She was lonely. Her pride had subsided enough to admit that. And as much as she loved her family, there was only so much 'Carlin Family Time' that she could stomach. Her whole weekend had been Ashley-free so far. It didn't stop her mind from wandering Saturday evening though, while she was curled up on the living room couch.

Spencer wrapped her arms around her middle as she sat there, half lying down in her pajamas. The house was so quiet save for the television. The cars were gone, along with her brothers. Even Clay had another date. She was alone in the house with her parents. No escape.

The television was boring holes into her eyes but she couldn't look away. Real World marathon on MTV. Spencer remembered her first afternoon with Ashley.

They are not the only choice…

A touch. A look. Ashley's hand sliding over hers for that moment. It clicked and sent a thrill through her. Of course it was wrong. That flip in her stomach wasn't from Ashley. It couldn't be. That flutter in her stomach was the darker reminder that it was something that she should never feel.

She saw the smirk Ashley had on her face when she pulled her hand back. Another wrong tremor running through her body that Spencer covered up by clearing her throat oh-so-unsubtly, focusing on the television.

"Los Angeles is too dramatic…" She said the familiar phrase to herself, sighing and shifting her position on the couch.

"I thought this year was Austin?" Arthur rounded the corner and leaned on the back of the couch, looking down at her. Spencer continued to stare at the screen. The flashes of lights and colors, montages of these people's lives, the music thumping right into her brain.

"Are you okay, honey?"

"I'm fine."

"I haven't seen or heard about Ashley all weekend. Are things alright between you guys?"

Spencer just wanted to melt into the couch and never be noticed. No, she just didn't want her feelings to be noticed. She didn't want anyone to see the flinch every time someone said the brunette's name.

"Maybe it's a good thing that Ashley hasn't been around." Spencer's brow furrowed at the sound of her mother's hinting voice coming out of nowhere, but she refused to look away from the screen.

"Mom..." Spencer carried a tone of aggravation and pleading in her voice. Not tonight. Just not right now. Any other time. When there's not a fracture on the inside.

"I'm just saying-"

"Don't…Please?"

Arthur leaned down and kissed the top of Spencer's head and gently squeezed her shoulder. "Actually, I miss hearing you two laughing and talking around the house. It'll be fine, sweetheart."

She couldn't help but smile when he began to walk away despite her mother's noise of exasperation as she left the room. Her smile slid off the blonde's face a moment later as her phone began vibrating from a message. Looking at the screen she saw Ashley's name.

"can we talk?"

Spencer paused. Anything was better than this. Plus, she couldn't very well turn the girl away without having to explain to her parents. Well. Spencer grimaced when she thought of the joy it could possibly bring to her mother at turning Ashley away. She took a quick glance around her before typing back. Less than a minute later, despite herself, a grin lit her face while she read Ashley's response.

"i'll be there in 5mins"

Spencer shut off the television and began pacing around the room, suddenly anxious, fingers wringing together. The blonde forced herself to slow down when she saw a set of headlights pull into the driveway.

She slowly opened the front door and stepped outside into the cool evening, shutting the door behind her. Her thumbs hooked into her pajama pants at her hips to stop her hands from showing her unease. Spencer waited like this while Ashley stepped out of the car and slowly made her way over.

What was she going to say? What could make things better? What would finally get them to--No.

One step at a time.