For what seemed to be the countless time since he first discovered Tanondor's treachery Aragorn was at a loss as to what to say. Many ideas floated around in his weary, bogged-down mind but none of them were right; none of them had the power to properly convey everything that he was feeling and everything that he wanted his words to do. Finally he slowly exhaled the breath that he didn't realize that he'd been holding since the beginning of his companion's tale and leaned back against a tent pole. "I can't believe that this is the first time that I'm hearing about all of this," he told Merry.

The hobbit, who was sitting opposite him with his legs crossed, pulled his feet even closer to his body. "I can't believe I'm telling it to you," he said, his voice heavy with sadness and exhaustion.

"Why?" asked Aragorn, trying to keep the hurt out of his tone. It stung how Merry had kept all of this from him, even when he'd been privy to all of the trials and tribulations that Aragorn had gone through with Legolas and their children; but now wasn't the time to make that an issue. After all, Merry didn't need to be burdened with how the Man was feeling so soon after reliving the terrible ordeal of his wife's miscarriage.

"It's not an easy thing to put into words, Strider," explained Merry uncomfortably, unconsciously gripping his bent knees.

"But Sam knew; and Pippin knew," marveled Aragorn. While he had ample evidence from the past that the youngest hobbit in the Fellowship was more than capable of keeping a secret for someone that he cared about no matter what the circumstances, it still amazed him whenever he found out that Pippin had kept anything quiet for longer than a day. After all of those years Aragorn still found it easy to forget that Pippin was almost twenty years older and more mature, and not as likely to let something accidentally slip while he was chattering away enthusiastically as he once had been.

"They were around," replied Merry. "I had already told them about Estella being pregnant so I was sort of obliged to explain to them that there would be no baby. I didn't have that same opportunity to tell you the happy news so there didn't seem to be any reason to let you know the – the other part."

Distance – and the edict that the Big Folk weren't allowed to enter the Shire – had always been there, but to Aragorn's knowledge it had never hindered them from taking part in each other's lives before. "You don't have to shield us from any unhappiness that you feel," he said plaintively. "The – what happened – it was an important event in your life. Not a happy one, but an important one nonetheless. I can understand why it would be too difficult to say something right away, but why did you wait so long?"

"There never seemed to be a right time to get into all of it," said Merry as he stared intently at his hands. "It took a long time for me and Estella to work through everything after losing the baby, both individually and as a couple. We were finally getting to a good point when the news came about Legolas being pregnant…"

His voice trailed off and to Aragorn he looked almost like he was feeling guilty. "What is it?" the Man pressed. "Come now, Merry; you don't have to hide your feelings or protect me from them."

For a long moment the hobbit remained silent. "It wasn't easy to get that message," he finally admitted. "I was happy for you, of course, and I didn't want to ruin that wonderful time in your life with my own news about something that you couldn't do anything about; but…but there was a time there when I was so angry and jealous that I couldn't even think of writing you or Legolas."

"Merry…"

"It wasn't just you two," interrupted Merry. If he stopped now he wouldn't be able to get this out again, and he didn't much care to hear about how sorry that Aragorn was at the moment. "It was everyone and everywhere: you two were having twins, hardly a year goes by that Sam's brood doesn't get bigger, Eowyn and Faramir have Findowyn and dear little Theomir, Eomer has his son; heck, even my younger cousin Pippin is a father and my first child is gone before he was even born. It was hard to see past that."

"I can only imagine," murmured Aragorn quietly, trying to picture himself in Merry's place. His stomach wrenched at the thought.

"I think that it was even harder for Estella," Merry told him. "She has a very hard time being around babies now. In fact, I was surprised when she agreed to come to Gondor at all. She must have known that I wouldn't have come myself if she stayed behind; and how much I did want to come in the end. Not to mention that the chance to put some distance between her and what happened must have been too tempting to pass up."

"She must have been devastated," said Aragorn softly, the image of his own spouse's distraught eyes burned forever into his memory. He wondered if Legolas would always have that look in his eyes – but, then again, Estella had gone through what the elf had (Aragorn refused to take the other children's kidnapping into his husband's new demeanor because they would be found – there was no other way that the situation could be resolved) and her eyes weren't like that. Maybe Merry held the secret as to how to make things better. "How did – did – did she lean on you for support?"

Merry let out a self-deprecating laugh that drew the attention of the others, who were huddled together on the opposite side of the tent. "Hardly," he said, and in his eyes was all of the pain that he went through with his wife after their loss. "Nothing that I did seemed to be good enough for her. When I left her alone she accused me of abandoning her; when I was with her she accused me of crowding her; and when I tried to say anything comforting – that's when she really got mad. The harder I tried to make her feel better the more she yelled at me and pulled away. It was terrible – for awhile there it felt like we'd lost each other when we lost the baby."

"But you didn't" pointed out Aragorn hopefully.

"No, thank the Shire," agreed Merry. "Of course, it did take me more time than it should have to figure out that for all that I was doing for her I wasn't doing the one thing that she needed me to do."

"You tried to do what she wanted you to do and you tried to comfort her," argued Aragorn, feeling a bit defensive. "It sounds to me like you did everything that you could. What more was there for you to do?"

"Mourn," was Merry's simple answer. "Let myself feel the loss of the baby. She needed me to share my pain with her, not run around like an idiot trying to fix something that I knew I could never be able to fix. When she saw how I apparently wasn't reacting, she…well, she…"

Aragorn looked at him empathetically. "Did she blame you for what happened?" he asked, guessing what the answer was but afraid to know for certain. If she had then he could convince himself that Legolas' hurtful remonstrations were just a part of the normal grieving process. If not…he didn't want to think about what it meant if he didn't have that to delude himself with. All he wanted was some sort of assurance that he hadn't lost his beloved husband for good.

"There were times when I thought that she did; and I'm sure that there were times when she thought that she did" answered Merry ruefully, "but no. Not deep down in her heart and soul. Denial and casting your guilt onto others are wonderful, terrible things, Strider: wonderful in that they distract you from what's really bothering you before you go mad; terrible because all of that distraction keeps you from dealing with the issues that are bothering you in the first place."

"So you helped her get past blaming you and face her grief?" asked Aragorn.

"She wasn't the only one who was hiding from her grief," replied Merry in a regretful whisper. "There are different ways of hiding and different places to hide, but it's all hiding in the end. A person can't…can't help anyone face anything while they're still hiding themselves."

The Man nodded in acknowledgement of the advice that Merry had just bestowed. "You're very wise," he told the hobbit with a small wry smile on his face. "When did that happen?"

"A little over a year ago, when I had to be wise in order to keep the person that I'm in love with," said Merry wearily. "I've come to the conclusion that wisdom is life's way of compensating you for all the miseries that it gives you. The more burdens you have the wiser you get. I mean, remember old Gandalf? One of the wisest people I've ever met and he was always being weighed down by something."

"And my father," added Aragorn. Elrond had always made sure that all that his foster son had seen when he was a boy was his happy side, but even as his father had started sharing his concerns with him when he became a young Man Aragorn suspected that he'd always been mindful to conceal a lot of what had been troubling him. "I think that I'm getting wiser too."

"Terrible, isn't it?" asked Merry, at last returning his friend's smile with a small, closed-mouth one of his own. "If this is only a sliver of what it takes to be accounted among the wise then I'm happy to volunteer to be this family's resident simpleton."

"I don't think that you're qualified for that role, but you can have it if you want," declared Aragorn with a wistful expression on his face. "All I want is a chance to work things out with Legolas."

Merry was about to respond when a sudden movement over Aragorn's shoulder caught his attention. "Your wish apparently just got granted, Strider," he informed the Man, nodding in the direction of the tent flap. "Good luck."

All conversation had instantly ceased before Merry last spoke and Aragorn knew why without even looking: Legolas had come back. His beloved husband had taken the first step and was offering him the chance that he so dearly wanted. The rest of the journey wouldn't be easy though; and the Man only hoped that he could be brave enough to meet him halfway – and not blow it. 'No promises that I can't keep,' he instructed himself. 'No telling him that everything is going to be all right; just – just let it come from your heart.'

Taking a deep breath he rose to his feet. "Legolas," began Aragorn as he turned around; but the sight of his love made his breath catch and robbed him of his words.

Legolas was thoroughly soaked from head to toe. His garments clung awkwardly to his lithe body and long strands of golden blonde hair were matted to his head and the sides of his face. Droplets of water dripped from everywhere that they could, from his jaw to his fingertips and the elf made no effort to get rid of them. But what Aragorn noticed most was Legolas' face: though it was difficult to tell because of the moisture from the rain he knew by the redness in his husband's eyes that the elf had been crying. He'd obviously hadn't been around at that brief time during the War when Legolas thought that he was dead so to the Man he had never looked so utterly miserable and despairing before.

"Aragorn," said Legolas in a wretched tone that matched his expression. He couldn't help wondering what it meant that Aragorn hadn't said anything or made a move toward him yet. Was he too angry after the elf's cruelty earlier to speak? Not sure about how he felt about Legolas yet? Was it possible that he understood his husband's outburst?

"Dear Valar, were you out in that rain this entire time?" fretted Aragorn. Grief did awful things to elves and while intellectually the king knew that Legolas couldn't get sick he still didn't want to tempt fate. In a flash he snatched up the nearest blanket and hastened over to his husband, wrapping it around Legolas and rubbing his arms through the fabric.

The elf's stomach twisted painfully. There was nothing in Aragorn's voice but genuine concern and naught but tenderness in his gestures and touches. While he wasn't looking forward to being at the receiving end of his husband's anger, he was a bit disconcerted that there seemed to be none of that emotion. How could the Man not be furious – even just a little – after Legolas' unfair condemnations and biting temper tantrum? "I – I," stammered Legolas, struggling past the choked feeling in his throat as his gaze turned to Aragorn's hands moving up and down between his shoulder and his elbow. "Only for a little while. I was – I walked around for a bit, but I spent most of the time in the other tent, talking with Estella and – and thinking."

"You're drenched," observed Aragorn, brushing some of the soaked strands of hair out of his husband's face. To him Legolas appeared to be calmer than he had been when he stormed out earlier; but now that the rage was gone it looked as if all of his misery had come to the surface.

A surge of protectiveness coursed through the Man. Since he was ten-years-old he'd hated seeing Legolas unhappy in any way; now that he knew that he'd done something to put him in that physical and emotional state that feeling intensified all the more. "Oh, Legolas," he said mournfully. "I'm so sorry that I drove you away. It won't happen again, my love; if you don't want to be around me you just tell me to leave and I'll do so – no questions, no protests."

"Don't do this," said Legolas in a voice that sounded strange even to him. A flicker of anger mingled with his guilt and anguish; and he realized that, while his talk with the hobbit lass had made him conscious of his emotions and why he felt them, it hadn't made them go away entirely. They wouldn't leave him either, as long as his husband continued to – well, act so damnably understanding. "Don't apologize to me, Aragorn; and don't act like you were solely responsible for how I left like I did. None of that is going to make everything all better."

"I know," replied Aragorn quickly, misunderstanding the reasons for his husband's frustrations in his own remorse. "You were grieving and you needed to be alone for awhile. But I want you to know that I realize that I deserved what you said to me earlier" –

"Stop it!" yelled Legolas, startling everyone in the tent. Aragorn jumped and his hands stilled (although they didn't leave Legolas' arms). Thranduil and Gimli started to inch toward the couple while Sam and Pippin trailed along behind them. Elladan and Elrohir began to discreetly move to position themselves behind the elf should his anger get the better of him again and restraint be needed. Only Merry stayed where he was, watching with an odd fascination as a scene that he'd taken part in all-too-often played out in front of him. "Just stop saying things like that! I can't take it any longer!"

"What do you need for me to say?" begged Aragorn in desperation. "Tell me and I'll say it."

"I don't believe this," seethed Legolas, not consciously understanding why he was so enraged at his husband's kindness but willing to go along with it. After all, holding his emotions in wasn't going to help him work through them. "How could you ask me that question or make that offer? I accused you of being responsible for our children's kidnapping, my miscarriage, and not caring about our baby's death, for Elbereth's sake! Yell at me; get angry with me." He abruptly and violently shook Aragorn's hands off of him. "Show some backbone, damn it!"

Aragorn had absolutely no idea how to respond to that. "Legolas, I think that you maybe you need to sit down," he suggested gently as he tried to catch one of his brothers' eyes without the elf noticing. Legolas' behavior was really starting to frighten him; he was worried that it might become necessary to sedate him, if only to keep him from harming himself. "Just sit down on the cot, take a few deep breaths, and ten we can talk" –

"Stand up to me!" screamed Legolas, punctuating each of his words with a shove to Aragorn's chest. "Where is your pride? Do you not know how to feel without an Advisor telling you? Well, I'm an Advisor and I'm instructing you to hate me! I told you that it was all your fault when I knew that it was mine! It's my fault that the children were taken; it's my fault that the baby is dead, and I've been taking it all out on you! You have every reason to hate me, so do it already; hate me!"

"Legolas!" shouted Aragorn firmly as the elf began to lash out more and more violently. He clumsily got his husband into a restraining embrace – not without earning a few bruises for his efforts. With Legolas still struggling in his arms the Man moved his own face very close to his and soothingly kissed his brow. "I don't hate you Legolas. I could never hate you; I love you too much. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was!" raged Legolas with one last burst of energy. "She told me that it wasn't but it was – it really was!" The energy dissipated and he slumped, finally breaking down in tears. "It was all my fault…I'm so sorry…"

"Shhhhh," comforted Aragorn, rocking him a little. "You don't have to speak. Just let it all out – I'm right here."

Legolas suddenly pulled himself out of the Man's arms; not angrily as he had done before but rather in horror. He backed away, staring at Aragorn as if he were a stranger. "I don't want you," he said miserably, tears sliding down his face as he regarded his husband sorrowfully. "You are not the Man that I love and married."

Aragorn's skin grew cold and his stomach sank. "Yes, yes I am," he insisted earnestly. "Who else would I be?"

"You're King Elessar," responded Legolas powerfully. "You are the unflappable monarch who doesn't lose his temper, is always in control of the situation, and constantly mediates amicable solutions to even the most tangled of your citizens' disputes. But I'm not a nobleman bickering about what sacred object belongs to who's family, or a farmer whose neighbor is letting his livestock graze on his land – I don't need King Elessar, and I don't want him. I'm Legolas and I want my Aragorn back. I want the Man who fought with me and once promised me that he would always tell me how he felt no matter what."

His voice cracked as he shied away from the king's outstretched hand. "Please," he pleaded piteously. "I know that I haven't been his Legolas lately – was that what chased him away? I want to be the person that he fell in love with again, but I don't know how to find who that was without him. I – I can't get through this without my Aragorn. I need him…I need you, Aragorn."

"My Little Greenleaf," gasped Thranduil, unable to hold his tongue any longer. In all of the years that Aragorn was away on dangerous and often deadly errands; during the months that he'd fought for both his life and that of Eldarion's; the elven king had never seen Legolas in such a wretched, desolate state. His heart wept to see his normally strong son standing there so lost, sad, and afraid.

The Man's head snapped up at the sound of his father-in-law's voice. How could he have forgotten that so many people were still in there? He'd always been adamant that the inter-workings of his marriage with Legolas were not to take place in front of any audience, be it of noblemen or members of the family. Aragorn felt very exposed all of the sudden.

'And you should be,' he scolded himself. 'It is King Elessar who lives his life in front of everyone; Aragorn is a much more private person. Aragorn would be ashamed to realize that he hadn't given a thought to asking everyone to leave before having what was obviously going to be a private moment between him and his husband. King Elessar was only supposed to be a part of the whole Aragorn – in the name of the Valar, when did I let him take over completely?'

"You all need to leave now," ordered Aragorn in a shaking voice. Thranduil opened his mouth to protest while his brothers' continued steps toward them stumbled and then halted. Sam and Pippin simply looked at him as if he'd taken leave of his senses. "I know that all of you are worried and that you care but – but it can't be like this. Legolas and I have to talk to each other and we can't do that in the way that we need to with all of you here."

"Come on," Merry finally spoke up, rising to his feet painfully and unsteadily after sitting in the same position for so long. "This isn't any of our business – it's between them. We should probably get to bed anyway if we want to have any hope that we'll be fresh when the search starts up again tomorrow morning. Let's just give them their privacy."

One by one they all filed out. The hobbits were the first to go, Merry in the lead and the others, realizing that he probably had more of an understanding as to what Legolas and Aragorn needed from them at the moment, following. The twins went next after taking one last look at their little brother and knew that he was resolute. Finally Gimli managed to pull a very reluctant Thranduil away by the hand. Legolas felt all of their eyes bore into him as they passed by; he knew that he would have to talk to each one of them later but for now it was all that he could do to turn slightly in their direction with the corners of his mouth curled up enough so that he could argue later that he had been smiling encouragingly.

Aragorn only watched them depart out of the corner of his eye, as his gaze never once left his husband's face. Once the rest of the family was gone and the tent flap was back in its place the Man counted slowly to ten. "We – we should be safe from any accidental eavesdroppers now," he whispered, attempting to break the tension by making a joke. Legolas rewarded the effort with a half-hearted, lopsided smile that made Aragorn want to burst into tears. "Oh Legolas, I don't even know where to begin."

"I don't know either," Legolas told him. He thought hard to figure out how exactly to address the root of the problem. "We've lost ourselves as of late."

"Don't say lost – rather 'misplaced'. We can find ourselves and each other again; we just need to remember who we are," offered up Aragorn hopefully. But the finding was going to be a difficult thing to do when it took kidnapping and a miscarriage to make him realize that their true selves had been misplaced at all.

Groping for a place to start, Aragorn thought back to his conversation with Merry and blurted out the first thing that came to mind: "I was being strong for you."

"But I don't need for you to be strong for me," Legolas told him emphatically. "I need you to be there for me, and to allow me to be there for you in return. I just poured my heart out to Estella Brandybuck, Aragorn; I should have been sharing those feelings with you. But it's just so difficult to open up to someone who's only strong – it made me feel like I was being irrational and hysterical for not being able to maintain my composure. You lost your daughter today too, my love; I know you – I know that it has affected you. Please don't hide how you feel from me."

Aragorn opened his mouth to respond; then clenched his fists to his sides and bowed his head. "I don't know how I feel," he said in a very soft voice.

"Yes you do!" burst out Legolas a bit more angrily than he intended to, but he didn't regret his tone. Elbereth, how were they supposed to work out their problems if they couldn't talk to each other? "I am about two steps away from literally tearing my heart from my chest and showing it to you and you can't even offer me an 'I'm sad' in return? Or do you need to see the heart first? Fine then; I'll start. I feel like someone my heart has already been torn from my body and kicked against the wall before rebounding back into a pile of horse manure for good measure. I feel empty, cold, and alone; and like things will always be like that."

The elf held up a hand when Aragorn opened his mouth automatically to protest and reassure. "I'm not done yet," he said. "If I have to start then I get to finish without interruptions. I'm also so angry at myself because all I can do is look back and imagine myself doing what I would have done if I knew then what I know now. And I'm angry at you, Aragorn; not because I blame you for any of this, but because you've been treating me like an unstable mess while using me to hide from how you feel."

"That's not" – protested Aragorn without thinking. He stopped, though, when Legolas let out a disgusted noise, turned his back, and walked away from him. Irritation seeped into the Man's demeanor as he watched his husband sit down on their cot with his back still to him and at last he exploded. "What do you want from me, Legolas? Do you want me to admit that all of that's true, that I've been telling myself that I can't allow myself to feel the anguish and rage I have about her death because you'll need me to be your rock when you inevitably fall apart? I do – I admit that. How about that I how know how I failed you and our children?"

He charged forward and threw himself down next to the elf, grabbing his husband's face with both hands tenderly but firmly so that he couldn't look away from him. "I've been all of today berating myself for becoming a lapdog to the wishes of the Advisors and an easily manipulated target for their schemes," Aragorn went on. His vision was getting blurry but the Man ignored it. "And while I don't blame you for what happened I am angry at you too, for submitting to me while I submitted to them when the person that I love and married would have verbally smacked me over the head until he'd knocked my sense back into me. I may not have been your Aragorn for awhile but my Legolas has been replaced by the Sun Star for just as long and that makes me so sad and angry! Is that what you want to hear?"

"Yes!" shot back Legolas passionately. "If that's how you feel, yes! I don't need to be protected from your feelings, and at least I know that all of this is coming from my Aragorn. King Elessar," he added, tentatively touching the moisture on his husband's cheeks, "doesn't cry."

"And the Sun Star doesn't pick fights with people to bring out their emotions," said Aragorn. He let out a long, loud breath. "Valar, this is a mess. I feel so many things at once, but…but that's a good thing. It's like getting that first gulp of air after being held underwater for almost too long: painful and yet liberating." He stared down at the blanket that was lying on the cot flat between their bodies and, for the first time, felt like he could say what had been at the back of his mind all day without sounding foolish or selfish. "She might have been a brunette."

"What?" asked Legolas softly.

"Our baby – she might have been a brunette," Aragorn told him tearfully. "Eldarion has brown hair and he looks like me but he has your coloring; and all of our girls are all you when it comes to appearance. She might have been my little brunette girl and the only one of our children who had my coloring. She would have been beautiful no matter what, but it would have been nice…and now – now we'll never know one way or the other."

Legolas let his hands slide up the Man's arms to where Aragorn was still cupping his face. Placing his long, slender hands over his husband's scarred and calloused ones he gently pulled both sets down, holding one of Aragorn's in both of his while kissing the palm of the other. "I wish I could tell you one way or the other," he murmured.

"How do we say goodbye to someone that we love so much and weren't allowed to get to know?" wondered Aragorn.

A thought entered his mind and he looked up at Aragorn with imploring eyes. "My clothing – the ones that I was wearing when…. I'd – I'd like to have a private funeral for her and bury them. It's the only way I know how to begin to…"

"To let her go," Aragorn finished for him. "That sounds like a lovely idea. I think that we should wait, though, until after we find Eldarion and the girls." His face suddenly turned ashen. "Oh Valar, how are we going to explain this to them?"

"I don't know," answered Legolas honestly. "But you and I will come up with something. We make a pretty good team, after all; when we don't let the rest of the world come between us."

He sounded so brave and supportive and yet at the same time emotional and weary; in other words, he sounded like Legolas during a personal crisis. Aragorn smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time and very slowly embraced his husband. "I've missed you," said the Man.

"I was just thinking the same thing about you," Legolas told him, returning the hug. They stayed like that in silence for many seconds before the elf spoke again. "I love you."

"I love you too," said Aragorn. He pulled away a little and took in his love's tearstained face, disheveled hair, tender eyes, and oddly peaceful expression. "You're so beautiful."

"And you have the strangest taste," Legolas laughed a little. "Wow. I'm exhausted."

"I am too," realized Aragorn. "Let's try to get some sleep, mela nin; that way we can be somewhat rested for when the search resumes. I think – I know that we need a new strategy; I've seem the guards' plans and while there is some merit to what they did today it will have to be modified to take into account the changes that the rain made."

"We'll definitely need to work out how we can canvas a wider area with the same number of Men," agreed Legolas, a happy glow filling him. This was his Aragorn. Like his own true self he might have been buried under a mountain of courtly decorum but it was so comforting to know that neither of them had been really gone. Now that they were aware of the problem they would be better prepared to stop it from happening again; for their own sakes and for their children too. They were going to be strong enough to work through their problems, find their children in the wild, and say goodbye to their daughter as a couple and as a family. If anyone could do it, it was Aragorn and Legolas.

To be continued…

A/N: I'm sorry to inform you that the next update won't be happening for two weeks instead of one. My exam schedule combined with the days I have to travel is making updating on time impossible and I'd rather take a week off than rush the next couple of chapters to try to get back on schedule. Thank you for you patience.