Author's Note: I am a master of the updates. Holy shit. Chapter 10 of 12. The end is near, people. So ... This chapter has been in my mind the longest, and, you know, I think it could possibly have been my favourite to write (not my favourite over all, but just to write). This is my official Valentine's Day gift. I won't update until Wednesday or later, I think (sorry - I'll try for earlier, no promises). As mentioned earlier, shit hits the fan. Enjoy.
CHAPTER TEN: Precious Little Meltdown
Then I drown in a precious little meltdown
-- Precious Little Meltdown
It has taken a couple of weeks for Mark and Roger to grow accustomed to dating each other. They can now sleep together without fighting before settling down, and Mark is not as uncomfortable to Roger being constantly around him as he used to be. In fact, they've found something they quite enjoy. Cuddling.
Mark was quite amused upon first realizing Roger's like for cuddling. He made fun of it, at which Roger pouted and protested. Mark has grown to like it just as much, though. If they wanted to, the two of them could sit on the couch for hours and cuddle. But that would be boring and a waste of time, so they only cuddle for a little bit at a time.
Right now is one of those times. Mark and Roger are curled up cozily on the couch, arms wrapped around each other, eyes closed. It isn't until Mark feels Roger's lips on his earlobe that he realizes he was falling asleep. He smiles and turns his head to meet Roger's lips with his own.
The kiss is just like all their other kisses. It is playful and fun, and it isn't until Roger pulls Mark closer to him that it starts to turn serious. Mark makes a small sound of surprise when Roger deepens the kiss and puts a hand on the back of his neck, keeping the two of them close together. Mark supposes that this would have to happen sooner or later, so he goes along with it. He feels Roger's fingers toying with the hem of his shirt. This makes Mark slightly nervous, and soon he is being pushed on to his back on the couch. When Roger pulls his lips away from Mark's to trail kisses along his neck, Mark watches Roger warily.
"Roger … I don't think we're … Ready for this …" Well, perhaps Roger is, but Mark knows he most certainly isn't. He's only just grown used to sleeping in the same bed as the other man. This sort of thing isn't supposed to happen for a while yet.
Roger looks at Mark, his hair hanging around his face like a curtain, casting a shadow over the sudden need in his eyes.
"Don't worry, Mark … Relax … You'll like it." He kisses Mark's earlobe gently, and bites at it a bit.
"No … Roger … I mean it … This isn't fun anymore …" Mark pushes slightly at Roger.
But Roger isn't listening. He's too caught up in everything about Mark's body to focus on the pleads and protests. His lips move everywhere they can, and his hands, one of which he's sliding up Mark's shirt, are growing just as greedy. Roger shifts himself a bit, pressing against Mark and closing his eyes at the feeling that shoots through his body. When Roger's other hand starts sliding along the waistline of his pants, Mark realizes that he isn't going to be listened to. He starts to panic slightly.
As Roger moves to kiss along Mark's collarbone, Mark pushes against Roger's chest. The push surprises Roger, who pulls back and frowns. Mark wastes no time in jumping up from the couch and moving away from Roger, towards the door. As reality comes crashing in around Roger, and realization slaps him across the face, he turns to look at Mark with wide eyes.
"Mark … I ... I wasn't …" Roger's thoughts are jumble. All he can think about is touching Mark and kissing Mark and smelling Mark. He knows he can't think about that now. He knows he's done something wrong. Roger gets up off the couch and takes a few slow steps towards Mark.
Mark backs away again.
"No, Roger … Don't …" Mark's voice is hardly a whisper. He's been scared of Roger before, during his heroin addiction, but that is nothing compared to this.
"I didn't mean to, Mark. I'm sorry …" Roger doesn't know how to fix this. This is the reason he hates addictions. They always turn around on him. "I won't do it … I promise …"
"How do you expect me to trust you right now?" Mark is almost pleading. He hates this as much as Roger. He is frustrated; he feels used. For all he knows, he was simply a rebound from Mimi.
"Mark … Don't be like this …"
Mark shakes his head.
"I'm going to spend the night at Collins' place … I can't stay here tonight." He grabs his jacket and hurries out of the loft.
Roger blinks and watches Mark before racing after him. Things weren't supposed to happen like this. He and Mark were supposed to be happy together. They were supposed to be perfect. They have to be. Roger doesn't think he can have it any other way.
Half way down the stairs, Roger is met by Mimi. She was obviously on her way up to see him. There is a quizzical frown on her face and she watches Roger stand on the stairs, panting from his adrenaline rush and his quick run.
"Mimi … Did you see Mark?" He looks over her shoulder.
"As a matter of fact, I did. He moved passed me so quick, I didn't even know it was him for a moment. He looked terrified. What the hell happened?" Mimi folds her arms, making it clear to Roger that she will not move until he answers her.
Roger stares blankly at Mimi. What is he going to tell her? He's in love with Mark? He and Mark were – are – have been – seeing each other? He practically raped Mark? Roger doesn't know if any of those, particularly the last one, will go well with Mimi.
Mimi watches Roger, and the looks she gives him hits him hard. It is not one of anger or shame, but sadness. She pities him, and Roger can tell. Mimi lifts her hand and goes to place it on Roger's cheek, deciding at the last minute to put it on his shoulder.
"If only you could see the things you have, Roger. Things might be better for you that way."
It is typical of Mimi to say things like that, but Roger can hear the truth in those words echoing in his head. Mimi is a clever girl, and not one to take for granted. She gives him a sad smile and goes down to her apartment. Roger is left standing alone on the dark staircase.
Author's Note: Well? I wanna read your reviews now. I'm looking forward to them (good or bad)!