A new chapter today! For all of you who asked when Seth's finally gonna find out about the possibility of HIV... give him one more chapter, then he might see what's wrong...

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, even if it sounds so cliché, but the reviews mean a lot!

So I hope you like today's chapter, so please R/R!

Steffi

PS: Sorry about the immense depressing mood in the chapters, but I guess that's what the situation brings with it... everyone who knows me should know that I'll come up with some happier scenes eventually... just give me a little more time ;)

It's Hope That Springs Eternal

"Don't let him come close to you."

"She killed herself."

"I'm here for you."

"She killed herself."

"I'm glad I was given a friend like you."

"Don't let him come close to you."

Summer's pace fastened towards the hospital's entrance at the hundreds of voices that were echoing in her head. She suppressed some tears as she tried to make them go away, but no matter how hard she tried to concentrate on other things, one sentence was always coming back.

"Don't let him come close to you."

Summer knew that Annie must have been kidding when she gave her that advice. How could Summer not want Seth to be close to her after all that had happened? How could she go through this all by herself?

"Excuse me Miss, can I help you?"

Summer looked up from the ground to see a nurse standing in front of her, smiling kindly.

She blinked and nodded. "Yeah… um… I'm here to see…"

Well, that was ironic. There was nobody left to see.

"I'm looking for… um… Fran Hart?"

The nurse nodded, and her face saddened all of a sudden.

"You're here to see Annabel's parents?" she asked as she guided Summer towards the elevators.

Summer frowned at the name Annabel. Annie had never mentioned that her name was Annabel. Summer had always thought that Annie was a normal name, not a short form.

She cleared her throat. "Um, yeah. Kind of."

The nurse smiled and motioned Summer to get on the elevator. "They're in Annabel's room. It's on the thrid floor-"

"I know where it is, thank you." Summer said and waited impatiently for the elevator door to close.

When the nurse's face had finally disappeared, Summer sighed and closed her eyes. An image of Annie jumped into her mind, wearing the green satin dress she had liked so much at the shooting the day she was stabbed. As she remembered how happy Annie had seemed her heart felt heavy.

But before Summer could concentrate any further on Annie, the elevator doors opened and revealed the sight of her room.

Carefully, Summer stepped into the room where Annie's parents stood, packing up the belongings of her daughter. Summer was amazed at how much Annie had resembled her mother.

Suddenly, two familiar hands grabbed Summer by the shoulders and turned her around. Summer was shocked as she saw Fran in front of her, her eyes red and puffy from crying, her face totally pale, without any traces of make up.

"Summer." Fran said and broke into a cry, hugging Summer as tight as she could. Summer clung onto Fran, her head still spinning from everything that had happened the past few hours.

But unlike Fran, Summer wasn't able to cry. She didn't feel like it. All she felt was a numbness inside that made her resist to any possible feelings.

After a while, Fran broke free from the embrace and took Summer's hand to lead her into the room, over to Annie's parents.

"Mr and Mrs Mallone, this is Summer Roberts. She was very close friends with Annabel."

Summer tried to smile as she stretched out her hand for Annie's mother. Instead of shaking it, Mrs Mallone bent over towards Summer and hugged her, even tighter than Fran had hugged her a few seconds before.

If Summer felt anything that day, it was a disgust against everyone who touched her. No, it was a disgust against herself. Against the fact that she allowed people to touch her, to get themselves into the danger of getting the HI virus from her.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you. Annabel told us so much about you." She said, her voice croaky from crying.

Summer gave her a sad smile and folded her hands in front of her, fumbling with her bandage on her left hand.

Mrs Mallone took a small envelope out of her purse and handed it to Summer. "We found this in her nightstand. It has your name written on it." She said.

Hesitating, Summer took the envelope. In pink, her favorite color, Annie had written "Summer" across it.

The first tears since she had entered the hospital came into Summer's eyes as she realized that Annie had never called her by her real first name. She had always been "California" to her.

"Thank you." Summer silently replied and twisted the envelope in her hands. Suddenly, the whole atmosphere of the cold clinic room seemed to lace up her breast, making it harder to breathe. She quickly cleared her throat, excused herself and stormed out of the room, down to the streets, where the air wasn't really fresher, but better.

Now the tears started to fall, and Summer pressed the envelope tight to her chest. "I can't believe you did this." She cried and looked up towards the sky. "You told me to be okay and you run away? That's not fair, ANNABEL!"

Crying tears of desperation, Summer sunk down on the pavement, pulling her knees close to her body, burying her head in her arms, and hoping for Seth to wake her up from this nightmare called life.

Summer had been twisting the envelope in her hands almost all day, and when she had finally found the courage to open it, she had to keep herself from starting to cry all over again. Annie had given her her favorite pair of earrings, with a small letter that told her they would fit perfectly the bracelet she had been given from Seth last Chrismukkah.

The earrings had been accompanied by a small note that told Summer to be strong and go on – and to get tested. A sad sigh escaped Summer's lips as she thought about the situation. Annie told her to be strong, and she herself had run away. How unfair was that?

After having been walking through Central Park almost all day, Summer decided in the late afternoon to go home and lie down. All she wanted right now was some rest and peace. As she headed for the subway station she passed the NYU campus, and couldn't help but watch the people around there.

Students were laughing, carrying their books, some of them were on their cell phones, some seemed to be highly concentrated or lost in thought… Summer bit her lip as the realization of what she might be missing came to her mind.

Had it really been the right decision to throw that life – and a safe future – away for such a thing called modeling career that had caused her more problems than joy during the last couple of months? The best thing – ironical of course – was that the biggest of those problems might have been running through her veins right at that moment.

For a short moment, Summer closed her eyes and inhaled the cold winter air deeply, letting it clear her mind. All of a sudden, images of Marissa and Ryan being happy sorrow-free students at Berkeley came flashing through her inner eye, just like another reminder of what she missed due to modeling. She saw them sitting at the beach under the warm California sun, cuddling, kissing, and enjoying life as it was. They were still so young and that was exactly what they should be doing.

Summer frowned, her eyes still closed. She knew that it wasn't right to feel ten years older than she actually was. She hated to take care of grocery shopping, monthly rents (although she had to admit that the rent thing wasn't really her problem – the parents took excellent care of that), she hated coming home to an apartment that might have nice furniture and an even nicer view of the city, but that had never been a home for her over the past few months.

She hated to fight with Seth, most of the time about her profession, even if they had spent a wonderful weekend together. The thought of the happy hours they had had together on Sunday seemed to take all the weight from her heart for a second. But the weight came back as she realized that every single kiss with just tiny scratches in both of their lips could have given Seth the virus, too. Okay, maybe she was overreacting at that point, but the double-sex could definitely have sealed the deal for Seth.

IF Summer had HIV. Annie had told her to take a test, but truth be told, she was just too scared of it. At least at the moment. A positive result could change her life forever, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to face this situation.

With a deep sigh of despair, Summer's eyes flickered open, and she suddenly spotted Seth in the distance, talking to two other boys. They were staring in a book one of the other boys was holding, obviously talking about it. Seeing that scene stirred up more emotions than Summer could take. Seth was one of those sorrow-free students she had just seen in her mind, and she, his girlfriend, was facing so much trouble.

Before Seth could see her, Summer walked away, her pace fastening with every step she took. She felt a terrible headache coming up, and thinking about Annie, her suicide and her HIV brought back the well-known nauseousness she had been having for weeks now.

During her ride on the subway, the thoughts in Summer's head kept on spinning. She couldn't get one single thought straight, it was like a million different things wanted to tell her all at the same time that she had to deal with them. But she was so tired of being grown-up. She was tired of acting way more adult than her actual age was.

And as she exited the subway, Summer knew that she didn't want to keep on modeling. As a girl, she had always dreamt of it, had imagined it as the most wonderful job available on earth. But now she knew better. All that she wanted now was to stand right next to Seth and the two boys on the campus, discussing about whatever was written in that book they had been holding. She wanted to go to college. Even if it required to start studying again.

Finally arrived at her building, Summer had almost reached her door when Mrs Somersfield from above their apartment just made her way down the stairs, stopping and smiling friendly as she saw her.

"Hello, my dear." She said and smiled only broader.

Summer forced a tired smile and searched her purse for her keys. It was only her luck that she didn't find them at first.

Mrs Somersfield saw that as an opportunity to start a little stairway chatter.

"I saw your picture in that women's magazine at my dentist's." she announced and grinned.

Summer nodded and kept on searching for her keys. "Elle." She replied.

"Well I don't know which one it was, you know, once you're my age, these magazines aren't so interesting anymore." Mrs Somersfield said. "What would an old crow like me need tips about make up or lipstick?" she added and laughed.

At the word "crow", Summer actually looked up, her eyes widening twice their size. She had never heard an old woman making jokes about herself. Well, she was still in New York City after all, so she decided she shouldn't wonder. Blinking twice, Summer lowered her head towards her purse again and continued searching for her keys.

Suddenly, Summer felt Mrs Somerfield's skinny hand touching her cheek, and she looked up once again.

"Life isn't all about success." Mrs Somersfield said and smiled. "You're still so young, darling, and yet you seem so exhausted. Don't waste your energy while you're young. Believe me, you will need a lot of it in the future."

At those words, Summer pressed her lips together to avoid some tears from coming. Instead of answering, she just nodded, her hand finally locating the keys in her purse.

Clearing her throat, Summer pointed towards her door. "I'm pretty tired." She said, her voice croaky. "I'll probably lie down."

Mrs Somersfield nodded. "Sleep well, darling." She said and made her way to the stairs that led down.

As Summer pushed the key into the lock, she heard Mrs Somersfield's voice once again.

"By the way. You looked really beautiful in the magazine."

Summer plastered a huge smile on her lips, turned around and thanked Mrs Somersfield politely for the compliment. After that, she unlocked the door and disappeared inside.

Closing the door, Summer leant against it and sighed. Now it was official.

Life sucked.

When Seth came home from the campus that evening, he found Summer sleeping on the living room couch, the tv's blue light illuminating the darkened room. Careful not to wake Summer, Seth took off his shoes and coat and went over to take a look at her.

And what a miserable picture she gave there. Two empty bottles of red wine were on the table, a little amount of it still in the glass that Summer held in her hand. For a short moment, Seth wondered how Summer had managed to fall asleep with a glass of red wine in her hand without spilling any of it on the cream colored couch. He decided not to think about it any further and softly pulled the glass out of her grip.

Summer twisted a little as she felt his touch, but remained being asleep.

Kneeling down on the floor next to her, Seth sighed and stroked a few strands of her long dark hair away from her face. If he hadn't known that the bottles both had been half empty already, he would have worried even more.

She looked so beautiful when she slept. A soft smile crossed Seth's lips as he told himself that she always looked beautiful. That was only one of the million reasons why he loved her so much.

As Seth lowered his head to give Summer a soft kiss on the cheek her eyes flipped open and she pushed him away instantly.

"Whatta ya doin'?" she babbled and sat up angrily.

Seth felt a little taken aback from Summer's angry reaction, but he considered the alcohol as the source of the evil.

"I'm giving you a kiss." He said and lowered his head again.

This time, a slap on his face ended the action abruptly. "Stayaway fromme." Summer mumbled and got up from the couch. The huge amount of alcohol she had been drinking went only more to her head as she stood there. All of a sudden, Summer lost her equilibrium and stumbled over her own feet, falling on her knees, and taking one of the two wine bottles with her.

Seth tried to reach Summer in her fall, but he was too slow, and so Summer slumped down to the floor, the bottle breaking into millions of pieces.

"Damn shit." Summer mumbled and started to collect the sherds with her healthy hand.

"Let me do this." Seth offered and held out his hands.

Summer only shoved him away. "Let me."

Seth shook his head and started to collect the sherds nevertheless. Summer didn't even notice.

Unfortunately, collecting sherds when you were drunk was not the best thing. So in addition to her bandaged hand, Summer jabbed her healthy forefinger with a tiny sherd, a small line of blood running down her hand.

"God, what is it with cuts on my hands these days?" she cursed and got up to put a plaster on the scratch.

Seth immediately stood up to follow her. "Summer, wait." He found it amazing how fast Summer was able to walk all of a sudden, even though she was still swaying heavily.

When Seth entered the bathroom he took the plaster roll Summer was holding and began to cut a piece out of it that fitted her wound. Just when he was about to put it on her finger, Summer took her hand away.

"Don't touch me." She said and ripped the plaster out of Seth's grip.

"Summer, you're drunk, let me-"

"Leave me alone." It was the only reaction Seth got from Summer.

His heart sank and he closed his eyes, inhaling deeply for a second. He detested drunk people. It only reminded him of the terrible summer he had had when his mother had been to rehab. And ever since that summer, Seth swore to himself never to get as drunk as Summer was right now.

Seth opened his eyes again to find Summer watching herself in the mirror, pouting her lip.

He would have given everything to know what was on her mind at that moment. He softly touched her shoulders to guide her towards the bed when she twisted out of his grip. "I said don't touch me." Summer said and toddled out of the room.

Her words were like a knife being pushed right through Seth's heart. With a desperate glance at himself in the mirror, he turned out the bathroom lights and walked in the sleeping room to find Summer already blacked out on her side of the bed.

Shaking his head, Seth pulled the covers over her motionless body and pressed a longing kiss on her forehead, trying to suppress his own tears. For a short moment, he rubbed his face with his hands, staring intensively at sleeping Summer.

When he remembered the chaos in the living room, he turned the sleeping room lights out as well and started to clear up the mess Summer had produced.

And he wondered if his silent prayers for Summer to be alright again were heard or not. Well, with Summer's condition over the past few weeks, Seth would probably have assumed that the prayers wouldn't be heard.

But he also knew that it's always hope that springs eternal.

Next chapter: No More Lies