Chapter 9

Farewell, for now.

Erik-

I was writing a particularly difficult switch from the way they had composed the Swedish lullaby to the way I heard it flow in my mind. I wanted to improve it and make it better so that I could play it for Christine some day and not hurt her with memories of her father. Like the original tune enough to warm her heart and bring her peace, different enough to know it was re-worked with love and compassion as she had shown me at one time.

Suddenly, I heard a sharp intake of breath and turned around just in time to see Christine falling to the floor of the chapel not too far behind me. I ran to her side to try to catch her, though I could only break her fall to the hard marble floor. Then I remembered that I did not have my mask on. Laying Christine down I went to position my mask back upon my face quickly before anyone else could enter the room. How careless of me to situate it where it could be seen by others. That was a lesson I would not soon forget. Placing the hood over my head for the time being, I returned to my darling. I swiftly drew her up to me, and picking her up, carried her over to the room, and returned her to my bed. She was so frail, though she was determined not to stay that way by the looks of this stunt. It was getting dangerous for me to be here by her. I decided it was time to make use of the mirror mechanism I had placed in my room for very different reasons originally, and allow Brother James to tend to her care. I had to keep my distance until I knew what happened with her, and more importantly, where was that foolish boy. Then I would make my presence known.

I walked purposefully from the room after settling her in bed. She was still quite unconscious, which was good, it kept her still further from the knowledge of whether she had imagined that last scene or not. I would miss the times we almost met, though it was better this way for now. I had to figure out who was trying to hurt Christine before she was well, so that we could adequately protect her from further harm.

I began to wonder who exactly the driver of the carriage was. I could not imagine how they got a man from Persia or India to be their driver, it was intriguing and it made me curious as to the motives of the man and whether he was expendable to a plot to destroy Christine or not. It was very convenient another man from Persia or India should pick him up when it was not yet common knowledge he had died and what were the odds of someone else having been told already? I really did have to know where he was from definitively. It seemed as though someone was trying to keep the Gendarme away. While I did not want them there myself, I knew that if someone else did not either, there was surely trouble brewing. Someone had to be watching that whole situation happening. It was time for me to focus on why this happened and find someone to give me answers. I had to find this foreigner. First thing I needed to do was to speak with Brother James and let him know of the way things were, he had to know something, naturally not everything, though at the very least, what I knew about Christine's injuries. He would have to tell me what this foreign man looked like; and maybe a name since the brothers said he presented documentation of his identity. As well, I had to know, whether I liked it or not, where the hell that insolent Raoul was. How this other man could have made an appearance already, left, while there still was no sign of Raoul, or any other de Chagny for that matter, was a mystery to me.

Soon I arrived at the monastery proceeding to the sitting room. It was so much larger without the organ in this room. Absently I noted that I needed to bring out the beauty of the stone from which they had carved this room. Never mind, there would be time to plan that later. I had to find Brother James now.

Brother James came out of the kitchen area and I called to him; "Brother James, I need to speak to you."

"Yes, Erik, and I you. There are some questions we really must broach."

"Indeed?" I replied warily. Wondering to what, exactly, he was inferring, my mind quickly flashed to Brother Michael's previous discovery.

"Indeed!" He echoed. Shaking his head and beckoning me follow him. We went to my door, he bade me open and enter. I did so.

"Erik, there have been some very strange things going on since the night you discovered the Carriage wreck and pulled that young lady from the remains. I wish to discuss that with you now that I have at last got some of your attention from our fetching guest."

"As well, Brother James, I have heard some confusing stories and occurrences second hand and needed to ask you some questions about the man found dead that night, among other things."

"Erik, since you arrived I have made it a point to never ask you of your past or reason for remaining with us when you clearly are no nearer even consideration of our lifestyle then you were the day I found you on our doorstep. Though circumstances have become such that I now regrettably find it extremely necessary to discuss with you what you know of this unexpected guest you have been attached to since the day of her arrival. Now I don't mean to pry and I don't want you to feel that I am doing such, I just find it essential now to know what you know of this current situation and possible causes."

I paused for a long moment, here it was, I had to tell him something about the familiarity I had with Christine, how exactly should I do this and not subject us to scrutiny every time I sought out her company, conscious or unconscious. She was necessary to my life once more, how did I tell him gently that she was my every breath, heartbeat and thought of life at this moment. She paled all other thoughts occupying my life. I guess it would be adequate to admit she was an obsession I could not resist when so near to me. I just could not admit it to them. I decided there had to be a way to explain her and not compromise us; it never went well when I did. I also had to ensure that he did not say my name around her and let her know of my existence in her life once more. I thought carefully before the next words were spoken, to be sure I didn't give too much away at once.

"Brother James, Christine has meant much to me in my life, I have known her since she was 7, and assisted in raising her. She considered me her instructor at one time though I wish to request that you respect my privacy and not alert her to my presence at this time, if ever. Nor would I like to tell you more of the conditions surrounding our current relationship at this time. Bear in mind, I prefer to be the one to enlighten her with regards to my existence, when I am sure she is ready for the knowledge, if you do not mind. No matter what she says or if she directly asks you of me, please do not admit awareness of my existence here, or anywhere, her life may depend on successful denial of me. I require your help to protect her from that information until the time is right. Meanwhile, I believe she would be better served by your ministrations at this particular juncture in her recuperation. I have to travel away for a bit anyway, hopefully by my return she will be stronger and ready for news of my life here."

"Erik, I cannot say I understand any of this, however, I have noted that on the occasions I passed by and looked in on you two, you were very connected, I have heard her speak your name, as well as hearing you calling her in the night when you first arrived here. Further, brother Michael alleges to having found some half-burned sketches of this young woman, the likeness is striking, as are some of her poses as he put it. We are concerned about what may become known here as well as what remains unknown of your past. There are some things we need to discern or I am afraid we shall have to move her as soon as medically appropriate."

"What transpired in our past certainly had nothing to do with 'light', that much I assure you was part of the problem!" This slipped out of my mouth automatically, with a sarcastic smirk before I remembered with whom I was speaking. I composed myself, clearing my throat and starting over; "My apologies, Brother James, if that was rather, shall I say, impudent, however I beg you not to move Christine, her life is in great danger. She was engaged to the Vicomte de Chagny when I last saw her; I am assuming she still is. I have not seen her in a little over 7 months. We had a disagreement over her decision to marry him proceeding in my exiting her life. The extrication process was very difficult for me, as I suddenly realized the long years of tutelage had resulted in finding I was in love with her. It shocked me for, though I was not truly old enough to be her father, I felt protective over her, as the father she had lost surely must have felt. I chided myself over this development though I found myself powerless to end the feelings she created within me. I knew it could not be, so I knew there was no other choice but to leave her with the Vicomte. I was purging my feelings for her, through art and music, nevertheless, her return brought back all of the desire I had worked so hard to purge. I am but a man, I am not a monk, and consequently, I feel for women. This one, my spirit finds truly special in every sense of the word. In my opinion, too extraordinary for a mere boy of de Chagny's limited intelligence. It is hard for me to accept her choice of the Vicomte, and I have been struggling with it for some time. Though I did believe she was better off with him than with me, at the time, I thought safer. I now see that is not the case. I do not know if you are aware of this, Brother James, but the wounds she suffered, were inflicted with the sole purpose of killing her slowly. They were well thought out, intentional, thus my fear for her wellbeing. That knowledge angered me greatly, and I found need for isolation to work out why and how, there are no answers yet. I have no idea"…I grew choked up here and needed to take a deep breath to compose my emotions… "…I need to go and find some answers without being discovered, for I have no idea who would wish for Christine to be dead, my fear is that I have somehow caused this to be visited upon her, that is why it is best for all concerned, they continue to believe I am dead. I wish to continue on, believed dead for the time being, until I know of my relevance in her safety. As well, I need to find out where that boy, de Chagny, is. Why is he not here with her, or at least looking for her? It would give the impression he does not care, that would be a fatal mistake on his part; especially if that foolish boy had played some part in her current condition."

"Wait a minute Erik, fatal, what do you mean, fatal?"

"What is meant is that his life will be in danger as well. Whomever is looking to kill Christine quite probably will be after him also, no?" I thought but did not say, unless I find he is somehow involved in this, and then I shall be executor of the "fatal" in his mistake. "That is my experience. We have to find out the motives desiring her demise and who they are who are responsible. The Gendarme will not see this; they do not notice these things. However, my experience and concern for her well being, allows me to think in these terms, making me the most appropriate one to seek those responsible."

"You sound as though you were planning to kill the Vicomte if he was negligent to Christine's state. That is why I was slightly alarmed." Thinking how best to put his knowledge without threatening Erik he began again; "I believe I could call you Phantom, no? Perhaps Opera Ghost? Do not look so surprised, I am in a remote place, yes, but I still am of this world as well. I suspected whom you were the night you came to me, I saw the mask though you tried so hard to hide it. Naturally, your reluctance to discontinue wearing your mask adds to the validity of my suspicions, there are relatively few who find it necessary to wear masks all the time. I also knew that all men have souls, yours needed ours, and we needed you to infuse your talent into our stale existence. It was a good situation, you are a remarkable person Erik, with so many God given gifts, who is greatly troubled by problems of this world. The center of which is the young woman in our chapel. I feel that you torture yourself out of self-loathing; there is no reason to feel that way. The ignorance of men is not God, he loves all he has created, and this is true, despite what any man may say to you or of you. You are worthy and there should be no reason not to allow you to exist the same as any other man. I was concerned with your past and your great anger, however I suspected that acceptance would perhaps change that portion of your heart, allow you some peace at last. I have been grateful to have the chance to show you compassion and consideration; I felt it was God's challenge to me and my Monastery."

Erik looked down, he felt so many mixed emotions at this moment, confusion, was it true, and he had never thought of that before, it did make some sense? Surprise, he knew all this time and never said a thing. He never turned in Erik, though he knew he was a murderer. Gratitude, he accepted Erik, did not try to 'Save' him, and he was compassionate. He was feeling several other things too, though these were the ones written on his exposed features when he looked at Brother James. He knew then that God had indeed sent him into Brother James path, to prove that there was more than one person in this world he had created, who could feel compassion without needing a perfect person to impart that emotion. He was shocked; this must be what it was like to have a friend. He knew immediately that he would not allow anything to happen to his friend, Brother James either.

Erik began; "I am speechless; I have only ever been unconditionally accepted by one other individual, the young lady laying in my room aside the chapel. She was my reason for living once, and now you have given me acceptance allowing me peace from more than one future. For the first time in my life, I have a choice, Christine was my only future once, it is good to know this, maybe I would be able to let her go should I have to, without losing my sanity or practically dying of a broken heart this time. I thank you genuinely for that, Brother James."

Brother James sensed the sincerity in Erik and knew then that he had been right in trusting his instincts, there was much good within him yet, it just needed to be brought out. He was deeply troubled and needed compassion from those around him. Erik was not going to harm them, would protect them, they would survive with his help. This made Brother James feel much better. When Christine had arrived, he grew worried that Erik would lose what he had regained of his sanity, but having talked to him now, he knew what was driving him and he could assist him if asked with knowledge that, at the end of the day, Erik would do the right thing. This was what he had been praying for Erik since the troubled man showed up in such a state that fateful day slightly more than half a year ago.

"Now, Brother James, I believe I need to find out some more about the one who came to retrieve the dead man from the carriage accident. Was he Indian or Persian, and did he leave his name, as well as what were his credentials?"

"Yes Erik, he was a Persian, he called himself daroga, Nadir, I believe. He said the man he was picking up was called Darius. I guess he worked for Nadir, they were to protect Christine for a friend whom they vowed this duty to." Pausing to look at Erik, as his exposed face grew ashen, Brother James continued; "Might that friend have been you, Erik?"

Visibly shaken, Erik looked at Brother James with wary eyes. Suspicious of how much Brother James really knew of him, it was slightly disconcerting and it left him questioning whether he should remain here or not, once more. He had to answer Brother James though, so he shook his head slowly. "Yes, I fear it was an unspoken vow, I knew not how far they would go to try to keep her safe. I find myself feeling responsible now, in some way for the tragedy unfolding, even more reason for me to take my leave and find who is responsible for this."

I can see that you are convinced that you and only you are going to be able to save Christine, though I wish heartily that you would reconsider, my friend. Whatever your past was, you have become a more peaceful man, who has begun to allow life to heal you. I fear for your recovering soul should you happen upon those responsible. Your form of vengeance is legendary; I wish not to see you revert to that as a way to resolve the wrongs you witness. My friend, you are a very talented and valuable human being, if you would allow me, might I suggest that maybe you should take one of the brothers with you to help you refrain from excessive aggression when you accomplish your goal?"

"Brother James, I am truly touched by your deep concern for my well being; however, my soul belongs to Christine. I must right the wrongs on her, I don't know exactly what it will mean to accomplish this, but I will try, as I promised Nadir before, not to resort to murder to exact justice on those who meant to do harm to my Christine."

"Remember Erik, enough violence has erupted already, there can be no good served through answering violence with violence! Since you resist assistance from one of us, go with God, Erik, I mean that!"

"Thank you Brother James, if He is meant to be with me, then very well, he will be the only help I shall allow to accompany me on this tarry!"

A/N- My beta, Mouette, is so bogged down with school, we miss her stories, and I, unfortunately, for the time being am without a beta. Needless to say, the grammar and punctuation may not be as classy as it was, I shall try to re-edit numerous times so as to make my beta proud, but I look forward to her maybe being able to return to me eventually, when the pressure evens up. We all know how that goes, so please have patience with her where her wonderful stories; "Angela Gloriosa", "Beyond the Grave" as well as "A voice without a soul", updates are concerned as well as my probable inconsistencies. If you find them, please email me or review and let me know, I need the help. Thanks. I won't be offended, I am learning my craft through these fanfics after many years of writing for myself, and appreciate your help and feedback. Thank you so much. We miss you Mouette, and our prayers for you to find the balance, so you can return to us sometime soon. 

Mominator: I am so honored that you love this story. Really, I thank you so much for your reviews, they are so kind, and they help me to know what you like. Thank you very much once again. You inspire me to continue…So I shall, providing the grammar and sentence structure issue is not too rough on everyone. I really must decide to go back to school and learn that stuff the rest of the way. It has been a while since I went through Composition classes.

Please also remember the standard disclaimer; the story is based off a compilation of ALW phantom of the opera movie version, thus the description and character appearance I use in my story. (Thank you Emmy Rossum, Gerry Butler and Patrick Wilson and the rest of you.) The Leroux Phantom for some of his broody characteristics, but more just vague references, the Susan Kay version for some of the holes that need filling in at various points. The rest comes from my imagination, so I guess that is the gist of this disclaimer.