The Echo
Chapter 14: Awkward

Awkward could not completely describe how I felt. Because, really, the word 'awkward' does not imply that there are any accompanying feelings along with the main one of … well, awkwardness. It doesn't include the anticipation, or uncertainty, or even that strangely excited but tentative butterfly in the stomach, but only that feeling of feeling awkward. And since I was feeling the anticipation, uncertainty, and that strangely excited but tentative butterfly in the stomach along with the awkward… no words to describe, it. Not one.

I stared up into his eyes as I pulled away, unsure of whether I should leave my arms around his neck, or if I should let go and allow him to straighten to his full height, or if I should pull him back, or if I should push him away. He was staring back at me, his hand hovering just above my hair, as if he wanted to pull it away… or put it right back where it had been moments before. I'd almost forgotten how breathless his kisses made me. Of course, he had kissed me in the hospital when I woke up and held our daughter for the first time, but it was a different kind of kiss. I'd been breathless, then, too, but… I was dizzy, now.

What had possessed me to grab him like that, to push myself into his arms and kiss him? Those few words about him being replaced by Baralai, I think. Gippal and Baralai were two different people. Gippal was the one that I'd chosen, long ago. And there was no way that he would ever be replaceable. It wasn't possible.

Finally, after long minutes of staring at one another, I felt his fingers brush through the loose hair at the nape of my neck, so gentle. I closed my eyes and leaned into his caress, unconsciously letting my arms slip from their place around his neck down to his chest. He sighed lightly as he ran his fingers through my hair. I loved his sighs.

He was quivering in my arms. I remembered how he'd shaken when he was crying, as I held him weakly back in Luca. This was much the same, but this time I didn't see any tears.

"Rikku…" he whispered softly, almost inaudibly. I met his eyes, which were shockingly filled with uncertainty. I hadn't seen that much uncertainty since the night we'd first made love, and my heart melted.

I trailed my thumb softly over his cheek, staring up at him. "You're shaking," I whispered, quiet as he was. He nodded incoherently and wandered to the couch, sitting heavily and staring off. I was cold without his warmth.

I'd been cold for a long time.

I watched him from where I stood, as he curled up in the corner of the couch. He stared up at me and shook his head. "I can't play games anymore, Rikki. I can't." His voice cracked, sounded so defeated and broken. I quickly sat next to him and took his hands, my heart aching in my chest.

"I know, Gippal… I know." Gently, tenderly, I squeezed his hands. His eyes were downcast, more defeated than his voice had been. My heart began to ache even worse.

Gippal looked up at me, that same uncertainty filling his gaze once more. I looked back at him, mirroring the feeling. All was quiet, save for the wind and rain outside, the occasional rumble of thunder. He pulled me closer, and I went without protest, letting my arms wrap about his torso as he rested his head on my shoulder. His fingers ran through my hair once more, and I closed my eyes, concentrating on nothing but the sound of the rain and… him.

I opened the door to the final workroom on the ground floor, and met a strange sight. Rikku sat on the floor, surrounded by shards of glass, soldering irons, bits of metal, glue, and Telan's little carry seat. I stood there silently, making sure not to alert her to my presence.

She carefully selected a piece of metal from the floor and set it onto another piece on the ground in front of her. With the red hot soldering iron in her hand, she carefully melted the metal, quickly sticking the two pieces together. She held them steadily with one hand as she tried to smooth out the conjoined pieces. I glanced at Telan, who was fast asleep in the little carry seat, and then at the clock in the corner of the room. It was getting late… I was glad that Rikku hadn't lost that endearing habit of losing track of time.

Quietly, I knocked on the door. Rikku jumped, dropping the iron dangerously near her foot. "Hey… it's time to leave… you done in here?"

She quickly began to gather her things. She carefully scooped the metal pieces and glass into separate containers. "Just about." She got to her feet, the glue and soldering irons in her hand, and walked around the room, putting them in their proper places. I knelt next to where she'd been working, picking up the now repaired little square of metal. I recognized it, and the picture of the two of us that sat near Telan's carry seat.

"What're you doing with this?" I asked her, looking up at her as she finished putting things away. She blushed as she saw that I was holding the picture frame.

"Well… it was broken. And I hated seeing it that way." She was quiet as she picked up the picture and handed it to me. "So I'm trying to fix it. I don't know if I can get it to look like new, but… I'm working on it."

I regarded that old picture of us, laughing together. And then I offered her both the picture and the frame. "I think it'll look great even if it doesn't look like new." She gave me a little half-grin. I smiled back. "Can I help with it? I know how to glue glass back together…"

She laughed. "I think we can get some new glass."

"Okay, well… I can do that."

"…that'd be nice."

I tossed my hair into a messy bun as I made my way towards the bathroom, basking in the quiet. The sound of the torrential rain on the roof was calming for me. The last two days had been hell. Telan had somehow come across her first bout with the flu, and what with all the visits to the Faction doctor, staying up late to keep her comfortable, and making sure the entire house was disinfected so that my baby wouldn't catch something else while she was weak, I was exhausted.

Distractedly, I walked into Gippal's room and opened the door to the bathroom, thinking about all the things I needed to do before the baby woke up. I barely noticed the hot steam as it hit my skin, but when I looked up, I couldn't help but notice something else.

There was Gippal, in the shower… Gippal, in the shower, wearing nothing… Gippal, in the shower, wearing nothing, his eyes closed as he let the hot water run over his well toned body. Soapy water ran over his torso as he lathered his shoulders, as the steady stream from the shower head washed the soap away, down his chest and abdomen…

My eyes traveled up and down his body, and as he turned toward me, I gasped (a horrendously loud gasp) and slapped my hands over my eyes. "Gippal! I'm so sorry… cunno, cunno!"

Tentatively, I peeked through my fingers, feeling less ashamed as my eyes wandered freely. He looked at me in confusion through the glass shower door before I saw that familiar smirk of his begin to appear on his face. "Hey there!" His voice echoed through the bathroom, and I blushed heavily. "All you had to do was ask if you wanted to join in!"

I squealed embarrassedly and shook my head. "No, accident! It was an accident! Cunno! Um… leaving… leaving now!" I walked backwards, in an effort to keep my eyes 'covered', and hit the wall. "Oof… oh, poopie!" I left the bathroom and closed the door swiftly behind me, listening as his laughing chased after me from behind the door. I leaned against the doorway, staring at the opposite wall. For a moment, my eyes were wide and my cheeks were burning. But then a little half grin made its way onto my face as I made my way to the main bathroom at the other end of the house, shaking my head and smiling all the way.

I leaned against the back of the couch, Telan's head on my shoulder. She was miserable; I was starting to feel that way, too. I didn't know how to make her feel as comfortable as possible while she was sick, but I was doing what I could. Tonight had been the worst so far, and finally, after she'd been crying and whimpering for the past few hours, she'd drifted off into an exhausted sleep. I hoped she would beat this flu soon.

It had finally hit me that she was a month premature when the doctor at the temple had stated that she was just about the size of an average newborn. Nearly a month and a half old, and only now was she the size of a full term baby. She had the predisposition to be tiny, of course, but… she was smaller than she should be, even so. While I was accustomed to it, unused to anything else, it kind of made me nervous. Her immune system was weak. She was trying so hard to beat it. I didn't want to let her too warm little body out of my arms for even thirty seconds.

I wanted to do more for her, to make her feel better, but I was doing everything I could. For once, I was being the mother I needed and wanted to be, and still, I felt horrible. I also felt guilty for feeling so tired. I had no right to be tired when my baby was sick.

Gippal emerged from the hallway, dressed in one of his adorable pairs of flannel pajama pants and a baggy sweatshirt. He had his usual stack of blankets and pillows in his arms, and his hair was messy, still slightly damp from his shower. A flash of earlier that evening flew through my mind, but I pushed the wonderful thoughts of a wet, steamy, and quite naked Gippal from my mind. With a tired smile, I sat up, careful to keep my jostling of the baby to a minimum. "Gimme a second, I'll get out of the way. I forgot you'd be coming out here… I finally got her to sleep. At least she's kinda comfy?"

Gippal shook his head and pointed at the couch. "Don't get up. Let her sleep."

I glanced from the couch to him. "But you have to sleep for work…"

He grinned softly at me and sat next to me, dropping the blankets on the floor. "No… I'm gonna stay home tomorrow. And you're going to take a rest. You've been taking wonderful care of her for the past few days, it's about time you got some sleep." He held out his hands, reaching for Telan.

I ran my hand over her back. "No, I've got her. I'm not tired." As soon as I said that, of course, a huge yawn left my lips. He only grinned at me and gently plucked the baby from my arms, settling her on his shoulder.

I was quiet as I watched him reach for a blanket. He tossed it over the two of them without any trouble, lying on the wide couch, getting comfortable. With a sigh, he looked up at me, smiling as he saw my eyes on them. With a small chuckle, he held up the blanket and scooted further into the couch to make room for me. "Come on… we'll all keep warm together."

I hesitated before crawling under the blankets, immediately on edge being so close to him. Gippal didn't seem to have much of my anxiety. He let his arm wrap around my waist as I made myself comfortable, his warm skin brushing against my own. I turned to face him, watching Telan's little sleeping face rise and fall with his breathing.

"Poor baby…" I whispered, running my index finger over her cheek.

"She'll be okay, Rikki. She's a trooper. Fights, just like her Mama." Gippal's voice was calming, gentle. I grinned up at him.

"Do you mean that in a 'that's a great trait' or 'what a pain in the ass' sort of way?"

"Great trait." He ran his fingers through the white blonde hair atop Telan's head, chuckling a bit. "That rhymes."

I snorted into his chest and barely managed to contain my laughter. "Only you, Gippal… only you…"

"And only you, Rikku, could be amused by that."

"… sad, isn't it?"

It was weird for me, the two of us lying there together, joking together. I liked it… I'd missed it. But it was strange. After all the time and consequences… some things could never change.

"Not sad. Just predictable."

"Hey!"

He just smiled. "It's okay, Cid's girl."

Both of us quieted as Telan yawned and whimpered, moving about for a moment on Gippal's chest. She settled quickly, grabbing a fistful of his sweat shirt, squeezing it tightly in her tiny hand. He gently ran a hand over her back, and she relaxed even further. And suddenly, as she relaxed in his grip, I could as well.

The two of us watched her sleep for quite awhile before speaking. Gippal glanced at me, still rubbing her little back as she slept. "Can you believe that we made her?"

It was a strange question to hear, especially from him. I smiled and smoothed her hair back. "Not really. It's a little bit unreal, isn't it?"

"More than a little…" he said, glancing back between her face and mine. "She has your nose and your lips and your face." He grinned.

I smiled as well. "And your eyes and hair and cheeks. Cute little cheeks." He sighed and tickled my waist, making me squirm a little.

"Those are sexy cheeks, on me."

"… no, they're cute. Just cute." He sighed, feigning offense, and I grinned. We quieted again. I blushed a little to myself as that flash of earlier ran through my head once more. But I decided to go for it. "You were pretty sexy in the shower earlier, though."

He laughed triumphantly. "I knew you were peeking through your fingers!"

I blushed. "Shut up… I wasn't. Not really."

He just grinned at me. "Uh-huh."

"Sorry I walked in on you…"

"Didn't you hear the water running?"

"… I wasn't really paying attention. The rain was pounding so hard that it was all I could hear."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm serious!" I glared as he laughed. "Meanie…" He only laughed harder.

After a while, he'd calmed down. I felt his hesitation as he began to run his fingers through my hair. With a bit of courage, I let my head rest on his chest, close to Telan… close to him. He sighed and relaxed slightly.

"Rikku?" he asked quietly, uncertain.

"Yeah?"

"I… I like this." His voice sounded confident, but his body language told me quite the opposite.

I let my arm wrap around his waist, taking a deep breath. "I like this, too."

We didn't say anything else, perhaps from fear of exposing too much, or of not saying enough. He continued to run his fingers through my hair, occasionally caressing my shoulder, tenderly. I gently caressed his side in response, not sure of what else to do. In all our uncertainty, one thing was sure… we were both taking it slow. And it was nice.

The steady sound of the rain beating upon the shingles lulled me to sleep, completely comfortable for the first time in what seemed like forever in Gippal's arms, our daughter sleeping soundly beside me.

I like this chapter. Heehee. Don't worry guys, it's not over yet! I would have told you, I promise! Someone mentioned a sequel in a review the other day… would that be old, if I made yet another sequel once this one winds down? Anyway… please leave feedback on the chapters, the writing, etc. It really helps! Sorry this one wasn't as long as the last one. I think I jam-packed just about the same amount of sweetness in, though! Thanks to all the reviewers, and to FairyIcefor all the wonderful suggestions and all the laughs!

Another side note… in my profile there is a link to an Al Bhed translator if you need it. I don't like to list the translations in the chapter, it breaks the feeling for me personally. So, if you need it, it's in my profile, and it works very well. It's what I use while writing if I don't already know the phrase. (I can read Al Bhed without the translator, but I can't write it yet. Still working on that…) In my profile, there is also a link to this grand story that I am editing for Haru No Yo called A Generation of Aeons. It's really, really good, and I think you guys might like it. If you're looking for a good read, check it out!

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