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Chapter Two
During our research we discovered that the next entries of Palpatine's Diary were too disfigured and covered in chilli con carne to make out. But we can continue from the next legible point. The entries are as follows.
Diary Entry 396: Fed up with looking for the Rebels and my Ewok Bear!
But on the dark side I wrote a song! I'm releasing it next month to earn a bit of extra cash. And anyone who doesn't buy it will answer to the Stormtroopers.
(cough) It goes……(A.N sung to the tune of jingle bells)
Evil bells, evil bells
Evil bells are bad
They won't make you happy
They will make u sad!
OH
Evil bells, evil bells
They won't bring you presents
They will bring you things that smell like a dozen nerfs and gundarks!
OK, OK the rhyming needs work.
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 397:
After working little on my song (it only got worse!) I had a little fun. Fun which didn't include killing people. Vader believes that I'm getting too old for that kind of thing, though he won't admit it. I'll show him!
(coughs) Anyway, I sent a message to the Rebels, via a spy, saying, "My Empire is bigger than yours! HA!"
Very threatening and rather manly, if I do say so myself! They'll be shaking in their boots!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 398:
(sniff) The Rebels are such bullies! (sniff) After I sent them that truly wonderful message via the Imperial spy, who was caught and fed to Wompas! (A.N. wink!) But then they sent me a message back saying,
"Dear Mr Jerkface
Well at least we don't have to pay people to make them be our friends!
P.S. We are not shaking with fear as you might suppose, but from the cold! (A.N.Wink, wink!)
Yours Sincerely,
The Rebel Alliance"
… I WISH I KNEW WHERE THEY ARE!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 399:
After getting over the trauma of receiving such a disturbing letter, I came up with a witty reply and sent back,
"Dear Rebels,
You don't have to pay your friends, it's true. But they have to pay you!
Yours truly,
Your almighty Emperor"
I sent their last letter to intelligence. So far they have found no clues as to where the rebels are hiding. Vader is getting frustrated and cranky 'cause he can't find them. I'm getting frustrated and cranky 'cause he won't stop wining.
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 400! MILESTONE:
I dreamt about Mara last night, which has reinforced my love for her. I'm far too sly and cunning to simply tell her, so I did what any sensible man would do. I tried to make her jealous. I told her I had…. A GIRLFRIEND!
A strange look then came to her face, like she was in pain and tears were in her eyes. She was either really upset or she was trying very hard not to laugh. I hope it was the first option.
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 401 :
The rebels have not yet replied to my message. I don't know whether or not I'm glad. I don't want another message that will insult me, but I want another chance to insult them!
Mara has been avoiding me but every time I catch her she looks ready to cry-or laugh- but I'm pretty sure it's cry! Soon I will tell her I dumped my girl friend but first I have to go on a date with my imaginary girlfriend. Soon she will be mine! All mine! (Mara that is, not the imaginary girlfriend.)
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 402:
As an excuse for going out with 'Iona' as I've christened her, I arranged for me and Vader to go on a 'business trip.' The plan being that I tell Mara that I'm away with Iona… It really didn't work.
She was chatting to Vader when he mentioned that he was going out later with me. So now Mara thinks I'm-
The rest of this entry was blocked from our viewing by a giant blob of Tomato Ketchup. But I'm sure we can all guess what the last few words of this entry were!
A.N. This chapter was written on the plane on the way to America when Sweetdeath04 wasn't trying to amuse (or get away from her) a three year old boy who found her absolutely fascinating and wouldn't stop asking her which Power Ranger she wanted to be when she grew up. Sweetdeath04 plus Little Kids equals DISASTER!
We would have updated sooner but we were a bit busy skiing, falling, getting up, skiing again, falling again, getting up again and jumping out windows to escape from suicidal guys who wanted to ask Thorney out for a dare.
Thorney: Hey! It wasn't just me!
Sweetdeath04: (looks at Thorney)
Thorney: Okay, so it was just me! But at least I gave the guy the right message in the end.
Sweetdeath04: Yeah, he asked if he was to take that punch as a yes. On Valentines Day. With a rose!
Thorney: Well, if I had the chance to go back, I'd punch him again and make his nose bleed even more.
Sweetdeath04: And that is the story of our ski trip!
We'll update soon but please bear in mind that we have exams now. Sorry it's so short! By the way, how stupid is Palpy? All those hints and he hasn't even worked out where the Rebels are!
Thanks goes to everyone who reviewed chapter one!
Sweetdeath04 and Thorney