Disclaimer: We don't own Star Wars or The Wizard of Oz (there are a few references. See if you can spot them!).
Diary Entry 1- New
So many records have been written before this one, but up until now they have been deleted by the Wompa Flu Virus.
So much time has past and so many things have happened. To summarise, I am a genius! I told Vader Hoth was a good idea! The Rebels are there! We've found them at last!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 2- New
Battle is about to commence! I've got popcorn, chocolate buttons and my favourite high-in-sugar drink sitting beside my giant holo-screen. This should be quite a movie!
Anyway, Ozzel- nice chap. Agreed with me on everything- came out of lightspeed a bit too early… so Vader choked him. It's so much hassle, filling out the paperwork- making sure his family don't sue and all that.
AH! The battle's about to begin!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 3- New
WAIT! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THEY'RE ESCAPING! GET AFTER THEM! THIS IS A DISASTER!
ALL THE REBELS ARE GETTING AWAY AND MY IMPERIAL WALKERS ARE FALLING LIKE FLYS!
One was taken down by a snow speeder; tow cable around its legs. One just seemed to blow up! This is terrible!
OH WAIT! That's GOOD! That's REALLY GOOD!
Goodbye Rebel Scum! Your base is destroyed!
TAKE THAT!
XOXOXO Delighted Palpy
Diary Entry 4- New
How is this possible? A hunk of junk managed to get through my blockade? NOT FAIR!
I looked up some records for it and the only ship that matches its description is called the Millennium Falcon and can be classified as the fastest ship in the galaxy!
Humph! I want it! NOW! I must contact Vader!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 5- New
I'm sure that I thought of it before. Maybe it slipped my mind and that's why I didn't tell Vader…
He suggested that we attempt to turn his son to our side!
Obviously! We will use his friends in the Millennium Falcon to draw him to wherever we are! Then… POW! BANG! SQUISH! He'll be here and ready to learn before you can say Wompa Flu!
In other news-
Something very strange happened today. I was walking, normally, down a corridor of my Star Destroyer, when my foot went straight through the floor! It took five troopers to get me out! When we examined the wood we saw it had been… eaten away! Maybe we haven't been feeding the Stormtroopers enough.
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 6- New
Vader is insistent that we hire Bounty Hunters to track the Millennium Falcon. I must agree! It means that we can get on with more important things… such as finding efficient Pest Exterminators!
It's so unfair! These beasts have eaten away at my bed! It collapsed.
You'd think that the Emperor of the Galaxy would get a bit of respect! But nooo… the Stormtroopers need their beds so that they can rest up to fight and Vader has a special medical bunk with extremely uncomfortable breathing apparatus attached- so I'm reduced to a sleeping bag that's full of holes!
These 'beasts' are either mouse droids gone rogue or termites. I'm betting on the mouse droids!
XOXOXO Palp- AHHH! IT'S CHEWING MY TOES! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!
Diary Entry 7- New
I knew it! I told you I suspected termites! Apparently, they've been here for weeks, chewing away at the power cables, without anyone knowing. Well, we'll see about this!
I wonder if we could hire a bounty hunter to exterminate them… a disintegration blast here, another one there… Bob's your uncle, your aunt is Lizzy, I have my ship back, and I'm out of this tizzy!
I've decided Poetry is my thing!
Roses are red; violets are… hmm… that's a tough one…
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 8- New
Yellow! Violets are yellow!
I have decided that I must write a ballad of love to my wonderful Mara!
Vader has sent messages to 5 of the best bounty hunters. One, Boba Fett, disintegrated the man we sent him to kill the first time we hired him. I might ask him to sort out our termite problem. Perhaps I could bribe him with chocolate buttons!
However, I am appalled at the clarity of some of the officer's speeches while they're insulting the Rebels! They just don't have enough feeling and disgust in their tones! It's "Rebel SCUM"! Lots of emphasis! They must be taught that Rebels in my wonderful empire are nothing more than… well, scum!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 9- New
Mwahahaha! I think an evil laugh is long overdue…
My ballad is done!
Mara, Oh Mara, sweet as a Gundark's breath.
Mostly hair, shiny as dead fish scales; eyes as dark as death.
My redhead, brunette, mostly blonde belle,
Smells like mother's cooking, she'll give the rebels hell!
Nice an' hollow from feet to head,
Teeth yellow as the twinkling stars, I will love you till you're dead!
Palpy
What do ya think?
It's only a first draft!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 10- New
I asked a random Stormtrooper what he thought of my ballad. He read it and I don't know whether he fainted in fright of by withholding laughter.
Vader offered to choke the guy- but then he read it too. He wasn't very impressed- I could tell! He was thinking it!
The Bounty Hunters are coming tomorrow so it might be a good idea to reinforce the docking bay before all hell breaks loose. If one of them gets a clue where the Millennium Falcon is, it'll cause all kinds of chaos, damage and destruction! Gun fights in the toilets again, I'm sure! Bossk must control that temper of his!
I'll really have to ask Fett about that Pest Control thing. I wonder how many chocolate buttons he'll want as payment… I'll just have the staff at my factory working overtime, just in case it's a lot more than we expected!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 11- New
Yahoo! The termites are dead!
Hey ho, the termites are dead!
Which old termites?
The Wicked Termites!
Hey ho, the Wicked Termites are dead!
Maybe I ought to send that poem to Mara…
Anyway, Boba Fett did the job but he insisted on being paid in real credits! Not even chocolate credits! And apparently he doesn't like chocolate buttons! Says he's more of a gummy bear man!
He used all sorts of different methods, but he got them all. Now the only problem is that there are thousands of tiny corpses everywhere!
Snort Bounty Hunters! Never clean up after themselves!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 12- New
I don't believe it! The cleaning droids are demanding a pay rise! They're droids! They're the inferior race! They don't even breathe!
Well, actually, they're demanding pay. I never gave them credits before! They're currently on strike and leaving the rotting bodies of the termites to carpet the ship!
Not to mention-
GREAT LORD OF THE SITH! WE'VE FOUND THE MILLENNIUM FALCON!
XOXOXO Hyperactive Palpy
Diary Entry 13- New
I. HATE. ASTEROIDS.
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 14- New
Sniff We've lost it! It's not fair! I want that ship! It's gone! So are the majority of my TIE Fighters!
The Bounty Hunters are still searching even though it's probable that the Millennium Falcon is gone for good! Destroyed! A hunk of junk!
Well, Vader disagrees but he's always wrong! He says that it's still in the Asteroid Belt! Pah!
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 15-New
I'm sulking in my chambers. Life sucks. It really does…NO don't try to talk me out of it! Apparently being the overlord of an entire galaxy is not enough for someone of my ambition. I must have that ship otherwise I am useless. Also Mara. That would be good to.
I'm in a sad and vulnerable state today, yet I have no one to talk to. I don't think I'll ever be happy again.
XOXOXO Palpy
Diary Entry 16- New
I'M SO HAPPY! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
Yes! That's right! We have found the Millennium Falcon!
Well, actually, Boba Fett has and he's asking for a lot of credits! I offered him gummy bears but he prefers credits.
He also wants the Captain of the Millennium Falcon, Han Solo, for a bounty. Jabba the Hutt is paying good credits for this guy.
But that's his fate, not mine! I HAVE THE MILLENNIUM FALCON IN MY POSESSION AT LAST!
Or I will have by the end of the day!
XOXOXO Delighted Palpy
A.N. Hello! It's the winter break and we're back!
Eruption of cheers from audience
Thank you, thank you! We'll be signing autographs after the show and we'll be here all day!
(You can buy official Sweetdeath04 and Thorney Merchandise from your nearest chain store. Batteries are not included.)
Thorney: On a more serious note, we are back and we're ready to rock 'n' roll.
Sweetdeath04: And while we're at it, we had a beta reader for this chapter. MistyRiver took up residence at our 'headquarters' while this was being typed up and she made it readable! As well as typing a little herself!
Thanks for the reviews! Keep R&R!
Sweetdeath04 and Thorney