger through her one of her silky brown curls.
"My dear, will you do me a favor and open the curtains? I can hardly make out your features in this light." Christine nodded and walked to the windows, pulling open the multicolored tapestries. Dark grey clouds hovered over head, blocking out any trace of sunlight for miles and miles. "Christine, what day is it today?"
"Monday, why?" she asked curiously. "Just wondering… Actually, I was thinking we move the wedding to a closer date, say 2 weeks from now?" Christine starred at him blankly, not fully understanding. "Why?" he sighed and motioned for her to sit next to him on the bed.
"Well mon cheire, I just wanted us to be wed faster! Isn't that what you want too?"
"Of course! I just thought you would want to get all of your strength back before that. Besides, we still have so much to do!" He sighed dejectedly and looked out the window. "Well actually, I wanted to be wed faster so we can move into the new house in Austria."
"Wh-WHAT!" stammered Christine, the color draining from her face. "Well, if we are to start a new life, I propose we also get a new home too! It all makes perfect sense, I've picked out a nice mansion in the city! It will be lovely Christine, absolutely…" but she couldn't here him any more. All she heard was the voice of protest in the back of her head screaming: Absolutely NOT!
"No." she told him plainly getting up from her side of the bed. He watched, apparently stunned at her plainness. "Wh-what?"
"No Raoul, you heard me. We cannot just pick up and leave Paris! I mean, our lives are here! My job at the Opera House, our friends," She looked him into the eye seriously, contemplating how to convince him that she had made roots here that could not be uplifted. "Cheri, it is too late for second thoughts! I have already put our house on the market." He sighed at her venomous outrage.
"Christine, wouldn't you want to raise our children some where away from Paris, so as not to be too caught up in the scandals and rumors? And we'd be close to society I could easily do business with other companies. And, about your job." He raised an eyebrow at her mixed expression. At this point, Christine wasn't sure if she wanted to hit upside the head and ridicule him for his ignorant behavior or choke him. Both sounded equally appeasing.
"You'll have to quit it. What type of respected Vicomtess would go and make a fool of herself by parading around a stage in some outrageous outfit like a circus monkey? Not you, Lotte! Well… Not anymore that is. I will make a noble woman out of you yet! Luckily for me, there isn't much left to do, seeing as you are one of God's finest creations."
That left her completely dumbstruck and bursting with a murderous rage. To kill or not to kill, THAT is the question! "Is that what you think of my dreams Raoul? That above all else, I desire to be carnival freak? A simple minded school girl who would do anything for attention! I can't believe you, of all people, would think that! Performing is an art in which talent cannot be easily gained, it must be learned. And it's not just to please you rich imbeciles either! Every roll I play lets me see through the eyes of another, their opinions, their way of life. It helps me to see the world in different angles, not just from one perspective. You should try it sometime Raoul, it would do you wonders." She spat at him, her voice dripping sarcasm with her final statements.
A bright red tinge lit up his cheeks, making him look twice as ill, but he remained calm, as though waiting out the angry tirade of an over excited child. "I do agree on the idea of raising the children away from Paris, but wouldn't you much rather have them grow on the country side? Where they have more room to explore and be children?" She heaved an immense sigh, frustration washing over her in thick rolling waves. "I was not trying to insult your… dreams, but make a point that Vicomtesses are not actresses."
Ha! You have no idea how many noble woman… Make that all Parisians actually… Can go out with the fakest of smiles and attitudes and fool even the cleverest of men. There was a short silence before either of them spoke. "I knew, a part of me just did not want to except that fact." A little rain cloud perched over her head, a black and thick swirling mass that grinned maliciously at her. Drops of acid rain fell from it's belly, slowly corroding the edges of her fragile heart.
"I'm sorry Lotte, that's just how it has to be." He pulled her slumped form to his side, kissing her head softly, bringing her absolutely no protection from the agonizing drops. "Please Raoul, next time, consult me before going through something this important." There was really nothing she could do except face the harsh facts. All her hopes seemed to fade into the blackness or her heart.
Although still furious at him, Christine acted normally, as if nothing had happened. The regular attire for the average Parisian. Only when she had left Raoul and ran to the safety of the shadowy forest clearing, did she release her true feelings.
She cursed the towering trees, Raoul, Paris, and herself until she felt her knees give out and hit the damp ground beneath her. This is all happening too fast! I can't just pick up and leave my home, where all of my memories exist. Leave my few friends… Erik… She wrapped her arms around her trembling body and bit her lip in sorrow.
No matter how badly she tried, she could never forget the man who haunted her dreams. Although she had abandoned him, left him to rot in his lair, she couldn't discard the feeling that needed him to be around for there to be peace.
NO! You mustn't remember him, never, you can't! He can't be in your life anymore. She stood from her hunched position and leaned against a particularly knarred tree. A deep longing erupted from inside the exiled area of her soul, crossing the border into her forbidden heart. The longing attacked her heart, caressing it softly and feeding it memories of Erik.
When all hope was lost, on the brink of insanity, her pride jumped in, along with good decision, and saved the day. Taking on the buried longing with incredible force. I do NOT need Erik to make me feel protected and happy! That's why I love Raoul, because he can make me feel all these things without even trying.
Her other side responded, equally enthused. Yes, I do! I've depended on him for the past 10 years, without him, I don't think I would have survived. I'd still be abjectly wishing for my Father to come back to life. Not to mention, I've never really felt any of these things with Raoul. Except for protection.
The other side shot back triumphantly, More than protection, he has tied himself to you and you cannot doubt that.
The side of longing countered, He does has ties over me, I cannot deny, but nothing like the ones Erik holds. Raoul is more like a brother, the awakening. We are no longer the love struck children, begging stories from neighbors or making up our own imaginary worlds that frightened us so badly that we shook in each others arms. No, we are now two separate adults with nothing but close bonds, mistaken for love. With Erik, time itself stops. And know I that. With that, both sides were silent until,
It is too late. He is over you now and you do love Raoul, and not like the supposed brother. You loved Erik, once, but the age of the Phantom has ended. Now we shall bring about the age of Raoul! Too long has my heart lead me astray. For too long has my heart spun silly fantasies that only can only lead to disaster and confusion! Never shall I listen to my heart again for it is deceitfully, and an accident waiting to happen. I shall never follow it in to the dark, seeing at it has finally made the full transformation into the black hole.
The desires that had unearthed themselves retreated back to the horrid caverns of her soul."I will marry Raoul. I have already pledged it. He loves me, I love him. Everything is exactly as it should be. Everything is perfect." She stood to her feet, brushing dirt of her crinkled dress and began the slow trek back to the De Changy manor. All the while thinking,
If everything is all simplicity and joy, than why do I fell like dying?
A/N-i'm sorry that this one is so short my dears, i will get the next chapter out before christmas.