Four: Dark
Subaru read too much. Now the book was a part of him, it was his soul. His very own bible, the only source of comfort he could find.
Never mind if it was a book for girls.
Never mind if it was a book for girls with advices at the start of every chapter on how to be a good wife.
Never mind if it was a book for girls with a tale riddled with sweet seduction and a cheating wife who got tired of her lousy husband.
And, no, Subaru wasn't going to go around and find himself a guy in whom he can let it all out. He wasn't like that.
Subaru was bounded to Seishirou and no ring was needed to be produced for their relationship.
All he needs to show are the ever glowing pentacles at the back of his palms.
He doesn't think of it much as a relationship but, what other term can he use? And there's no one else anyway. Much to his mortification no can replace Seishirou. He knows that he was just a toy and that someday, Seishirou would get sick of him and that he will be flung away like trash.
Yet, while he was under the influence of the Sakura Star he wants Seishirou to see. He wants Seishirou to know; never to underestimate the Sumeragi Head.
Especially this Sumeragi Head
Seishirou believed he was not up to taking another life. That is why he must grow stronger. But deep inside there was something else that yearns for another thing altogether. He wanted to shun away the voice that pollutes his mind of such thought. Nevertheless, he fears that it's the truth.
Now he tries to forget it ever occurred in his head.
Seishirou killed the most important person in his life! He killed Hokoto, for goodness' sake! He crippled his grandmother and their clan has been off trying to exterminate his family all these centuries, and on top of it all Seishirou wants to kill him! What more reasons can there be?
But Subaru knew what.
And Subaru can't say.
Because it was his duty as head of his clan and it was his personal choice to do the thing that is close to what's right. The lesser evil…
Subaru walked along with the crowd that is the people of Tokyo city, crossing across the street as swiftly as he can.
He looks at a fax that he received yesterday.
As he did, the air flew pass him and his white overcoat danced to the wind.
He lifted his head, a bit startled.
He almost picked up the scent of sakura.
And all he had to do was look left; there was a girl a few feet inches. She was showing her friends some kind of cologne in a pink, glass container.
"… It's the scent of sakura, the newest in line" she smiled, "Don't you think it smells sweet?"
Subaru wrinkled his nose as he passed by them.
It won't smell that sweet if they knew what was lying underneath the trees.
And even as he tried to dissuade his head with that thought, he couldn't help but think:
Was the lesser evil what he really wants?
---Daily use of drugs may cause poisoning—
Rikou looks up at the starry night while the breeze plays with his hair in an almost teasing manner.
Rikou used to play hide and seek with Tsukiko when he was still six years old, when he was younger.
They played that game when they were still kids.
When he was still a kid
Though it was hard to believe, Rikou used to be kid once in his life. He used to be naïve, annoying and carefree too.
That was a long, long time ago, obviously.
That was before everything.
Everyday, under a big sakura tree in a park, he would always count one to ten and Tsukiko would giggle away, off to find a good hiding place.
Sometimes, by the bushes or behind the trees, another time pretending to be a passerby… she was a clever girl.
And Rikou loved her for that.
Her squeals would die down when Rikou declare he'll come looking for her.
And he'd always find her, always. No matter how hard she tries to be quiet behind the bushes or how hidden she may be or how clever and smart the boy says she is.
Rikou would always catch her.
And they laugh and snigger as they poked each other around for a while. They were kids back then, they never knew of true love and of destiny until they were older. Such things were too 'yucky' or 'mushy', that was what they believed.
It's always the same; he'd find her, the results never change.
But this time the rules of the game have changed.
Now, he can't see her. He can't find her no matter how hard he tries. He looked everywhere but all he can see is a room with blood painted across the once white walls.
He wanted to believe that this was some big joke, another of their childish games of 'hide and seek' on a larger scale and Rikou will forever be 'it'. But, he doesn't want to be 'it' anymore.
He's scared of playing that game now.
It's always the same, the results never change… and that's what makes it scarier.
And now he was 'it' again.
He goes out of the store maybe in a vain attempt to find Kazahaya. But he would never allow himself to think that, not even in the private domains of his mind.
Yet, he searches for the boy. And Kakei would smile at him every time he comes back to the store. Rikou doesn't talk to him nevertheless Rikou has the nagging feeling that he knows where Kazahaya is. But Rikou will not let a stray dominate him because Kazahaya will someday leave them somehow, someway and he doesn't need their- especially Rikou's-permission to leave. It's just the way things are.
Kakei doesn't seem to mind at the absence of their employee. And he slipped to Saiga once of employing someone. Rikou intervened and said maybe they should wait.
So he waited and waited for a couple of days.
And all that waiting only produced one thing: nothing.
Rikou walks out that night; he felt the breeze caressing his cheek. In an attempt to humor himself, he pretends that it was Tsukiko caressing his cheek. But every time he does, he sees another hand creeping up at his face. He stopped dreaming of long black hair and sees short blond locks. When he goes 'searching', he would love to pretend that the air was Tsukiko. Yet, it all seemed wrong to Rikou, he'd almost feel digits on his face but they don't feel like her digits anymore.
When the air dances around him and they'd pass by his lips as if to steal a kiss. He can't see Tsukiko anymore. He doesn't feel Tsukiko's lips on his lips anymore.
Tsukiko wasn't the one with the wind's name after all.
Rikou doesn't want to play 'hide and seek' anymore.
He's sick of being 'it'.
---Daily use of drugs may cause poisoning—
It was darkness.
It was darkness again.
It was always darkness.
It was always darkness, combined with the cold.
It was death, always a fickle friend.
And Kazahaya held himself. He was trapped in his own being, his legs upon his chest with his arms draped over them. He closed his eyes and was kept in a darkness of his own.
What difference does it make when he opens his eyes?
All he can and all he will see is the gloom. And what does it matter anyway? He was just a being trapped suspended in the web of the darkness. His head was bowed down; he couldn't bring himself to open his tired eyes.
Death was like being stuck inside a freezer, your hands and legs they get frostbitten. Then they slowly, piece by piece, they fall like Tetris pieces. It all starts below; they break like glass and shatter. They shimmer as they crack, most similar to the stars that dance up on the sky.
Those stars, maybe they were pieces of a broken star too; Kazahaya thought in silent bitterness.
First the feet then legs would follow, all in a very slow manner. But it never hurts, all you feel is nothing.
All you see is nothing.
You can hear them break apart and then it would be a matter of time before it reaches his chest.
Kazahaya didn't want to open his eyes, nevertheless, he felt the tug at the top of lids. He resisted it because he knew that if ever his eyes were to open, he would see something he wouldn't at all like.
Yet, he yearned to see himself now, even if all he might see is his body ever and leisurely being destroyed by whatever entity has forced this upon him.
And so, with all his will and a small flicker of hope in his slowly disappearing chest, he opened his heavy eyes.
And he didn't like what he sees.
He wanted to scream, as to let out the fear that was creeping in his being or what was left of his being.
He could've screamed but the voice in throat disappeared like parts of his body.
His mouth was open and words didn't go out like they used to.
Sakura petals
His dilapidating body was turning into a sea of sakura petals.
And his none existent screams, they never echoed here.
Maybe if Kazahaya was to look even a bit closer, he could see a hint of red somewhere.
---Daily use of drugs may cause poisoning—
Kazahaya couldn't scream in his terrifying dream but he did in the real world.
When he woke up, he screamed. He didn't stop screaming as the memory of the nightmare still lingered in his already confused head.
He couldn't stop screaming.
He covered his face with his hands and continued. Then tears fell and he couldn't stop, even the danger of a sore throat didn't seem to matter at all.
His delicate frame was shaking with cries of hysteria and he shook over and over.
He held on to himself, trying his best not to let the last pieces of himself go down just like that. But they slipped in between the gaps of his finger and morphed into sakura petals.
It started again and petals wouldn't leave him be.
They tried taking his sanity, now they're off to get his life.
A door burst open, funny how Kazahaya never noticed the door that was in front of him.
And his existent screams, they ran down the halls, entering nearby rooms. His screams produced results, there was a person writing in her pad now she has to do it again. A shatter of glass in the other room, as a bowl of liquid went falling to the white floor.
People ran pass the frame and as they filed in they surrounded his bed. Hands, lots of them, took his limbs. They tried to straighten his body back on the bed. Most of them were women, some with a cap on their head and all was wearing white. He resisted their touch as he kept on his bawl.
He threw his head back and kicked. Most of the people around, before making contact with his body, were neat and tidy. Their hair used to have neat buns on the back of their heads and their uniforms was crisp and white. One of the women caps fell from her used to be orderly hair. But she didn't make any attempt to pick it up as her hands were holding on to Kazahaya's legs.
One of his arms was forced down on the soft mattress and he panicked as he saw a staff with a syringe in his hands.
He heard a man's voice telling him to calm down, in a way that seemed strained. But his voice, their voices, and any other sounds, they were all drowned out by the shrieks that he so longed to emit.
He felt the needle on his arm.
It took a while but the drug ran in his veins and filled his arteries.
He was being devoid of the light that he longed and tried to fight at least, just to stay awake. Yet he was being knocked back again in that place he feared. The hands slowly let go of his legs, arms or whatever part of his body they been holding on to.
And his head spun, he could not clearly see the people. He could hear their mutters, saying how sorry they felt for him. But their faces, their faces were like white meshes.
They had no eyes, nose, lips or whatever that made the face. Their bodies were melting away into white goop. But even with all that, he could still see one figure. Just one figure
The drug was already hitting his brain and he was already falling back to the pillow that has been carrying his head. But the figure caught his draining attention, it was a black figure.
His body and head contrasted those who were in the room so it wasn't that hard spotting him at all.
But that was all Kazahaya remembered and he found himself engulfed again.
---Daily use of drugs may cause poisoning—
It was already the closing of the day when Kazahaya woke up. The stars have dotted the heavens and twinkled in delight as they shone and gave poets something to write about.
When Kazahaya woke up for the second time, he was less noisy than before.
In fact, he wasn't making a sound; not a groan or a word escaped his lips. His body was riddled numbness that made moving an unpleasant task to bear. So he kept still, letting the bed embrace his figure.
There was no headache now that he has awoken (again), but he didn't feel quite right.
His blood kicked into gear and was making rounds around his body again. As he looked about, all he sees is white; white walls, white sheets, white flowers on the table beside his bed and he was even in a white hospital gown.
"Ah, the screaming siren awakes…" a voice cuts through the air. Kazahaya, of course, was surprised, he didn't expect company yet how can he not?
This time, with all blood in all the necessary places he quickly bolted.
There was a man at the frame of his door.
He was black. Technically, he was wearing black, he was not black himself. Head to toe he was covered in that dreaded color, only his white skin contrasts the clothes he wear.
His hair was black.
His coat was black.
His shoes were black.
His glasses were black.
Kazahaya wanted to laugh. Kazahaya wanted to cry. So he did both.
"What… is going… on?" his legs nearing his chest, and hands were twisting about his blond hair. He tried to think, and realized, what is there to think? He tried to open his mind but all he could see, feel was darkness.
Footsteps before the creaking of springs and the stranger accompanied him on bed.
"Anything you'd like to share?"
"I'm… so… confused…" Kazahaya muttered in along with broken tears. "All I could see… All I could hear… They're after me…"
"After you? What is?" the man in black asked him.
"I… saw… blood… and petals…" and at this Kazahaya raised his head tears stained his face, he threw his arms wide in a crazed daze, "Everywhere! They came from nowhere! They want to kill me because I saw what I wasn't supposed to see…"
He looked at the man; he knew he was looking stupid. Kazahaya knew the man must think he's loony, but he couldn't tell dark shades were hiding away the man's eyes.
"But it's not my fault, right?" he clamped his hands at the man's shoulders, "I didn't do it on purpose! I… I was just passing by…"
A frown creased the man's face.
"What exactly did you see?"
"I don't know…" Kazahaya said. "I saw a child… a boy; he was with another boy… They played a game… and… and…"
"And…?"
"I forgot their names, but I never forgot what they talked about. They talked about the sakura trees in Euno Park and how…" the blond boy gulped, "… Blood made the petals of the sakura pink…"
Kazahaya looked at the man's face again.
He knew he doesn't believe him.
"Please believe me! That's what he told the little boy! If I don't look for that boy now, he might be hurt or he be bullied by that cruel teenager again…" his tears fells down the side of his cheeks and clamped the shoulders tighter, "… or worse, he might be dead…"
Even if the blond didn't know it, the man clad in black searched his eyes. He looked at the green orbs for the next few minutes. They were too familiar, all too similar to his and he finds that he does not feel comfortable with the fact.
"How are you sure he's not already dead?"
"Because…" Kazahaya slowly let go, "I…" don't want to believe he's dead "… I…" and it always end this way and the words never escaped his lips.
Kazahaya knew somewhere out there, the boy was still struggling. Whether he was still a child in the same white robes or a teen that Kazahaya had meet on the street that he'd never cared for… He just wanted to believe…
He heard a sigh and then he raised his bent head.
For the first time, of their short meeting, the man took off his black glasses. There was a look in the man's eyes as he stared out the window. Kazahaya didn't bother looking out the windows, it doesn't matter at all what the man sees. Whatever he was looking beyond the walls, the building, beyond the black drape of the evening sky was his business.
"I'm sorry… I know you don't understand and I-"
"I used to know someone who was like you" he said, gaze still lingering out the window.
Kazahaya's head was bowed down, and he managed to smile just a little while.
"My name's Sakurazuka Seishirou" the man now named Seishirou smiled at him. As Kazahaya looked up, he sees mismatched eyes. Of course, it surprised Kazahaya, how many times can you meet a person with these kinds of orbs? One of the eyes, Kazahaya noted was gray and the other was red.
Seishirou chuckled at his astonishment.
But he had to stop when a gentle hand stroke his face. His face never betrayed him of emotions, he was drained of it all anyway.
He looked at the face of the youth, and even with all that said. He still feels a bit, just the smallest of shock in his being.
Green eyes bore at him, now when he has lost the safety of his glasses.
Being the Sakura Star he must not let it show; and of course, being used to this kind of thing the façade managed to stay still.
Why does he have to be like him in approximately every way?
Two hands were already on his face and the boy's eyes were clouded almost as he if was in a trance. The hands were studying his face, as if he was trying to memorize the shape of his nose, his lips, and his face with his hands the same way blind people act.
Seishirou let carry on whatever he was trying to accomplish by groping his face.
But of course, even the Sakura Star couldn't fathom what is happening.
He looks at the boy in the eyes too and all he could see was confusion.
"Seishirou… Seishirou-san…"
But of course, even the Sakura Star was allowed a few surprises once in a while.
---Daily use of drugs may cause poisoning—
Rikou looks up.
The stars disappeared.
He knew he has failed.
He lost most traces of hope in his heart.
And as he looks out to the city from his point of view in the park, he started to scream at the sky.
---Daily use of drugs may cause poisoning—
Subaru looks up.
The stars disappeared.
He wants to believe.
He knows what he wishes for and it hurts to know.
And as he looks out the city from his point of view in his dimly-lit room, he started to cry in silence.
---Daily use of drugs may cause poisoning—
A/N: That's a bit of a weird ending if you ask me. Oh yeah… Thanks for reading my other story, The Bunny Book, Tri! That's my favorite at the moment! Don't you all think it's sweet? I think I'm going to have a tooth ache…! Also, thanks for the reviews!