Disclaimer: I think you've got the message that we don't own Star Wars, but just in case you're stupid, WE DON'T OWN IT!
Diary Entry 212
'Mother dearest' is being the galaxies biggest pain! I'm arranging for her to be shipped off, via spies, to that Rebel scum!
Maybe she's learning that she's not wanted, because I think she's trying to earn her keep. She bought me a present! Mind you, it wasn't as bad as my birthday presents but she seems to think I'm a little kid! Outrageous! She bought me a packet of chocolate buttons!
So now I'm forcing them into my digestive system to keep her happy!
Mothers!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 213
Everyone is wondering why I'm talking funny today. I said I have a rare disease that messed up my voice box, but I'll tell you the truth;
I constantly have chocolate buttons in my mouth. They're quite tasty you know!
On another note, I FOUND MY EWOK BEAR!
Mr Duffy is safe with me again!
XOXOXO (Still annoyed with Mum, but keeping her for the chocolate buttons!) Palpy
Diary Entry 214
I have invested in a factory which will constantly supply me with chocolate buttons. They're more addictive than Spice!
Mother is of no further use to me so she must go! AT LAST! The deranged old lunatic thinks she is going on a mystery tour. The Rebels will most likely kill her if she mentions me, which she probably will. I just hope they kill her before she reveals my week points to them. (Eg, Mr Duffy and chocolate buttons)
So off she goes! Back to normal evilness! Now I must go and see off Mother!
XOXOXO Very Happy Palpy
Diary Entry 215
So happy Mummy is gone!
Have to do evil stuff!
XOXOXO Palpy!
Diary Entry 216
Shock and horror is the only way to describe this. I got a message from the Rebels. Naturally I wanted to gloat that my evil plan to get rid of Mummy had worked, so I called Vader and my one true love, my beloved Mara, to watch.
That's where things started to go wrong.
The message was a holo.
That outlaw Mon Mothma and several others, all leaders of the Rebellion, were standing around wearing absolutely awful woolly hats!
"Do you like our hats, Palpatine? I hope so, since your mother knitted them for us!"
You can not imagine my horror at hearing this. I was just glad I was sitting down!
Then the worst came. My mother, alive and well, came onto the picture.
"My dearest little Schnoobums! This is an absolutely wonderful vacation! I've made so many new friends! Hope you like the postcard!"
I could just hear Vader and Mara laughing in their thoughts! It was my most humiliating defeat ever!
I'm going to go sulk now.
XOXOXO depressed Palpy
Diary Entry 217
Woolly hats.
Woolly hats, of all the most un-evil things my mother could do for the Rebels, she had to make them woolly hats!
Next thing you know, she'll be buying them puppies for Christmas!
She used to make me woolly hats… sniff!
But that was a long time ago… sniff!
So now, in order to destroy the Rebel Base, I will have to flatten my own mother into the ground!
I knew something good would come out of this situation!
Always look for the silver lining!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 218
I am very annoyed with myself at the minute!
I FORGOT TO SEND A TRACKING DEVICE WITH MOTHER!
When we sent her to the Rebels, we thought we'd find out where they were, but we forgot to put a tracking device in her big red handbag, so now we're back to square one. Apart from the fact that I don't have my mother showing the Stormtroopers baby photos.
I just assumed Vader would do it. Vader assumed Mara would do it. Mara assumed I would do it!
NO ONE DID IT!
Panic, chaos and disorder are me.
XOXOXO distraught, distressed and dis-evil Palpy
Diary Entry 219
Another message has arrived from the rebels, but this time it's on paper. Written with a….pen? Well they must be in deep nerf poo if they're stuck with using those primitive forms of communication! I scanned the letter so you could read it for yourself… it is as follows.
Rebel Base
Hoth
The Galaxy
The Universe
BT73 3GP
Dear Palpy,
We just thought you ought to know that we here at the rebel base all find your mother to be a most engaging and useful asset. You should not have let her wander so freely about your station. She may be aging but her eyes and her ears are in perfect condition and she was only to happy to inform 'her darling little sonny boys bestest friends' of all his evil schemes that he has not yet put into practice.
She also shared with us some of the photos that you had so valiantly protected up till now. Cute bonnet by the way. Nice frills….
Anyway, we posted these pictures on our website in an attempt to boost moral. It worked amazingly, and in a way it was a bad idea, because now ever time we hold a meeting no one can say the words 'emperor', 'Palpatine' or 'evil' with out the whole congregation bursting into fits of mirth.
One more thing before I go, (my hands are getting cold from all this snow which is landing on the page), your mother has been too kind to us and has offered not only to knit us clothing but also to knit us weapons. So thank you Mr Palpy. Thank you very much indeed.
Yours sincerely,
The Rebellion
IF ONLY I KNEW WHERE THEY WERE!
XOXOXO Palpy
A.N. This chapter is dedicated to our History Teacher, VinnyD, whose bad grammar, terrible maps, awful jokes and amazing stories have gotten us through many a History lesson for the past two years. Hope we have you next year too Vinny!
Strange, all the teachers hate our class but VinnyD insists that we're his favourite class!
Thorney: For Sabacc readers also- sorry we haven't updated in a while but with school, music exams, speaking exams, martial arts exams, normal exams, weekends that seem to be growing shorter and shorter, stock judging, rock and heavy metal concerts, the distance between our houses seeming to get bigger and bigger, camps, German exchanges, weird dreams, other fan fictions, other friends, birthdays, dentist appointments and saving the world certain destruction and doom, we haven't had a lot of time to spare! But now……IT'S THE SUMMER HOLIDAYS! So there is plenty of time!
Sweetdeath04: I second that! And now a note on Palpy's addictions. When I was in Germany I met people that were addicted to Ice Tea, Kinder bars and Lego Star Wars. And at the minute I'm addicted to a crazy game called The Curse of Monkey Island! (ask Thorney!)
Thorney: What kind of people did you stay with in Germany! It's a kid's game! (But it's actually hilarious but don't tell Sweetdeath04 that I said that or she'll never let me live it down.) I'm far to mature for that!
Sweetdeath04: MAHAHAHA! I've converted her! And the people I stayed with in Germany were perfectly sane. It was the Northern Irish people who were crazy!
Both: Anyway, that's all folks! HAHAHA!
Thorney: Random fact- the guy that created the Loony Toons has 'That's all folks!' written on his grave stone! Seriously!
Thorney and Sweetdeath04