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Steffi

Life Goes Down

When Summer came home that night, she was more confused than she had been ever before. When she entered the apartment, she closed the door behind her and leant against it. Totally lost in thought, always seeing that tiny pills in Keira's hands in front of her, she didn't notice Seth coming out of the bedroom, a sleepy look on his face and wearing just a pair of jogging pants.

"Hey, back home?" Seth asked with a croaky voice, scratching his bare chest.

As she had been completely unaware of Seth's presence in the room, Summer jumped and let out a tiny scream.

"God Cohen, do you wanna give me a heart attack?" she asked while putting her jacket off.

Seth held up his hands in apology. "Sorry." He said. "Didn't mean to frighten you." He tapped over to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Did you have fun?"

Summer frowned and bit her lip. "Yeah." She replied and made her way to the bedroom, Seth always following her like a stray puppy.

"I hope the girls didn't get too drunk?" Seth asked and slumped down on his side of the bed, pulling the blankets over his body as he watched Summer undress and getting into her pjs.

Summer shook her head. "It was ok." She answered. "I talked to Keira most of the time… she was more sober than the others."

Instead of being drunk, she was getting high, Summer thought as she laid down next to her boyfriend.

Pulling the blanket over her body, she moved closer to Seth, resting her head on his chest. Ever since they had moved to New York, Summer had never felt the urge to be close to Seth more than tonight. Just as if he could feel Summer's mixed up feelings, Seth lay an arm around her and pulled her only closer to him.

"I really like the girls." He said. "Glad to see you've made some friends here."

Summer smiled sadly and traced Seth's chest with her finger. "Mhm."

Seth lifted his head and frowned down at Summer. "Everything okay?" he asked and began to play with strands of Summer's hair.

All of a sudden, Summer lifted her head again and smiled mischieviously at Seth, laying a finger on his lips. "No more talking, Cohen." She said, putting off the top of her pjs, and leant down to pepper Seth's bare chest with thousands of kisses.

Seth pulled her face closer and kissed her, his puppy brown eyes sparkling, forgetting about Summer's strange mood at the offer that was made to him right now. "Whatever you say, Summer." He said and grinned broadly. "Yes. Yes."

At that little journey back to their High School years, both of them started to laugh. It was the perfect start for an even more perfect night.

Ater they had made love, the couple had fallen asleep in each other's arms, Seth spooning Summer from behind.

The ending of the evening could have been so peaceful if Summer's nightmare hadn't returned, this time more vividly than the first time.

Seth woke up from a punch in his stomach that Summer gave him with her elbow while fighting her bad dream. Carefully, Seth stroked some of Summer's hair out of her face to see that she was all sweaty again, her face full of fear. He gently shook her to wake her up.

"Summer, hey…"

Suddenly, Summer spun around, facing him, her eyes wide open. "God Seth." She whispered and threw her arms around his neck, clinging tight onto him. "It was terrible. The killer was back…"

Seth placed kisses all over Summer's head to show her he was there. "Just a dream." He mumbled.

Summer slowly pushed him away and sat up. "God, what is that with this killer nightmare? It's always so vivid…" she said and frowned.

Seth sat up too. "Maybe it's because of the stress you have at work…"

Summer closed her eyes and sighed. "Cohen, stop that. My work is not the problem for my nightmares. How ridiculous is that?"

Seth shrugged. "I've read it… psychological stress affects your subconsciousness and that creates your dreams… so-"

"God, shut the hell up." Summer said and stood up, walking towards the living room door. "I'm okay."

Seth got up as well and followed Summer into the kitchen where she got herself some coca cola out of the fridge.

"No, Summer, it's obvious that you're not." He said and leant onto the kitchen counter with crossed arms.

Summer took a sip of the coke and shrugged. "Well, okay, then I had some stress. But it's gonna be less when the campaign is over." She said and walked out of the kitchen into the living room.

Seth rolled his eyes and reached out for Summer's arm, making her spin around. "Let go of me!" Summer yelled and pushed Seth's hand away, making her way towards her bed again.

"You have a problem and we need to discuss it." Seth said and ran after her, jumping in front of the bedroom door to block Summer's way.

Summer shot Seth one of her killer looks. "You know what we need to do? We need to go to sleep so I can get some rest… otherwise I won't be able to make it through the next week." She said, pushed Seth away and made her way over to the bed.

Unnerved, Seth shook his head and went over to the living room table to switch his laptop on.

"Aren't you coming?" Summer's voice asked out of the sleeping room.

Seth sighed. "I'm not tired anymore."

Inside the sleeping room, Summer shrugged and turned the lights off. She wasn't really in the mood for discussions with Seth, and if he wanted to be mad at her she wouldn't stop him.

The smell of fresh brewed coffee woke Summer up again. She glanced at her alarm clock and saw that it was almost 6:30 in the morning. She let out a huge sigh and covered her face with one of the pillows, feeling a terrible headache coming up. And as if that hadn't been enough, her stomach signalized her again that it was sick and she had troubles to suppress the urge to throw up again.

Her head still under the pillow, her hand wandered over to Seth's side of the bed to find it empty. A yawn escaped her mouth and all of a sudden, the sickening feeling became so urgent that she had to run into the bathroom once again, this time hovering in front of the toilet without throwing up. False alarm.

After a few minutes, she shook her head and stood up to watch herself in the mirror. It was only now that she saw what Seth talked about all the time. She looked terrible. The dark circles around her eyes made her seem like New York's biggest drug addict, her collar bones stuck out of her body, her hair was flat and her skin pale.

Scratching her head, Summer wondered what miracles the make up artists always did to her when she came by the agency in the morning. Or had she always looked that terrible without noticing it? The sickening feeling decided to come back again, but Summer decided to ignore it. No matter what problems her body had, this permanent throwing up gave her the creeps.

She turned on the cold water and splashed it in her face, feeling refreshed again. Well, at least a little refreshed. Swallowing against the urge to throw up again, she followed the smell of the coffee instead.

At the kitchen counter, reading the newspaper, Summer spotted Seth. He didn't talk to her and instead of saying good morning he held up a hand and took a slurp form his coffee.

Summer cleared her throat and sat down opposite of Seth at the kitchen counter. "You're already up." She stated and played with a tea spoon that lay on the counter.

"Haven't been to sleep again." Seth replied and turned the newspaper's page around. Without looking up, he pushed a full cup of coffee over the counter, offering it to Summer. "No milk, two sugar. Just how you like it." He said.

Sighing, Summer took the cup. "Thank you." She said guiltily and smelled the coffee, hoping it would wake her up. But no matter what she smelled, drunk or ate, everything seemed to be making her sick again. And thinking about being sick made her feel tired and exhausted. It was definitely a vicious circle she was in.

Summer swallowed. Seth was right. The work was eating her alive. But for now, she was too proud to admit that – whether it was to Seth or to herself.

Not having touched the coffee, Summer cleared her throat again. "I gotta go." She said. "To work. I'll be back in the late afternoon."

As a response, Seth only nodded. "Say hi to the girls for me."

Summer bit her lip. She took a deep breath to apologize to Seth for having been so rude on him the night before, but decided not to. She had her pride as well. Maybe Seth would apologize to her when she came home later.

When Summer was gone, Seth laid down the newspaper and propped his head in his hands.

He didn't like what was going on with his girlfriend. First of all, she had lost too much weight for her size, and she looked uncomfortably thin. Then her outer appearance had changed so much it frightened him. When they had been living in Newport, it didn't require too much make up for Summer to look beautiful. In fact, it didn't require any make up at all. But now Seth sometimes thought that even the make up had its problems to hide Summer's troubles under it.

And then there were her nightmares. Never before Seth had seen Summer so frigtened than when she woke up from her nightmares. In fact, he had never seen people being so upset and scared by nightmares than she was. Whatever Summer's problem was, with that nightmares, her psyche was telling her to solve it.

From all problems, Seth could have managed to live with her changed outer appearance the best. It was the personality change in Summer that scared him.

Back home, Summer had had a huge diversity of character features. She had been superficial on the one hand, regarding clothes and everything, but on the other hand, she always dugged much deeper into peoples' personalities, to find out who they really were.

She had been strong, emtionally and physically, and now she was tired and exhausted all the time. She had been funny and loving, and all that she was now was bitchy and depressed.

Seth sighed and wondered if Summer recognized her own changings as well. But obviously, she didn't. The old Summer Roberts, the one he had fallen in love with, would never have permitted that work, her problems there and her permanent stress would ruin her in the way they ruined her now.

The new, all-changed Summer Roberts didn't care. This couldn't go on like that anymore. Seth knew he couldn't tolerate the charade Summer played on him and herself any longer. When she came today in the evening, she had to end this modeling thing – once and for all.

"California, here you come!" Annie yelled as she saw Summer entering the agency. Like a little child, she jumped over to Summer and hugged her good morning. "I thought you'd be lying dead at home, with the world's worst hangover." She said and grinned innocently.

Summer took off her coat and hung it in the wardrobe, frowning. "I guess I could say the same thing about you." She said as she remembered how drunk Annie had been the night before. "You weren't able to stand straight anymore."

Annie laughed and waved with a hand. "Pah, no probs for me. You're gonna get used to it, too, California. This is how it's done in New York City."

Summer gave Annie a weak smile and passed her without looking into her eyes. Suddenly, she felt Annie's strong grip on her arm, making her stop. "Something wrong, California?" Annie asked with a worried look in her eyes.

Summer hesitated and looked around her to see if anybody else was listening. As she saw that two of her colleagues, sitting at the table right behind her, had just interrupted their chat to see what was going on between Annie and Summer, she pulled Annie out of their hearing distance in the direction of the floor lengthed windows.

"Sit." She ordered her friend and sat down right next to her. "I need to tell you something."

Annie's eyes widened in excitement. "Ooooh, a secret! I LOVE secrets!" she squeaked and clapped her hands. As she saw that Summer's face stayed serious, she put her hands down into her lap, erasing the smile off her face. "I'm sorry. Go on."

Summer played with one of the ribbons that were on her purse and avoided Annie's gaze. She needed to find the right words first. "You know, why I've been away so suddenly…" she started.

Annie nodded. "Yeah?"

Summer sighed and looked into Annie's dark green eyes. "You have to promise me that you won't tell anybody, especially not Fran."

Annie's eyes widened again. She couldn't help it, but she really loved secrets, and it was hard for her to hide her excitement about it. "Okay." She replied and nodded.

Summer cleared her throat. "Okay." She repeated. "So Keira and I went into this quieter corner of the club, you know to talk… I mean, you guys were just way too drunk…" Summer said and raised an eyebrow, showing Annie that she didn't really approve her drinking behavior from the night before.

Annie's face didn't change an inch, and so Summer went on. "And I was talking to her about how tired and exhausted I feel all the time, and that I don't know how to make it through the next day…" she trailed off to see Annie nodding.

Summer sighed. "And then she offered me something from what she said 'might help me'."

Annie frowned. "Like what? Vitamin C?" she asked, an amused look on her face.

Summer shook her head. "God, can't you just stay serious?" she asked.

Annie looked down, ashamed. "Okay, I'm sorry."

Summer leant over to Annie's ear so nobody else could hear what she was about to say. "It were drugs, Annie. Keira's offered me drugs."

Hearing that information, Annie's face became pale and she started to bite her lip nervously. "Really?" she asked with an insecure tone in her voice.

"Yeah! I mean, I was shell shocked!" Summer said and shook her head as she thought about it again, not aware of Annie's strange reaction.

"That… yeah, I'm shocked too." Annie said, her eyes wandering up and down the street outside. "How…" she trailed off, her face looking distant. Looking into Summer's eyes, Annie stood up. "You know what, I need to get my hair done… I mean, there's this huge thing in Central Park today and I need to look good…" she said and went away from Summer, not facing her again.

Summer was confused by Annie's behavior. "Taking it pretty hard, huh?" she mumbled and looked out of the window, sighing.

"Summer, sweetie, make up's waiting!" Fran's voice yelled from behind Summer's back. Summer let out a huge sigh and stood up. "Coming, Fran!" she yelled back and made her way to make up and hair, always thinking about how shocked Annie had been at the news.

Next chapter: What I Would Do For You