Ch.4

"What are you talking about?

Derek's eyes searched the man's face, trying to recognize him.

"My wife, Dr. Shepard. Mary Stanton. She was brought in here about a month ago with chest pain."

Derek searched his brain, trying to remember.

"I'm sorry…I really don't know…"

Jonathon closed his eyes.

"Well that's comforting. To know that the man who killed the love of my life doesn't even have the decency to remember her."

Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.

"Listen," Derek finally said. "I'm sorry about what happened. And I'm sorry you lost your wife."

"Mary," he interrupted. "Her name was Mary."

Derek sighed.

"Mary," he continued. "But your problem is with me. Let her go, we can talk about whatever you want. Just let Meredith go."

Jonathon turned to look at her.

"You know, as much as I would like to let her go, it's just not going to happen right now."

"It's ok," Meredith said. "I'm ok."

Derek nodded, wincing at the look on her face.

Just then, there was a knock at the door.

It was Burke.

"Who is it?" Jonathon asked Derek. "GO see."

Derek walked over to the door.

"It's Dr. Burke." Derek said. "Do you want to talk to him?"

"No, send him away. I'm not through with you yet."

Derek motioned for Burke to go.

Burke looked at him confused.

"What's he doing?" Christina asked.

"I don't know, but he's motioning for me not to come in."

"He's going to try to be a hero.

"He's going to get himself killed if he's not careful."

What should we do?"

Burke looked around.

"We should call his wife."

"What should we do?" Jonathon whispered to himself.

He stood there, playing with the gun, waving it back and forth.

"I want you to go over there by her," he said, motioning to Meredith.

Derek walked over, standing next to her.

"Are you alright?" he whispered.

She nodded, knowing that he didn't believe her.

"I can't believe this is happening," he muttered.

Jonathon turned to him.

"You have a problem Dr. Shepard?"

"No problem," he apologized. "But we do need to talk about his. What is it going to take for you to put the gun away?"

He groaned.

"You don't get it, do you?"

Derek shook his head no.

"I'm just trying to help…"

"Well, don't."

"Jonathon, please let us try," Meredith said. "We can figure something out, we can all walk out of here unharmed, and you can leave and never look back."

"You don't understand," he said, his voice dripping with pain. "I have no where to go. I haven't had a place to go since that man took my life away from me." He pointed at Derek.

"I'm sure we did everything we could Jonathon," Derek said.

He laughed sarcastically.

"Have you ever been in love Dr. Shepard?"

He closed his eyes. He could feel Meredith tense up beside him.

"Yes, I have."

"Have you ever lost love?"

He glanced at Meredith from the corner of his eye.

"Once," he said.

"What happened?"

Meredith looked at her feet, not wanting to hear what he was going to say.

"There were…circumstances," he said, choosing his words carefully. "The timing wasn't right."

"Do you still love this person?"

Meredith bit her lip, nervous to what he was going to say.

"Yes," he said quietly. "Very much."

She gave a small smile, hoping he wouldn't see it.

"I don't get it," Jonathon said. "If you love this person, you should be with her. End of story. That's the difference between me and you Doc…I can't be with the person I love. You took that away from me. Do you know what that feels like?"

Derek didn't say anything.

"I didn't think so."

Derek closed his eyes.

"Think Derek," he whispered to himself.

And then, suddenly, like a tidal wave, it hit him.

"I remember. I remember everything now."

Jonathon flinched.

"You came in early one morning. Mary was having chest pains, difficulty breathing. We admitted her, ran some tests."

"You told me she would be ok," Jonathon said, a tear slowly making its way down his pale cheek.

"She had a heart defect. It had gone unnoticed her whole life. She started to arrest, so we tried to operate…but there was too much damage."

"She was only 22," he said. "Her heart was fine, you could have done more to save her."

"There was nothing any one could do Jonathon, she was too far gone…"

"SHUT UP!" he yelled growing angry. "She was young and healthy and she shouldn't have died that night…she was the only thing in this whole world that mattered to me. Now that she's gone, I have nothing. Which means I have nothing to lose."

He raised the gun and aimed it at Derek.

Derek put his hands up.

"Think about what you're doing…"

"I'm done thinking," he said. "Goodbye Dr. Shepard."

"Jonathon, Don't!" Meredith yelled, running over to him.

She tackled him, knocking him over.

"Meredith!" Derek yelled.

Jonathon reached over, grabbing her and pulling her up with him, wrapping his arm around her neck, the gun placed against her temple.

"Don't hurt her, please," Derek cried.

"That was a bad move sweetheart," Jonathon murmured in her ear, before bringing the gun down on her head, knocking her to the floor, unconscious.

"Jesus!" Derek yelled running over to her. "Mer can you hear me? Open your eyes."

He placed his hand gently on her face, trying to wake her.

"Mer, please," he whispered, his voice cracking. "Wake up."

He lifted her head, cradling it in his lap, gently stroking her hair. His eyes began to fill with fresh tears.

"You're going to be ok," he whispered. "You have to be."

Jonathon looked down at the two of them.

"It's her, isn't it?" he asked. "She's the one you love."

"I need to get her out of here," Derek said ignoring him. "She needs medical attention, she could have a concussion-"

"She's not leaving the room."

"She could be seriously hurt Jonathon. If we don't get her out of here in time…"

"What? She might die? Then you would know how it feels to lose the person you love. She stays."

Suddenly, there was another knock at the door.

The men looked over, seeing a young woman there.

Derek looked away.

"Who is that?" Jonathon asked.

That's Addison. My wife."

Jonathon smiled.

"Ohhh…so is she what you meant by bad timing?"

"Can we please get Meredith out of here?" Derek asked, changing the subject.

"What, you don't want to talk about your wife?

"Damn it, will you listen to me? Meredith is really hurt. Please, I am begging you; let me get her out of here."

Jonathon thought for a moment.

"I'll tell you what." He finally said. "I'll let Meredith go…"

Derek smiled.

"Thank you."

"Oh I'm not finished yet," Jonathon said. "I'm not going to let her go for free."

"What do you want?"

"Her." He said pointing at the door, at Addison.

Derek felt a lump form in the back of his throat.

"What?"

"A trade, Dr. Shepard. Meredith for Addison. Take it or leave it."

"You can't be serious."

"Oh I am dead serious," he said. "If you want Meredith to be free, your wife has to come join the party. Otherwise no deal."

Derek sat there, frozen.

"You've got 10 seconds Derek…"

10…9…

"You can't do THIS!" he yelled, growing angry.

8…7…6…

He looked down at Meredith, her lifeless body. It tore him up inside.

5…4…3…

He glanced over at Addison, her face etched with concern, her eyes filled with tears.

2…

"I can't do this, I can't…"

1…

"Times up Dr. Shepard. Who's it going to be?"

Derek closed his eyes, pausing.

He opened his mouth to speak, his throat dry.

"It's going to be…