The Echo
Chapter 3: Surrounded By The Color Blue

I opened my eyes, the wind running through my hair. My arms were out at my sides, the air splitting around them as the Celsius cut through the sky, a red streak in the heavens. I stared out over the side of the ship, at the open expanse in front of me. Sky and ocean met without seam, and I leaned my head back, letting my hair fly wildly in the wind, surrounded by the color blue.

Long ago, I'd found a special place on Besaid, one I could call my own. Telan had gotten upset again that morning, and the moment Wakka had come to me to take her away, I'd turned in the opposite direction and gone there. The confined beach had been difficult to get to with a baby in arm, but I'd managed. I'd calmed down when I'd come here, and Telan had calmed down as well. Lulu had been right, and I had been wrong, yet again.

I'd set out a blanket, and I had my arm around Telan as I stared miserably out at the ocean. She was awake, but quiet, kicking her little feet spiritedly. I'd made sure to shop for her before we'd left Luca, and she was in one of the many adorable outfits I'd made my father buy her. The light yellow fabric complimented her blonde fuzz quite well, I thought.

She wrinkled her nose as the breeze blew into the little sheltered beach. I gave a small grin and kissed her forehead. I liked it when the two of us could just sit together, quiet and happy, like we'd been back at the hospital. When Gippal was with us… I gave a heavy sigh and looked into her eyes, which were finally starting to go completely green. They were a mirrored reflection of my own swirls, though a shade lighter, like her father's.

"I'm really stupid, Telan. I mess things up a lot. He was there, he… wanted us to be with him, and I just made a decision and I came back. I thought I could take care of you alone. But… I can't, baby, you're a handful! And you're only three weeks old! You're just as miserable as I am, sweetie… and it's my fault, and I'm sorry. I want to fix it, but I don't know how. I've made too many mistakes to be able to fix it this time, haven't I?"

I watched her as she cooed up at me. "Yeah, I knew you'd agree with me." Closing my eyes, I listened to the waves as they broke gently upon the shore.

Our silence was broken as Yuna's voice called out from above, in the ruins. "Rikku? Are you down there?"

I sighed and propped myself up on my forearm, looking up at the hillside. "Yeah, over here!"

She emerged from behind a rock piling and slowly made her way down to where I was laying. Without pretense, she sat next to me on the blanket, staring out at the water.

"I want to apologize."

I looked over at her tentatively, searching her determined expression. "Why?"

"I shouldn't have said what I said last night." She shook her head, her brown tresses shadowing her eyes. "I'm sorry."

I looked out at the water, following her gaze. "Don't be. It's okay."

"No, it isn't."

"Yeah, it is."

"No, it isn't."

"Yuna. Shut up."

She looked over at me, her eyes wide. Then she smiled and pushed my shoulder lightly. "I'm not backing down."

"You should. You're only trying to help. I should be apologizing to you, not the other way around." With a sigh, I pulled Telan off the blanket and propped her up on my knees, grinning lightly at her mussed hair. "I want to be a good mother to her, and I keep screwing up. Tidus told me I'm too stubborn… he's right. I need to just accept the help without getting angry, or jealous, or whatnot. But I can't."

"You shouldn't have to. She's your daughter." Yuna scooted closer to me, putting an arm around my shoulder. I leaned my head on my cousin's shoulder as she wrapped me in a sisterly hug.

"But I should appreciate the effort."

She squeezed me softly and the two of us were quiet for a while as we watched a fishing boat make its way out to the harbor. "I have a feeling that you would adjust to having a newborn around much better if you were anywhere else but here."

I shrugged and looked at the sand. "I'm fine when she's calm, but when she starts to freak out, I…"

She quieted me and traced a pattern in the sand. "I understand, Rikku."

"I know you do." Telan held tightly to my finger, and I scanned the horizon, waiting for Yuna to say something.

I waited for a long while. Telan was falling into a deep infant sleep before Yuna spoke up once again. "Rikku… can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Why are you here?" She looked right at me, leaning back in the sand, her two-toned eyes unnerving me for the first time I could remember.

"Honestly?" She nodded. "I don't know, Yunie. I don't know." I looked out at the harbor, at the fishermen laughing on their tiny boat. "My heart isn't here…"

The village fire had already died, and most of Besaid's residents were sleeping. The only light that could be seen for miles, save that of the moon or stars, came from the back window of a small hut on the outskirts of the village. My window.

A good day had passed. For the first time, I'd taken care of my baby by myself, without any help from others. I was proud of myself, a good feeling after feeling like such a failure for the past week.

But, around midnight, the good day was over. Telan had woken, and she was screaming. I'd tried to give her a bottle, I'd held her while keeping myself as calm as possible. I'd done all the right things. And the fact that I couldn't take my baby's pain away was killing me. Gippal would have been able to do it. But I wasn't him. I was doing my best, and I hated that my best was not good enough.

"Telan, honey, stop… ssh… it's okay! It's okay, sweetie, it's okay!" She was shaking, gasping for breath in betweens screams. "Telan… Telan, everything is alright, Mommy's here, nothing's going to hurt you…"

I was babbling again, more to keep myself calm than to calm her down. In the back of my mind, I knew it wouldn't work.

I set her down on my bed, smoothing her hair back, watching her beautiful little face as it contorted with her screams. "What's wrong, Telly, hm, why won't you stop?"

She only continued screaming, not giving me any hint as to what could have merited these heart wrenching screams. But what could I expect from a three week old?

I couldn't keep her from screaming. I couldn't calm her when she was frightened or upset. I hated feeling helpless. I hated feeling that her screaming was driving me insane. But finally, I broke down.

"Stop crying! Just stop! I can't do this anymore, you need to stop, baby, you need to stop this! I don't know what to do, I don't know what's wrong! Telan, stop… just, please, stop crying!" I was sobbing now, too, trying to control my outburst and failing miserably. The single candle that was lit on my dresser flickered dangerously as the linen covering my doorway was disturbed.

Tidus swiftly entered my room as I buried my head in my hands, shaking as much as my baby was. "Rikku… Rikku, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Is Telan okay?"

"She won't stop!" I cried, my voice croaking. "She… she keeps doing… I… she won't stop!"

He stared at the two of us for a moment. I sat upright in my bed, my hands in my hair, face red and puffy from crying, my eyes shining brightly with tears. Telan was still squalling on the bed, and I was staring at her blankly. He reached for the baby and cradled her, leaving the room momentarily. I heard footsteps coming swiftly toward the hut, and then I heard Yuna's concerned voice call out. "What's going on? Are they alright?"

Wakka peered into my room, his tired eyes frightened. "Ti, she ain't bleeding again or somethin', is she?"

"No, no, I… Telan won't calm down. I don't know what to do… could one of you take her to Lulu, she'll have a better idea… and I think it's best to get them away from each other right now." Tidus handed Telan to my frightened cousin as I reached for a pillow and wrapped myself around it, sobbing into the soft material.

"Yeah, we'll take her… want us to come back?" Wakka watched me for a moment before leading Yuna to the door.

"No, I'll… I'll calm her down. Could one of you call… ?"

"I'll take care of it." Yuna tugged on Wakka's arm, and the two left the household. Tidus watched them leave for a moment, and I listened as Telan's cries grew farther and farther away.

I didn't calm down any. My breathing became quicker, my chest tightening with anxiety. Tidus sat next to me on the bed and pulled my hair out of my face. "Rikku, listen to me… I need you to tell me if you are alright, okay? Rikku… take a deep breath okay, calm down."

"I… I can't." I felt sick, sick with myself, and sick to my stomach. I tried to take a deep breath, but only started coughing.

"Yes you can, Ri, you can, okay? Look… look at me. Look at me, Rikku." I looked up at him, tears streaming down my face. "You're okay, I'm here, you can calm down. You need to calm down, alright, you need to breath." I shook my head, trying to do as he said. "I need you to calm down for me, too, okay, you're scaring me."

Shakily, I took a few deep breaths, and he smiled reassuringly, brushing my hair away from my eyes. "I'm sorry… I didn't… she just…"

"Sssh, don't apologize, alright? It's fine." I began to cry softly, and I rested my head on his shoulder. He held me tightly, his presence reassuring me.

"She wouldn't stop… I don't know what to do! I… I'm trying to do this alone. I was prepared to raise her alone, damnit, why can't I handle this? Why won't she stop?"

"I don't know, Rikku."

"It's almost like I'm scared of her, Tidus, like she's some kind of flash bomb. But I understand how to handle a flash bomb! I can't figure her out! Why can't I make her feel safe? I can't… I can't keep doing this… I can't do it alone. I need help, Tidus, I need help…"

He let me cry on his shoulder for so long that I lost track of time. I didn't notice when Telan's cries stopped echoing through the village. I'd failed her again, and it was the only thing I could think about. I barely noticed when Tidus carefully tucked a blanket around us. He held me comfortingly as I cried myself to into an exhausted sleep.

Yuna came into the small hut a few hours after she'd taken Telan to Lulu. The baby had cried until she'd gone to sleep with exhaustion. Lulu had been patient, but it was obvious that she, too, had been agitated. Vidina had begun to cry as well, until Wakka had taken him out of the hut and for a walk around the temple to calm his nerves.

"Tidus?" she called, looking around the house. "Where are you?"

He called softly back. "Rikku's room."

She entered quietly. Tidus was holding Rikku as she slept, her hair mussed and her face streaked with tearstains. "Is she okay?"

"No. All the people here are just making her even more nervous than she already is. She's blaming herself for Telan freaking out." Yuna sat next to the two of them, running her hand through her cousin's hair with concern.

"I called Djose."

"Is he gonna come and pick them up?"

"He wasn't there. He left for Bikanel two days ago. Brother took him, but he isn't answering the calls, so that has to mean that he's out in Sanubia, too." Tidus frowned and watched his friend, for a moment, before looking up at Yuna.

"I'm worried about her. She's still recovering, and even with all of us trying to help her, she won't get better if she's this miserable."

Yuna sighed heavily and rested beside Tidus. "I wish she wouldn't do this to herself."

"Me too…"

When morning arrived, I sat out by the beach, a CommSphere in hand. I needed to confirm what Yuna had said, for I had made my decision. Whatever had persuaded me to leave Gippal back in Luca… I'd pushed it aside. I was miserable without him, just as I had been for months. I was making Telan miserable, too, and I couldn't handle it any longer. I needed him to hold me and keep me safe. He said he'd come running, after all. I was going to hold him to it.

"Hi… uh… could you connect me to Gippal's office, please?" I asked tiredly, rubbing my eyes.

"I'm sorry, but he isn't… Rikku? Is that you?" I blinked at the figure in the CommSphere and nodded.

"Karaa?"

She grinned and laughed. "Yeah! It's been lonely and quite boring without you here to keep our spirits up! But I guess you've got other things to keep you busy now, right?"

"Yeah, I guess I do." I grinned back at her, for politeness' sake. I was happy to talk to one of my old co-workers, after all, but right now, I was too mixed up to be too excited about it. "I'm sorry, I don't want to seem unwilling to talk or anything, but I had a really rough night last night, and I really need to talk to Gippal. Could you put me through to the office?"

"He left two days ago for Bikanel. You know how he gets when he's out in the desert."

I nodded, distractedly. "He doesn't even stop to eat when he's working out there, most of the time."

"Yeah… he's been showing off pictures of Telan to anyone who comes near him. She's adorable. I can't wait to see her!"

I smiled, albeit weakly. "I can't wait to show her off."

"Well, stop in some time. All of us want to see her, and you!" She waved into the screen, and I grinned and canceled the connection.

Needless to say, I felt blue this morning. The sky was blue, the ocean was blue… I was surrounded by the color. And I was tired of it.

The CommSphere began to blink in my hands, and I answered the call without thinking. "Hello?"

"Rikku… Yuna left messages… are you alright?" My brother looked back at me with concern as I nodded.

"I'm okay, I just need to do something… think you could come and pick me up? Like… now?"

He was quiet for a moment; then, he nodded. "I'll be there in a few hours." I was slightly shocked at how quickly he'd agreed, without any questioning.

"… thanks."

"Where do you need to go?" he asked, curious.

"Bikanel."

So, there's chapter three. I hope you all like it! Thanks for the reviews on chapter two, and for all the feedback! Another thank you to FairyIce for being a wonderful beta and idea contributor, and for soothing all my plot worries, LOL. Have a safe holiday, everyone!

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