The Echo
Chapter 12: Again

Was I dreaming, or was it her? Why were all the feelings that had rushed through me when she'd woken up resurfacing? I couldn't figure out the answer, and those few seconds felt like an eternity. And then it all went crashing down.

"Gippal… I slept with Baralai." Her voice was quiet, serious… something else was there, but I couldn't place it. My mind went numb.

"W-what?" I stared at her, silently, unable to think. This was a sick joke. A lie. Something to get me fired up before she ran into my arms and let me hold her and never let her go. Something false… or… was it true?

"I slept with Baralai." I stared at her in silence for a long period of time. She looked at the ground, her pallor paling. "And… well, I… I thought you should know."

I laughed a bit, though no humor or joy reached the sound. It was empty. "Stop playin' with me, Rikku."

"I'm not."

"You didn't sleep with him. He's my best friend, you wouldn't do that." I watched her again, as her gaze left the floor, met my own.

"I did. And I wanted to tell you."

"You what?" I hissed. She shrunk back into the couch, holding onto our baby.

"I… I wanted to tell-"

"Tell me? Tell me what, Rikku? That you slept with my friend to get back at me for sleeping with yours?"

"No, Gippal! It's not like that!"

"Sure it isn't." I averted my gaze from her, looking towards my desk, toward the picture of the two of us. A powerful rage overtook me, and I picked the picture up, hurling it at the wall. Rikku's eyes were slightly fearful, and I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm myself. Then, I stormed out of my office, turning my back on her. Something I'd never done.

I turned the corner angrily, slamming a fist against the hard stone wall. A stinging pain immediately ran up and down my arm, but I ignored it. I heard the door of my office open, heard quiet, cautious footsteps ring out through the hallway. I ignored them, too.

"Gippal…"

"Get away from me, Rikku." I glared at her as I leaned back against the wall, my hand throbbing. I looked down at it distractedly, my eyes stinging as even more pain ran through my arm. I was bleeding… it was swelling. I ignored it.

"Your hand… what did you do? Punch something?"

"The wall. Wouldn't you? No, no, that's right. You threw a vase at my head. Now I remember…" I began to pace the hall, taking care to keep my arm still.

"…I'm sorry." Her voice was quiet, but it echoed through the halls. I looked at her blankly for a moment, trying to push my anger back.

"You know what? Usually, I'd believe that. But… I can't just take it, anymore. So hurry up, do what you came to do. Don't hurt me even more, damnit, because I'm tired of you stepping all over me like this!"

"What do you mean? Do what I came to do? I came to tell you, Gippal, to apologize." I took a few slow steps toward her, and she backed away fearfully.

"To apologize. I see. You slept with Baralai. And you came to tell me. And let me guess, to apologize for taking Telan with you when you leave me again to go back to him?"

Her face fell, and tears began to form in her eyes. "Wha- no! No, Gippal, how could you-"

"-think that? Because. That's what you do. You leave. You always leave. And I'm finished."

She stopped cold in her tracks and stared at me, stunned.

"I'm done with you and your games. I'm tired of loving you when all I get from you is a whole lot of nothing. Love is supposed to hurt a little. But not this much, Rikku. I've done nothing to deserve this." I was shaking now, the pain in my arm and the rage only fueling it. "But let you know one thing. You will not take her away from me again. She's all I've got, without you. And I don't have you anymore, Rikku, I think that's the only thing about you that I can depend on."

Silent tears were running down her cheeks as I walked away. I ignored them.

My anger had calmed with the effects of the painkillers the Faction doctor had given me. I scowled as I made my way back to my office, trying not to acknowledge the splint that encased my wrist and hand. I'd been stupid to hit the wall. It was hard.

The door was slightly open when I reached it. I quietly pushed inside, looking to where Rikku lay curled forlornly on the couch, wrapped in one of my blankets, her head resting on the pillow I kept hidden. Her cheeks stained with tear trails.

I'd been expecting her to have left already. I'd expected to have to go after her to get Telan back. But there she was, curled up on my office couch, sleeping as tears not yet dry trailed down her cheeks.

I watched her for a long while before I noticed that she held a broken picture frame against her chest. Taking Telan from the playpen, draping her over my shoulder with much difficulty, I knelt next to Rikku and nudged her.

She was alert quickly, sitting up and pushing the blanket down. "I'm here… I… Gippal…."

I stood and nodded toward the door. "Come with me. You won't get much rest on that couch. You've got a big day tomorrow, traveling again and all."

She sat up and stood slowly, looking me in the eyes. Fresh tears were forming as she looked at me, as she clung to the picture frame in her arms. "I'm not going anywhere."

I walked down the stairs and took some halls to the back of the temple, Rikku following me. Neither of us spoke, to keep Telan asleep. It worked out well. I didn't necessarily feel like talking to her, at the moment.

I kept Telan covered with her blanket as we walked through the rain toward my little house. I didn't mind getting wet, personally. I kept my splint under Telan's blanket as well, just in case. Rikku's light sweater did nothing to keep out the rain, and her hair was dripping wet by the time we reached the gate. I didn't care. Or at least, I didn't show her that I cared.

Her bags were sitting by the front door. I assumed that Brother had dropped them off there. Normally, I would've picked them up like the gentleman I sometimes tried to be, but I didn't bother. I simply opened the door and walked inside, leaving Rikku in the doorway.

I stood in the living room, rocking Telan back and forth as I waited. Rikku entered the room slowly, dropping her bags at the end of the entryway. "Why are you doing this?" she asked, quietly.

"Doing what?" I responded, quiet as she was. She took a few steps into the room, and then stopped, looking at the floor and back toward her bags.

"Letting me into your home." Suddenly, the earlier rage I'd felt subsided completely. She was shivering, wet, and even though I was still angry at her, I couldn't help but feel something for her.

I looked down at Telan, who was resting quietly. It was a shock to see her calm for so long. "I'll be right back…" I said quietly, before walking off down the hall. I went into my room and placed her in the crib, covering her with a warm blanket. With a sigh, I stared down at her for a moment.

I was mad. I'd been right when I said that I didn't deserve this. I had a right to be mad. But maybe, just maybe… she'd come back for a reason. Not to take Telan away, not to leave me… but simply to come back. I had to give her a chance, even if I couldn't forgive her. She'd given me a chance, in a way, as well. But more than any of that, Telan deserved a chance. I'd do anything for my baby. And I was going to try, for her, to do the right thing.

I walked back into the living room. Rikku still stood in the entryway, shivering slightly. I quietly crossed the main room and stood next to her, holding out the soft towel I'd taken from the linen cabinet. A large sweatshirt hung over my arm as well. "Hey… you should take off that sweater and warm up. It's cold outside. You're still not completely recovered from the coma and all…"

She looked up at me, a shocked look in her eyes. Distantly, she removed her sweater. I handed her my baggy sweatshirt and the towel. She patted her hair dry before moving out of the entryway. "…thank you."

I watched as she looked around, continually patting her hair with the towel. I felt a little awkward, pushing my anger at her away. I cleared my throat and pointed hesitantly. "I… I uh… got a new couch… the other day."

She looked over at it and regarded it coolly, letting the towel fall over her shoulders. "Why?"

"The old one was ugly."

A small grin crossed her features, and I grinned a little, too. Of course I couldn't tell her the real reason. But she knew why. I could tell.

"Good reason for it to go."

"Yeah."

We were quiet for a few more moments, staring blankly at the couch, at the floor, at the unadorned walls. Then, she looked over at me hesitantly. "You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"Why are you letting me into your home? After all that I've done… why?" Her eyes were sad, as if she didn't really want me to answer. But… I wanted to. Sort of.

"…it's not home, yet, really." Not without you. "But I'm working on it."

She stared at me questioningly. "That didn't answer my-"

"Just… come here." I walked off down the hall, and pushed open the door to the kitchen. Rikku followed me inside.

"All I have in here that means anything are the dishes and the liquor bottles. And they really don't mean much. There's nothing on the walls… and until you left Telan with me, nothing inside the walls, really."

"Where are you going with this?"

I left the kitchen, Rikku still trailing me, and walked down the hall, opening another door. I walked into the room. Two stairs led down to the inside. The walls were a pale yellow color, still glistening as if wet. A white crib sat in the middle of the far wall, a lavender bedding set inside it. Light lavender curtains hung at the window, a white rocking chair sat in the corner. A little changing table rested against another wall, as did a dresser. A large teddy bear sat on the floor next to the rocking chair, and the crib had a tiny stuffed chocobo inside. The room was simple. I'd liked it that way. I looked over at Rikku, waiting for her reaction.

She didn't do anything for the first few seconds, but when she looked around, I could see a strange emotion in her eyes. She walked down the two small steps, peering into the crib, and out the window. She picked up the teddy bear in the corner and pressed her face into it, before looking back at me. I walked over to her and removed the bear from her hands, setting it back down on the ground. "It's not home yet because it's just been me. And nowhere is home for me unless you and Telan are with me." I looked around at the room, which I was rather proud of despite its lack of completeness. "It's still not home, Rikku, but… I'm working on it. I think it's about time that you work on it, too, don't you?"

She nodded, with a heavy sigh, and looked up at me again, her eyes teary once more. "It's perfect."

I shrugged. "No, it needs a mother's touch to be perfect. I just did all the put together dirty stuff, and I bought a few stuffed animals." I looked at the ground. Suddenly, I felt a dull pain as my broken wrist was jostled. Rikku's face was buried in my chest, her arms tight around my neck.

I stood there, straight as a rail, uncertain of what to do. Vaguely, I noticed that the top of her head only reached my chin, noticed that her molten gold plait was still damp. I felt her hot tears as they rolled off her cheeks and onto my skin. Normally, I would rush to comfort her, but now… I wasn't so sure I wanted to.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry for everything. I never… I shouldn't have done this to you. You've done nothing but love me, and you didn't deserve this."

It felt good to hear her say that. "No, I didn't."

"I was stupid to leave in the first place. I shouldn't have left her with you, either, I should have stayed and dealt with it. I should have believed you."

"You're right, but you didn't. You can't change that now."

"And I never should have let him kiss me. I never should have just gone with it… just because I wanted to feel loved. That's the only reason I did it, Gippal. I wasn't even thinking!" Her eyes were pleading, begging for forgiveness. Forgiveness that I couldn't readily give. "I should have stopped it."

"But you didn't. You didn't think." I was shocked at the mix of anger and sadness in my voice. "If you'd thought about it, really thought, you would have realized that I never stopped loving you. If you love me as much as I thought you did… why would you need Baralai to make you feel it?"

She looked me in the eye for a few long moments, before shaking her head. "You shouldn't have slept with her."

"You shouldn't have slept with him."

"I didn't know what I was doing, Gippal. I didn't plan it."

"Neither did I!"

She pulled her hands from around my neck, and I winced as she bumped my arm once again. "I don't think you realize just how much you've torn me apart." Her voice was hushed.

Mine wasn't. "Me! Torn you apart? You've ripped my heart to shreds, Rikku, repeatedly!"

"You've hurt me just as badly!"

"She was an accident! What the hell, Rikku, are you expecting me to bend over backwards to get you to understand that?" I yelled loudly, forgetting the calm I'd tried to establish.

"I'm not talking about her, anymore!" she yelled back, her damp hair falling to cover her eyes. Locked in a heated stare, I could feel the tension between us rising once more. Her voice was almost a whisper when she spoke next. "E mavd oui palyica E muja oui. Fro ec ed cu rynt vun oui du caa?"

That puzzled me. "What do you mean? That makes no sense."

"Yes, it does. If you thought, really thought, about it, you'd understand. But you haven't really thought about it, have you?" Suddenly, a quiet cry echoed into the room. Rikku glanced at the door and then swiftly exited the room to comfort our daughter.

I stared after her for a moment, before sinking down into the rocking chair and staring out at the rain.

When I went back into the living room, Rikku was curled in the corner of the couch, looking lovingly down at Telan as she drank her bottle. I stood in the doorway for a while before walking out and sitting opposite them.

She didn't acknowledge me as I sat down. She just kept looking at Telan. I remembered the first time she'd held her, in Luca. She'd been just as transfixed, then. I realized that Rikku must have missed her, just as much as I'd missed her while she was gone.

"Rikku? You can stay in my room, okay? There's a crib in there, too. I don't like to leave her by herself in her room at night, so…"

She blinked up at me, her green eyes impassive. "No… that's alright. I'll sleep on the couch."

"No, really, take my room. I don't mind sleeping out here."

Returning her gaze to Telan, she shook her head. "I'll sleep on the couch, alright?"

She always was stubborn… I nodded and walked back down the hall, grabbing (with some difficulty, due to my wrist) a bundle of warm and heavy blankets. I dropped them onto the arm chair near the couch, and kneeled in front of Rikku and Telan.

I let my good hand rest on her knee, and she glanced up at me, startled. "Yeah?" she asked, her muscles tense.

I looked up at her, staring into her eyes, which held guilt and pain within their depths. I knew my own held the same. She relaxed after a few seconds, and reached down slowly. As her fingertips brushed my cheek, I shivered. I'd been longing for her gentle touch since I'd been reintroduced to it in Luca. Even in my current state of anger, I longed for it. I felt the rough cloth of my eye patch slip off my face, and I blinked furiously at the sting of the unexpected light.

"Don't wear it unless you're working, okay? It's bad for you." Her voice was gentle, despite the small bit of frustration I heard in it. I nodded as she hastily removed her fingertips from where they'd been resting near my hairline and looked away.

"I'm sorry, Rikki…" I whispered softly, meeting her gaze once more.

She nodded softly and held the gaze steady. "I'm sorry, too."

I lightly kissed Telan's forehead and straightened, tossing the forgotten eye patch onto the bare coffee table. "I'll see you in the morning, then?" I asked tentatively.

"I'll be here." She was quiet, and I nodded and walked back down the hall to my bedroom. I tossed my shirt into the hamper and changed into a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and tossed my work pants into the hamper as well, before climbing into bed, exhausted.

Despite how tired I was, I couldn't sleep. Two hours after my head hit the pillow, I stopped tracing patterns on the ceiling and sat up, looking at the door. Quietly, I left my room and crept down the hallway, peering at the couch in the living room. It was empty. Alarmed, I looked down the hall at Telan's room. The door was ajar.

I stepped inside, quietly, and looked toward the crib. Telan was sleeping soundly inside, her little hand grasping the chocobo doll's leg. Rikku was curled up on the floor beside the crib, her hand outstretched to one of the crib's legs. She was sleeping deeply. I sighed and made my way into the room, checking on Telan before reaching down to pick up her mother.

She was just as light as I remembered, something I considered disturbing in a woman only one month out of pregnancy. I carefully draped her legs over my bad arm, taking care to make sure she didn't get near the splint. Her hair slightly covered her face as she unconsciously placed her head on my shoulder. I quietly walked her back to my room, and set her down in the center of the bed.

She immediately rolled onto her side and pulled a pillow under her head. I smiled softly at her unconscious actions, and I sat next to her as she began to breathe more steadily. Brushing her hair away from her face, I gave her a small, gentle kiss on the forehead and covered her up. "'Night, Cid's girl…"

With that, I left the room, leaving the door ajar as I walked back to the baby's room to gather up the spare blankets and return to the couch.

Done, finally! Yes, my once a week deal is going to hold true, and will most likely take place on weekends. Thanks so much for all the reviews. I love this chapter, I hope you guys will, too. Thanks to FairyIce, who read this thing incessantly. See you soon!

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