A/N: Thanks to the three who have reviewed this story. Oh, and while there is not a Timeline reference in this chapter, there will be in nearly every other chapter, because I find the idea of Marek as the Phantom absolutely hilarious.
-Chapter 3: Meggles and the King-
(At the start of this scene, we see many STAIRCASES. There are also a lot of BRIDGES. We see CHRISTINE and ERIK on one of these BRIDGES.)
CHRISTINE: In sleep he sang to me! In dreams he came!
(Out of nowhere, a HORSE appears. His name is CESAR. ERIK lifts CHRISTINE on top of CESAR.)
CESAR: Ow! Christine, have you ever considered the Atkins diet?
CHRISTINE: Aah! This horse talks! And it isn't even a very NICE horse!
ERIK: Now, Cesar. Be nice to my girlfriend.
CESAR: Bah humbug.
ERIK: Okay, here's the gondola. We don't need you anymore, Cesar. Go have a beer or something.
CESAR: 'Kay.
(CESAR goes AWAY. CHRISTINE and ERIK get into the GONDOLA. ERIK waves his HAND, and some CANDLES light.)
CHRISTINE: Wow, you're as magical as Meg is!
ERIK: Yeah, I think there's a distant relation somewhere...
CHRISTINE: Wow, really? All the MmeGiryErik and MegErik shippers are going to be so upset...
ERIK: Pardon?
CHRISTINE: Nothing.
ERIK: Okay. Well, anyway...SING ONCE AGAIN WITH ME.. OUR STRANGE DUET... BLAH BLAH BLAH
BOTH: Your spirit and my/your voice, in one combined... the PHAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA IS THEEEERE... inside my/your miiiind...
CHORUS: HE'S THERE! THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
ERIK: No, really? I never would've guessed.
CHORUS: Oh, shut up. BEWARE, THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!
(ERIK and CHRISTINE get off of the GONDOLA. They walk into the candlelit LAIR, passing a SIGN which reads "BEWARE OF PHANTOM.")
CHRISTINE: He's there, the phantom of the opera... oOOoOooOOoOOooOooh!
ERIK: SING!
CHRISTINE: I am! OooOooOoooOooOooOOoOh!
ERIK: SING, MY ANGEL! SING FOR MEEEEE!
CHRISTINE: Maybe if you would shut up for a second, you would notice that I AM singing! OoOOooOooOOooOooOooOoooOooOoh!
ERIK: Yay. Anyway... IIII HAAAAVE BROOOOUGHT YOUUUUUU... TO THE SEEEEAT OF SWEET MUUUUSIC'S THROOOOONE... TO THIS KIINGDOM WHERE ALL MUST PAY HOMAGE TO MUUUUUUSIC... MUUUUSIC...
CHRISTINE: Aah!
ERIK: Uh, sorry. Want me to sing you something pretty?
CHRISTINE: Is that your definition of pretty?
ERIK: Oh, shut it.
(ERIK adopts a quiet, tender voice.)
ERIK: Nighttime... sharpens... heightens each sensation... Darkness... stirs and... wakes imagination... Silently the senses... abandon their defenses...
ORCHESTRA: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
ERIK: Wow, where did the orchestra come from?
ORCHESTRA: The original Canadian cast.
ERIK: Really? Funny how I never noticed you all before... kinda like that chorus that sort of came out of nowhere... anyway, let's continue my song.
(They DO.)
ERIK: ...let your MIND start a journey through a STRANGE NEW WORLD! Leave all THOUUUGHTS of the world you knew before! Let your soul take you where you long to BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
(Five MINUTES pass. A MAN comes to deliver a PIZZA. CHRISTINE pays him a few FRANCS and he LEAVES. All the WHILE, ERIK is HOLDING his VERY LONG NOTE.)
ERIK: -EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(ERIK waves his ARMS in the AIR. CHRISTINE stares blankly at him.)
ERIK: (in a WHISPER.) Only then... can you belong to meeeeee...
(ERIK finishes his SONG. As he DOES, he and CHRISTINE walk into a ROOM with a BED. This BED is, for some reason, shaped like a SWAN.)
CHRISTINE: Wow, you have a swan bed? That's a bit effeminate.
ERIK: It's not MY bed... it's YOUR bed. Anyway, come look over here.
(ERIK pulls a COVER off of a LUMP in the CORNER. The LUMP is revealed as a DUMMY of CHRISTINE, in a WEDDING GOWN.)
CHRISTINE: OH MY GOD STALKER!
(CHRISTINE FAINTS.)
DUMMY: Wha...? Was it something I said?
ERIK: No, it wasn't your fault, Caroline.
(ERIK lifts CHRISTINE into the EFFEMINATE SWAN BED.)
ERIK: You alone can make my song take fliiiiiiiiiight...Help me make the music of the... NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
-THE NEXT MORNING OMG-
(CHRISTINE wakes up and walks into the OTHER ROOM, where ERIK is banging on the keys of his ORGAN. Although the SOUNDS he is MAKING are not very PLEASANT, apparently he thinks them IMPORTANT enough to WRITE them on some PAPER.)
CHRISTINE: Can you shut up for one second? You woke me up, and this noise is awful.
(ERIK continues to BANG on the KEYS)
CHRISTINE: Umm... I remember there was mist... swirling mist upon a vaaast, glassy lake...
(CHRISTINE attempts to pull the MASK off of ERIK'S FACE. She FAILS.)
CHRISTINE: Damn, this thing is slippery. ...there were candles all around... and on the lake there was a boat...
(CHRISTINE tries AGAIN. She FAILS.)
CHRISTINE: God, this thing is hard to get off... oh, I know! WHO WAS THAT SHAPE IN THE SHADOOOOOOOWS! WHOSE IS THE FACE IN THE MAAAAAAAASK!
(CHRISTINE rips the MASK off of ERIK'S FACE. ERIK jumps UP, begins to SCREAM, throws his HANDS over his FACE, and generally goes BALLISTIC.)
ERIK: DAMN YOU CURSE YOU DAMN YOU CURSE YOU VIXEN DELILAH STUPID LOSER OMG NOW YOU CAN'T EVER LEAVE EVER BECAUSE I'M GOING TO KEEP YOU HERE FOREVER!
CHRISTINE: Uh.. oops?
ERIK: Okay, you can leave now.
CHRISTINE: I'm sorry?
ERIK: I said you can leave now.
CHRISTINE: But you just said... oh, whatever. Bye.
(She LEAVES. We see MEG walking into CHRISTINE'S DRESSING ROOM. CHRISTINE has not yet EMERGED from the MIRROR, apparently.)
MEG: Christine? Christine?
(Some LIGHTS go OUT.)
MEG: Crap!
(MEG waves her HAND. The LIGHTS turn back ON.)
JOEL SCHUMACHER: Meg, stop it. The darker it is, the creepier the scene will look.
MEG: Oh, ok..
(MEG waves her HAND again. The LIGHTS go OUT. The MIRROR swings BACK, and MEG walks into the CORRIDOR.)
MEG: Wow, Christine has a secret passageway in her dressing room! I wonder what she's been doing in here. Maybe she uses it to get to the mall or the beach or the set of Lost or California! Or perhaps she uses it to go to a candlelit lair where a masked man seduces her by singing and playing the organ... hm, no, probably not. My bet's on California.
(MEG continues down the CORRIDOR. A RAT scurries in front of her.)
RAT: Hey, watch your step, you idiot! You could've crushed me!
MEG: Ew! A rat that talks! Get away from me, rat!
RAT: That's King Walter Jebediah Jones to you.
MEG: God, I must really be tripping...
(A HAND reaches out and grabs MEG.)
MEG: OMG AAAH
MADAME GIRY: Meggles, darling, what are you doing in here?
MEG: Nooo...