Dear Dad,
Though I'm not in the mood to admit it, the war goes on. At the moment, I'm sitting on the edge of my cot, martini glass in one hand and pen in the other. Trapper's unconscious right now, turned away from me, making his black eye unnoticeable. After several hours of thinking, I've decided to tell you about a startling discovery Trapper and I made. After a couple rather hectic weeks, we received some rather disturbing news from Henry…
"Oh God Henry, please say this is some twisted joke!"
"Sorry Pierce, but you and your friend here are the only ones who do those."
I paced around Henry's office, fuming. Trapper, though equally disgruntled, remained seated.
"At least let me get some R&R, too! Either that, or put Radar in charge… Preferably the former, but I'm flexible." I exclaimed.
"Oh no… I'm not getting my but into traction again because of your little stunts… Also, Somehow, I imagine that Radar's just as bad as Burns… He has to enjoy the army somehow in order to remember to difference between a 7-A16/J and a HG-L31! And besides… It's not your job to tell me when I'm allowed to go to Tokyo… You sound like my wife when you do." My CO also lookedannoyed, though I couldn't think of a reason for him to be… He's not the one stuck with Instant Hitler.
"Henry, if there's one more parade, I swear to God, I will beat Radar with his own bugle!" Radar, who happened to have marched in here a split second after that was said, looked rather cross, which was understandable, considering the fact that Henry and I both had dragged him into this argument. I started to open my mouth to continue, but Henry was already halfway out the door, signing papers which were being conveniently handed to him by Radar all the time. "I'm sorry, Pierce, but that's that… Be good!" And with that, he started to Tokyo, leaving me, who happened to be so angry at the time; steam was coming out of my ears. I looked at Trapper, who had remained quiet throughout the entire argument. Surprisingly, instead of the annoyed look I expected, he seemed thoughtful.
"You know, Hawk, there's no way both of them are that dumb…" I stared at him questioningly. "Who?"
"Hot Lips and Ferret Face. One of them has to be a bad influence on the other. It's impossible for them both to be that…" He paused, struggling for a word. After a second, he gave up and continued. "In order for one to be a bad influence, the other would have to be smart and a decent person to begin with, therefore…" I grinned.
"We have an ally."