The Echo
Chapter 11: A Moment to Deliberate

My hair flowed freely in the breeze, and Baralai couldn't seem to stop touching it. My hands had wandered of their own accord around his neck; he had one arm around my waist, the other buried in my mass of hair as he kissed me, gently. His entire manner radiated that same gentleness, a soft tenderness that had me mesmerized.

I clung to him in abandon, kissing him softly, so very uncertain. I hadn't realized how much I'd needed the contact, how much I'd needed someone to hold me, until now. I heard only the sound of the breeze and the water, felt only his touch. We were standing near the railing now, and I leaned back against it as he pulled away to take a breath. I rested my head on his shoulder, unsure of what to think, but strangely calm. "Baralai…" I murmured, staring off at the city lights.

He hugged me tightly. I continued to gaze out over the city, over the bay for a few long moments. His fingers were entangled in my hair. I looked up at him and he immediately caught my lips again. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, lost in my need for contact.

I pulled back once more, staring up at him without a thought. He smiled and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "You shine brighter than the city in my eyes, Rikku." I glanced out at the lights once more, before giving off a small blush. He only smiled and reached down, plucking me from the ground and carrying me back toward the doorway to my room.

I giggled softly, keeping my arms around his neck for more support. He crossed the large area, holding me steady in his surprisingly strong arms all the while. Gently, he set me down on the bed and sat next to me, pulling all my hair over one shoulder as he kissed my neck. His hands wandered to the front of the Bevellian style robe I'd been wearing to keep warm, and he unfastened the ties, pulling it off my shoulders, discarding it. I pulled back, my own hands wandering down his chest, searching for the ties to his own robe. I longed to remember the feeling of smooth skin against my own.

I pulled his heavy robe from his shoulders and placed it close to mine, before looking at him once more. His silver hair gleamed in the dim light of the room, as he moved closer to me and kissed me once more, pushing me down on the bed heatedly. As he covered my body with his own, I pulled him closer, desperate to feel wanted once again.

I woke slowly, the light of early morning seeping through the open balcony door, accompanying the cool breeze that was blowing through Bevelle. Blinking into the bright light of dawn, I took a deep breath and contemplated pulling the sheets closer around my body. With a sigh, I shifted slightly, unwilling to move, but unwilling to live with the cool air that was seeping in from the doorway.

I started slightly when I felt Baralai's arm tighten itself around my waist, before I recalled the night before. I flushed slightly, and very gently reached below the sheets to pry his arm from my waist. His grip only tightened, and in his sleeping state, he nuzzled my neck, getting closer and more comfortable than he'd been only moments before.

I relaxed in his grip, not shrinking away from it, but not warming to it, either. He slept soundly as he lightly caressed my abdomen. I looked out over the bay, watching dolphins jump in the distance. Long moments passed in which I simply stared at the bright blue water.

But then I began to think. To think about a shocking fuzz of white blonde hair, about bright and innocent aqua eyes. To think about how much I'd missed having that little girl in my arms. To think about that strange and overwhelming love that had passed over me in waves when I'd first woken.

I remembered the overjoyed kisses he'd planted on my fingers when I'd opened my eyes, when I'd finally come to. The tears that had rolled down his cheeks, and his quiet, painful sobbing, suppressed as he tried to hold his feelings back. The strength that he tried to show, despite the fact that I knew he was just as fragile as I was. The look on his face as he watched me hold our daughter, and as he watched us sail away.

Baralai pulled me closer.

I remembered how gentle he was with me when we'd first made love. I remembered his smile when I agreed to return to Djose with him back when I'd been working on Bikanel Island, how he'd acted so certain of himself without bothering to hide the fact that he was happy about it. I remembered the stories that Yuna had told me about her meetings with him, his depressed, distracted, and worried state. I remembered him holding me in the window seat on the day my pregnancy was confirmed, and I remember practically bursting with an urge to tell him.

I felt warm breath on my shoulder as Baralai began to shift behind me. "Rikku…"

For a moment, looking around the room, everything appeared as if behind a screen. And then it hit me. Everything about the previous evening had been too perfect. I didn't want perfect. I wanted the little things that made life interesting, the big yawns that made my heart melt with love. I wanted that special feeling I got when he held my hand, the butterflies that fluttered in my stomach when he kissed me, the uncertainty of not knowing what was going to happen next. I didn't want Baralai. I wanted Telan. I wanted Gippal.

A hot tear slid down my cheek. What am I doing here? Baralai was stirring behind me, planting a kiss on my bare shoulder as I tensed and pulled the sheets closer around my chest. "Hey…" he whispered, gently rolling me onto my back. The tears that were slowly trailing down my face seemed to startle him out of his groggy state. Quickly, he sat up, the sheets falling to reveal lightly tanned torso. I sat up as well, looking away as I wrapped myself in the sheet.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly, trying to hold my sudden onset of tears back.

"Rikku… hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" His eyes were concerned as he gently gripped my shoulders, pulling me closer. "Did I hurt you?" I shook my head, biting my lip. "Then what is it?"

"I can't do this, Baralai…" I said quietly. "I just can't." I felt so vulnerable, sitting there with nothing but a sheet on, tears streaming down my face.

"Rikku…" he began, quiet as he stroked my hair. I couldn't stop my tears from flowing, and I was tired of trying. And so I let them go, staring down at the perfect white bed covers as I began to sob. "Hey, it's okay…" he whispered, pulling me into his lap, holding me tightly. I quivered in his embrace, grateful for the contact, but oh so scared of it.

"I want my baby, Baralai… I miss her. I shouldn't have left her, I should have stayed! She's already had to live a week and a half of her life without me, I should've stayed…" He gently kneaded at my back in an effort to comfort me. Gippal had done that, after I'd come in from a long day of work… I began to sob even harder.

"Of course you miss her, Rikku, she's your daughter." He was frowning. I shook my head.

"Exactly… she's my daughter and I left her. I just left her." I buried my face in his shoulder, my tears staining his skin. He continued to stroke my hair comfortingly, not saying anything.

For a long moment, I let him hold me. When I spoke up again, my voice was slightly under control, and my tears were slowing. I knew what I needed to do now, and that was what I'd left Djose to figure out. "Baralai… I need to go back…"

He pulled away from me quickly, looking me in the eyes. "Why?"

"… because I love him."

His face fell as I looked at him. He gripped my shoulders lightly, and looked into my eyes once more. "He doesn't deserve you, Rikku…"

I bit my lip and looked away. "I feel horrible for doing this to him, Baralai."

"He did it to you."

I watched him for a moment, before nodding. "He did. But I'm not him. I love him, and I can't just ignore it. It's making my heart ache, being away from him and Telan… I need to find a way to make it work."

After a long moment of staring at me, Baralai looked at the bay, as I'd done earlier, looking distracted. "I can't say I wasn't expecting it," he said, in his light tone.

"I'm sorry."

We were both quiet for a long while, before he leaned down, giving me a quick kiss before pulling away. "It's alright. I understand." He hugged me tightly before moving to the edge of the bed, reaching for his clothing that lay scattered on the floor. I averted my gaze as he silently dressed and made his way toward the door.

"Baralai?" I asked, softly, looking at him from my spot on the bed. He stopped and looked at me, waiting patiently. "Thank you."

With a small nod, he grinned at me. "Thank you, too."

"Friends?"

"Always. I'll be here if you ever need anything." And with that, he left the room, shutting the door softly behind him. I gazed out the doorway once more, my eyes shining as bright as the open water before me.

I stood near the cliffs that overlooked the rest of Spira, looking toward that little line on the horizon that was the Moonflow. It was so far away from where I was, but I could still see it. For me, that was the important thing. I hadn't lost sight of it. I could still see it.

Behind me, I could see the towering peak of Mount Gagazet, the mark of the Fayth Scar on the mountain. The clouds and storms had cleared over the mountain, though the cool temperatures preserved the ice and snow. The old ruins at the very top could now be seen if you knew where to look. I smiled as I remembered our first mission there. It seemed like so long ago… but it wasn't, really. No more than a year had passed since that day. My gaze returned to the Moonflow.

I'd left Bevelle, quietly, unnoticeably. Baralai was probably the only person who had even realized I was there. I was grateful for that. I was grateful that he'd helped me to figure out what I wanted and needed, that he'd been selfless enough to let me go. He'd understood the reasons behind all my actions. And I understood the reasons for all of his. Still, I was happy to be gone. I couldn't see the Moonflow in Bevelle. But in the Calm Lands, it was just there, near the place where the sun rose.

Every now and then, in the hills that were barely visible beyond the Moonflow, I imagined that I could see the flickering lightning that swirled around Ixion's holy place. I could see it in my mind's eye, I knew where it was, and I longed for it.

The light breeze that ran through the valley grew stronger as a roar of engine filled the air above me. I looked up at the Celsius as it landed in the grassland, not far from where I stood. I must have been distracted to have missed its approach, but I didn't care. Never before had I been more grateful to see the ship.

The ramp lowered, a mechanical sound that seemed to be out of place in this valley that had seen the end of so many Sins. Brother walked down it and walked towards me. I waited for him, quietly.

"You're going back, then? Just like that?" he asked when he reached me.

I nodded. "Just like that. I need to clean up my messes. And it's always easier to start with the hardest ones to clean, you know? Because then the smaller ones are a little easier to pull together."

He nodded, following my gaze. "I understand. I'm just shocked, that's all. You aren't one to make a decision."

"That needs to change, I think."

He scanned the horizon. "The Moonflow looks so tiny, from here."

"Yeah." I sighed heavily, closing my eyes as the wind whirled around me. Then, my brother's arm tightened around my shoulder, and he pulled me away from the scenery in the distance.

"Come on. Let's get you back to where you need to be…"

As I wandered the familiar hallways of Djose temple, I carefully controlled the happiness that I was feeling at being back. Most of the workers had already gone home for the day, and the halls were uncharacteristically bare as I walked through them. Up the stairs I went, glancing at the hallway leading to the Chamber of the Fayth as I passed it. Gippal's office was secluded, just around the corner.

The doorway was in front of me before I knew it, and I knocked softly, waiting for an answer. When I didn't get one, I pushed the door open, hesitant. The room was quiet, no different than it had been the last time I'd been inside. Only a few subtle changes were noticeable: more pictures frames and a tiny blue sphere lined the desk, more papers were stacked upon it, and a little playpen sat behind it, near the chair.

I could just see Telan's little face, as she slept soundly within the playpen. I was quiet as I walked over, as I reached down and gently picked her up. I smoothed her blond hair and planted a soft kiss on her forehead, holding her close to me as I turned around. A smile lined my lips when I saw the pictures on the desk. Most were of Telan, of course, but there was one of the three of us before we'd left the hospital, and one of Gippal and I. Before everything else had come into play.

I realized that Yuna had been right when she'd told me that Gippal had changed. I'd never known him to keep personal effects in the workplace. Only people who were happiest at home surrounded themselves with mementoes of home at work. The picture of he and I had once been the only thing in the office that had suggested that he had a life other than the Faction. There was more than that, now. Yes, there was that old picture… but there were new ones, as well.

Slowly, I walked to the comfortable couch that had always been sitting in the very same spot, the couch that had a heavy blanket draped over the back, a hidden pillow behind it, the couch that I'd found Gippal sprawled upon many a time when work had kept him from making the short trip downstairs to his bedroom. I sat, pulling the pillow from the hiding spot, using it as an arm support as I curled up on the tiny couch with my daughter. I held her tiny hand in mine, amazed that she was still so small.

The door opened slowly, quietly, and I looked up. Gippal had walked inside, shut the door behind him, and was rubbing his head, his eyes closed. "Are you alright?" I asked, quiet so as not to disturb the baby.

Gippal's eyes opened in a flash, instantly alert as he looked at me. At first, he looked confused, but then relief flooded his face. "Rikku… you came back..." His voice was so quiet, it was almost a whisper.

"Gippal… I slept with Baralai."

Thanks for reading! Yay, she's back in Djose! Yay! Um… so I thought Baralai was hot. Jen thought Baralai was hot. It makes me happy. But Gippy definitely wins. So, don't worry all. Not gonna end with Rikku and Baralai, I promise. Keep on readin'! Thanks FairyIce for beta!

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