Song: 5 Drunken Nights (My own rewrite)
Based on: Seven Drunken Nights
By: Celtic Thunder
Start song at (1)
(I free wrote a version of this song, kind of a fanfiction of it's own, to use in this songfiction because I didn't want to raise the rating on the story. I tried to keep the funniness of the original song and added a feel good twist at the end. I claim no ownership of this song or the original lyrics!)
North nodded and rubbed his hands together.
"Aww, North!" Tooth grabbed his coat and looked at him with a worried expression. "What are you going to do?"
"Rubezahl suggested that I make Dani feel more at home with a shanty that is always good for a laugh." North said as he smiled and shook off Tooth's worried grip.
"And that shanty would be?" Bunny asked.
"Seven Drunken Nights" North laughed, his belly giggling with viger.
Sand flue from Sandy's form in his shock.
"Do not be vorrying! I have P.G version as well, but it still causes a good fit of laughter!" Before anyone could voice any other worries North strolled up to the stage. Taking the microphone he whispered to the band and with happy cheers they struck up a Banjo and flute based melody. (1)"When I got home on a Monday night, as drunk and drunk can be, I saw a horse outside the door where my own horse should be."
Petrov walked to the stage from the forest to stand in full view.
North pointed at him. "So I called my wife and I says to her, 'Vould you kindly tell me please, Who owns that horse outside the door where my own horse should be?'"
Petrov pranced and North walked away like he was mad. "Oh, you druck, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see!"
When North turned back Petrov had gotten dark patches on his hide and his grunting sounded almost like a "moo". "That's the old milking cow my mother sent to me."
North blinked and pretended to wipe his eyes. "A many a days I traveled a hundred miles or more. And I swear I never saw that milking cow before!"
"When I got home on a Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk can be, I saw a coat behind the door where my own coat should be." North spun to show off his read soot coated coat. Causing many in the audience to laugh, which only got louder as another reindeer from North's team walked out with a wool coat hanging from his antlers like a discarded piece of laundry.
"So I called my wife and I says to her, 'Vould you kindly tell me please. Who owns that coat behind the door where my own coat should be?'"
The second reindeer tossed his head as North once again turned and stomped away, his heavy foot falls banging out the beat. "Oh, you drunk, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see!"
North turned back and blinked again as the wool 'coat' flopped off the reindeers antlers and revealed a heep of wool. "That's the woolen blanket my mother sent to me. A many a days I traveled a hundred miles or more. And I swear that woolen blanket I never saw before!"
As North scratched his head he regained his composure. "When I got home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk can be."
A third reindeer walked out carrying an elf on his head who held a wood shelf with a single smoking pipe.
Pointing this out North continued, "I saw a pipe atop the shelf where my own pipe should be."
North took his pipe from his pocket and tapped it knowingly. "So I called my wife and I says to her, ' Vould you kindly tell me please. Who owns that pipe atop the shelf where my own pipe should be?"
The elf jumped off the reindeer and made a dash to the stage as North stormed. "Oh, you drunk, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see!"
The elf stopped in front of North who almost tripped over them. But when he looked at the shelf the elf carried the pipe had mysteriously changed. "That's the lovely tin whistle that your mother sent to me."
North picked up the whistle and gave it a 'toot' to test his observations. Now looking completely lost he put the whistle back and as the elf made their way back to the third reindeer said, "A many a days I traveled a hundred miles or more. But I swear that tin whistle I never saw before!"
The audience was loving this show, laughing and really getting into it. Dani was on Danny's shoulders holding her stomach. She was laughing so hard.
"When I got home on a Thursday Night, as drunk as drunk can be, I saw some boots beneath the bench where my own boots should be." He showed off his boots by doing a rushen squat dance. Bunny was holding a hand over his mouth to keep his laughter at bay and Sandy actually gave a 'squeak' when a fourth reindeer came to stand beside the other three with a elf wearing way to big boots, ones that almost made him look like he was wearing a rubber dress with a bulgy bottom hem.
"So I call my wife and I says to her, 'Vill you kindly tell me please.' Who owns those boots beneath the bench where my own boots should be?'" This time North didn't turn away but shook his finger at the 'offending' elf. "Oh, you druck, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see."
The elf pinwheeled it's arms as it lost its balance and then topled to the ground with a 'crash of pottery. "That's the old duranium pots your mother sent to me!" Looking to all the festival like a shocked fool North finished, "A many a days I traveled a hundred miles or more. But I swear that those durainium pots I never saw before!"
Petrov and the other reindeer, along with their item and or elfs, walked behind the stage out of sight as the light spirits dimed and the music slowed just a bit to poetry a more serious tone. "When I got home on a Friday night, as drunk as drunk can be, I saw a head on top the bed where my own head should be!" It was completely quiet now, you could hear the crickets chirping in the distance.
North now looked angry! "SO I WOKE MY WIFE AND I SAYS TO HER 'NOW YOU VILL TELL TO ME! WHO OWNS THAT HEAD ON TOP THE BED WHERE MY OWN HEAD SHOULD BE!"
The anger fell away however, replaced by delighted/bewildered surprise as the band came back into view as the lights went back up and answered him, all dressed as tv housewives. "YOU DRUNK, YOU DRUNK, YOU SILLY OLD FOOL, SO DRUNK YOU CAN NOT SEE! THAT'S YOUR BABY BOY!"
North finished in a whisper, "His mother scolded me! Because of the days I traveled a hundred miles or more, I couldn't remember seeing my baby boy before."
Petrov came up onto the stage, a swaddled bundle in his mouth. North took it and cradled it with care. "Now I get home every night, as sober as sober can be. I kiss my wife and hug the boy, who looks just like me. There's nothing I'd rather have, then this family next to me! So to keep this love I swear above no more drinking for me!"
Handing the bundle to Kim North danced with Petrov "Oh, you drunk, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see. That's the old milking cow my mother sent to me."
The second reindeer with the blanket on his antlers was next to dance with the Guardian of wonder. "Oh, you drunk, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see. That's the woolen blanket my mother sent to me."
The reindeer with the whistle blowing elf were joined next. "Oh, you drunk, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see. That's the lovely tin whistle that your mother sent to me."
The reindeer and still knocked out, from falling, elf danced like it was a swing your partner step. "Oh, you drunk, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see. That's the geranium pots your mother sent to me."
Then the band got up from their places and came up on stage, still dressed like tv housewives, to dance with the mass group. "Oh, you drunk, you drunk, you silly old fool, so drunk you can not see. That's your baby boy! His mother scolded me!"
Everyone fell to the background as North was silhouetted in a spot light. "I was a drunk, a drunk, a silly old fool, so drunk I could not see! The things I almost lost are what was, and is, most important to me!"