The Echo
Chapter 7: No Peace Of Mind

I awoke the next morning to find myself in a strange room, propped up against the wall with my head resting on my knees. I blinked groggily and looked around, my head beginning to pound from the light that came through the window. And then I remembered that I had screwed up. Rikku was nowhere in sight. I slowly pushed myself off the bed and stood up, grimacing as my head pounded.

I looked into the crib, uncertain. But there she was, sleeping like an angel. I sighed with relief. If she was here, then Rikku was here. Rikku would never leave her with me. I decided to let her sleep, and hesitantly turned to the doorway.

The door was open, and I walked down the hallway toward the main room. Brother was sitting on the couch when I rounded the corner, and he glared at me, a glare reminiscent of those he'd given me before the hospital. I averted my gaze and leaned against the doorjamb, still clutching my head. "What do you want?" he asked, sounding a bit harsh.

"Where's Rikku?"

He shook his head and turned to me in disbelief. "Not here."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Did she go for a walk?"

"No. She took the first hover to the Moonflow this morning." Brother stared out the window. A bright, sunny day had dawned in Djose. Normally it would be welcome, but now… it was contradicting.

"But Telan is here."

"I know. I wouldn't have left my daughter with someone like you, but… that's her choice." Brother stood and glared at me again before striding into the kitchen, closing the door behind him.

I stood there for a long time, staring at the floor.

"You said you'd come running. You said you were just a call away, and I called, and I needed you…"

I hesitated when I reached my front door. Did I really want to go back to this lonely little house?

But Telan began to cry, and so I opened the door, blinking thankfully in the sudden lack of light. "Come on, angel… let's get settled, okay?"

I'd found her little diaper bag, and another bag filled with clothing, blankets, formula… everything… in the closet of Brother's guestroom. And that was all I'd found. Rikku's things were gone. Just like Rikku.

I glanced at the couch, tempted to just flop down upon it and not get up for the rest of the day. Then I walked past it toward the hallway, giving it a wide berth. Telan was beginning to increase in volume, which didn't help my head any. Since when does she cry like this?

The door to my bedroom was slightly open, and I kicked it open moodily, dropping Telan's bags on the floor. I gently placed her, in her tiny carry seat, in the middle of my bed, and I quickly went out into the yard to grab the portable crib.

I sat on the floor in my room, trying to figure out how to put it back together. It was a slow process. Telan was crying. My head was pounding. I was angry.

She'd gone and left again. This was the third time. The third time she'd disappeared on me in only one year. People always say that the third time is the charm… I hoped so. Maybe this time she would stay gone, leave me to my misery without instilling a false sense of hope in my heart. Maybe this time she would come back, and never leave again.

And as I popped the pieces of the crib back in place, a solitary angered tear streamed down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly.

"… I feel like I've been torn apart…"

I stared out the window, Telan in my lap. A stack of papers sat next to me, waiting to be read. I didn't care. My angel was still upset. I'd tried everything that had worked to calm her while in Luca. Nothing.

Rikku had come to find me for a reason. The morning had only just come to a close, and already, I knew why. Our little newborn was miserable, and a gut-wrenching feeling of failure was beginning to take root… I couldn't imagine what it would feel like after a week of this. After all, it had only been a morning. But then… I was also feeling guilty and ashamed of my actions, which were slowly but surely becoming clearer in my mind. I guess guilt and shame are complementary to failure, because each time I thought about it, it only made the failure more real.

Rikku had said that Telan had always stopped crying for me. She wasn't stopping now.

The rain clouds had returned from the ocean, and were relentlessly pouring their tears upon Djose. Just as Telan was relentlessly pouring her tears upon me, depending on me to find a way to soak them up and restore the balance once more.

But I knew why she cried, despite my lack of ability to stop it. She wanted comfort. She'd known comfort, after her mother had woken from the coma in Luca, when the three of us had been together, like we should be. She wanted it back. Since we'd left the city, our little girl had not known comfort, not the way she'd known it in Luca. I wanted her to have that comfort again, and I wanted it back myself. I needed it as much as she did. But… even with our combined need, I was no closer to getting it back than I'd been when I'd watched them depart for Besaid.

"I thought I could handle her alone… but I can't…"

Much thanks to all the reviewers of Chapter 6! This is a short chapter, I know, but I really like how it turned out. Thanks to FairyIce for beta!

Please Review!