"Why aren't you with Cuddy?" Wilson asked as he flipped hamburgers and dribbled more A1 Sauce on them.
"Because I'm here with you."
"You almost make it sound like you want to be here with me."
"Are you trying to throw me out of my own place?"
"I don't mean to interrupt your newly invigorated love life."
"You're not," House said, spinning the beer bottle on the table. "She wants me to keep an eye on you. If Lisa and I wanted to be together right now, we'd be together."
"And where would I be?"
"That depends," the older doctor said with a mischievous glint in his eye. "If I were at Lisa's you'd be here alone and if Lisa was here you'd be sleeping in your car."
Wilson rolled his brown eyes. "At least I now know where I stand. Do you want cheese?"
House nodded and reminded his friend, "Lovers over platonic friends, Jimmy."
"Whatever," the oncologist sighed and turned back to his cooking.
There was still no word from Julie or a lawyer and Wilson was starting to get antsy. House was more than happy to let him blow off some steam by making dinner.
Watching as the younger doctor opened the oven and forked the potatoes, the older doctor asked,"Jimmy, why don't you just call her?"
Snatching sour cream and butter out the refrigerator, Wilson cast a stony glare at his friend. "No.She's going to call tonight."
"You sure about that?"
"Yes, I'm sure. She's going to call tonight."
"What if she doesn't?"
"Oh, she will sooner or later," Wilson laughed humorlessly. "Somebody has to pay for the divorce."
"You don't know that yet." House got up and tossed his beer, then limped to the fridge for a Pepsi.
"No, I don't know that yet," the younger doctor muttered under his breath. "You want ketchup and mustard on your burger?"
"Both. And don't even think about putting any of that Miracle Whip shit on my food or I'm calling Lisa here for a sleepover and you can eat that crap in your backseat."
An hour later the meals were finished and the plates stacked in the dishwasher. Both doctors were still at the table, House still drinking Pepsi while Wilson was making a dent in his friend's bourbon supply.
"You drink any more of my booze and I'm going to start charging you by the glass."
Wilson responded by draining his glass and pouring another one.
"Do you want to end up like me, Jimmy?" said House as he grabbed the bottle and stuffed it back in the cabinet.
"You can go on a bender but I can't?" Wilson touched the bruise under his eye.
"If you want to drink yourself into oblivion, do it under your own roof with your own liquor" Nodding towards the glass he added, "Enjoy it, that's your last."
"Do yourself a favor, House, don't ever get married," Wilson said as he picked up his bourbon and studied it like he would never see one again.
"I'll try not to."
"Alimony is a real bitch."
The older doctor raised his Pepsi in a toast. "Here's to alimony, or lack of it in my case."
"You never, ever have to worry about it. Consider yourself lucky."
"Why should I worry about it?" House grinned. "Lisa doesn't want my money, she wants my body."
The doctors tried valiantly, and failed miserably, to stop from cracking up. Five minutes later they were still giggling like idiots and wiping tears from their eyes.
A crashing and clanging came from the next room.
"What the hell...?" They jumped to their feet and raced towards the noise.
Steve McQueen's cage was toppled on the floor. The wood shavings and water mixed into a soggy mess. Food pellets scattered every which way. Steve himself was nowhere in sight.
"My rat lives up to his name," House mused.
"Huh?" Wilson puzzled, looking around for the black and white rodent.
"Steve McQueen," House smirked, "he made his great escape."