The Echo
Chapter 6: Emotion

The rain was pouring down, now, more so than it had been all evening. I didn't care. "Rikku!" I called, running after her, occasionally tripping in the gravel. She didn't stop, but only kept walking toward the apartment building. "Rikku, stop, listen to me!" I stopped running a few paces behind her, staring at her beautiful plait of golden blonde, dark from the rainfall.

She turned to look at me. Her eyes were hurt and sad. "Why should I?"

"Because, it wasn't what it looked like!" I took a few steps toward her, but she stepped away, keeping the distance.

Anger took over and she pointed toward the apartment that Adena had just vanished inside. "You were having sex with my friend, Gippal! How is that not what it looked like? I saw it with my own eyes!" Her voice echoed off the stone walls of the large area behind the temple, and lightning lit the sky, making her look both dangerous and fragile in the cold blue light.

I stepped closer to her once more and reached for her arm. She pulled away quickly and glared at me. "Don't touch me."

"Rikku… I didn't-"

"Yeah, I know, I know! You didn't know I'd be here, otherwise you would've told her not to come, right?" She turned away angrily and strode toward Brother's door. "Just… stay away from me."

She opened the door and walked inside. Before she closed the door, I pushed against it, refusing to let her get away from me again. I needed to explain, even though I truly didn't understand what had happened myself. "Rikku, just… just listen to me for a minute, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen, I don't even know why she was in my house!"

"Sure you don't… I said to stay away, damnit." Brother appeared in the hall and looked at me with confusion. Tears were beginning to leak from Rikku's eyes now, as she struggled to close the door.

"What happened?" he asked, looking back and forth between the two of us. "Why are you crying?"

She shook her head and stopped struggling with the door. I stumbled forward as she let go of it, failing miserably in my attempt not to slam into the wall. She ignored me as she looked at her Brother, shaking her head. "Just… just leave, okay? I can't deal with either of you right now." He glanced at me before nodding and pulling on his coat. I didn't move.

"Call the airship if you need me, Rikku." He left the room with a worried glance at her, and the two of us stared at each other for a split second before her hand shot up. I felt the sting before registering that she'd just slapped me.

"How could you?" She asked, her green eyes angrier than I'd ever seen them. I was still confused, but my head was beginning to clear. I met her eyes, an expression of shock on my face, and she whispered three words that tore me to pieces, despite how much I deserved them. "I hate you."

The one thing that scared me more than being alone was being hated, especially by Rikku. But I'd messed up, and I deserved it. The sheer idiocy of my actions, the reality of what I'd done, hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart froze in icy fear. I needed to explain, to do something, anything, that would take the hate away. Even if she couldn't love me… she couldn't hate me, either. I couldn't go on if she hated me.

"Rikku, I wasn't thinking." She looked at me, shaking her head in disbelief. "It was a mistake, I-" I stopped, unsure of what to say. There was nothing to say. There was no explaining what I'd done… but there was reason behind her glaring, her sudden, ice cold hatred. My heart was beating quickly in my chest as I slammed my hand into the wall in frustration.

"Obviously." She laughed bitterly and pointed at the door. "Get out."

"No, I'm not leaving until you let me explain." Until I can convince you not to hate me…

Tears streamed down her cheeks. She weakly pushed me back toward the door. "I don't want your explanations. Get out!" I only stood there stubbornly, ignoring her yelled order, and she looked at the ground in silence.

A faint cry came from down the hall, and both of us looked toward a slightly open doorway. She glared at me before striding off down the hall, muttering under her breath in Al Bhed. I shut the front door at long last and rushed after her.

Tears were beginning to fall steadily from my eyes as I crossed the small guestroom to Telan. I felt horrible for yelling, for waking her up, for ruining the happy mood she'd gone to sleep in. I was hurt, screaming inside from the wound he'd inflicted upon my heart. The calm attitude of the evening was shattered, my heart broken.

"Mama's here, sweetie, it's okay…" I said weakly, reaching down for her. Her cries only got louder when I picked her up. I felt the familiar dread boiling beneath the surface… but this time, it was much worse than it had ever been before. I had to be able to calm her on my own… I wouldn't let him see otherwise. I wouldn't let myself need him any longer.

Gippal stood in the doorway, but I paid him no attention as I walked her around the room, trying to calm her. "Come on, Telan, stop crying… we've been doing so good, sweetie…" My breath caught in my throat, and I began to sob right along with her. I refused to look in Gippal's direction. "Leave us alone."

"Rikku-" he began, stepping toward me once more. There was a certain amount of anguish in his eye, but I didn't care. Not after what I'd seen.

"Leave us alone, Gippal! How many times do I have to tell you to get out before you get the message, huh?" I turned in the opposite direction, away from him, and I sat on the bed with Telan, placing her atop the warm quilt. "Stop crying, Telly, please stop… it's okay, it was just noise, sweetheart…"

She didn't stop. I didn't stop. I buried my face in my hands and shook my head, trying to drive off all of the emotions that were running through me. "Stop, Telan, stop crying…" I wasn't really talking to her anymore, however; I was trying to stop my own tears. I didn't want him to see them. He didn't deserve to see them. "Just stop…"

Gippal stopped holding himself back and stood behind me, leaning forward to pluck the baby from the bed. He held her tightly, running his hand reassuringly over her spine as he walked her across the room. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to try to calm my own nerves. Long moments passed, filled only with the sound of her squalling, before I felt his light touch on my shoulder. His hand was shaking, and I shrunk away. "Don't, Gippal."

"I'm sorry." The emotion in his voice, the regret and fear, told me that he meant it. But I was much too hurt and angry to care.

"Shut up."

"Just listen to me for a minute!" he said, frustrated. That angered me even more. He had no right to be frustrated, not after what he'd done.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do! You… you expect me to listen to you after what you've done?" He blinked at me blankly, and I shook my head, pointing once more at the door. "You're insane. Give me my baby and get out."

"She's my baby, too. I'm not going to just give her to you and leave, you already took her away from me once." He looked slightly shocked at hearing himself speak those words.

"This has nothing to do with what I did, you asshole! You were having sex with someone else! You did me wrong! Don't even try to deny it, I caught you! She was my friend once, and you knew that, and you did it anyway! You lied to me! You said you loved me, and then you go and pull something like this! You're sick!"

"I do lo-"

"No! Stop talking! Don't even say it, you don't mean it! What were you trying to do, get her pregnant, too? Find someone else to replace me, knock her up, and have a new baby to replace the one I 'stole' from you? Is that what you were trying to do!" I didn't even realize that I was shrieking at the top of my lungs. He hastily put the baby in her crib, and began to open his mouth once more. I grabbed the vase on the nightstand and hurled it at him, missing him only by inches. The glass shattered against the wall.

He stared at the remnants of the vase in shock, and then turned his gaze upon me. "What the hell are you trying to do? Kill me?" His voice was raised, as well. Both of us were ignoring the baby for the moment.

"You'd deserve it!" I made to pick something else up, anything, but he caught my arms and pinned them down at my sides.

"I would never try to replace you or Telan. There is no replacing you or Telan, don't you get that?" He held me there, angry as well. I stopped fighting when it became clear that he wasn't going to let me go. Telan's frightened voice was beginning to distract us both. Finally, he let me go, and I rushed to her crib, fuming all the way.

"Rikku… calm down, okay? I understand why you're angry, and you have every right to be… but… I'm sorry, and I mean that." I looked up at him angrily and reached for Telan. Neither she nor I could stop crying… like mother, like daughter.

He only sat next to me as I tried in vain to calm her, as I tried in vain to ignore his presence. "I don't care if you're sorry. That doesn't fix it, that doesn't erase it." I glanced at him, noticing his eye patch. Strangely enough, the fact that it was on brought me some comfort. I was still the only girl who could look into both his eyes, at least. "Take that stupid thing off."

He did, and I looked away, bouncing Telan softly. "I know it doesn't fix it, okay, just let me try..."

I shook my head stubbornly. "I can't deal with this right now. Just go home."

"I don't want to go home, I want to calm the two of you down." He watched me sadly, and I broke down again. I tried to fight him as his arms wrapped around me, but I wasn't strong enough to break his hold.

I held her tightly, though she was resisting. I had to make her understand that she was the only girl I loved. I had to hold onto her. What she'd seen had been a mistake. Her warm tears spilled onto my shoulder as she dug her fingers into my flesh, bruising me with her effort to get away, and guilty tears sprang to my eyes as well. I looked down at her, at Telan, and closed my eyes. How could I have been so stupid?

Rikku continued to cry long after Telan had gone back to sleep, long after Rikku herself had stopped trying to fight me. I carefully placed the baby in the little portable crib that was set up, kissing her forehead softly before covering her up. I'd missed her.

Rikku was leaning against the wall, her eyes closed, fists clenched. I sat next to her once more, and she rested her head on her knees in defeat. "Why?"

"… I was drinking tonight. I don't know why she was there, all I know is that I made a mistake, and that I'm sorry." I placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. Her muscles were tight. A pang of guilt stabbed at my heart as a solitary tear left her eyes, as she pressed her eyelids together tightly to suppress the tears that waited. She pulled away from me quickly, as if my very touch stung her.

"You said you'd come running," she whispered quietly. Her bright eyes were washed out when she opened them, staring at me. "You said you were just a call away, and I called, and I needed you. But you were in Bikanel. So I went there. I couldn't get to you because the sandstorm was coming, but when I finally got through… you were on a boat, coming back here." She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, and I stared at her in confusion. "And then I got here, and I found you with her… I feel like I've been torn apart, Gippal."

The guilt worsened tenfold. I never even checked my messages…

I was silent, and she took a deep breath. "I thought I could handle her alone, but I can't. I feel like a failure. Since we left Luca, the little things j-just set her off, and then she w-won't stop. Not for me. For Lulu, sometimes, but not for me. She always stopped f-for you." She was beginning to stammer, and she was gasping for air between sobs and words.

"Rikku, you're not a-" I started, but she cut me off.

"And I realized that I was miserable, and I n-needed to come back… to y-you, to Djose… so I did. And now l-look at us." She shook her head miserably and stared out the tiny window. "I s-should have stayed i-in Besaid." She turned and buried her tear-stained face in her hands. Her entire body was tense, and I felt utterly horrible. Her anger was still there, underneath the surface, but the pain that she felt because of my actions was beginning to take over.

"No… no, Rikki, I shouldn't have been such an idiot…" We remained like that for a long time, tears running down both our cheeks, still from fear and hurt.

When she looked up, I gently wiped her tears away. I hated causing her pain. Anger boiled inside me, but it wasn't aimed at anyone but myself. And maybe Adena, too. But mostly at myself. She pushed my hands away and wiped at her own face with her sleeve.

Rikku sat back on the bed and looked over at the crib. "I can't… I need to take a break from this. I need time to think." I stared at her for a moment. "Alone."

"What do you mean?" I understood, though. She'd come to me for help, for comfort, and instead, I'd destroyed her trust. Her constant tension made the baby tense as well, and it was only creating a sense of failure in her mind. I wanted to erase the incident with Adena, and have Rikku and Telan here to stay. But she needed time. And I needed to let her take it.

For the first time that evening, she met my eyes without anger… but the pleading in them was worse. I nodded softly, though I didn't want to. "I'll watch her. But Rikku… you're not a failure. Trust me."

She stared me straight in the eyes, and with all the honesty she possessed, told me, "I can't."

We sat together in tense silence, watching our daughter sleep, both awaiting and dreading the morning.

Hope you all liked it… hope you aren't all mad at me. Stick with it. Things will get better, I promise. Thank you SO MUCH to FairyIce for the crazy rewrites of this chapter, for reading it a million times and helping me go through and fix each section, piece by piece. I owe you bigtime.

Please Review! (And please, try and leave something that will help me to improve or know what you liked or didn't like… the little one liners and one letterers are nice, but it would be great if there was a little more for me to work from!)